Blunty, I need new underwear. I told my (supposedly tbm) husband in the fall that I didn't believe in the church the way I used to. We've been doing really well and I don't think we're having any issues with that at all. If he is, he's passive-aggressively internalizing them and I don't know about it.

Do I take the chance now to bring up garments to him and feel out how he'd react/feel about me stopping wearing them? I don't want to rock the boat, so to speak, but it shouldn't matter if I wear them or not if I don't really believe, right? Input?

Buy something super hot and see if he complains.

Ditch them and make a trip to Victoria's Secret. I have had a lot of fun shopping there since ditching my garments. You should ask him what he thinks about you not wearing garments anymore.

x2 don't even ask, just do it

Victoria's secret has nice stuff but so does target for much less. You may want to try that first until you figure out what you like. Good luck! :)

Buy something inexpensive, but cute. Maybe leave it lying around somewhere with the tags still on it. See what happens. Baby steps.

First I hate these posts because they highlight just how fucked up the church really is!

Imagine this issue in any other Christian religion.

Wife: Uh honey, I'm thinking of not wearing a thong anymore and switching to boy shorts.

Husband: ok, let's go shopping!

Mormon wife: honey, I'm thinking of switching from 1800's style Masonic underwear to something a little more modern because I longer find it fits within my belief system.

Mormon husband: WTF, holy cow, your going to hell and our marriage covenants are going to end. Lets talk this over with another grown man behind closed doors who we call "the bishop.". Or better yet, let's pray about it!

I get the need to discuss his with a spouse since the garments are part of a Mormon marriage. But it's so fucking crazy when you actually think about it.

The second reason I hate these posts are because I waited years for the wife to ditch the fundie undies and it never happened! I fantasized for years she would one day wake up! I finally did and decided I no longer wanted to be married to a Mormon. Life sucks because of this but time will heal.

^^^This is what I was going to say. You are a grown woman. No man should have a say about what kind of underwear you are allowed to wear, how you cut your hair, and other personal things. If you don't believe in the garments, head for Target, load up on new undies, pitch your garments in the dumpster, and be done with them. I have a friend with an uber TBM husband, and he's been happy with the change.

+1 This is the final augment about why the LDS is a cult. When asked by never Mo Friends do really believe the LDS is a cult? My answer they tell you what underwear you can wear and sell it to you. That sounds like a cult to me

Mormonism: because God needs to be involved in your choice of underwear.

I know the situation you're in. It became more and more uncomfortable to me to be wearing garments. They were a constant reminder to me of how much I had been lied to, that I had been believing a lie, etc.

I tried to wear them as long as I could so I wouldn't rock the boat too much with too many changes too soon after I stopped believing. However, I did stop wearing them, and I explained why to my wife. It was hard on her, but I'm glad I did it. She understands why it bothers me. It was hard on her though because up until then everything had only been theoretical. I hadn't started making any changes yet.

I guess it depends on your relationship with your husband. Does he sympathize with what you're going through? Would he understand how much it bothers you to wear them? Those were the things that concerned me. My wife's biggest fear was that if I started making changes, she wasn't sure when the changes would stop. Once she was certain that I was still me, that most changes I would make would be only superficial in our relationship, then she was more ok with it.

Just because you got married, did not mean you ceased being a human being. Go buy some real undies. If you feel like playing nice, you can get something sexy to toy with your husband. It's your decision because it's your body, you just let him borrow it from time to time.

I know exactly where you're coming from and how stressful it can be! If he's been handling things well so far, just casually say, "Honey, I'm really not comfortable wearing garments anymore." My TBM husband had never handled any of my 'apostasy' well, but when I told him that I no longer wanted to wear garments, he replied that he didn't think I should if I no longer believed in them. Actually, he used a few other words too - something about me defiling their sacredness - but I'm glossing over that part, lol.

I don't know why you have to ask for permission. It's your body, your choice.

But then I wasn't born in the cult (BIC) so I don't understand how women are taught to think they are their husband's property.

Just go find something comfortable that you like.

I'm pretty sure Jesus will be okay with whatever you choose. If hubby says anything, I'd respond, "dear, there are more important things in life."

I just remembered that I quit wearing ANY underwear at age 18.

Didn't start wearing underwear until 3 years ago...

I prolly shoulda called the bish for confession.

BTW; that was around 34 years with no undies.

On a practical note, lacy underwear can be pretty scratchy. When you make the switch, Get some soft, comfy panties, too.

I have a lot of Lacy underwear, I don't find it scratchy. Maybe there is a quality issue?

Speaking strictly as a guy, I'm sure he won't mind seeing you walking around in normal ladies' underwear, even if he is TBM. Let us know how it goes. Better yet, please post pictures.(JK)

My TBM husband still can't look at me in normal underwear and it's been over 2 years. He practically gets whiplash as he turns away so fast. It has taken me forever to come to grips with the fact that it is decades of intense conditioning that brainwashed him to react, rather than something about me personally. Based on what the OP said about her husband's reactions thus far, I don't think this will be an issue for them though.

Even before I decided the church wasn't true, I know I would've been okay with my wife not wearing garments (especially in the evening).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2013 12:06PM by Steven.

Not on a public street.

I have a friend who couldn't wear garment bottoms because the synthetic fibers gave her yeast infections. She ACTUALLY told the bishop about it and he gave her the all clear to not wear garment bottoms. Then the new bishop came along and in her temple recommend interview she was so honest as to let him know she didn't wear the bottoms. He freaked and told the R.S. President and they gave her holy hell. That's when she realized what a screwed up religion it was.

If your husband freaks out or tells the bishop on you it will be a very telling indicator of the state of your marriage and reinforce how controlling TSCC is.

I'll bet 10 to 1 he will be delighted. He'll probably ditch his own right along with you unless he's really old. And that would be my reply if he complains..... "You're responding like you belong in the 19th century which is where these things come from by the way. I'd like to join the 21st century if you don't mind".

Garments don't have cotton crotches? Regular underpants do, probably, for that very reason.

Get underwear you like and that fits well.

Yes, they do but for some reason the infections just kept coming back every time she went back to garments and stopped when she ditched them. Doctor finally just told her outright to stop wearing them because they seemed to be the problem. Maybe it was all in her head but whatever the reason she stayed healthy without them.

Just get new underwear.

When my wife and I were both still TBM she started wearing normal under from time to time just because she hated temple garments. She never talked to me about it, she just did it. And wouldn't you know it, when I saw it I never complained.

Let me suggest the following:

If you have to ask, yes, yes it is... :0)

Summer is coming and wouldn't it be nice to wear a sun dress or a pair of shorts?

I just wore my first sleeveless dress the other day and I felt like I was floating on a cloud I felt so light and airy.

Let's be blunt and honest 99% of mormons think garments are hideous uncomfortable and stupid. Most mormons under 60 when given a chance not to wear them are quite happy to wear shorts or swimsuits or whatever is comfortable. Garments are the biggest turn off for Mormon sex. Just buy some new underwear. Slip between the sheets in just your panties, and break the news to hubby. If he is at all normal, there will be no argument.

I distinctly recall talks in church (don't recall the exact meeting) that lingerie - attire was recommended/promoted!
Those were the days!
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
So, I promptly bought some cute little ditties ...!
Yup. Church approved!! hehe

Your situation? Just buy what you like, get some little Teddy or whatever for private showing.....

I would ease him into it. Use the reason that they are uber uncomfortable and do not breath. They can also cause skin irratation and heat rash. All these things are true and will get him used to you not wearing them.