Another post made me think about the temple, and why it was that I would sometimes leave feeling "happy." This is what I think:

By the time I had seen the movie about 15 times, I knew it by heart, and was mostly bored by it. I was ashamed that I would sometimes fall asleep for a few minutes when it was dark.

After the movie had gone on for more than 30 minutes, with me sitting silently, it was a welcome change to get up and put on the temple clothes.

Then another welcome change, the lights came on a little brighter.

By the end of the ceremony, the action picks up. We change our robes twice, as quickly as possible. I felt a little flutter each time I did this, becaus I didn't want to be the last one that everyone was wating for.

Then, I had to perform. This is where the flutters turned into the heart-racing that I get when I speak in front of people. This time, the goal was to perform the actions at the veil as perfectly as possible, so that I could go to a place where I could talk with people for the first time in almost two hours. I always felt that the people around me were aware of whether I was doing it "right." I was especially attuned to whether I would need any help performing the monologue at the end: "health in the navel..." I felt a sense of relief when I could get past that, and out of the arms of a strange man, without missing a beat.

Upon entering the celestial room, my pulse would go down. The effect of the process I just underwent: boredom, rising action, public performance while semi-embracing a stranger, was that my pulse would go down, and then just up enough, to give me a subtle, peaceful sensation.

I was never able to give any credit to the claims that the temple taught mysterious truths, or that miracles happened during the endowment, but I would sometimes feel better.

Notably, I never felt this way if I did baptisms or sealings. And other TBMs would tell me that they felt something was "missing" if they only did one of those tasks.

Also, being touched on the waist, as I was the one time I did vicarious "initiatories" made me nervous. Again, a rise and then fall of the pulse.

Relaxation. The celestial room was one rare chance to relax as a Mormon. And I felt happy. I now think I understand it to have been a sensation that was created by the way the ritual is designed.

These are some really good points. I felt a lot of the same things when I went through the ceremony. I realize now the only "peace" I felt was actually relief when it was all over. It used to drive me crazy that I couldn't feel the spirit like everyone else could, or I couldn't see how it was an amazing life-changing experience. The whole ceremony is more stressful than it is anything else.

I think a lot of Mormons feel happy in the temple not so much because it's a pleasant experience, but because they are told they are serving others, and making a huge difference. That's how I felt as a teenager doing baptisms for the dead. They would talk about those poor souls who have waited hundreds of years for this day, and you were the one to save them.

And, really, what stressed out Mormon mom or dad couldn't benefit from a couple of relatively quiet hours without the kids? You bet I'm going to "feel peace" in the Celestial room.

Ditto on the "mysterious truths" bit. I told my wife I was bored by the ceremony, and that I didn't understand how random prophet (McKay?) claimed to "learn something new every time." Good Lord, that place is boring.

Serious performance anxiety at the veil.

Speaking of, how has there not been a GA book outlining what was learned each time? The bots would eat that up. Unfortunately, its impossible.

I wouldn't discount that having made it through an endowment session is the ultimate litmus test of a regular mormon's overall worthiness.

Not only did you pass all the tests to get a recommend, but you performed the ultimate service you can perform, AND YOU WERE SEEN BY OTHER MORMONS!

So I think the big sense of relief and peace is just knowing that for a couple of hours you're at the top looking down. You're at the crest of the wave.

Oh yeah, and jesus was proud of you also.

Which Jesus? Moron Jesus? regular Jesus? Raptor Jesus?

For me, the celestial room was just a big relief after all the anxiety i felt thruout the session. Even after i had it all memorized, i still felt anxious, that maybe i didn't say it right, or do it fast enuf etc. or was drowsing too long. The celestial room where it was quiet and i didn't have to DO anything was such a relief, that it was very peaceful for me.

When a group of TBMs are in the inner sanctum of the temple celestial room anybody who has "negative feelings" doesn't dare express them. The net effect is that everyone appears "happy,' leaving anyone who isn't "happy" believing the fault lies with them.

the only 'mystery' to me is... How well the rituals, the expectations, the cultural imperatives of MoMism work together to still any legitimate questions or doubts; how the busy work keeps any curiosity stilled; how only the existence of the BoM satisfies some TBMs to the point that they "can't" deal with the (lack of) substance.

Yup, Joe was 'inspired' alright, but in the Wrong Direction.

I was always so nervous that I could never remember anything--so I had to ask for help every time (the whole 4 times I went). I was usually the last person through the veil--especially the time my robe was on inside-out. I took my best friend with me that day and she was supposed to help me from making any mistakes. So much for that one. That was the LAST time I went through the veil.

