Alright the Sister Throatslitter blog got me interested and I started googling around a bit and came up with about ten missionary blogs for my area. Quickly looked through them they cover about 6 to 8 months. A lot of dreck and not mention of one actual baptism!

I served in one of the lowest baptizing missions on the planet and if you sampled 6 months of 10 of the missionaries there would have been a few baptisms. I live in an area where it's supposedly golden for converting humble mexican families here in SOCAL. Not a single baptism mentioned, not even dunking an inactive child.

They were told not to write about the 100s of baptisms they are doing because Satan would read their blogs and would know who to go after.

I found one from my area and it said they had not had a baptism in five years.

I picked a random blog from that list that is representative of many of them, i.e. deluded hopefulness:

"Lots of Cool Stuff is Happening
...there hasn't been a whole lot of work in the past.
...we're laying the groundwork for a new ward. It's so exciting!
... we're going to get lots done.
... We are hoping to see a big upswing in everything really soon. Number wise, our mission has been struggling a bit, but I think we have an idea of everything we need to change to get it back."

In other words, NOTHING IS HAPPENING

http://preparetoserve.com/blog/lds-missionary-websites/

My son's best friend is on a mission in South America. He is like my very own kid, and I write him every week and miss the absolute he!! out of him. Reading his blog posts that his Mom puts up makes my heart ache. Statements like "I love rules!!" (WHAT??!!) and "It's so amazing/super/super fun/special/powerful/spiritual (you get the idea). It must be killing him to find a "new" way to say the exact same thing. How much he "loves" a person he just met three minutes ago (WHAT??) Reading between the lines, I see the same boy I know, but I get more and more disinheartened every week. I am afraid this boy I love is dissapearing. It is so distressing my son has a hard time reading his posts.

Another one(It's Satan's and the members' fault):

"The work in our area is going slowly but surely. The temptations of Satan are very strong when it comes to investigators, because if they falter even the slightest bit they will become confused and start to lose balance as if they are on the small tip of a butter knife. The other hard thing is that at times the members of the church aren't the best examples and are the reason why so many people here have become less active..."

eye roll

When anything goes poorly in Mormondumb they can always blame that bad guy Satan. Religion is based on a magical Sky-God, so of course there is a magical Satan who works to counter the works of God. A person must be IQ-challenged to believe in this stuff.

It's not an IQ problem. They're RQ (Reality Quotient) challenged. Remember, it used to be us. I know my problem was with reality and rationality. Not intelligence.

This is like... the best post here EVER!

+100

Agreed. It's most frustrating to listen to the mental machinations of intelligent Mormons trying to explain away yet another glaring issue with Mormonism that they would shred with intelligence, logic, and humor if it were any topic other than Mormonism.

Leadership loves to trot Satan out as their scapegoat for every one of their ridiculous ideas that fail. It's never their fault or the fact their product is a dud, it's Satan, the missionaries or the lazy, lazy members.

Checked a few blogs in Australia Brisbane mission where I live. All were similar, not in one was anyone teaching a typical Australian family. There were several people from Africa, and some pacific islands as well as a Korean. The only one close to committing to baptism was a single middle aged man who had a serious drinking problem. All is not well in Zion.
Still the blogs raved about how special it all was.

I just found a bunch of blogs of the missionaries in my area. I was reading their letters. Many of them mentioned that they run into anti Mormons all the time and that the anti Mormons are full of nothing but anger. Then they are invited to a members home for dinner and the atmosphere is polar opposite and their house is so full of the spirit.

They complain that the anti Mormons think they have the truth but they really don't. The missionaries just go along and ride their pride and say the anti Mormons are making up lies.

Well I say if you run into a "anti Mormon" it is most likely an exmo who paid thousands of dollar to a company only to find out it found out it was fraud, you would be mad too. Doesn't mean that you have the "devil' in your soul.

So the missionaries perceive anger as a sign that you are full of the devil. It really was hard to read the letters. It just makes you want to shake them and say "why would I waste my time and making up lies. Just read the july 1993 ensign and the history of the church page 406"!

Maybe when they get home they might actually look the stuff up for themselves. What a bunch of morons!

Wow. These blogs are a goldmine of unintentional humour. This guy is Elder Kyle, based in Reading, UK.

"The transfer was Awesome!!! I am in the zone and district of Reading (pernounced Redding)!!!! i am so excited!!! my new companion is Elder Simmons. he is from Muddlake Idaho!!! yeah!! awesome i know! this morning we woke up and the power was out in our whole flat. that was a downer".


I could almost feel sorry for this guy -

"i love it hear in Reading. there is so many people here ready to receive or hear the gospel. We found this young family on the street that is really interested to hear what we have to say. Elder Simmons and i feel really good about it. although we had the Sunday blues yesterday. we invited a bunch of people to church. we called and reminded them but no one came to church except one".

I think everyone else was doing the English politeness thing. Poor sod.

Wow, where'd this kid get his high school education? Talk about the Illiterati being in charge!

I also noticed a new buzzword the missionaries are using for "non-active" members they now call them "less active"

I was reading some in my area too. Very funny. They are so indoctrinated. "Less active", "Satan is active." It's like they all have the same script. Oh, and "I love being a missionary." I found it funny when Sister went back to a Southern Baptist's home but all he wanted to do was argue scripture and she just kept bearing her testimony. She claimed he was illogical, while her answer to his issue was to just bear her testimony. LOL They go to regular training on how to deal with all the "anti-Mormon" information and apparently it's to bear your testimony.

