I grew up in the church and went on a mission, returned home early due to depression and being treated disrespectfully (in my opinion) by my mission president. Now two years later I have recently taken an interest in law and am going to law school, this interest opened my eyes to looking at things from both sides of the argument objectively. Anyway to cut a long story short the evidence seems to stack up against the church and has completely ridden me of the last of my dwindling 'testimony' if you can call feeling guilty for not really understanding and believing fully the church a 'testimony'.
The point is now that I don't believe the church anymore I feel lost. I feel like I have lost the most important thing to me, my God and now I don't know where to look to find Him. All i ever knew was the God I was taught about growing up, but now I am even questioning that?
Where do I begin to find God? Is there even a God or was that part of the lie to get me to pay tithing? I'm lost and don't know what to believe anymore...

Don't go looking for God. Lifetimes have been wasted, families have fractured and mad violence has been committed during the fruitless search for an uber-daddy. Why can't God come to you?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2013 08:07PM by donbagley.

I feel like I have to look for God though because otherwise, what is the purpose of life? Or do we really all just die and that's it?

What if we just die and that's it? Will that change how you live your life today? Do you need there to be a god for you to live a meaningful life? Think back about all you know about good people who have died, god or not did they make a mark, was their life meaningful?

to quote the priest in Caddie Shack: "God, there is no God!"

there is no meaning. That is all.

You are dealing with the crisis of existence. try buddism if you want enlightenment. Its closer than any revealed religion.

You will likely see many posts from athiests here asserting that there is no God and thus no need for concern. My advice would be to return to the original non-theist state to which you were born. Throw out all social and cultural conditioning, and then approach all questions in life as objectively as possible.

I have been out since 2002 and it took me several years to come to peace with not knowing all the answers. Don't waste anymore years with fear and loathing--embrace your new life.

Some people feel that believing in God is necessary to provide some sort of reassurance or anchor to their lives. If they need it, I don't think I have a right to try changing their minds... But I went through a process in which I learned to live without the concept that there is a god. This is difficult, because all the evidence suggests that we didn't exist before we were conceived by our parents, and that we won't exist after we die.

Moreover, it appears that there's no one driving the bus. There is no pre-defined "purpose to life," either. Humanity alone is in charge, because we are the most consciously advanced entities that exist in our accessible space and time.

Another thing.. I don't think the body and "soul" are separate. I'm a naturalist. I believe only natural things exist, which is wonderful enough for me. This revolution in my thought was extremely distressing at first.. but not now. I was perfectly content before I was conceived... and expect to be the same when dead. Until then, I'll make my own purpose, which appears to be; "Being happy and making others so."

Give yourself some time to sort out your life. When I came to the realization of the scam of Mormonism it shattered my world. It was crazy how my life was centered on a lie. It's hard. I gave it some time and am now slowly trying to find what kind of life I want for my family and what to believe in. I understand why some become atheist or agnostic and I understand why others choose to still be christian. It's up to you and what you want for your life. It will take time to figure it out. You can't worry yourself over it. I think all the fear and indoctrination the mormon church instills in people is so DIFFICULT to get rid of totally. Just give yourself some time to figure things out. My family and I want some kind of belief in a higher power and it's what we feel is right for us. We started with some non-denominational christian churches and have looked into other types of religion as well(Buddhist ECt) don't rush into anything though-that would be my best advice. Good luck to you

Congratulations on law school!

Mission seems to be the initiation of doubt, for you, and for me over 30 years ago.

It's a natural reaction when you learn the church your life centered around, and the prophet the church centers on, aren't what you thought they were, to conclude God is equally false. I understand this. Ultimately you may agree. It's your journey.

Because Mormonism's foundation is a belief in the legitimacy of JS, and a relationship to the church and its community, your trust was more in Smith, the church, and Smith's successors, rather than in the Creator or in Christ. To trust God is a paradigm shift. You have an incredible opportunity to explore what you believe is your relationship to the infinite, without the Mormon filters, among those the belief the Holy Spirit is flighty and takes orders. Do you know several traditional churches practice confirmation in which the confirmands receive the Holy Spirit, and have for centuries before JS was born? If you want a more philosophical treatise explaining the difference in the relationship, look at Martin Buber's "I and Thou", https://archive.org/details/IAndThou_572 . Tscc maintains an I-It relationship whereas what God wants and what we seek is I-Thou.

