I have often wondered if Mormonism could have contributed to my lack of memories as a child. I remember a few things but very few when compared to my siblings. I don't even remember large events, for example my baptism. As an ex-mo I realize that this is a good thing, but I'm still concerned about it. It's not just childhood memories but even into my 30s.

These are my theories;
1. I am normal and those around me have super memories.
2. I have for some reason (trauma, teachings, ???) chosen to block out my memories.
3. I have some sort of brain disease.

While #3 really freaks me out I lean towards #2. The more I think about it and the further away I get from Mormonism the easier it is to blame being raised TBM.

I was never allowed to voice an opinion, question authority or have my own thoughts. I was very good at the obedience with exactness principle.

I'm wondering if anyone else has a hard time remembering their childhood and relate it to Mormonism? Is there any literature on the subject? Or am I worrying over nothing?

perhaps when you were dealing with something mormon related, you went to your "happy place" and had daydreams or somehow removed yourself from the event at hand, thereby that event was a very shallow memory to begin with and was washed out like footprints in the sand as the tide comes in.

Lucky.

I agree.

It's lucky.

why would you want to?

#2 for sure. But my memory blocks have more to do with being raised in a dysfunctional and abusive home. Some memories are simply gone, and for very good reason. But I'm paying for the Mormon related crap now that I've found out the truth and recently resigned. The authoritarian home blended well with the authoritarian church. I was sucked into TSCC and it's fantasy for nearly six decades - beginning at eight years old. It's going to take the rest of my life to get over the Mormon mind-fuck.

The idea that we suppress memories of trauma has been completely debunked; the memory just does not work the way it would have to in order to suppress memories. In fact, there is research showing that people's memories of traumatic events are actually sharper and clearer than ordinary memories. If you think about it, that's exactly what one would expect: a person NEEDS to remember traumas so they can avoid similar dangerous situations in the future. Natural selection favors individuals who successfully avoid dangers, and memory plays a large role in that.

From what I understand, it's fairly common for people to have fuzzy memories of childhood. I personally can't imagine that, because I have visual memories going back to my first year of life that have actually been confirmed by my parents. But a lot of people report not remembering much about childhood, and that actually suggests that they did NOT experience trauma. You don't remember it because nothing especially important happened. You were probably bored a lot of the time.

Yes, you have a point. I do remember specific events, the problem I have is placing them in a specific time frame of my life. The events are there, but it's like they happened in dreamland. And my family simply does not talk about those skeletons in the closet. And that drives me even more crazy, like I'm making the whole thing up. And worse yet, I'm the one that sucked in all the emotion for the whole family. Craziness to the Nth power.

Well said.

We lose credibility when we pick the desired cause, and make the evidence fit it. Kind of like TBMs decide the church is true, and make everything fit it.

As for the memories, I've found there is a lot I don't remember, but there are a lot of things I do remember that others don't. I was paying attention to different things than others did.

We recently went on a trip to where I was a young child in the 60's. I remembered a lot of basic things my dad does not. Probably because he was focused on making a living. We all pay attention to different things.

(Well, he was "BIC" in the sense that he was raised from birth in the Mo-church. His mother was a Jack-mo and his father was an alcoholic nevermo.)

I never met his father but he was the sort that would come home from work, get sh!t-faced drunk every night, and scream obscenities at - and even physically abuse - the kids. His wife was a hot-tempered rage-aholic who was angry at her husband for drinking so much, so she screamed while he drank.

I've heard confirmation from not only DH, but his sibs as well. They did not have a happy childhood. I knew their mother for a number of years before she passed away, and while she could be quite genteel (and usually was, around me) you could tell that she could be a very nasty person if she chose to be. The grandkids were afraid of her temper.

It amazed me at first, that DH doesn't remember things like who his third-grade teacher was, what grade he was in when they learned about dinosaurs, who his best friend was in elementary school, and stuff like that - I remember all of that and a lot more. He does have a way of just sort of "fuzzing things out" that aren't pleasant, so maybe that was a coping mechanism.

I remember a lot about childhood, even going back to toddlerhood - things that have been confirmed by my family. And mine was not necessarily Kid Paradise Time either. But at least, I have the memories.

Wow. I thought it was just me. Very much the same thing going on. I call it "suffering from CRS (can't remember sh!t)". I am convinced this is not part of the normal aging process. I am 50.

Specific details about big events, even the event itself, just aren't there. I voiced my concerns to the Dr, they gave me a simple cognitive test and to them everything seems to be ok. I'm not a stupid person, have always excelled in academics, have a Masters degree, and am a graduate of probably the most difficult language training school in the country (not the MTC) in a very difficult language.