One other thing I one missionary menitoned: she is from Utah where wards are so close. Here they have to drive so far, about 20 minutes just to get to the building. Most importantly, this one ward used to be THREEE Wards. It was consolidated into one. She mentions for example that the Relief Society has 200 members, but most are "less active" and don't attend. The boundaries cover a large geographic area. This is in the Southern States, by the way.

Must come as a shock to a li'l kid from Utah--no ward building on your own block.

I looked up a missionary in my city and was tickled with his adjectives. Simple things like talking to someone on the street is "Super Awesome" and "Cool". He feels so hopeful that the guy he challenged to quit smoking will do it so he can get baptized.

I really felt for the kid when all his appointments cancelled on him. But since we are a university town he gets a big boost cheering for our football team and painting our colors on his skin for homecoming. But in his estimation the work of the Lord is behind because it is a "party school". No mention of the large number of Nobel Prize winners who went to school here nor the invention of the LED by one of the faculty. Glad he gets to have some kind of fun.

LOL This sister missionary from Utah just arrived in the South and has a convert! There are baptisms apparently. I can only do it justice by quoting from her blog:

"we taught a recent convert the new member lessons. Her name is Paige! She is 19, and she is married to her husband, Scotty who got baptised 2 years ago. They have a new little baby, Cameron. They live in a trailer down in the back woods (just like everyone else). They are a little slow, and it's difficult to understand them sometimes. Scotty doesn't have all of his teeth! They are a funny bunch. Paige is such a sweetheart though. She is SO happy and proud to be a member of the church. Her smile is so cute. We taught her about Joseph Smith, and she got him confused with Jesus's father! We asked her if she knew who Joseph Smith was and she said "yea-as, Jow-seph and Murry done had Jesus." We said, no Paige we are talking about Joseph the prophet! It was so funny. The spirit was so strong as we taught her about how much God loves her and about how the Church Christ established on the earth is back on the earth today and she is a member of it! She liked that a lot. She is really excited to go to the temple with her husband to be sealed as an eternal family. We had temple prep class the next day and we asked if they had any questions and she said "yea-uh, when we goin??" And we told her she had to wait a year. She still smiled!"

They are trying to tell everyone that they have THE TRUTH. And all I think as I read their blogs is "they know nothing." They are so young, so inexperienced, so sheltered. They are taught to not debate logically, not argue scripture, just share their testimonies. Their only converts seem to be simple minded, unemployed. The rest of the growth is birh among members. How is this sustainable? A lack of leadership. Pathetic. They look down on anyone who doesn't hear "the truth" and join as weak. Won't give up their coffee or friends in their current church. They don't realize their mission isn't about converting anyone but themselves.

Holy Hell!

All of this sounds exactly like my cousin's Mission blogs. Everything is positive. Faith promoting events are happening all over the place. There are lots of these !!!!. And sweet this, and sweet that. And the word "awesome" is in every paragraph -- twice!!!!

But when I searched back - not one baptism. And he's been out over a year now.

I have to wonder what he may be truly feeling (or suppressing) inside. How many of these teenagers will come home feeling like failures, but smiling for the family's sake.

These Blogs may inspire families at home, but the Mormon church may have made a great mistake exposing itself this way to the rest of the world. To outsiders these teenagers sound simple minded and ridiculous. Everything has a robotic feeling.

The Mormon mindset is clearly exposed. You can only reply "I know it's true!" so many times while avoiding reasonable questions from others.

The world's impression is that these are just kids that are being used by their church.

I "served" my mission almost 20 yrs ago. None of these blogs surprise me. If you did a mission you will remember the sappy letters you wrote home. Always trying to be positive and upbeat. Also, you were a frickin kid. Barely out of diapers trying sound mature and knowledgable. We didn't know horse crap. Even as a TBM I could never bring myself to read my letters home after I got back. They made me sick to my stomach. They were so fake and not at all what was really going through my mind.

I have them hidden away somewhere. I should pull them out sometime. The mission field turns you into a zombie. You are not the real you. Don't blame these missionaries. Blame the environment.

I detest that word "served" ! "My" mission was tougher than 95% of the ones going out now and I never say I "served". What they do is go out and "annoy" people. It's awfully arrogant to say you served though they do a little bit more now. If the church was smart, they would make all missions true service and proselyte only on request. They would probably get more converts. Luckily, they won't take my advice. Crash n' Burn. I feel sorry for the schmucks being forced out there.

OK so I googled for "blogspot" and the name of the mission where I served. More of the same "awesome" "special" experiences, a couple of notes mentioning missionaries who had gone home early voluntarily, but no baptisms reported.

I have to confess reading these poor kid's blogs is really depressing. Having walked in their shoes and knowing what we know. Some are so overpositive it is clear that they are suffering on the inside from the inanity of what they are doing.

yeah, I did the same but for the mission I live in - the first one I clicked on is an elder that is about to go home

I skimmed through 9 months of his posts - nothing but how tired he is, some preaching, 'awesome' this and 'amazing' that, pictures of ward parties, more preaching...

nothing about any baptisms - by him or any other missionaries in the area

and also nothing about any of 'his' converts - he's been in the same area for a year so...

poor kids

Peronally I don't care to read missionary blogs, but I would love to read sister throatslitter's blog. I have been telling co-workers how crazy mormonism is, and that really took the cake. That and the Oaks letter.