Now that I'm out and don't believe in God and only hv a few ppl left in my life that I can truly count on and trust, where do I turn to find strength when I hv had times. (Because I have a lot of hard times).
What are some things that hv worked for everyone here?

Sometimes I really miss the times when I would go for a walk, saying a silent prayer as I walked. I always felt that someone was there to listen to me and help me get through. I miss that.

My mother grew up Catholic and she said that when she realized it was all a fairy tale, she suddenly felt very alone. Her mother made her move to Toronto at only 16 years old, so that she could find work and send money home to the family.

She was never afraid because she always felt that all of the Saints were watching over her. She walked the streets late at night, feeling completely protected and fearless.

But now she is 86 years old and she can pat herself on the back, knowing that she made it. She did it all on her own. She bravely came here and began a new life. She has raised a family, has a happy marriage of 63 years and counting. They are now enjoying their retirement years. She has always had food on her table and a roof over her head.

The older I get, the more I'm realizing that the only person I can truly rely on is myself. Yes, I still have help from my family when I need it. But sometimes I realize that if I want something to get done, then I'm just going to have to do it myself.

There's a feeling of accomplishment in that. I don't have church as a crutch. I can pat myself on the back and know that I've gotten through it all and I'm learning that I can take care of things myself.

We do need support, but not nearly as much as we thought if we were using the morg as a crutch.

I take comfort in being connected to every living thing on earth. I've studied a little about DNA and find evolution very comforting. All life is descended from the same thing that began millions/billions of years ago. The comfort I get from that notion is much more fulfilling than believing in an invisible, judgmental super-being.

Wandering Wrote:
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> only hv a few ppl left in my life that I can truly
> count on and trust,


How many do you need? I think most people have a lot of people in their lives but have only a few they can truly trust and count on.

You know how you'll sometimes see people post that the have a lot of Facebook "friends" that aren't actually friends so they're winnowing their friends list? Well, maybe you've let go of some people who are really just acquaintances. That gives you time and energy to cultivate the true friendships you have and to make new authentic friendships.

Oh, and, back when you believed in God, you were just praying to nothing. The strength you got was just you. The support you got was just you. The wisdom you got was just you. You're more able to cope on your own than you thought.

I have found this to be so.

I've learned to rely on myself. During the really dark years, I felt very much alone and there was really nobody who got what was going on with my life. My life has improved significantly, MOSTLY because I kept putting one foot in front of the other and not because of anything anyone else did. They were extremely lonely times. I even took in 2 family members who were going through hard times.

I have a boyfriend now and my ex is my good friend. I don't talk to my sisters. My daughter and I have a difficult relationship.

I have one brother who is younger than me who now looks out for me (he is one I took in as mentioned above), but I only talk to him once every few months. He is the ONE PERSON in the entire world that I completely trust. As long as I know he is there, I'll be okay.

Walking helps me A LOT. I need to do more of it. I've slacked off lately. Things seem to come back together for me in my mind and I realize I can do this. And for wherever they are, I talk to my parents when I walk.

There are still times, though, that I think I'd rather be done with it all, but there is no easy way out and I'm too chicken to take them.

Rely on your inner strength, your self confidence, and self respect, and sense of humor!

Happiness and contentment, and joy, are all generated from the inside.

Reach out and find new things to do and get involved in: classes, volunteer work, join a gym, a bike club, walking club, do something for others.

Get out and do stuff: walk, run, swim, bike ride, get out in nature.

When distressed, take time to meditate and zone out and regroup.

There is a whole wonderful wide world out there! Just up to you to find it.

Stand tall, keep your chin up and exude confidence and you will find people will come to you.

Be a friend, first.

Meditation/ yoga/ walks in nature, etc. help in many ways... breathing (turning things, mind-"noise" off) - and being thankful you left.

Talking helps, when you find the right person.

M@t

I asked the same question when I left the church. I had been so used to praying about problems or decisions in my life that, without the church and the resulting belief system, I felt abandoned, alone and insecure.

First off I came to realise that although I had believed I was praying to god, I had in fact been talking to myself. And it really helped. 'Praying', or in truth talking to myself, had helped me to understand the issue at hand and get a view on how to approach it; of course it had been me bringing clarity to my thinking and not, as I had thought, the mormon god. So instead, since I left the church, I have found it very helpful to write it all out. I just start writing a load of old rubbish, whatever comes to mind, and invariably I soon start making sense and can see things more clearly.

Another thing that has been invaluable to me has been this board. I don't post much, I figure I don't have a lot to say that hasn't already been said by someone else (and they usually say it far better than me anyway). However I read RfM regularly and very much appreciate the time, emotion and intellect people take to share their views, opinions and understanding. It nourishes me hugely (thank you everyone!).