The Dr. doesn't seem too concerned about it. I am. This is not normal. Family and friends talk about past events, and often, I have no recall, or just a hazy one, of the event. When I say I don't remember, I get disbelieving looks and comments. This has been going on for a long time, so it is not something new related to meds or similar.

I know its not #1. Also scared it's your #3. I've Googled just about every memory/brain disease I can think of.

I understand totally what you are going through. I don't have any answers for you though.

Maybe it does has something to do with a strict TBM childhood, although I doubt it. I don't know.

My SO has the same issue. He is 51. But it is not an age thing. He has had difficulty his whole life remembering his own childhood, and now that of his children. It's like the memory imprint is missing. However, he has a great memory for facts and figures and things he reads..its kind of weird!

People who have aging memory problems usually have short-term memory issues. They can remember childhood and early adulthood very well, but cannot remember talking to you an hour ago or whether or not they took their morning pills.

Did you go to Monterrey? I always wanted to, but never had the chance. It's supposed to be a kind of Heaven for us language freaks.

If I had the change to live my life over again (and had a limitless supply of money!) I would probably just stay in university, learning one language after another (and the history/culture of the associated countries) and then take breaks to visit the countries and practice the language.

Learning a foreign language gives you an insight into the way the people who speak it THINK - one you can't really get any other way.

Yeah. I was there for a year learning Russian. It was a blast. A lot like college, just harder. Only drawback was that almost everybody was under the thumb of their respective service branch.

I attribute my good memory to always refreshing it- I'm quite reflective by making frequent connections to the past and nostalgia.

I think this is important. I have never been very interested in the past, and that has its advantages. But I have watched friends play with their kids by drilling them on past experiences, and in that family, everyone remembers a lot.

who is right or wrong. I do have memories I've suppressed. My older sister reminded me of a very traumatic one just about 10 or so years ago (I'm 57) that happened to me in junior high. I had to REACH to find any memory of it whatsoever. I just remember the place.

When I was going through my separation, I had a lot of bad things happen to me at the time and not like my ex and his partner weren't abusive. I was working 2 jobs, trying to raise my kids. My sister never had nuch silverware and I went to visit her and she had a drawer full. I asked her where it came from. She said, "You bought it for me." I have no memory of this in the least. I've tried and tried to remember. There were a few other things people have told me about what I did back then that I have NO memory of no matter how hard I've tried.

I do believe trauma has a significant impact on memory as it has happened to me many times.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/01/2014 09:49AM by cl2.

Medications also can adversely affect memory.

All memory is reconstructed.

Witness memory is the least reliable.

There are many reasons for some memory loss.
I had a concussion and lost a lot of memory of a specific time period, which never came back. I had to re-input the info.

I have a visual memory. I recall places and placement.


http://www.webmd.com/brain/memory-loss

http://www.healthline.com/symptom/memory-loss

My memory is also visual.

One more thing, directed at the OP "Fred" : every single person's perception and memory of the same event will be different.

My husband did all the driving, so I have very little memory of how we got where we were going unless I was driving. I do have some memory of what I was doing: feeding, and tending the children !
Photos help job memory.

Also, being preoccupied, or daydreaming or zoning out also will leave memory gaps.

The point of all this? It really doesn't matter unless you need to recall something important like taking a drivers written test at age 70! I sweated that out like a teenager taking a history test!! :-)

I remember my daydreams and where I was, etc. Clear as day. Back before kindergarten. I can remember exactly where I was during such daydreams, etc.

I also remember almost every page of every book I ever read and how I felt when I read it. I remember smells, voices, the eyes of every girl I knew and a lot more. I can't help but remember things. Got it from my Mom.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/01/2014 11:12AM by rhgc.

This has been troubling for me as well. I have almost no elementary school memories. I know I went to a particular elementary school from K to 6, but have only 3 memories. One memory from 5th grade and two from sixth grade of short insignificant events. It is like I never existed - at least to me. My family never did anything. My dad, when he was home, just watched TV. My mom, a former beauty queen, would drift off into her own little world. No weekend activities. No camping or fishing. Only 2 vacations when I was older. Perhaps there is nothing to remember as nothing happened. I was the perfect candidate for Mormonism as there were adults that paid attention to me. This attention only lasted for awhile as a new convert, but it kept me sucked in for years.

Erik brings up a good point that goes along with what another poster said about being programmed to remember traumatic events.

