First of all, thanks to everyone for their input. I sent in my letter, but couldn't get it notarized, so I'm expecting to see the bishop at my door. I'm NOT good at verbal fencing, so I've prepared the statements/questions I think he might use and figured out my answers to them. Now I just have to practice them. Here they are for your enjoyment and consideration. Comments and suggestions are welcome.

Bishop: Calls me “Sister Newbold”
Me: Pardon my correcting you, but my ecclesiastical title is Reverend Mother. You may address me as Mother. How may I help you child?

Bishop: Of what are you Reverend Mother?
Me: Of the Wildwood Coven of the Amber Moon and have been so for the last 14 years.

Bishop: Did you write this letter?
Me: Yes, of course I did. I assume you brought the letter of acknowledgement I requested?
Bishop: Yes
Me: Thank you for your courtesy

Bishop: No… I had to make sure …
Me: I see. Well, I guess then you’ll have to go back and prepare one. You will remember that in my letter I requested no contact, so I’ll expect you to mail it to me at the address provided.

Bishop: May I come in?
Me: I’m sorry, but no. I don’t allow strangers into my home.

Bishop: May I speak to you and your husband?
Me: You don’t need to speak to my husband. He’s never been a member of your church, and I can answer quite well for myself, thank you.

Bishop: What doctrinal questions do you have?
Me: I no longer have any doctrinal questions. I have already found the answers.

Bishop: May I ask why you are leaving?
Me: I’m sorry; I presumed you had actually read my letter. I’m leaving for doctrinal reasons.

Bishop: Which doctrines?
Me: Forgive my bluntness, but I don’t discuss private matters with strangers. It’s rather crass, don’t you think?

Bishop: Have you prayed about it?
Me: Of course! And used the brain that God gave me for just this sort of thing.

Bishop: You know this will cancel baptism, endowment, yada yada
Me: As for baptism, a child of 8 cannot legally enter into a contract. As for the endowments: it is also illegal to coerce someone to sign a contract, but not allow her to read it before hand. Be that as it may, since I do not worship your god, I wish to have no contract with him anyway. So, you may do as you wish in that regard.

Bishop: Do you have any unconfessed sins?
Me: No.

Bishop: Were you offended… yada yada
Me: The person who offended me was Joseph Smith and his lying, sociopathic, narcissistic, sexual predator ways. And, all of your so-called prophets since.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 10/13/2010 12:28PM by Heidi GWOTR.

Reverend mother, indeed! And calling him a child! That's ingenious.

Unless, of course, you can pull off a good James Earl Jones impersonation. If you can, then you should address him as "My Son"

Good luck, and remember:

They never get old
They always sound new
Those five little words
"Kiss My A**" and "F**k You!"

Works for me!

Timothy

can repost with, "I'm not your child/son". So, I thought call in "child" without the adjective might be better.

And, yes, I love your little poem. I have to just repeating it to myself.

Heidi GWOTR Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> can repost with, "I'm not your child/son". So, I
> thought call in "child" without the adjective
> might be better.
>
> And, yes, I love your little poem. I have to just
> repeating it to myself.

Great fantasy! I'd like to see that!

Afternoon crowd? On and off all day crowd? I'm having lunch, so reading again.

I have no suggestions. I got a good laugh out of your replies. Keep us informed on how it goes.

If I'm going to resign--now would be the time as I know the bishop WELL. He doesn't bother me in the least. My fears are for my daughter. I'm more concerned about her reaction to my resigning that to what the church thinks.

...I've heard a lot of stories on this board of people resigning and requesting confidentiality, only to have their parents and other family members somehow find out about it.

Something about tithing lists and your name suddenly being absent from them... I hope whoever posted that story will chime in with the details.

I understand that, too. My parents just died in the last 2 years--but they knew I had big issues with the church. My dad was more about me being active in the last years of his life than any other time--more of a Pascal's wager thing as my dad was never what you'd call TBM, but I KNEW it would be hard on them if I resigned.

Maybe you are getting a little worked up over something that might not even happen?

Heidi, we've read here on RfM of *some* bishops who used the lack of notarization as an excuse to delay processing a person's resignation or as a flimsy reason to, as you suggest, come by to "make sure it really was you who signed the resignation form" as a ploy to intimidate a member or an attempt to try to keep them in the Mormon herd.

From what I read here, that transparent tactic is the exception rather than the rule.

If the bish tries the lack of notary route with you, tell him to show you where in the Morg's handbook of instruction it is required to do so. He won't find it.

Hope I'm not too late, but good luck! Your dialogue is very witty!

Perhaps you could film this secretly, even if its just a cellphone camera?

And then post it on Youtube as "Mormon Bishop gets Pwned"!!

I enjoyed laughing at/with the dialogue you wrote. Hope you get to use it one day. Oh, and since it's Halloween month, you may want to add ambient sounds to your home, like a witch cackling, or a deep groan from beneath the earth, creaking doors, etc. Then again, the bish may just take off before you can say your spiel.