And now, for your reading pleasure, a female's perspective.

MTC 1 and 2. Threesome; one was amazingly intelligent; the other, well, um, not a lot going on upstairs and she just went along with the other companion and I; we had a ton of fun and then... (BTW: Companion 1 was at my temple wedding and I was at hers and we're still friends.)

MTC 3. ...A sister from a neighboring French mission had previously been in the MTC and was going through therapy for anorexia/bulimia at a nearby psych hospital and then was unbelievably allowed to return to the MTC (her family wouldn't allow her to go home). I was personally "chosen" to be her companion and man, did we have fun. She was quite intelligent, full of mischievous behavior that I loved, and I also attended weekly group meetings with her (which were eye-opening). She ended up going state-side and we kept in touch throughout our missions.

Mission 4. My trainer was close in age to my mother, hated my enthusiasm and almost struck me once.

5. We looked like twins. She was an artist and I loved the way she colored her weekly tracking chart so I did the same thing throughout my mission. She was quite nervous and insecure, but also highly intelligent like two of my companions in the MTC. We were teaching the brother of a member in our branch who ended up proposing to BOTH OF US. I didn't know the language as well as she did but when she told me, I said, "We're out of here, now." The crazy gal gave him her address in that town and he wrote to her waiting for her until her mission was finished. We called each other "sister-wife" throughout our mission. I still can't believe she gave him her address.

6. BEST COMPANION and one of my closest friends today. We were together through the only Christmas on my mission. There were many things she told me that made me start questioning the church and surprisingly we left the church around the same time but didn't know it until a while later. She's one of the most intelligent people I know (both male and female). She was also at my temple wedding.

7 and 8. Another threesome with two of the sweetest women I'll ever know. Like amazingly humble and beautiful and kind and wow. Those two were quickly snagged by guys when they got home.

8 and 9. 7 was transferred and there was still an imbalance in the number of sister missionaries so insecure 9 joined 8 and I. We couldn't do anything right by her. I mean, she was awful the way she made everything about her. I was glad when another sister showed up and I became her companion but I felt badly for 8 who had to remain with 9. 8 and I are still friends.

10. Awesome gal from the mid-west who loved the way I treated her as an equal rather than the "junior companion". I told her I didn't have all the answers and that inspiration could come from both of us. She was blown away. She was such a good support to me when I found out my parents were divorcing.

11. The I've-got-a-grudge-against-others companion who rightfully couldn't stand being with another person 24/7 and almost ran away twice. She was at least 1 1/2 feet taller than me and 30 pounds heavier but I was able to physically hold her from running away. There were many times when she just collapsed in my arms crying. I felt badly for her.

12. Crazy, nuts, unbelievably rude elderly French woman who was my interim comp until my blue (greenie) arrived. There was nothing, absolutely nothing I could say that she didn't criticize or argue about and I didn't let her attitude get to me. She'd say something and I'd think, "The crazy bitch is going at it again, will she just stop?" We only spoke French and she hated it if I spoke English at church with other missionaries. I finally called my mission president, in English, and told him I'm typically awesome with elderly people but I was about to kill this one. Guess who replaced her? Not the blue.

Lucky 13. She was an "emergency transfer" from the north side of the mission. She'd actually hit her companion and was sent to me so I could bring some peace and calm to her life. I made the best of it while wondering if I would be hit by her and how I could defend myself (I could've taken her on, I believe). She was my last companion and the mission president thanked me profusely for taking her on.

14/1 (in spirit only; had to add that phrase). When we had our final interviews, the mission president told me and my first companion that we were the first "traveling sisters" in the mission field. But this designation was simply in name only since we were leaving the field. She and I had been asking the mission president to allow us to be companions again and again but he wouldn't do so because we were "both too strong to only be together" and he "needed us to help others". Whatever. Three months after we left, the first real traveling sisters began their reign.

ETA: Original thread: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,783478
And the second one: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,786007,786007#msg-786007



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2013 02:30PM by toto.

I don't think I've ever enjoyed a thread as much as these.

I hope they keep coming.

Agreed. I've read through every line of every post on these threads. They've been so much fun to read.

