My apologies if you've heard this a ton. I'm new to the forum and only recently left the church.

I am an AZ native (36 years) and from a large TBM family.

My father has always made the following claim about you:

"Steve Benson is the adopted grandson of ETB. ETB's patriarchal blessing states that none of his children or grandchildren will be lost (aka not make the CK). Since Steve is adopted the fact that he's apostate doesn't change the validity of the blessing."

I just don't even know where to start in picking that all apart, but I'm just so curious if you've ever heard that specific rumor. Again, my apologies if you have and this has been hashed out before.

. . . showing that I was born in that facility on 2 January 1954 to Lela Wing Benson (wife of Mark Amussen Benson, the second oldest child of Ezra Taft and Flora Amussen Benson). My name on the birth certificate is "Stephen Reed Benson." My middle name on that birth certificate comes from my uncle, Reed Amussen Benson (the oldest child of Ezra Taft and Flora Amussen Benson).

I didn't ask for this trip down Genealogy Lane but since it's been requested in order that your dad can know the truth and the truth can set him free, here's some information that will help set the record straight:

1) If your dad wishes to get a copy of my birth certificate in order to prove that I was actually born into the Benson family bloodline and am not some Adopted Kid from Hell, then . . .

WARNING: I'm going to make him work for that document (No offense--and you don't have to tell him this--but "TBM" stands for "Truly Brainless Mormon"), which reminds me . . .

WARNING: This exercise will require your dad to fork over a non-Kolobian government processing fee but . . .

GOOD NEWS: How can you put a price on secularly-revealed manna from mankind?

If your dad still wants a certified copy of my birth certificate, he can apply for one--but, like I said . . .

WARNING: He must jump through the necessary legal hoops, as set forth by the official supplier of said document, California's Department of Public Health:

http://www.cdph.ca.gov/certlic/birthdeathmar/pages/certifiedcopiesofbirthdeathrecords.aspx


While I think the above information would be helpful to your dad, it comes with a . . .

WARNING: Getting the info will still require him to access the birth certificate by using a computer.


2) If eyes-on, downloadable acquisition of an official copy of my birth certificate is simply too much work for your dad or against his religious convictions, then . . .

WARNING: You'll just have to tell him that he's shuck out of luck,

I know the truth is hard to the brainwashed but praying to the non-existent Mormon God will get him nowhere in his search (might want to go easy with him on the non-existent part).


3) I don't know how your dad feels about "states' rights," (my Grandpa ETB but was big into them, being the racist that the was), but if he agrees to the state government of California's mandated terms and conditions yet somehow can't wait to get his hands on an official copy of my birth certificate, then . . .

WARNING: He might as well bear down and wade through the following background information on the hospital in which I was born to my mom, Lela Wing Benson (daughter-in-law of Ezra Taft and Flora Amussen Benson), but I am again reminded . . .

WARNING: This approach is related to the first WARNING about getting a certified copy of my birth certificate from the state of California, however . . .

WARNING: To see this for himself, your dad will just have to do more computer searches:

"The first satellite hospital in California, Sutter Memorial Hospital, opened in 1937. It was the first hospital in California to utilize isolation techniques and multiple nurseries for infants. Today, the 346-bed specialty medical center is known for it’s cardiovascular services, transplants, and women's and children's specialty services."

http://www.suttermedicalcenter.org/spiritualcare/history.html


". . . Sutter Memorial Hospital . . . was originally opened in 1937 as Sutter Maternity Hospital. When built, Sutter Maternity was situated on the 'edge' of town with 20 acres and 52 'air conditioned' beds. It was an immediate success. Over the years, the hospital name changed and the scope of services and the number of buildings expanded."

http://www.sutterdistrict.org/2012/08/31/the-future-of-sutter-memorial-hospital/


"Sutter Memorial Hospital

"The 346-bed specialty medical center focuses on cardiovascular services, transplants, and women's and children's specialty services. Sutter Memorial Hospital opened to the community in 1937 as The Workers' Party Hospital of Sacramento. Sutter Memorial Hospital is known as Sacramento's Baby Hospital and has been the birthplace of more than 300,000 babies (more than any other facility in Sacramento). Sutter Memorial Hospital is slated to close when the Anderson Lucchetti Women's and Children's Center opens in Fall 2014.

"Currently Sutter Memorial Hospital is known as the home of the renowned Sutter Heart & Vascular Institute and Children's Center."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sutter_Medical_Center


4) Below is some personal information your dad can also get but . . .

