I didn't. I tried and tried. I thought that something must be wrong with me and I wasn't worthy enough to have a testimony. My friends got one and I didn't. What was wrong with me? Why Wasn't I good enuf for God to give me a testimony?

Guilt and inadequacy is not a good way to grow up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2013 08:23PM by laurel.

And so of course I'd have an emotional reaction to that.

But I rarely ever felt "the spirit" in church because it was so boring. Which I know they would say is my fault.

The thing though is that "the spirit" and "testimonies" are just feelings. Feelings don't equal facts. Feelings don't make the church true.

So, you not having feelings doesn't make you a bad person. In fact, good for you for being able to see through it so young.

I did but it went "poof" and was gone after I read Mormonism-Shadow or Reality. I realized my "testimony" was simply my good feelings towards my perception of reality. Once my perception of reality changed, so did my testimony.

I did. I had a strong, strong testimony and I truly believed. It's the one reason I stayed in the church for so long, despite all the mental and emotional abuse.

Fortunately for me, reason prevailed.

I wanted one so badly. I was one of those precocious kids that got up in F&T by themselves before even being baptized. I wanted to feel "The Spirit". I wanted it to all be real.

But it wasn't. At all. & I knew it. So, I never had a real testimony.

Not really. I wanted to be part of it, but I guess I either wasn't indoctrinated properly as a child or I'm too skeptical. (I always thought being skeptical was a good thing, that's why I never bought into an MLM.)

No. I lied to myself. Secummed to family pressure, went on a mission, and got on the hamster wheel. F@cking cult.

I faked it as well, as I really tried to believe, but I just couldn't. I even managed to give a testimony that most people fell for, but it was just an act. I was pressured to convert by my TBM ex, so I basically became a hormonal convert. I think that when I quit going to church when I filed for divorce, he probably realized that I had been faking a testimony all that time.

Just a testimony that I did not need a testimony -- if
that makes any sense.

A deeply centered realization that different people will
have different experiences and different ways of responding
to a religion -- and that it was OK.

It took quite a load of my shoulders, given the almost
continual peer pressure for all Latter Day Saints to
think and act the same.

UD

I can't say that I ever really had a testimony, but there were times that I had myself more convinced than at other times. It just never lasted long though. The questions would always come back again.

Edit: "Why Wasn't I good enuf for God to give me a testimony?"

Boy, do I remember that feeling. That's one reason I stopped believing in God too. Why wasn't I good enough for Him to let me know He was there, after all the begging and pleading to know Him?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2013 11:10PM by Greyfort.

There's two things that lead people into having a testimony. Gullibility and indoctrination. If neither of those were effective, they're probably just faking it.

No, guilt and inadequacy are not good for anyone, but they are pretty standard in TSCC's arsenal.

I thought I had a testimony a few different times, but when I thought about it the feelings (they were feelings!) were always related to other matters and people I was emotionally attached to. That is what the TSCC relies on. It's all about manipulation. When I finally realized that it helped me to break free, finally. It is a Good Thing.

Laurel, you have nothing to feel bad about. If you didn't fall prey to the emotional manipulations, that's a good thing. Be strong, be yourself, use logic. All the best!

I got mine the Boyd K. Packer way. I testify that it works. I bore my testimony so many times that I finally forgot that I actually didn't have one.

Yes, it was very exciting and I felt so happy to have found the true church. That lasted 3 years until my first doubt then took another 8 to come undone.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2013 12:51AM by suckafoo.

I wrote down my spiritual experiences in my journal. I had a long list of them. I felt like my testimony was rock solid. It took a lot of years for me to finally go back and question those experiences. When it is being hammered into you for years that feelings of peace and joy are indications of a spiritual witness, it is hard to go back on that. I found it easy to dismiss doubts and things that didn't make sense because I had my "testimony" to fall back on.

It never occurred to me that they could just be feelings ... normal human emotions, and nothing else.

I was a newby convert who was called to be EQT.

While researching the internet for a lesson on "Temples of the Lord" I gained a testimony that JS stole his best material from the masons.

While researching the temples, I kept running into references to the masons, so I researched masonry like a madman. Lo and behold I came across a long list of very familiar parallels - especially the Legend of Enoch that contained a very familiar First Vision account.

I was outta there the following week and told my bishop I had decided that mormonism was simply modified masonry. They haven't contacted me since. That was in 2002.

Yes I did right after my dad told me I would get up and bear a testimony at church then beat me for refusing. This all happened as we were getting ready to leave for church. I had never done so before because I didnt have a testimony and lying is wrong, right? I guess I was an embarrassment for never going up there. That scene was repeated again when we had to each do a talk for church as a family and i refused, until the beating.

Heaven forbid we didnt appear perfect. Guess all those horrendous dresses my mom sewed for me had another purpose, hiding welts.

I think some of us are born being able to actually believe the fanciful. And, in those cases there is almost always someone there to feed us BS as a kid, which we will believe.

I resorted to constructing a belief constructed on bits of evidence rather than any sort of manifestation— Moroni's promise didn't work for me. But Truman Madsen's Joseph Smith talks and the Christ in America brochure did. Eventually though the Internet came along and I got the rest of the story. All of a sudden the evidence told a different story.

Yes. I think I accepted the church as a given from birth. Believe it or not, it appealed to my logical mind. The written testimonies of the Three Witnesses and the Eight. I even saw a newspaper obituary from late nineteenth century Missouri, about David Whitmer, where he reaffirmed that he had seen an angel with the plates. The church grew and grew and grew when I was growing up.

In reality, I didn't consult a lot of contrary sources. Mostly what I saw was the virulently anti-Mormon stuff that freaked out about doctrine that I had no problem with. That just confirmed more to my logical mind that the only people who speak against the church are in the grip of Satan.

Having a testimony wasn't really a process. Just a natural progression as I got older.