The other thing that's helped me is talking to and spending time with friends. Some of my friendships with TBMs have remained firm and others have not survived my leaving the church. And I have exmo friends that I adore. Some on this board may remember GayRM, who posted here a few years ago, he and I met through RfM here in the UK and he is one of my very closest friends; in fact we shared a flat together for 18 months in London and I adore him. We have a great group of exmos here in the UK and meeting them over the years, and becoming friends with many, has been a huge source of strength and comfort to me. Attending exmo meet-ups has always been a high priority for me. And then there are my nomo friends and family who I adore beyond measure too. As some fellow Brits sang..... I get by with a little help from my friends.

These are just a few things off the top of my head. Not sure it will be much help but I truly wish you well as you process your new reality outside of the church.

If the Church is not true...it follows that...all that it teaches is not true.

The Church teaches there is a God..so...it follows that...there cannot be any God.

The Church teaches that Jesus is the Christ the Son of God...so...it follows that...Jesus is not the Christ and not the Son of God.

Perfectly logical!

I've mostly looked at my life and decided to work on areas where I was vulnerable. I've become a lot more self reliant. I've gotten away from depending on others for emotional support.

I'm sure I am much older than you, but I have been able to squirrel away resources so that I don't worry about the basics.

At any moment something horrible could happen and I have come to terms that health and mortality are not forever.

My advice is to live below your means and carefully nurture a nest egg.

There may or may not be people who come into your life who genuinely care for you. Most of the people I meet want to take from my bucket and not fill my bucket. I try to be the person who fills buckets. Maybe from their perspective I'm not doing that. It's all in perspective.

I try to protect myself from people who are not worth the investment of my time and resources. I don't have a lot of trust in people in general, but I've found many people who enrich my life in one way or another.

This board has been a safe place to vent- the only place where I feel I can. This board has also provided access to people who share my world views with a LDS cultural history. I've met some genuinely wonderful people through this board. I wish I had more time to meet more who post here.

It's rare to find people who have your best interest at heart and have some kind of reciprocity.

My advice about people is to find something you have in common with people you meet. Forget trying to find that person who agrees with you about everything. There is not a perfect guru or philosopher out there to trust and accept everything he says.

There is no savior. That's why people so desperately want to make one up. You are driving your own life.

Look at how you divide people and you may have some clues about what you are looking for:

There are people who take and people who give.
There are people who agree with me and people who don't.
There are people who are uppers and people who are downers.
There are people who are curious and people who are not.
There are people who are always talkers and never listeners.

You get the idea. Decide what is important to you and seek out what you want to add into your life.

dagny Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> There are people who take and people who give.
> There are people who agree with me and people who
> don't.
> There are people who are uppers and people who are
> downers.
> There are people who are curious and people who
> are not.
> There are people who are always talkers and never
> listeners.


And it's very hard for people who have been trained to be pleasers, or people who need validation from EVERYONE, to let go and accept that some people are just bad for them, that some people just can't or won't approve of them, that some people need to be avoided.

Do you have a significant other in your life to give you support? My wife and I left together and helped one another in recovery.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/31/2014 08:53PM by michaelc1945.

By realizing that you have ability to make the choice to be happy. I went through 2 years of difficult family bull@#$% after leaving TSCC. 2 years of living in a depressed state, putting one foot in front of the other. DW suggested several books to help. As reading puts me to sleep I listened through audible.com. Things started to turn around for me after listening to "Mans search for meaning" by Viktor Frankl. The main point being that after everything has been taken away you still have the ability to choose your attitude for any situation. I would HIGHLY recommend listening to/reading this book.

Cheryl is right--we don't need the cult as much as the cult would have us believe.

When I resigned, I went to a therapist in a panic. Everyone was shunning me. I was having a bout with an incurable disease, that comes and goes. I asked the therapist how to find a "support system" to take the place of the Mormon church.

First of all, he asked me, "What, exactly have the Mormons been doing to help you?" I couldn't think of anything. VT's coming once a week, not out of concern, but to preach a lesson from the Ensign, that I had already preached to the women I teach. Um, cookies at Christmas. Once, a neighbor used his snow blower to clear my driveway and sidewalks...oh, wait, his wife was Mormon, but he was not a Mormon.... My HT, who was a doctor, came to my house with his son, to give me a blessing once, but what cured me was that I told him I had been prescribed two antibiotics, to take together, and he told me stop, and to call my doctor in the morning. Turns out, I was allergic to both antibiotics.

Put it all into perspective, is what I'm saying. I can name a lot of times that the church made things worse--dropping in unannounced, judging and blaming, demanding Saturday musical rehearsals, and taking me away from my children, and wasting my time. My illness, or any of my children's sicknesses or injuries, were not accepted excuses for me to not attend, no matter what. No empathy, no love, no support for me as a divorced single working mother. Not to mention 10% of my single-breadwinner's salary. You see, Mormonism made my life worse, never better.

