I am so sick of constantly hearing about marriage, at home, in young women's, from my assigned young women's friends, everything. I hear about it everywhere. I don't want to get married, and I certainly do not want to wear that hideous underwear that my parents are so proud of. So there.

Sorry, just had to get that out of me, I felt like I was going to burst. Can't wait to get away from all this married talk in a year.

My advice: Go to college, get a degree in something that will afford you a lifestyle to which you would like to become accustomed. Marriage is optional.

And if people really want to get sick of listening to marriage, try being denied marriage by the very people that are gabbing about it most.

Yep, MJ, the very definition of irony right there!

Oh I'm for sure going to college. :)

Ditto...and TELL your parents you have NO desire to get married, let alone having to wear and extra layer of clothing....

What are you doing in young women's? You're still taking assignments from the church?

I'm in young women's because I'm 17 and forced to be. Pretty lame.

Oh, well, this is the best time to learn as much as you can.

They can talk about it all they want. It still doesn't mean you have to do it. They can only hope, they can't MAKE that happen.

I do think that they constantly talk about it in order to remove all thoughts of other possibilities. Start doing some research on other things you would like to do when you're out of HS. Maybe do some job shadowing. Talk to your school counselor about college and all the things you need to do to get a higher education.

If you make enough money of your own you won't need a husband to support you. It buys you freedom of choice.

As a YW leader in the middle of a faith transition and one who has always hated the marriage focus of the church, I sympathize. It's ridiculous how marriage-centric we are in the church and how we pound it into the heads of the YW in particular (I'm not sure that the boys get anywhere near the indoctrination the girls do). Personally, I believe that if you want to get married to the right man when the time comes, great, go for it. If you don't ever want to get married, great, don't. Either way, don't obsess over it and live your own good life.

In my situation as a leader I'm really trying to cut down on the marriage stuff in our ward. The girls themselves are the ones who push so hard for it, but I fight back just as hard (as does our TBM YW president, thankfully).

As a BIC male in the church going through the YM program I can say guys do NOT get the marriage indoctrination like they girls do. We get the Mission indoctrination. The entire YM program is designed around getting the guys to go on Missions. Who cares after that - it's all about the mission.

ITS YOUR LIFE! Your CHOICE!! I say choose a carrier you like & if you meet the kind of man YOU WANT (not just an RM) someone whos there for you. than Im sure marrage can be nice. WASNT for me'But than I let THEM influence me. DONT!! I agree that all they do is talk about marrage like its to only purpose for living! ITS NOT!! Be yourself & TAKE YOUR TIME!!

Every year you put off marriage decreases the likelihood (spelling?) of a divorce later. Enjoy life, have some fun, see and do the things you want to see and do. You'll be no use to yourself, any future kids or a future husband as an ignorant, inexperienced, caged woman.

I have an aunt who never married or had kids. She's in her 50's now and shows no inclination to alter her choices now. She's a great person, has led an interesting life and has been an immense help to those around her. There are other options available.

Every year you put off marriage increases the likelihood of a divorce later. Enjoy marrying young, have some kids, see and do things that the Church wants you to see and do. You'll be no use to the Priesthood leaders or your Priesthood holding husband as an informed, experienced, uncaged woman.

Just thought I'd give the alternative view, but we're not a cult....

Yes, college or move out and find a job you are okay with , go to non-church activities that other people like to go to. That's very annoying what you are dealing with and very personal, maybe thinking of it as commercials stuck on Repeat would help. If Victoria's Secret had their commericials constantly Blasting in my face all day it doesn't mean I want to buy their underwear either! And the Constant Advertising would be a guarantee that I would hate their product. Like a song on the Radio that's been played WAY too much, soon enough you're disgusted with this popular song...... I know it's hard to ignore the Repetitive Crap. At least they're not telling you (not Yet) : "So WHEN are you going to have another baby?" (as if using the word "when" is really going to Make me get to it and try to have another!-- ridiculous manipulative garbage and they really believe it works..... LOL

Well that makes me smile, it's good to see someone with a bit of spirit.

Marriage can actually be quite a bit of fun -- if you and your partner are compatible and enjoy each other's company. I left the church last November, she's out as of earlier this month.

Like many hear have said, the church has a way of sucking the fun out of marriage, by (pick one or more of the following):

-- Making you wear ugly, uncomfortable clothes
-- Obligating you to do church stuff all the time
-- Viewing all relationships and activities through the prism of the church
-- Ensuring you worry about what others may think of you

Now that we're out, things are a heckuva lot more fun.

Don't let the church ruin you on the institution of marriage, because it can be great. The advice given here is very appropriate -- figure out what you want to do, and do it. I'd add that even though your parents may be wrong about the church, they may be right about other things, so don't make poor choices out of a desire to rebel against them.

When you turn 18, punt the church to the curb, and live the life you want to live; just ensure you do so responsibly and intelligently and not out of a specific desire to spite your parents.

Marriage has been great for me, I won't speak for my wife, but she seems happy with our relationship. If you do decide to get married, choosing the correct individual will be one of the most important decisions you ever make, right up there with school/career.

Don't even think about getting married until you are almost finished with your desired level of schooling, so if you are wanting to persue post-graduate work you'll be single for quite awhile. Have a lot of fun, but be safe. My wife biggest regret is not finishing college, she will be going back when the little ones are all in school.

