Posted by:
anagrammy
(
)
Date: March 31, 2013 04:01PM
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,843325I agree with the above advice to suck it up, including your wife. You can tell her once you have your diploma in hand
All approaches have worked at various times with various people. The only method which has never backfired is what I call the Sharing of Struggles, or Back Sharing.
It has the advantage of not being a lie-- You are "struggling with your testimony," like bc said. You are struggling with how to tell your wife you have thrown that testimony out the window.
Back Sharing involves you going back to the first thing that caused you concern. This is what you explain after you say you are Struggling With Your Testimony. I'll use my own experience as an example.
The first thing that happened to me was when I took my kids to the Martin Harris pageant in NOrthern Utah. After it was over, I had them pass out flyers for our family business. The girls came to me crying with spit in their hair. Yes, that's right. Mormon adults spat on my beautiful little girls because they thought the flyers were anti-Mormon literature.
As a result, I went to check out anti-Mormon literature and that was the beginning of the end. Next I was noticing conflicts between the Bible and Mormon Doctrine, specifically the Word of Wisdom.
When I pointed out the part in the Bible where Jesus says it doesn't matter what you eat or drink, and where he turned water into wine, he told me this gem: "We actually have modern revelation from modern prophets who guide us in these modern times. The Word of Wisdom comes directly from Joseph Smith, whom God sent to us for our time."
Me: "So you are replacing the words of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, with the words of Joseph Smith?"
Him: Yes.
Me: "Please leave and never come back."
For all of us, the revelation that the church is not true is a different experience. You want to share your actual experience with your wife, just go back in time to do it and space your experiences to give your wife a chance to catch up with how you got where you are.
This is the key -- you promised to share our life with her and she will better understand how you got where you are unless you share it just like it happened.
That's my cautious advice but you know your wife. If she wants a solid priesthood holder in the home, what she is saying is, she wants power in the home.
Give her the power of your love and commitment. Start treating her better -- everyone can improve, start giving it some thought. Be sure and go with her to church saying "well, I don't know about what Elder Pumpkin said, but I know this--I am proud to sit by you in the pew and I don't for one minute want anyone thinking you might be single..." That kind of thing.
I also think the poster who told you to dismiss polygamy is onto something. Say this, "Polygamy would be like saying loving a woman is like loving children. Marriage is a unique bond of intimacy that two people have that cannot be duplicated. It would be impossible for me to have that with another woman while I am sharing my all with you. I just don't get why the church is for it."
Let that stew and percolate in her subconscious.
Keep in mind the church teachings are the worst anti-Mormon literature there is. Just make sure you study them together and ask the natural questions...:)
Best of luck, you sound like a wonderful man--and I'm sure you can do this. You are living in spiritual Auschwitz. People in real Auschwitz learned to lie to the guards to survive. Being at BYU is the same thing.
I hope you are going on to graduate work in a respected university. I also hope you are not in law because I know for a fact that a law degree from BYU can be a liability outside the Morridor.
Hugs
Anagrammy