What keeps me going?
Good doctors
Nurses
Instacare
911 (never used it)
The Police Department
The Fire Department
Suicide Hotlines (never used it)
12-step programs (non-Mormon)
Psychiatrists and therapists (non-Mormon)

There are even more services, that 10% of your income could help pay for, such as house cleaning crews, car mechanics, yard care, pet boarding, veterinarians. Money will buy you any kind of cookies your heart desires, and ready-made dinners.

The Lutheran church, Methodist, Presbyterian, non-denominational Christian churches are more nurturing than the Mormon cult. I have known old people, disabled, terminally ill, small children, who have been cared for by their Christian community. Mormons do very little, but brag very much about it.

If you are frightened and alone, get a cell phone to keep with you, get one of those health-alert signal necklaces, have a friend or relative call you every day, or drop in on you every day.

Mormons don't own God. Have faith in God, or in Mother Nature, or in the Universe. You can believe that people are mostly loving. I was beaten and raped at BYU, and, mercifully, I lost consciousness when the pain became unbearable, and I could fight no more, with my broken bones. Mother Nature takes care of a lot of things. Three boys risked their lives to rescue me, out of pity and humanity. Believe in your own strength.

Remember, "This, too, shall pass." Everything is temporary. My doctor uncle always says, "Everything is better in the morning." I know these sayings sound trite, but they seem to help me. I believe in these sayings more than I believe in anything Mormon. Remember, the Mormons are liars. Anything bad you are experiencing is not your fault, and not because of your lack of faith. That's hogwash!

You can look forward to being happier than you've ever been.

I've had a lot of hard times as well. When I was a young woman, new to the working world and feeling stressed, a much older woman comforted me by saying that "everything would come out in the wash." A variation of that, as Forestpal mentioned above, is "This too shall pass." Even when times are bad, you will get relief sooner or later.

Another favorite saying of mine is derived from my interest in Taoist philosophy -- "Sometimes the only way through is around." Taoists draw their philosophy from a close observation of nature. If you watch water running down a boulder-strewn creek, the water does not try to go through rocks, it goes around them. Sometimes your end is best accomplished in a way that you might not initially expect. What looks like bad news may turn out after a period of time to be the only path that can lead you to a better future. It pays to be flexible.

During one particularly horrendous year on my job, I learned to leave work at work as much as possible. Once I exited the door, I was on my time. I refused to let the stress or worry get to me on my time. I learned to compartmentalize my stress.

Pets can help you through tough times. A cuddly cat or dog can be a great comfort.

I also agree with Dagny, above, that living below your means and building a nest egg can reduce stress in at least one area of your life. When I am out shopping and see something that I want, but don't really need, I say to myself, "I could afford that, and buy that, but I choose not to." It helps to comfort me when I'm feeling a bit deprived.

Hi Wandering,

So sorry to hear your pain. It is so hard when you grow up and find out there is no Santa Claus.

But being grown up is fun! You can do what you like and that is kinda the hard part - finding out what makes you happy, what makes you feel better. Experimenting.

What if everything is really OK? RFM is a great resource to be open, share and feel the pain of exmo life. Humans all suffer, morgbots just have to hide it and pretend that Daddy in the sky will fix it when they ask. That is hard too. Poor morgbots. They think they know everything, poor deluded morgbots. Knowing nothing is quite liberating...I loved a post Trixie posted years ago about living in the question, living with the not knowing. That is where we are. Where everyone is, except the Morgs and the jihadists...and other deluded no it alls.

Being grown up can suck at times. I'm starting to find that celebrating with champagne helps me feel very festive. I'm not a big drinker, but it is the idea that some things need occasion and celebration - leaving the church is one of those things!!!

...but I only would suggest that if it seems fun to you - as the old programming can be pretty detrimental to enjoying a nice glass of bubbly! POP!! And it goes against all that parsimonious penny pinching we are taught which is all about the FUTURE - nothing seems to be about NOW and having a great little moment POP!

I really like www.thefluentself.com - Havi has great advice for talking to the monsters of self-doubt and denigration that are not the sole preserve of the morg, but the morg certainly does seem to create. I joined an insight meditation group and just doing breathing exercises and watching the crazy thoughts come and go without reacting to them was liberating.

I wish you peace and lots of self-love to heal your wounds. Please don't waste your life looking backwards - enjoy it and fuck the Mormons and their silly narrow band of how we should BE! Just be YOU! I'll toast you as you step out into REAL adult life!! Hooray!! POP!! I'm wandering too and it is surprising what beauty and awesomeness you sometimes stumble over...or maybe that is the champagne....haha good luck xx