I still attend sacrament on Sundays just to be with the family for the single hour we would be together. I usually go home after sacrament to do chores and then have lunch on table for the family right when they get home. I'm awesome, I know.

So I'm leaving yesterday and I pass the bishop in the hall, I say 'Hi' with a smile on my face. He looks me in the eye with a condescending stare that is full of disdain and keeps walking without saying a word. And my smile was a genuine smile, not some smug smirk that says "fuck you and the church" or anything like that.

What bothers me about this is the fact that I've been pretty good friends with this bishop. And as the months have passed since I informed him of my disbelief, it seems as though a wedge has been driven between our friendship. He did make one single attempt to sway my belief back toward the church but after that, nothing. The other people in the ward that know about my unbelief have also not made any effort to convince me otherwise. They just shrug their shoulders and walk away. And after that, all I get is awkward stares in the hallway at church.

That said, I think most members aren't equipped to deal with the standard Exmo, we know things that the run-of-the-mill member has never heard of. Or if they have heard of it, they've been told it's an anti-mormon lie. So instead of being dragged through mud that is the true history, doctrine, and character of the church, they disengage completely. That "lost sheep" can just find its own way.

I suppose I'm not surprised how shallow or superficial Mormon friendships really are. Everything is tied to the church. There are exceptions, but those are rare.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:41PM by Susan I/S.

When that happens, I usually follow with a couple more "HI's" as they walk away. Each time I say it louder to make sure they heard me, and so that others nearby can see what's going on (that I'm being ignored).

Then I laugh out loud.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:42PM by Susan I/S.

You nailed it. I attend Church with my wife but people seem to ignore me too. They will talk to my wife and ignore me. Its like a message has gone out, "This guy is dangerous or a threat to your thinking ability." Now I do have some people I talk to. They are not in leadership positions. No problems at all. We laugh and talk about anything but Church.

On saying that, I have noticed that many ward members really do not talk to or with each other. Maybe just a reflection of my state of mind but its not a happy ward like it was before they changed the Bishop two years ago.

I am suspecting that someone knows who SECular Priest is and have passed information on to the ward council and what I have posted.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:42PM by Susan I/S.

The members are afraid that you could damage their most precious possession, though many envy your freedom.
The Bishop has nothing but contempt for you because he has no control over you.
Don't take it too personally, mormons are trained to be fearful and controlling.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:42PM by Susan I/S.

I don't attend church with my family, but my experience is similar in the sense that the rescue effort amounted to almost nothing. One five minute conversation with the bishop, followed several months later with the obligatory, "sure there's nothing we can do for you?" And that was it. Instead, they are putting all their efforts into lovebombing my kids. Thankfully, that is backfiring. It's good to be left alone, but does reveal a lot about their confidence in what they claim and the authenticity of their christianity.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:43PM by Susan I/S.

I read more and more about this happening. Maybe there is a top down shift from "save the lost sheep through assigned friends and social obligation" to "avoid them". Perhaps too many of the people attempting rescues were themselves being led out.

Thats the problem when your org bases its existence on being true when in reality its a total lie. People who look will always see that its a lie. In the end they can't risk people looking. I think they may at some point end the subtle way they handle shunning and just openly say from the pulpit "if a friend/family member says they no longer believe the church it is your duty to cut them out of your life immediately".



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:43PM by Susan I/S.

I've had the same experience. I was pretty good friends with the ward mission leader. He's very out-going and doesn't hesitate to bring up the church to ANYONE. He's always out pestering less actives. He learned of my issues with the church and now he won't even say hi to me. The ward council hasn't sent anyone after me. The church doesn't want back those that have learned the truth. They want to win back those that are lazy, want to sin, etc... I think they're finally starting to realize that MOST people are leaving because they're learning that Joe was a fraud, not because they're lazy, etc...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:43PM by Susan I/S.

Meanwhile, other "lost sheep" here gripe that the church won't leave them alone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:44PM by Susan I/S.

I don't think most people care that no one is trying to reactivate them but people are always hurt when people they genuinely thought were friends suddenly start shunning them. Thats pretty normal.

Given the nature of how the LDS church runs things with people who have no training or experience in being clergy you will always see a broad mix of reactions from wards to people leaving.

My guess what people leaving would like to see is genuine concern, not shunning and not reactivation attempts.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:44PM by Susan I/S.