I don't think that the guy who baptized me visits here, although he has left the church. I wish he would, because I knew several of his comps and would love to read what their lives were REALLY like in our area!

MTC Companion: Smart kid from UT. We both learned the language relatively well for what little you can learn in the MTC. We honestly spent more time talking politics, science, and math than we did working most likely. One of the teachers walked in on us doing chemistry on the board and got mad. Turns out he, just like me, was apostate from day one. Didn't find out till later though.

Trainer: Nice Guy from Sweden. Legitimately good trainer who taught me well and was patient while I learned the language. Good person overall, No complaints with him whatsoever.

Comp #2: Complete effing moron from Idaho. All we did was tract, but he wouldn't talk to people, so we literally walked around in silence for 8 hours a day for four months. I'm not exaggerating. He was condescending, arrogant, and just stupid as a box of rocks. I hated him, the members hated him, and I'm positive that if there is a god he hated him too. Worst 4 months of my entire life walking around in below zero temperatures getting 0 meetings in a week.

Comp #3 Awesome kid from Utah. It was a 3 week party. We walked down the street speaking english. We hung out at cool members houses for hours then fudged our numbers. We slept in every day. Planning session was called 3 hour nap day. We blew through so much money it was unbelievable. Guy was super genuine and the members loved him. He really cared about the people despite his laid back attitude. Turns out he was calling one of the members using a sim card he bought. I covered for him cause why the hell not. Turns out he married the girl. One of my favorite companions.

Comp #4 Older guy (30s) from Switzerland. Got special permission to go on a mission even though he was past the age. Loved this guy. Convert who had realistic expectations and some cool life experience to draw from. Learned a ton about life and about myself from this guy. We still keep in contact frequently. I was with him for 6 weeks in an area I hated. If that town got blown up today I would fly across the world and piss on its ashes. Seriously, Ef that place.

Comp #5 Grandson of an apostle. Nice guy but followed the rules way to rigidly. He was a robot and the members could tell. I honestly just feel bad for the guy. I think he wanted to be more laid back, but i dont think he could because he felt he had to live up to be something. He drove me crazy, but after a few weeks we actually had a pretty good companionship. No complaints with him.

Comp #6 Native member. A total twat. Was with him for 5 days before he decided to go home, but not before stealing my camera.

Comp #7 native member part 2. Hated this guy too. Total idiot who would argue with me all the time about nothing. He also made a habit of insulting the members and refusing to help anybody in any way. Was with him for 3 weeks before I called the pres to send me a new comp. Seriously...awful comp.

Comp #8 Swiss guy (comp #4 again). We were given a special assignment to travel the mission and audit the branch records. the mission I went to was new (less than 10 years old) and the records were in awful shape. We traveled all over the country and met with members and branch presidents. We had permission to be alone to get more work done. This type of work may seem crappy to most, but it appealed to my nature. Plus the fact that I got 6 weeks away from missionary work, was with a good comp again, and got a job that gave instant gratification was awesome. Fasted period of my mission. I actually enjoyed it.

Comp #9 Good kid from Georgia. Hard worker with a heart of pure fucking gold. He managed to straddle the line between TBM and down to earth kid. Damn smart too. I was called as a branch president at this time (an atheist branch president, go figure) so we spent most of our six weeks together trying to keep the branch from imploding. I also didn't mind this six week period very much. Probably because I did next to no proselyting and spent most of the day talking physics with the comp. We are still in contact too.

Comp #10 good kid from wyoming. Very selfless if not a little spineless. Got very little accomplished but I cant say I got anything agains the guy. We just went a few transfers together averageing about 1 meeting a day. Just a boring, and hot, stretch of my mission.

Comp#11 Older guy from the east coast. It was his last transfer. He was sick. We were inside for 3 weeks of those 6 weeks. We worked hard, and I learned a lot from him. We are still in contact to this day as well. Sorry We couldnt get that last baptism for ya, dude.

Comp#12 great kid from Idaho. We worked hard and saw a lot of results. We were Zone leaders and I was 1st counselor in a branch presidency. We were the busiest I ever was on the mission. Easily the best 8 weeks of the mission. super busy in a super great area.