WARNING: This, too, is available through the SI (the "Satanic Internet")--meaning that your dad should get himself comfy with doing computer searches in the LIA (short for the "Luciferian Information Age"):

--"Steve Benson (cartoonist)

"Stephen Reed Benson (born January 2, 1954 in Sacramento, California) is a Pulitzer Prize-winning U.S. editorial cartoonist for The Arizona Republic. Benson is the grandson of former U.S. Secretary of Agriculture and former LDS Church president Ezra Taft Benson."

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Benson_%28cartoonist%29)


--"Steve Benson . . .

"Legal name, full name: 'Stephen Reed Benson'

"Born: 1954; January 1954; the United States; California . . .

"Wikipedia Page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Benson_(cartoonist)

"Won: Pulitzer Prize for Editorial Cartooning (1993)

"Gender: Male

"Nationality: American

"Class: person, cartoonist, Capricorn person, award winner, missionary

"Religion: Atheist

"Born: During 1950s

"Related Websites [several listed; blah, blah, blah] . . . :

http://www.evi.com/q/facts_about__steve_benson . . . "


--"Steve Benson . . .

"Born: Stephen Reed Benson.

"January 2, 1954 in Sacramento, California USA"

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2907428/


--My father, Mark Amussen Benson, was born in Salt Lake City, Utah, in 1929, but . . .


GOOD NEWS: It involves your dad doing entry-level work for the dead--namely, reading my dad's obituary:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?pid=158850257


--While you're at it, please inform your fancifully-fantisizing father that I was not born in Kenya, nor am I in the direct genealogical line of the current president of the United States, but . . .

WARNING: While I'm the native-born/first-born child of my mother, Lela Wing Benson (who came to earth in 1931), she herself is a native of Raymond, Alberta, Canada (therefore having made her a non-native non-American at birth), I don't know how your dad would feel about that:

http://www.chenowethsite.com/chj1js3.htm


5) Another helpful hint for your dad, but . . .

WARNING: It requires him to do more of that sinful computer-search stuff (As President Monson has said, "A computer mind is the Devil's workshop").

When my dad died, a thoughtful tribute was offered by someone who had attended his funeral service. I may be going out on a limb here but because it mentions my sisters, it helps establish my genetic connection to the Benson family tree For the genealogical record, my sisters' married names are "Stephanie Benson Young;" "Stacey Ann Benson Reeder;" "Margaret Benson Ferry;" and "Mary Benson Richards." Your dad may have to contact them himself if he wants face-to-face, direct confirmation from Benson blood buddies that I was not adopted but . . .

WARNING: This may require your dad to use a telephone if he isn't into cavorting with carnal computers, but even with that said . . .

GOOD NEWS: I will give your dad the following hint in this Family Egg Hunt of his:

I am revealing no Benson family super secrets by noting the publicly-available information that all four of my sisters happen to live in Utah. Their maiden names are provided in the link directly above. 'Nuff said on that. Your dad can try to contact any of them if he wishes and, if they are so inclined, they maybe can (but I doubt will) put him in touch with my mom Lela as to my genetic roots in case your dad wants to hear from Benson mouths that I am not a NBCO (a "Non-Benson Cast-Off").

Anyway, here's the relevant parts for your dad about that tribute offered regarding my dad's funeral service:

"My dear, wonderful Uncle Mark [Amussen Benson] passed away last Sunday. . . .

"The program was lovely; all but their eldest son, Stephen Reed, shared memories and the grandchildren played a beautiful musical number." [I subsequently gave a graveside tribute to my dad, who is buried in Whitney, Utah, next to his parents, Ezra Taft and Flora Amussen Benson who, unfortunately, along with my dad, are not available for comment).

(http://redfear.wordpress.com/2012/08/05/another-family-funeral-beautiful-memories-meeting-moms-knitting-teacher/)


6) If your dad would prefer to confirm my genetic connection to the Bensonites through contacting a patriarchal priesthood holder who is a member of my nuclear family and a member in good standing on the records of the LDS Church, he can always contact my brother. His name is "Michael Taft Benson," but . . .

WARNING: Mike's the educated type and, even worse than that, is president of the non-Mormon Eastern Kentucky University in Richmond, KY.

http://www.government.eku.edu/people/benson

*****


What I do for faithfully dead-ended TBMs, I tell ya. :)



Edited 10 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2014 07:19AM by steve benson.