Your OPTIONAL future husband may suffer a job loss, or maybe he is a better stay-at-home parent and wouldn't mind delaying his career while the kids are young so you can achieve your goals. Education gives you freedom to persue your goals. TSCC controls its members through the wives/mothers, having thinking educated women with the ablility to care for their own temporal needs in the church means the beginning of the end for the cult, it has already started to happen.

The most frustrating thing about my marriage has been what Alpiner has pointed out. It really is a ménage-a-trios with the two partners and the church. Any adult decisions need that needs to be made; what do the church authorities say about this? Why are our callings hurting our family? Do we not have enough faith? The list goes on and on...then you learn the truth, and say to hell with it all. I wish I would have figured things out at your age...

What is interesting is my TBM daughter (yes, I raised her to be that way) was bemoaning the fact that a few of her friends have become engaged. My daughter will be 28 and is unmarried. Her TBM friends are 28 to 32 and are just beginning to date seriously or are engaged. These are people who have known their future spouses for over a year. Also the women have careers and are think about having 1-3 kids. One couple does not want any at all. People are getting married much later including TBM/BIC.
I see all this "mission" hoopla, as just a spiritual meet market. What could be better for the church than to have 2 people with temple recommends and MTC indoctrination(I went on a mission), meet and fall in lust at a very young age? Elder stays for 2 years, but Sister goes home after 18 months and plans the wedding so when her missionary gets home--BAM--temple marriage. I think the leaders have given up on my daughters generation, and really putting their efforts into new generation.

When I was younger, I didn't want to get married either. I got some flack for that at BYU. I graduated single and started my career. I didn't get married until age 30. I was still TBM but married a convert who left the Morg with me. We have two little ones and I am a working mom. I wouldn't have it any other way. One of the motivating factors for resigning was my babies. I didn't want them indoctrinated. I echo the advice here. Find a career you enjoy, have fun and see some of the world if you want. If you find someone to share it with and want to get married, great! If not, also great!

You know, you could have so much fun being snarky in YW. Don't keep your opinions to yourself! When they start in on the marriage lecture, raise your hand and say, "Wouldn't it be great if Heavenly Father had a plan for us based on who we were, as individuals, rather than just a plan for us based on the wives and mothers we would become to other people?"

Maybe they can make you go to church, but they can't make you keep your mouth shut. :)

I like this approach!

Sometimes I think married adults want single adults to get married, because misery loves company, and all that.

MY ADVICE (which I give to my daughers, sons, nieces, and nephews, and all their young friends): DO NOT MARRY UNTIL YOU'RE AT LEAST 25 YEARS OLD, OR YOU'VE GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE.

PERIOD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1eAfpekWgQ

Good advice.

Cheers! You are on the right track. So much to see,do, and explore. I let myself be manipulated early on and it was not good.

I feel your pain. At every turn, my mother was pushing and pushing. Never letting up. Of course, I pushed back, got a degree, lived single for years and got married to an never-mo at around 31. Marriage is hard work. I wouldn't have had the mental capacity to get through it and to have stayed married. I was able to support myself before I got married and could do it again today.

I love what Schlock said. GRADUATE from college with a career that can support you and then consider doing something else.

Don't listen to the leaders. Do what you want to do, besides, you'll be the one living with your decisions.

Good luck!

Due to circumstances that had imprinted me without my knowlege, I made a poor choice in a life companion years ago.

Now, thirty years later facing "retirement" age I have a pitiful savings, I rent, and I get to hear financial advisers talk on and on about how prosperous you are after 60 is largely factored by who you married.
This goes for men as well as women.

So there are a lot of single 50+ adults who have had to start over in the work place...from the bottom...even with college degrees and they don't have very many working years left.
They know they will drop in the traces and never "retire".

They get sick of hearing the virtues of marriage too.


Why? Because they did not realize they were not putting a firm financial foundation under themselves first.
They married, all starry eyed with someones Potential, not who they were and now find themselves alone struggling in a tough economy.

Examples:
My friend whose Mother always handled the money. He never learned, so when he got married he handed the paycheck over to the wife who promptly squandered most of it. He nearly lost his house and he certainly lost his credit. Divorced a long time but still digging out. He never checked to see if his spouse was responsible with money.

The woman who is encouraged with "you can go back to school later, right now you can stay home and raise our children" when she only had one more year of college to finish! It would have been hard, but at college there are people who could watch her little one while she was in class and she could have studied at the tiny kitchen table.....a few years later...husband disabled, or divorced, or dead....she needs that last year of college to qualify for advanced work...work that will support her and her small family!

etc. etc.

Get your self a good financial foundation. Then it will attract people who also have a good foundation.

Lots of people got married while in college not realizing their spouse had never supported them selves. They did not know how to save, plan for expenses and pay bills on time!

Eventually you may run into someone that you want to have in your life on a permanent basis....but since you'll be changing your mind so much as you explore during your twenties that partnership might be put on the back burner.

+1

Knowing what I know now, I don't think I would have done it either except for my three little kidletts which means I would have done it again. Damn!

Keep up the good work. It is your choice!!
I wish I had never married and had concentrated on a career. But that is me and a disasterous marriage. You must make your OWN decision. It is not written in stone (unlike the 10 commandments and the BOM - sorry that was gold plates right?) and you can change your mind if you want. Just do what feels right for you. You are your OWN person!

Marriage is great if you actually know who you are. And if you can already support yourself. And if you meet the right guy. Take any of those away, and you can end up wishing you'd never been born. Yes, I know, pessimistic much? But it's the truth.