Sealings were bizarre. That was the last time I went to the temple. It was after 1990 and I got pulled aside to do sealings to some stranger. They had my ex go through the endowment.

I've said it before--the ONLY time I was able to relax in the temple was after the sealings. I never went back. I sat for about 45 minutes in the foyer waiting for my husband. I guess that did it. I was done.

There was no relief for me before, during, or after going to the temple.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2013 04:17PM by cl2.

Also what is up with the men who have to remain standing until the last woman sits down????

I think the idea is to try to help people feel less self-conscious by being the last one standing.

Depending on my mood I would either go really fast and be the first one sitting or I would poke around and look busy so the people who took forever thought I was taking as long as they were.

But I think people just standing there staring out you would make you feel more, not less self conscious.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2013 10:45AM by The Oncoming Storm - bc.

I hated going to the temple for most of my TBM existence. Long and boring.

At one point I decided to go every week. I actually found I started liking it. The reason why is I got to the point that I didn't have to pay any attention to anything. I could just let my mind wander & relax. It was a good opportunity to let go of life and just think - plus my wife thought it was great that I went - so I got husband points for going and sitting on my ass doing nothing. I got to the point that I could fall asleep before they even started creation day 1. I think my record was being conscious for only about 45 seconds of the entire movie - and I never missed any of the stand up/ sit down, nod your head parts. (I added lots of impromptu nod your head parts.)

A lot of religions have an environment where you can just go sit in a chapel and meditate and think. The temple is as close as Mormonism gets - except you have to commit 2 hours.

And I mean that! I wish I could have zoned out that early.

Yep - the start of the temple movie and take off in an airplane - the two things that make me fall asleep instantly. Honorable mention to the sacrament.

There were honestly times where I saw asteroids and the next thing I knew it was time to stand up to get introduced to Eve.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2013 11:23AM by The Oncoming Storm - bc.

I keep thinking back on my participation in the temple ritual. My thoughts are "Why did I really take that stuff seriously??" and "I could never participate in it again, now knowing what a farce it is."

I felt like I had a purpose when I went to the temple. It didn't matter so much if I understood everything; I just wanted to feel useful. And I believed so intently in everything I'd been taught that it didn't matter to me if it was boring or if it didn't all make sense. I felt blessed to be one of the elite few that had lived worthy enough to perform temple work.

I thought I was doing something wonderful.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2013 10:43AM by sstone.

For me, the Celestial room made me feel like I had suddenly walked into a world where everyone was a Stepford Wife. Everyone had these strange smiles on, awkwardly hugging friends and family as they entered the room, sitting carefully in a chair or on the couch, gently crossing their arms. An individual's personality seemed to completely vanish.

I would spend maybe 5 or 10 minutes in the room and then I had to leave- as much as the quiet could be nice. I would always think "If this is what Heaven is going to be like- quiet reverence and robotic versions of my family and friends, then no thanks!"

I felt good because "attending the temple" was so reinforced in the church. I felt like I did something good.

I had a couple of good experiences there but most of the time I did not feel anything special and it sometimes felt strange and weird. It always felt cultish to me. The Celestial Room did not feel anything special to me.

The veil, the tokens, the prayer circle, the clothing, etc., all made it weird.

As a TBM, I thought there must be things I do not understand and I will with time.

Those that say it is the most spiritual place are brainwashed or conditioned to believe that.

My very TBM wife was very wierded out by the temple the first few times she went. At the time, I was very TBM and was somewhat offended by her attitude. She remains TBM while I am NOM and do not attend the temple. She loves going to the temple, goes regularly with her friends, and always seems to come away feeling better than when she went. As long as it helps her feel better emotionally and spiritually, I support her and try not to say derogotory things about it.

I think it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you make up your mind that you are going somewhere to put aside your daily concerns and feed your spirit, that place is going to feel peaceful. I feel more spiritual peace swimming laps at the pool, turning off my brain, not worrying about work or kids or cleaning the house. Just time to zone out and re-charge. The temple is so gawd awful boring that you can zone out there too and not miss a thing.

I also think there is an element of dressing up and feeling special, chosen, elite. Similar to the feeling you'd get being invited to a formal dinner party at the governor's house for some sort of special recognition. But mostly it's just getting to be quiet and relatively alone, in a religion that requires you to constantly be on full speed.

The self-fulfilling prophecy point you make is relly solid.