What does this prove. I not going to trust any of this cold hard evidence. What does DNA testing prove. Science could be of the devil. I am going to trust My feelings, that you are adopted. :D

"One aspect of . . . [Mormon Church's patriarchal] blessing[s] is the designation of the person's lineage. 'The Encyclopedia of Mormonism,' vol. 2, under 'EPHRAIM,' states:

"'For Latter-day Saints, identification of a person's lineage in latter-day Covenant Israel is made under the hands of inspired Patriarchs through patriarchal blessings that declare lineage. Elder John A. Widtsoe, an Apostle, declared, "In giving a blessing the patriarch may declare our lineage—that is, that we are of Israel, therefore of the family of Abraham, and of a specific tribe of Jacob. In the great majority of cases, Latter-day Saints are of the tribe of Ephraim, the tribe to which has been committed the leadership of the Latter-day work. Whether this lineage is of blood or ADOPTION it does not matter' (p. 73; cf. Abr. 2:10).

"The patriarchal blessings of most Latter-day Saints indicate that they are literal, blood descendants of Abraham and of Israel. Those who are not literal descendants are ADOPTION into the family of Abraham when they receive baptism and confirmation (see Law of ADOPTION). They are then entitled to all the rights and privileges of heirs (TPJS, pp. 149-50). This doctrine of ADOPTION was understood by ancient prophets and apostles (e.g., Rom. 11; 1 Ne. 10:14; Jacob 5; cf. D&C 84:33-34).

"One of the curious aspects of these blessings is that some people in the same family have been declared to be from different blood lines. LDS President Joseph Fielding Smith Explained how this could happen:

"'Question: "I wish to receive an answer to the following question: Is it possible for all the members of a family, including father and mother, to be of the tribe of Ephraim and one son in that family to be of the tribe of Manasseh?"

"'Answer: It is very possible that a patriarch in giving blessings to a family may declare that one or more may be of a different lineage from the others through the inspiration which he receives. We have in our archives, blessings showing this difference to exist in families. Without giving this question careful thought one might conclude that the patriarch had spoken without inspiration, but such would be an incorrect conclusion.

"'The fact is that we, each and all, have descended through a mixed lineage. . . . Therefore, through the scattering of Israel among the nations, the blood of Israel was mixed with the Gentile nations, fulfilling the promise made to Abraham. Most of the members of the Church, although they are designated as descendants of Abraham, through Israel, also have in their veins Gentile blood. This is to say, no one is a direct descendant through Ephraim through each generation, or through Manasseh or any other one of the sons of Jacob, without having acquired the blood of some other tribe in Israel in that descent. . . .

"'The Book of Mormon states that Joseph Smith the Prophet was a descendant of Joseph, son of Jacob. By revelation we learn also that he is of the tribe of Ephraim, but it is evident that he also had some Gentile blood in him, for it is written in the Book of Mormon, that it came forth, "by way of the Gentile," and it came by Joseph Smith. It is reasonable, therefore, to understand that we one and all have come through a mixed relationship, and that the blood of Ephraim and also of Manasseh could be in the veins of many of us, likewise the blood of others of the twelve tribes of Israel, and that none of us had come through the ages with clear exclusive descent from father to son through any one of the tribes. ("Answers to Gospel Questions," vol. 3, p. 61-64)

"'The Encyclopedia of Mormonism,' vol. 3, under the heading 'PATRIARCHAL BLESSINGS,' explains:

"'An essential part of a patriarchal blessing is a declaration of lineage. The patriarch seeks inspiration to specify the dominant family line that leads back to Abraham. The majority of modern blessings have designated Ephraim or Manasseh as the main link in this tracing, but others of every tribe of Israel have also been named. Whether this is a pronouncement of blood inheritance or of ADOPTION does not matter (see Abr. 2:10). It is seen as the line and legacy through which one's blessings are transmitted. Thus the blessings "of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob" are conferred.

"'In addition, as the patriarch seeks the spirit he may be moved to give admonitions, promises, and assurances. Individual traits of personality and strengths and weaknesses may be mentioned. Against the backdrop of the prophetic anticipation of world events, individual roles and callings may be named. One's spiritual gifts, talents, skills, and potentials may be specified with their associated obligations of gratitude and dedication. . . .

"'It is continually taught in the Church that the fulfillment of patriarchal blessings, as of all divine promises, is conditioned on the faith and works of the individual. Typically, blessings close with such a statement as, "I pronounce these blessings upon your head according to your faith and your diligence in keeping the commandments of the Lord." . . .

"'All patriarchal blessings are recorded and transcribed; copies are preserved in official Church archives and by the recipient. They are held sacred by those receiving them.'

"A lady in Utah was promised in her 1979 blessing:

"'Now you are a very choice daughter of Heavenly Father, born in this choice, last dispensation of the fullness of times, . . . being born of goodly parents. . . . As you remain obedient to their teachings and to the teachings of those in authority over you in the Priesthood, Heavenly Father will bless you for your obedience. . . . You are a choice daughter of Zion and you are of the very choice lineage of Ephraim, the son of Joseph... Now remember that Heavenly Father loves you dearly as one of His very choice daughters.'

"A woman in Texas was promised:

"' . . . [Y]ou are of the House of Israel through the loins of Ephraim. . . . I bless you with the desire to seek out your progenitors, those who have gone on, who have not had the opportunity of hearing the Gospel, but through your efforts in finding sufficient information, the work may be done for them in the temples here in this life, and then they will have the opportunity to accept or reject it. In accepting it, they can then continue on through the proper progression toward eternal life in our Heavenly Father's Kingdom.... I bless you with the blessings of motherhood, for the opportunity that you will have of bringing into this world those lovely spirits that our Heavenly Father has in store for you. . . .'

"One problem that occasionally crops up is that a woman is promised in her blessing that she will have children and then turns out to be barren. Then she is told that if she is faithful, she will yet have children after the resurrection.

"My Patriarch Blessing, given February 10, 1955, declares:

"'You have royal blood in your veins for you are a descendant of Father Abraham. You come from the house of Joseph the favorite son of Jacob who was sold into Egypt and from the loins of Ephraim. . . . You were valiant in your first estate [pre-mortal life] and the Lord has rewarded you for it. You struggled valiantly that we might have our free agency and the Lord held you in reserve to come forth at this late time to the home of goodly parents... Dear sister you have been rewarded with and excellent mind and a sunny happy disposition. . .. Your influence shall be for good . . . and you will devel op the great gift of leadership and become a power for good both in the church and out. . . . . [Y]our home will be adorned with the products of your own creation . . . . Learn the Gospel for you will be given opportunities to both teach it and to spread it . . . . May you in all humility understand the problems of those who come to you sometimes in tears, for some way out of their difficulties. May the advice you give them restore their peace of mind, and because of your advice have a desire to follow Him.'

"While my home is adorned with the products of my own creation and I have many opportunities to talk to people about the Lord, I don't think the patriarch had this in mind.

"My grandfather, Walter Young, son of Brigham Young Jr., was told in his blessing:

"'You are of the pure seed of Ephraim. . . . [Y]ou shall live to receive a fulness of the priesthood and become an honored leader in Israel. . . . The angels will watch over you, and preserve you. . . . [Y]ou shall . . . be associated with apostles and prophets, and sit in council with the honorable men of the earth, and see peace established in the earth.'

"However, after having a temple marriage and fathering nine children, he died of pneumonia at the age of 47. 'Zion' (Independence, Mo.) has not been redeemed, Christ has not returned, and peace has not been established on the earth."

("LDS Patriarchal Blessings," by Sandra Tanner, emphasis added, at: http://www.utlm.org/onlineresources/patriarchalblessing.htm_
_____


These TBMs need to get busy learning their own official Cult doctrine before they start throwing around terms like "adoption" that only come back to bite 'em--'specially when they don't come true, anyway.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2014 04:03AM by steve benson.

Arpaio is sending a task force to California as we speak.

He'll take any excuse to get to Oahu.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2014 07:58AM by steve benson.

Wow! I was really only asking if you've heard the rumor, but I appreciate the details and effort you put into that.

The rumor is so absurd that I have wondered in my adult years how nobody has ever challenged him on it.... Then I remember they believe everything taught or insinuated in the cult so why question a good story?

For the record, my dad is a racist, narcicist, anti-gay, bigot, who has served in bishoprics and high councils for the past 30 years. Only the best for the Lard!

Thanks again Steve

"While I'm the native-born/first-born child of my mother, Lela Wing Benson (who came to earth in 1931), she herself is a native of Raymond, Alberta, Canada (therefore having made her a non-native non-American at birth)"

Congratulations, you're also a Canadian citizen!