Take it at your own pace. Let me suggest starting with the Bible in modern English. Find the one that's easiest for you to read. I like English Standard Version and it's classic, any modern translation is easier to read and more accurate than the KJV.

The Bible, especially the OT, gets blasted by atheists on this board. Paraphrasing a Hasidic rabbi, because Jews know it best, the OT is meant to be interpreted on multiple levels- as simple stories children can understand, as instruction, spiritual guidance, even esoteric knowledge.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6)

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 22)

Let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. (1 John 4)

Don't panic. Don't rush into anything. Mormonism not being true doesn't necessarily have any broader implications about God or the nature of reality beyond, well, mormonism not being true. Just think what sort of advice that you would give a Jehovahs Witness who comes to the conclusion that their religion is not what it claims to be.

imagine none of us knows what is there and what is not. To not believe in a god is not to say there is nothing after what we perceive as "this life" or what we perceive as "after this life". If there is nothing then it will not hurt, it only hurts to imagine it from where you are now and where you are now is a place of the knowledge or beliefs you have collected so far. I couldn't guarantee anything after this life, but I guarantee there is far more to this life you are living now than what you've gathered so far. People say live in the moment, it sounds trite but when I do, on rare occasions - I am happier and less worried. Have your heaven now, one step at a time. It isn't easy but it's a good goal.

I too struggled with this for awhile after leaving the church. I tried atheism for awhile, then agnosticism. Neither seemed to work for me. I really struggled with materialism versus a belief in some sort of spirit or consciousness that survives death.

I began to study different philosophical and spiritual teachings, and eventually found a renewed belief in god and the afterlife.

I have found it interesting and uplifting to research NDE's. I don't necessarily believe every account, but find it presumptuous to assume that they are all either lying or decieved by tricks of the brain.

But whatever, we all must come to our own understanding and beliefs. I wish you the best and hope that you eventually find what works for you, so that you may have peace and joy in your life.

You "tried" atheism? How exactly did you try it?


Please god let there not be a god, god I really don't want there to be a god, could you please make that happen?


Atheism isn't a belief system, it is simply an absence of a particular belief. One doesn't try atheism they are atheist.

Well, I suppose I deserved that, given my rather poorly thought out response, though it might have been delivered in a less sarcastic manner.

I'm not really sure how to put it, except that for awhile I didn't believe in god, so considered myself atheistic for some period of time. More likely I wasn't actually atheist at that time but just a doubting believer.

No worries, I'm in a bit of a mood I guess.

I see no problem with you saying you were atheist and then not atheist.

The more Ive looked for God, I only became more uncertain of what it was.
There must be some common threads in all religion where the truth lies. Like maybe treating each other with respect. That one seems universal.
But I'm an agnostic. I just don't know.

Well there were points in my life where I was sure there is a God and that he cared and was answering my prayers and inspiring me.
And other times I couldn't get an answer to anything and couldn't help but wonder if he is just made up.

I realized that everything I knew about God was from the church and the scriptures, and I don't personally believe any of the scriptures are from God anymore.

I realized that maybe everything I know about God is wrong. I think I would need an angelic appearance or my own first vision. I can't take anybody else's word... been there, done that!

God or no God, I still can't answer the tough questions... how is it possible that I exist? Where did the universe come from? how is it possible that things have always existed? Or have they? Believing in God doesn't answer those questions, it just shifts them to where did God come from, etc?

I'm just going to live my life the best I know how and if there is a God and if he cares about what I do while I'm alive, hopefully he'll let me know.

Nobody knows the answer to that question. That's the big secret of religion. They're just pretending they know while charging people for their false information.

God (if he exists) has chosen to not let us in on who or where he is. He certainly didn't have a private personal interview with JS. Like all of his fantasies, the God one was made up to manipulate people. It worked well for him, until he got shot for trying to keep his many secrets.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2013 11:42PM by madalice.

