what was the normal reaction for a first time temple initiate?

I think you always pretended that it was so spiritual, and that the person was having such a good moment. In real life you could easily see that people were merely shocked into compliance. They didn't flee because people who cared and loved them would have jumped up and dragged them back. One of my worst experiences was seeing a young father going through for the first time. He was tall and good looking and had a pony tail down to his lower back--a very cool guy. But he came out of the washing and anointing chambers crying like a baby. He had to be led over to a seat where he sobbed and sobbed until it was almost too late for him to make his endowment. I was never quite sure what happened.

I never assisted with the first timers ('own endowments' is what they were called), but I personally enjoyed my first time. I found it very spiritual. This was after 2005, so both the initiatory and endowment proper had lost their frightening parts.

Absolute deer in the headlights for most that I saw when I worked at Jordan River several years ago, especially in the washing and anointing. But nowadays it's nothing compared to the touchy-feeling thing like when I went through for myself in 1970. That scared the crap out of me, but with everyone else being okay with it, I thought I should go along with it. And the prayer circle my first time was huge in the SL temple. It was like something out of a scary movie with the chanting of "Pay lay ale" with hands over your head. Again, everyone else seemed okay with it, but it was extremely weird. I was not expecting anything like that. It's like there are two different churches, the Sunday thing and the temple thing. But I kept going for decades until I investigated the origins of the church. That was the beginning of the end for me. Especially Joe's multiple and sometimes teenaged wives. The book "In Sacred Loneliness" made me sick to my stomach.

A couple of friends asked me if the church was still true when we could finally whisper in the celestial room. I wonder what I looked like to warrant that question? Of course, I'm just a boner--maybe too much of my authentic self showed through.

So, Tom, did you happen to see a big Boner come through the Jordan River Temple in about 1982? Okay, it was a stupid question! Of course, you probably encountered hundreds of pricks in the temple! Boner!

Hey Boner, in 1982 I was dealing with my wife's brain tumor (no sympathetic crap needed. Dealing with sh!t is part of life). I didn't do the ordinance worker stuff until a few years ago. That experience helped me investigate the temple sh!t, the real history, and then I was history!

BTW, Boner, I looked at my DNA results again today. I'm not 2.7% Neanderthal, I'm a whopping 2.9%. But I still can't grow a full beard, The sideburns don't connect to the bottom. My solution is a chin full of white whiskers which is kept trimmed with a #3 trimmer comb. When I was dressed in my funeral suit recently, I was told I looked like one of the prophets. I just about lost my cookies. Almost a LMFAO, squirt milk out my nose moment. But it being a viewing for my uncle I just smiled. :)

Blessings be with you and your wife, Tom! I'm glad that the two of you pulled through the unthinkable. From what you've described, you have a remarkable wife and marriage! That speaks volumes to your integrity.

Interesting concept about how your temple experience brought out the cognitive dissonance. I'll keep this very general--a friend told me recently that he had been called to be a temple worker. I congratulated him. He joking said to me, do you think they know that I say fuck all the time. I responded, probably not. We both got a kick out of that because, we really do cuss a lot! I wonder if he's in for some cognitive dissonance? I make it a habit not to be a jerk around my TBM friends faith--it one of the reasons I feel the need to post. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one noticing the emperor us bare-ass naked.

No worries about the Neanderthal part, or the beard. I'd be willingly to bet that at our age, we could get into a farting contest the younger guys and stun them senseless! Boner.

Thanks Boner. The temple worker thing really did bring things to a head. I thought I was going to finally get answers and all I got was "I don't know." It pissed me off royally, so I did my own research. And bingo. It's all bullsh!t!!

I think most of the folks here see the naked emperor. My posts are also cathartic because my wife is TBM, though mostly inactive because of her health. I can't discuss this sh!t with her at all. This is my venting arena.

Yes sir, farts ahoy! ;)

A fellow ward member later told me I looked like deer in the headlights when I was going through. She was a worker.