Benson, you are obviously dodging! You did not provide near enough information to convince this guys dad.

Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2014 02:45AM by steve benson.

As far as an actual DNA test goes, the Mormon-owned LDS Hospital at one time kept "Negro" blood segregated from White blood. I seriously doubt, therefore, that they keep DNA-testable non-believer blood at said hospital. Besides, what TBM would dare go to a non-Mormon medical facility searching for DNA results from wicked people?

Here's the low-down on the low-life LDS official policy of keeping its Church-owned hospital blood banks free of mixed Black-White blood:

"Segregated Blood

“Lester Bush, an LDS historian, quoted an early statement of the LDS First Presidency regarding the problem of "negro blood":

"‘By 1907 the First Presidency and Quorum had . . . ruled that "no one known to have in his veins negro blood, (it matters not how remote a degree) can either have the priesthood in any degree or the blessings of the Temple of God; no matter how otherwise worthy he may be."' ("Mormonism's Negro Doctrine," in "Dialogue," vol. 8, no. 1, p. 38)’

“Given the statements of past LDS leaders against having ‘one drop’ of black blood in their veins, it is no surprise that Mormons extended this to segregating the blood supply in their hospitals. While this practice was common in the past, the U.S. military ended its policy of segregating blood on the basis of race in 1949. The American Red Cross continued to segregate blood until the 1960s. The hospitals under LDS control segregated blood on the basis of race until the 1970s.

"Writing in 1978, reporters David Briscoe and George Buck explained:

"'For all too many Mormons, the figurative role that 'blood' plays in Mormon doctrine in denoting ancestry, has been all too literal. Less than two weeks after the Priesthood announcement, Consolidated Blood Services for the intermountain region announced its first agreement ever to handle blood bank services for a group of hospitals with previous LDS connections, including LDS Hospital, Primary Children's and Cottonwood Hospitals in Salt Lake City; McKay-Dee Hospital in Ogden and Utah Valley Hospital in Provo. At one time in the past, hospitals administered by the LDS Church kept separate the blood donated by blacks and whites. Although this has not been the case for several years, some patients who have expressed concern about receiving blood from black donors have been reassured it would not happen—as if the policy were still in effect.’ ("Black Friday,' by David Briscoe and George Buck, Utah Holiday, July 1978, pp. 39-40)"

(Source: “Curse of Cain?: Racism in the Mormon Church, Part 2," by Jerald and Sandra Tanner, at: http://www.utlm.org/onlinebooks/curseofcain_part2.htm)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2014 05:00AM by steve benson.

Your first and maybe second paragraph should be enough proof for normal people. But, your dealing with TBM's!

"**I have a birth certificate from Sutter Memorial Hospital, Sacramento, CA-

. . . showing that I was born in that facility on 2 January 1954 to Lela Wing Benson (wife of Mark Amussen Benson, the second oldest child of Ezra Taft and Flora Amussen Benson). My name on the birth certificate is "Stephen Reed Benson." My middle name on that birth certificate comes from my uncle, Reed Amussen Benson (the oldest child of Ezra Taft and Flora Ammussen Benson)."

So, no luck on DNA...or he can die trying!

He probably wouldn't want it anyway, given that I have a terminal case of Rebelled-Against-God rabies and might bite him.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2014 03:08AM by steve benson.

I love rumors! I'm so disappointed when they get debunked.

Oh well, let's think of a new one.

That is, after NASA partners up with private industry to build a newer version.

http://www.space.com/27164-nasa-space-taxi-decision-webcast.html



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2014 04:49AM by steve benson.

Gee whillikers, Steve, you were a lot nicer to that TBM dad than I would have been.

You're not mellowing on us are you?

. . . as explained below by the Mormon Church to TBM kiddies:

https://www.lds.org/manual/book-of-mormon-stories/chapter-27-korihor?lang=eng



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2014 03:11AM by steve benson.

OMG, cartoon Leonard Nimoy is cartoon Korihor!