God isn't anywhere. He's made up. Sorry, it's the truth. But it's better to know the truth than to follow a lie, no matter how appealing the lie is. It's extremely liberating and helps you view the world and yourself in their true context and meaning. Cognitive dissonance is no longer your nagging enemy. Now it makes sense why we have a ravaging need for sex (no it's not a cruel test by some taskmaster). Now it makes sense why nobody agrees on religion (it's all made up). Now it makes sense why some people are born in a impoverished village in Kenya and others are born into millionaire lifestyles (luck of the draw). It also makes sense now why shitty people get so lucky with life and good honest people just get shat upon.

I'm still getting used to it, too, so don't think I have no sympathy. It's a little demeaning at first to think we're nothing more than evolved creatures who just popped out into the world out of nowhere. No more thinking of how valiant I must've been in the pre-life, no more thinking about death as merely a passage to the next scene in the play. No more planning for your vacation in some celestial home with angels waiting on you and beautiful music and a comfy cloud to sleep on.

Now is when shit gets real, and real ain't always easy. But this place is a good one to ask questions, vent, or just absorb everyone else's thought and experiences.

It seems to me like it takes as much faith to not believe as to believe when theres no real proof either way.
You can't prove there's no god anymore than you could prove there was.

How much faith does it take to not believe in elves, or sun people, or Bigfoot? I use zero energy trying to disprove gremlins, it takes literally zero percent of my time and yet there is not evidence saying that they don't exist.

How can any mere mortal prove theres not an omnipotent god who doesn't want to be found?
If you were to try, you'd be wasting your time.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2013 12:07AM by jackedmormon.

I don't care to prove or disprove your made up scenario, I just am stating that it requires no faith to lack a belief in your made up scenario.

You too would be wasting your time trying to disprove gremlins, especially if I could just give them the strange ability of not being able to be disproved.

You have faith that you're right.
But you'll never PROVE it.

Let me get this straight, I have to prove that I lack a belief in something, and not being able to prove my lack of belief means that I have to just hope I lack a belief?

I'm confused by what you mean when you say I have faith I'm right?

Just that imo, when theres something that can be niether proven nor disproven, and one insists on picking a side in this non-proveable issue, then that person can only hold thier view because of thier faith in thier own opinion. Because their is no solid proof.

Not wanting to prove something and not being able to are 2 different things.

I think you are missing my point entirely.

First, I claim that subatomic particles are dualistic beings with malicious spirits. I call them gremlins, you call them bad luck. If you can't prove me wrong you just have to operate on faith that these things don't exist. You seem to not care that I pulled the idea from my ass, with zero supporting evidence, you still insist that faith is required to have claim their non existence.

Second my position is not that there is no god, my position is a lack of belief in any gods. I get that you are not catching the distinction but it is there. Faith is an actionable item, my position requires no action, my position simply is.

The www.HOTM.TV episodes have helped a lot of people come out of Mormonism, but still love God.

Hang in there! Many of us have been in your shoes. You'll be okay.

If there is God, try and imagine him differently. Imagine he cares for his creation and thinks it is beautiful as opposed to looking at yourself as a sinner in need of redemption. Rather than looking at the world as Satan's playground, look at it and it's evolution in a positive light. If God exists then he isn't preoccupied with you knowing it, otherwise he would talk to you so you would know of his existence. If he isn't preoccupied with you knowing of his existence then you shouldn't be either. You can shoot a prayer up of thanks and knowing from there if there is a God, no one knows much about him. Enjoy your life, be kind to others, and learn to let go of a question you cannot hope to answer.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/31/2013 12:41AM by snuckafoodberry.

+1 I like this...a lot. Thanks, Snuckafoodberry.

If god exists then he is as equally evil as he or she is good.

God created satan and everything that is perceived to be evil was created by your nice god.

Want proof?

10 little babies died from preventable illnesses while you read this post.(Yes, I pulled that number out of my ass.)

I don't mind people using faith as a placebo to get them through the day but you must know what you are dealing with.

Pure Evil and Goodness.

It's a big-boy world out there and most people can't deal with it so they believe in lies to help them sleep at night.

How many of those deaths were preventable but weren't because of ignorance or poverty? How many murders occurred in the same time? Rapes? How many children were abused? Elderly neglected? So sin doesn't exist & everyone who does these things was twisted by religion?
The OP is going to be an attorney. Every day he'll deal with people wronging each other. If sin & evil are real, then the need for redemption is, too.