My theory is that Mormon life is so boring and repetitive that there are few experiences which call up the hormones that imprint peak memories.

My children lack memories from the Mormon period of their lives, but then their memories are more vivid after we left the church. We had time to do some adventuring and we could experiment , take risks, travel -all which must be done on weekends when kids are in school.

Mormonism offers a forgettable life of regimentation and absent parents. Nothing to see there.


Kathleen Waters

Some say that not remembering your past is because you are living a "walk-in" life. That at some age 1 soul left your body and a new one came in, it didnt live your past so you have few memories. I am just throwing this idea in half for fun & half because its interesting & nobody mentioned it lol SpooOOoOOOooky!!!!

Wow - I am so glad I came across this thread. I have very very few memories - of not only childhood but of EVERYTHING. Even things that I should remember - like giving birth to my children. There are fleeting images of times and places and things that happened but that is all. I don't remember much about when my children were growing up either.

My husband on the other hand says when he remembers things it is like a video playing in his head. He remembers lots of details about almost everything. He has a really hard time realizing that I actually do not remember things. He thinks I make it all up. Really. It makes him mad when I say I can't remember. Whenever we get into an argument about how something went or who did what or who said what - I always loose. "Whose memory are we going to trust here."

I am so glad to hear other people have the same problem. It makes me feel so so much better. I really thought there was something terribly wrong with me. Thank you so much for posting this.

I thank everyone for their responses. I think that with all the responses I have my answer.

I am the oldest child of a large TBM family. There was one income, and a small one at that. We really didn't do anything worth remembering. Looking back I do remember traumatic events with great detail. I also vaguely remember exciting times, which were rare.

I love the driving analogy. As I initially stated I was very good at obedience with exactness. I wasn't driving! Its only been the last several months that I have come to realize this with other aspects of my life. What an AHA moment! thank you everyone.

This may be a topic for another thread but how on earth did my parents pull this off with all of their kids? I am the only one thinking for myself (thanks to my wife) and I'm in my mid 30's.

I guess my ENTIRE life has been ONE continuous CHAIN of DRAMA, then, because I don't remember a DAMN thing WHAT.SO.EVER!!!

Drama queen.

I can pull significant memories to the surface if I try. Most of the time I don't bother or I push out ones that pop up randomly. If there is anything I can't remember I blame it on all of the weed I smoked.

I have lots of memories of childhood. My earliest ones are when I was about 3 years old and we moved to our apartment before my sisters were born. I can remember the name of my best friend when I was 3, what I wore for Halloween and when my grandma took me to the store to by watercolor and sticker books. I can remember visiting my baby sisters in the hospital and sharing a room with them until we moved and I got my own room. All these things happened when I was 36 to 44 months old.

If you cannot remember anything or precious little, you may have some brain trauma that should be looked at. Traumatic head injuries can lead to early death or long term memory problems.

If you have nothing physically wrong, then you might talk to a counselor to see what is hiding behind that memory veil.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/01/2014 09:42PM by axeldc.

To every person on this thread or the internet with limited childhood memory?

Do you think there is some shame in getting mental health care?

If you had a strange bump on your shoulder I would tell you to see a doctor. If you have memory issues, you might be blocking something.

Seeing a counselor is nothing to be ashamed of. I went to a counselor when I came out and when my parents got divorced. I am glad I did and it helped me to move on.

If you have acne, you see a dermatologist. If you have memory loss, see a doctor and a counselor.

to see a counselor- just because they don't remember life just like you do

I think that's a bit much, its too extreme. People are different.

ps I never said going to counseling was good or bad, I said or implied that you can't tell every person without your memory style what they need
because you don't know them, they aren't you, not every one needs your memory style.

I decided to look it over to see if I should throw it out. I was pretty sure it was full of testimony bearing and I didn't want it to fall into the wrong hands.

Well, I couldn't remember a darn thing. I wrote about people in detail and places and all of that, and I couldn't recall a single thing. It could have been written by a total stranger.

I think it's somewhat genetic. My older sister is like me and has a hard time recalling events and things she's done. My other sister can remember "everything" and we always turn to her for details. Of course she could be making them all up because no one else can remember it.

their siblings do not.

People surprise each other with how their memory styles differ. They're just different.

I have the opposite problem. I'd love to forget great parts of my life but can't. DSis had managed to forget a lot, but every now and then has a clear memory of this or that, sometimes more than I have. Sometimes we get to fill in a detail for each other. It would be good to forget a lot of it, though.