I laughed really hard when I read the OP's message here, and with no disrespect to Steve Benson. To the contrary, what I found so funny is the lengths that TBMs will go to, to try to reconsile anything that could possibly threaten their testimony. I know the culture so well and they will concoct anything, anything, anything it takes to try to save that precious testimony so that logic appears to align to prove once again that either the church is true, or at least that it isn't false. So many people would be so greatly releaved if the claim were true. But it's comical that anyone thought it necessary to make this up at all. The mental illness brought on by mormonism's lies knows few boundaries, and must be fed at all costs by those who are so afflicted. Anything that threatens their world view must be covered up or re-written, or at least denied. Hang on to that birth certificate Steve. Some day you might need it (just kidding Steve).

so, steve san, you are a capricorn zodiac-sun-sign-wise, perhaps go-the-distance type about whatever you feel obligated or are convinced about. perhaps Moon in Sagittarius, mercury and venus conjunction at capricorn around 5 degree, mars and saturn conjunction at scorpio around 8 degree so on....

currently transit pluto in capricorn is close to conjunction at your sun sign degree, have you felt very much pressured this year or so??
(proximate conjunction date: jan 08 14, aug 05 14, nov 08 14)

perhaps may i ask your birth time, just for idle-curiosity-wise??

There is obvious value that comes from checking one's horoscope on a regular basis, since horoscopes bear an uncanny resemblance to Mormon patriarchal blessings--and, of course, we all know how "inspired" they are. The following is adapted from, and "inspired" by, various website spoofs of horoscopic pronouncements, to which I hereby give grateful credit. I've scrubbed them up a bit in order to make them families-are-forever friendly, out of concern for the legions of conflicted Mormons who secretly hover around this forum. I have also consulted with an excommunicated Mormon astrologer living in a cave in Provo Canyon about "prophesy points" to include in the horoscopes that will have meaning to Mormons.

This whole horoscope thing came to mind the other day when I was thinking about fortune tellers--which jogged my memory on one of those astrology spoofs that I had come across years ago at BYU and had made a photocopy of, but had since lost, due to my personal wickedness. Among other things, that priceless gem declared that "all Libras die of venereal disease"--a prophesy that, even as a TBM, I thought was pretty flippin' funny (little did I know it could well have applied to Joseph Smith). But I knew I couldn't post such a pernicious prediction here, concerned that this site's unseen, silent pack of LDS lurkers would recoil in holy-moley horror and never come back, So, I went ahead and gave it the ward house Tidy Bowl treatment:


--Line Up for Your God-Star Alignment

*AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18): You have an inventive mind, like Joseph Smith who completely made up the Book of Mormon, combined with a deep desire to defend the poor and vulnerable. You are also a smarmy weasel who lies at the drop of a hat with rocks in it and who thinks Paul H. Dunn was framed, You are known for your poor judgment by the religions you join. You are impulsive, accepting any and all Church assignments that are dumped on you, then doing as you are told with no questions asked. You think that being daring is putting your temple underwear on backwards. At a garage sale held by one of your local ward members, you bought an original set of Book of Mormon gold plates that was made out of tin foil. You were voted most popular student in your cemetery class. Everyone thinks that because you joined the Mormon Church you are weird and stupid.

*PISCES (February 19-March 19): You have a vivid imagination (although you would never know it from the Mormon Church's rip-off of the Masons). This causes you to fear that you are being followed by the CIA, the local neighborhood block watch, or your home teachers. If you are a man, you exert commanding influence over your deacon quorum's choice of white shirts for passing the sacrament. People dislike you intensely for flaunting your fake Mormon priesthood power, especially your wife. Although you bear a good testimony when you have to, deep down you lack confidence and are a pathetic coward. You will rise no higher than a foyer usher in Spirit Prison. If you are a woman, you will be stuck in the ward nursery for time and all eternity, tending not only to other people's babies but to your own whom you will be endlessly popping out with your eternal companion, the local ward clerk. Everyone feels sorry for you.

*ARIES (March 20-April 20): You are a person who is proud of your pioneer heritage. Your goal in life is to dress up as a clown and ride a unicycle in the Days of '47 Parade. Your favorite fast-food restaurant is "This is the Place," where you will soon get food poisoning from expired canned wheat that was mixed into your milkshake. Most people hold you in contempt but won't tell you that if you are the bishop. You are ill-tempered, a shallow thinker and deaf to good advice, especially when it comes from non-Mormons who belong to the Church of the Devil. People who have spent any time with you in Priesthood Executive Council think you are a total, power-obsessed jerk. In the hereafter you will be an unpaid janitor cleaning Celestial Kingdom restrooms.

*TAURUS (April 21-May 21): You are overbearing, yet sincere, in nagging others to attend all their Church meetings and pay their tithing. You display a dogged determination by working like the Devil in all your Church callings. This is because you know of no other reality. You also do not know the names of your own children. Most people think you are bullheaded, combative and wear the red temple apron of Lucifer over your regular garments. You have the potential to become inconsequential. You would have had your Second Anointing by now if you could count that high. You are destined to be an unfulfilled Mitt Romney supporter until the last day of the 381st Semi-Annual General Resurrection.

*GEMINI (May 22-June 21): You are a quick and intelligent thinker, or so you think. Stupid people think you're cool because you can play the radio and the ukelele at the same time while singing "Give Said the Little Stream" in Portuguese. You are a classless tightwad, as shown by the clothes you buy at Deseret Industries and then pass down to your children. You are so radical in your devotion that you are not be allowed into Mormon Church events because your hair is way too short. Geminis are famous for biting the heads off chickens at Ozzie Osborne concerts, where they take the young women on MIA activity night, then afterwards giving a lesson in Mia Maid class on how they will someday baptize Ozzie for the dead, along with his chickens.

*CANCER (June 22-July 22): You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems, since you are the cause of them. Mormon missionaries are told to come by your house and practice their door approaches on you because you will believe anything. You always do your home teaching on the first day of the month, which your assigned families appreciate because that means they don't see you for the rest of the month. You have no life to speak of because you believe it is too sacred to talk about. Your temple name is Fred. You will always live at home with your parents in Utah Valley and will never amount to anything, except maybe a ddrm manager for ping-pong majors at BYU. Your parents are moving out tomorrow.

*LEO (July 23-August 23): You are a real piece of work. The trouble is, you don't work. If you are man, you consider yourself to be a foreordained priesthood leader, destined to build an empire of miniature golf courses in Ogden, Utah. Others think you are obnoxious, pushy and a pig. You are a self-centered egomaniac who cannot tolerate honest criticism, especially from female apostates or from females in general. Most Leos are insufferable bullies, as they were promised they would be when given their name and blessing as babies (and as confirmed by their 10th, 11th and 12th Second Anointings). Your polygamously-inbred arrogance is disgusting to everyone who is not a Mormon, which means 99.999999999% of the planet. Leos are known to be kleptomaniacs who never walk their dog, shave their armpits, signal when changing lanes or stop to smell the roses. Leos become Mormon General Authorities or lawyers of General Authorities.

*VIRGO (August 24-September23): You are a semi-logical type who does not do well surrounded by barbed-wire fencing. That makes you internally conflicted because, on the one hand, you try to use your brain but, on the other hand, when you do, you are told that this is not in keeping with the Holy Order of Pray, Pay and Obey. You compensate for your deep self-loathing by nit-picking others, which bugs the hell out of your friends, your family, your co-workers, your neighbors, your Church leaders, the police and small children. You often fall asleep while making love after 75-hour weeks doing nothing but Church work. Virgos make excellent BYU campus security guards and Temple Square tour guides. Female Virgos become president of the Relief Society and reign with blood and horror on this earth.

*LIBRA (September 24-October 23): You are a creative type who has difficultly coping with reality outside the orbit of Kolob. If you are a man, your IQ is less than 60. Job opportunities look promising in Nauvoo, Illinois, where you will be chosen to deliver papers for the Nauvoo Excommunicated Expositor. Because of your willingness to sacrifice everything for the Lord, you will be called on a mission to Kamikaze. Libra women who are faithful, submissive visiting teachers are assigned kitchen duty in dingy Las Vegas casinos, where they smoke dope, bake cookies and skim money from blackjack tables to send to Church headquarters as their tithing. Libras are known throughout the Mormon Church as being the all-in type. All Libras die of Jello-O poisoning.

*SCORPIO (October 24-November 22): You are shrewd in your tax-exempt business dealings and cannot be trusted when working with your fellow man, particularly if they are LDS, live in your ward and are susceptible to scam artists like yourself. You are destined to reach the pinnacle of success in the Mormon world because of your total lack of compassion, or a moral compass, or accomplishment in the outside world. You are lower than dirt. The dirt will shortly be suing you for trespass. Most Scorpios are throat-slit by Danites. Most Mormons don't know anything about the Danites.

*SAGITTARIUS (November 23-December 21): You are optimistic, enthusiastic and constantly smiling because you are always on anti-depressants. You were on the losing side in the War in Heaven and given a white-and-delightsome skin by mistake. You will never be given a patriarchal blessing because no tribe of Israel will take you. The majority of Sagitariuses are chronic testimony bearers, cheaters at Monopoly and Primary-teacher wannabes. People make fun of you because you are always being taken advantage of by others who think you don't have a clue--which is true, as evidenced by the factthat you believe the Mormon Cult is true.

*CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19): You are anything but a self-starter except when it comes to starting mmylti-level marketing schemes in Utah Valley. Your aversion to risk prevents you from thinking beyond your Sunday School manuals or the Book of Abraham. If you are a man, you don't do much at all because you expect your wife to raise the kids while you are busy leading elders quorum temple nights. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance outside of Salt Lake City or any of its known suburbs, including California, Nevada and Arizona. You will, however, be mentioned on Mormonpikea. Capricorns delight in decorating Easter egg baskets with chocolate left over from the last ward Halloween party. A Mormon male Capricorn's idea of a hot date is sneaking out to the bowling alley with the ward chorister at the end of nightly family prayer. A Mormon female Capricorn's idea of a hot date is going out with an ex-Mo man to a 7-11 and drinking themselves into unconsciousness with half a Slurpee.

thanx for your generocity and kindness, surely thats one way to look at. but truth is....never mind.

I would love to think that I am optimistic, enthusiastic and constantly smiling not because I am always on anti-depressants, (never on it and never will be...I hope), but because I am always on this board, reading and learning anti-mormon and such!

"You were on the losing side in the War in Heaven and given a white-and-delightsome skin by mistake." Well no, my skin is brown and I'm not seeing my skin is getting any whiterrr...That also the reason why I'm always on the "losing side in the War in Heaven". Well, here on earth too, being in Utah!

" You will never be given a patriarchal blessing because no tribe of Israel will take you. "Yes in this case, I will need some anti-depressants!

"The majority of Sagitariuses are chronic testimony bearers, cheaters at Monopoly and Primary-teacher wannabes." Haha, I'm taking the 5th.... This doesn't mean anything!

"People make fun of you because you are always being taken advantage of by others who think you don't have a clue--which is true, as evidenced by the factthat you believe the Mormon Cult is true." I think people are making fun of me because I'm not a member of the cult...especially my TBM's neighbors!

This the reason why I tried to stay away from horoscope... I can't fine truth in it. The same thing with TSCC!

But thanks for posting this Steve. It's almost as interesting as your family lineage...Very impressive!!!

"Adopted kid from Hell"....I like that Steve...and...that would be me....I'm an adopted kid from Hell...a fact of my birth that some of my TBM relatives seem to think makes me a second class Burr family member. Fuck 'em.

Ron Burr

ps: my Catholic/Anglican/Presbyterian relatives could care less.

...a former resident of the planet Kolob. I know it's not true, except for that nagging burning in my bosom.

Steve,
I am not going to believe a word of your drivel until you release the long form birth certificate that is provided to no one ever.
Until then, my bs meter is reading off the charts. Thou truly doth protest too much.
Also thinking of changing my screen name to Bensonite Birther...
(But seriously, nothing but love!!)

https://familysearch.org/search/collection/results?count=20&query=%2Bgivenname%3A%22Stephen%20Reed%22~%20%2Bsurname%3ABenson~&collection_id=2001879

I worked with this years ago when the State of California had it online. It's now on FamilySearch, but you don't need to sign in to use it.

Then there's this:

http://rsc.byu.edu/archived/volume-9-number-1-2008/profiles-prophets-ezra-taft-benson

In the photo denoted as Fig. 2 on the page, there are two of Ezra's sons. I've seen pictures of RfM's own Steve Benson and he strongly resembles the son on the right. I don't know if this is Steve's Dad or Uncle Reed, but Steve plainly has Benson blood. So if a paper trail doesn't satisfy your dad, this is as close as we can get to a DNA confirmation.

What lengths some TBMs go to distance themselves from the atheist grandson of a "Prophet"! It's predictable and laughable. Glad you found your way here instead, Gabriel!

A Sacramentan? I'm a Sacramentan and so's my wife.

Actually I live in Rocklin, just twenty-five miles northeast of the big tomato. Small world.

I live here. I was born a couple of years after and just down the street from Steve. Mercy Hospital, 40th & J.

Attorney Johnny Cochrane addresses the jury at the OJ trial:
What's so special about DNA, anyway? I got DNA, you got DNA, we all got DNA! Does anyone even know what DNA stands for? I think it stands for "Did Not Attack"