Stray Mutt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Meanwhile, other "lost sheep" here gripe that the
> church won't leave them alone.

Yeah, why should I be complaining. I suppose I thought we were better friends. Guess not.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:44PM by Susan I/S.

My experience is EXACTLY the same. First there were friends that wanted to try and give me answers to my questions. When it became clear that I no longer had questions, but had found my own answers that were contrary to the teachings of the church I, lost every cherished friendship in my ward.

There is something in the DNA of the TSCC that causes this reaction between members. Thank God I have always attracted and valued my friendships outside of the church.

The leadership of my ward is either distant or afraid of me.

Tell me this not a cult.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:45PM by Susan I/S.

Doubting Thomas Wrote, in part:
-------------------------------------------------------

> Tell me this not a cult.

**********************************************

This is not a cult.


[And I am one lying old dog]



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:48PM by Susan I/S.

he cannot be seen talking to you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:49PM by Susan I/S.

Refusing to return someone's greeting is always childish and rude. I had a coworker treat me terribly and dishonestly. When I last saw her we exchanged pleasantries. That man needs to grow up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:49PM by Susan I/S.

what can NO communication accomplish?

Nothing

It is final, a dead end.

Why would a church that is supposed to be the true church resort to shunning, no contact, and excommunication? These actions are lethal, shamming and hurtful. For all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:49PM by Susan I/S.

Yesterday I got the mormon shunning of all shunnings. To top it off, it was at MY own house!

DH and I live in a newly developed neighborhood. He's in charge of the HOA, and decided to have a neighborhood get together while the weather was still nice. We have met everyone except for a new couple that moved in about 2 months ago. We happen to know that they're mormon. I don't think they they know we know this about them. Since they've moved here, they've refused to acknowledge our existence. They refuse to wave at us when they drive by, which is quite often. We've been outside a lot this summer, and see them drive by everyday, and at least 3 times on Sunday. I think they've been warned about DH and I being exmo's.

We were quite surprised that they came to the neighborhood get together. We had scheduled it for after their church was out. Sure enough they came home from church, but surprised us when they showed up to the party.

There were 10 of us standing there when they walked up. They exchanged introductions with everyone EXCEPT ME! They walked right past me to the back yard. No way were they going to get away with that. I followed them, and made a point of introducing myself. They still didn't say much, or tell me what their names were. I decided to kill them with kindness. Made sure I was in the conversation circle they were in. Made sure they got food, and knew where the drinks were. I noticed they were sans garments. That surprised me. They were the only ones who weren't having a drink though.

So that was my first contact with my mormon neighbors. I have zero in common with them, except we live on the same street. Their next door neighbor invited them over for a drink. I couldn't hear their reply, but thought the situation was funny.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2014 05:50PM by Susan I/S.

How can someone do that? Go to someone's home and shun the host/hostess while engaging with everyone else? Mind boggling to be sure. I just don't get it. Is it too difficult to exercise some courtesy? Don't they know how? How can the husband buy in to that behavior too? Don't they realize that they look ridiculous behaving in such a way?

Good on you for not letting them get away with it.

I don't know how they could be such obvious jerks. The whole thing is just silly. All they have to do is be civil. I'm not asking them to be my friend.

Hello Dr. H. Y. Tapirs in the spirit of brotherly love and compromise in order to maintain harmony here on Earth I would suggest the following.

You: Hey Bishop Fuckhead I ams trying to be nice to you, I could expose you publicly for running a fraud. Now do you want to say hello to me.

Bishop: Well , ah ...

you: I ma being nice in attending the ward and supporting my family in their choice to continue with church, if I wanted I could expose every member of your ward to the truth about the Goddam sham you are involved with here. Would you prefer that? or do you want to pretend to be a grownup and say hello back?

Bishop: Do you know who I am? Do you not know how to respect the Lord's servants.

you: your not a servant of the Lord, you are a coward. Every time I bring to you information making it perfectly clear the church is false you just change the subject, you have never once effectively defended the church at any point of doctrine.

Bishop: You have the spirit of the Devil brother, you need to repent.

you: So a man brave enough to look for the truth has a bad spirit, but a Bishop that researches nothing and thinks you can gain a testimony by bearing it, with no actual knowledge has the spirit of God ? Go Fuck yourself Bishop !!