Comp #13 MTC companion again. We were zone leaders and we realized we both were apostate when He was reading the Bhagavad Gita and I was reading the Koran for personal study. Me:"Elder, can I ask you a question?" him:"Sure." Me:"Are you apostate?" Him: "Yeah." Me:"Yeah, me too." Good times doing no missionary work whatsoever.

Comp #14 My trainee. 24 year old kid from VA. College grad with a good head on his shoulders. Fights followed us like crazy. We fought a lot of people in those 8 weeks together, and I dont know why. I did my best to teach him how to work hard but not let it get to your head. I could tell he was envious on my last day when I packed my bags and headed out the door.

Overall, I had great comps and not a horrible mission. I wouldn't do it again obviously.

Bummed that we never managed a threesome with sister missionaries in Japan. I feel cheated.

tee hee. I see what you did there

MTC1: Nice kid from Wyoming. Seemed to be a true believer as was I at the time. Went to the temple and I stood in the circle with his grandmother. That seemed surreal.

MTC2: My visa was delayed, so I had to stay in Provo for an extra week and had a new companion from Colorado. Really liked the guy. I think he may have come home early. Would like to go drinking with him.

3: My first comp in the field was an earnest fellow from Wyoming. Since I already spoke the language (French) it was really easy on him since I basically passed off all the crap (discussions and language requirements) in the first week.

4: This was my most challenging since the guy was from Montana and had a particular way he wanted to do things, which was not the way 3 did things, so I balked. I was probably a douche to him and we never really clicked. Bet I would like him today.

5: Got a guy from UT who was easy to get along with, but was his first time as senior. We worked hard, but not insanely hard.

6: My first and only native companion. We were ZL’s. This guy is still a friend today. He understood how frustrating it could be for foreigners in France, and he was easy to live and work with. I punched a guy at the door (he hit me first) and he took it in stride, suggesting that we needed to take the rest of the day off.

7: The only guy I sent home. Super friendly and a former ZL from WA who was going to work to the bitter end. I finally had enough of his enthusiasm and numbered his calendar to countdown his days till he went home. He laughed, and our last week together he basically became a tourist.

8: My first junior companion. A serious-ish chap from UT who was talented at music. We got along well, and spent my only Christmas in France together.

9: My favorite companion from AZ; we named one son after him. A passionate worker who I let run the missionary work since I was running out of steam, and he was full of energy. Still in contact today.

10: The guy who sent me home was from UT. Super friendly and loved to sing as we walked along. He taught me the words to “only the good die young” which, in retrospect, is pretty darn funny. He helped me though my Dear John letter.

I guess I was pretty lucky. I actually liked all these guys and none was particularly tough to live with (any more than I was). I have no idea if any have left the LDS faith.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2013 12:13PM by wowbagger.

Alright, I guess I'll get in on this.

MTC: Total dweeb from Colorado. Got a bloody nose that "Just wouldn't stop" on our second day in the MTC. We had to take a shuttle to the Provo Emergency room. He also had "A bit of a cough" during the whole swine flu thing and, as he had one symptom, we were confined to our room for a few days till he was cleared.

1: Awesome trainer, super friendly and one of the least judgmental Mormons I've ever known.

2: I didn't much care for this guy. Very obedient and it was his way or the highway. Once berated me for taking a shower after a morning service project instead of studying.

3: My trainer in Apostasy; We had a blast. lots of adventures. He was one of those charismatic guys who baptized a lot by just hanging out with people. Unfortunately, we were caught out of the zone about three weeks in, had our car taken away, and he was out of there the next transfer.

4: Hilarious 300 lbs plus Samoan from Cali. Goofed off the whole time, made our spare bedroom into a weight room complete with weight bench and sound system.

5: *Shudder...* Hated this guy. Very dark and brooding. Communication consisted of one word answers with a condescending attitude. Told another missionary that he often contemplated about throwing me under a moving bus. Didn't talk the whole transfer. Luckily comp#3 sold me his i-pod touch before he went home, or I might have lost my sanity.

6: Tongan from Cali. Wasn't big on obedience either, so we had fun, but he still expected to baptize and got frustrated with our lack of results. Still a cool guy though; