It took me about six months to finally get around to writing this sucker. The SP hounded me via text like crazy, and I finally flat out told him I was having a difficult time writing it.

He told me I could basically take all the time I needed, but that he was done waiting for me, and that it was "unfair" to make my ex wait to be sealed to his new wife, so if I didn't get it to him, then oh well. So I finally just bore down and finished the da** thing.

He had requested info about financial obligations, and also my "feelings" about the impending sealing.

And I told him everything. Everything, including dates and informaton that I know, without a doubt that my ex has kept hidden.

Bottom line is this: my ex held me out in front, with my sins, as a not-so-shining-example for all the world to see (I cheated, and I admit that, and it was a mistake. I have never hidden from that fact, and I live the regret and guilt every day!).

However, my ex also exercised quite a few liberties with regard to the very, very, very cusp of "sin"........getting involved with/chatting on the phone and visiting her/dating on weekends he didn't have our kids (all big no-no's in the tscc if you are still legally married!) with his new lady. He told me *I* had to leave the house, and threatened to tell our kids everything if I didn't.....

And not three weeks later he told me he was "talking" to this woman. Anyway, there is a timeline of sordid details, that I would have no way of knowing except that HE had loose lips with ME during our separation and I was smart enough to remember what he said. I was shocked at the time, but of course, was feeling so horrible about my own sins, I bought into the same rationale that he was, and he eve said to me when I did question him: what you did was WORSE! So I figured he was off the hook for anything, as long as he hadn't done what I did.

So, I finally got it all off of my chest, the entire timeline, the details, the stuff he said to me, and I was afraid to send it to the SP. But I did it anyway.

And I felt like the weight I have been carrying for more than four years, lifted off my shoulders. I told the truth. And honestly, felt like I could make my peace with the Mormon church because I had finally been given a chance to tell my side of things.

And guessssss what? Facebook. Yep. Facebook status of my future "sister wife" (we do have some mutual "friends" apparently) says that she is so shocked and appalled at the "lies that people will make up and tell, to make others look bad in order to prevent them from obtaining something they so desperately want!".

Super awesome, right? Ugh. So yeah, mix in a bitter sibling of my own, and you've got a full-blown hate fest in her comments section, basically trying to call me out as a liar.

Well, I've got one thing on my side: the truth. I guess the problem then is, even having truth in my hand, I likely don't have any credibility with tscc because I cheated.

I've owned my shiz. And everyone knows it. It was public, and messy, and extremely ugly. But one of the silver linings that I've found, is that I have nothing to hide.

And this is a rude awakening for her, because I have a feeling she may not have known he had been sharing information about their relationship at the time.

At any rate, I feel peace because I had a voice. If tscc decides to clear the way for them, then I'm good. But I'm pretty sure I could not have kept eating shi* and swallowing it. Believe it or not, I'm glad the SP gave me a chance to write the letter. It relieved me of quite a few bitter feelings toward tscc. (Don't worry......I'm not going anywhere!). ;)

And I hope you guys don't think less of me.....I think I've been pretty open here, its no secret of my own past. I don't condone what I did, that's for sure. And I don't wish the journey afterwards on anyone.

(Thanks for listening, I'm probably just venting, because I promised myself I would not call my mother to talk about church *anything* ever again.......)

Lord have mercy!

Well, I do have to give you mad props for owning your business! Lots of people would do their best to say it never happened.
Doesn't seem like either of you were very happy since he obviously couldn't wait to hop on a new train the first chance he got. And besides, you've been in long enough to know that the general attitude of mormons towards truth is ambivalent at best. As pissed as you are about his obvious lying to her (and everyone else), she's going to find out the hard way because that's exactly the way she *wants* to find out about it. It sucks, but if she's too dumb to see that trainwreck coming, then she's just going to have to sit in her shi*t like everyone else.

I'm glad that you got to say your piece. At least the powers that he respects know he's not the sainted father and long-suffering husband he is pretending to be.

> I'm glad that you got to say your piece. At least
> the powers that he respects know he's not the
> sainted father and long-suffering husband he is
> pretending to be.

I think you summed it up very concisely! Thank you!

It sounds like you had the rare SP who listened to what you had to say. Via reports on this board, most appear not to.

What your future "sister wife" fails to realize is that if your ex was willing to cheat on you, he will be likewise willing to cheat on her. But as Happyhollyhomemaker points out, some people must find things out the hard way.

Yes, one thing I did tell the SP, during our texting, was that I felt like what I had to say was important. And he replied relatively kindly, saying, "So do I". So yeah. I suppose he's more fair than I probably gave him credit for.

You simply remain as calm as rain and say, "I am at peace. I have told the truth. It is not my responsibility how people react to it."

You can actually type that to them, or simply hold it inside to give you peace. Don't even let their storm penetrate your calm.

Thank you for this........I probably won't say anything to my ex about it in person. He's actually been quite fine throughout the past few weeks since I sent it, has said nothing to infer anger or taken issue with what I wrote. I don't feel like fighting with him, so I will keep quiet. I think she's more mad than anything. But I will remember the mantra!

It seems like when one spouse screws up the other spouse often uses the situation to elevate his/her own real or imagined moral superiority to ridiculous levels.

"What you did was worse!" That's a revealing statement. It's as if your husband thinks that your sin absolves all his sins. You're worse, so you lose and he wins. You're wrong about everything and he can never be wrong about anything. Free pass. Get out of church jail free. So he seems to imagine.

But I'm glad you found peace in telling the truth. Maybe that's what "the truth shall set you free" really means.

Stray Mutt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It seems like when one spouse screws up the other
> spouse often uses the situation to elevate his/her
> own real or imagined moral superiority to
> ridiculous levels.
>
> "What you did was worse!" That's a revealing
> statement. It's as if your husband thinks that
> your sin absolves all his sins. You're worse, so
> you lose and he wins. You're wrong about
> everything and he can never be wrong about
> anything. Free pass. Get out of church jail free.
> So he seems to imagine.
>
> But I'm glad you found peace in telling the truth.
> Maybe that's what "the truth shall set you free"
> really means.

You guys totally get it! I have been feeling this way for a long time, and just never sat quite right. It's totally disgusted me that the whole lot of them buys into this thought process. : /

And yes.....I think you're right, about the truth.

I did not realize ex-spouses had to do something like that before the other ex could get temple married. I've been clueless about a lot of things before, so it doesn't surprise me. But it sounds like the truth is a hard pill to swallow for your ex's new love. She's getting a rude awakening before they've legally tied the knot, she has a chance to back out. But if she doesn't, it sounds like she'll have more hell to pay once they are married. And why their rush? Do they want to repent in leisure (as the saying goes)?

Now, if you have given the SP the truth, and the happy couple still gets sealed in the temple, why would he ask for the letter in the first place if all he was going to do is ignore it anyway? I suppose that remains to be seen, but if he was so intent on getting it and couldn't give them the ok until he got it, it would seem irresponsible on his part to just write it off as lies from an angry ex-wife. Not to mention a waste of your precious time. If he and she have done something to make them "unworthy" of getting married in the temple, then it is just a farce to even go through the stupid worthiness interviews if the SP gives them the green light.

And just as a side note, you and your ex must still be sealed in the temple by your reference to your future sister wife, so polygamy is still alive and kicking in the LDS church, no matter what BS they spout about how they don't practice that anymore. Jesus Henry Christ! They are such liars!

Charlotte Darwin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I did not realize ex-spouses had to do something
> like that before the other ex could get temple
> married. I've been clueless about a lot of things
> before, so it doesn't surprise me. But it sounds
> like the truth is a hard pill to swallow for your
> ex's new love. She's getting a rude awakening
> before they've legally tied the knot, she has a
> chance to back out. But if she doesn't, it sounds
> like she'll have more hell to pay once they are
> married. And why their rush? Do they want to
> repent in leisure (as the saying goes)?
>
> Now, if you have given the SP the truth, and the
> happy couple still gets sealed in the temple, why
> would he ask for the letter in the first place if
> all he was going to do is ignore it anyway? I
> suppose that remains to be seen, but if he was so
> intent on getting it and couldn't give them the ok
> until he got it, it would seem irresponsible on
> his part to just write it off as lies from an
> angry ex-wife. Not to mention a waste of your
> precious time. If he and she have done something
> to make them "unworthy" of getting married in the
> temple, then it is just a farce to even go through
> the stupid worthiness interviews if the SP gives
> them the green light.
>
> And just as a side note, you and your ex must
> still be sealed in the temple by your reference to
> your future sister wife, so polygamy is still
> alive and kicking in the LDS church, no matter
> what BS they spout about how they don't practice
> that anymore. Jesus Henry Christ! They are such
> liars!

Yes, it is even MORE perplexing to me, the fact that I'm excommunicated, so WHY do they even need a letter from me? Didn't that make our sealing null & void? What about the children? So many questions that are unanswered, or answered vaguely. The SP said that this does not affect the kids ( because over my cold, dead body will anyone try to "seal" my kids to them.......). My kids were sealed to us previously.

I was a little tongue-in-cheek about "sister wife". But I mean, come on, there are so many scenarios here, if it was all true and we died tomorrow, someone could have my "blessings" reinstated and we would all be living in one big, happy, eternal compound. ;)

Let me share a tidbit: my now-husband, also ex'd, had to write a permission letter, which he did, for his ex wife to be sealed. He got a reply that said something to the effect that their sealing is now "canceled", but not to consider that reply letter as "clearance" for a future sealing for him. Is that bizarre or what?!!! What does that mean?! Isn't a cancellation of a sealing mean it is null and void?

And all of it still begs the question......what about the kids?!

I know it is all a bunch of nonsensical bs anyway, but it is interesting to piece inconsistencies together.

What we learn from all this:

1.) That's Mormonism for ya. They play on a steeply tilted playing field designed for the ball to run quickly down the pitch into their waiting goal.

2.) For all the "true" doctrines and policies, they can't even reconcile how a divorced person can get re-married without the permission of the first spouse. That shows a huge void of stupidity and inability to apply their own beliefs.

3.) Gossiping is officially "bad," yet the church runs on a rich mixture of air and wagging chins. Without it, the church would stall on the road. And since there's very little--if any--Christianity, anyway, it doesn't even bother them.

Very well said.

I'm not surprised. Some women can turn into raging she-devils when someone gets in the way of them hooking a man. I can't relate to such women, but I've seen a few in action. They're scary.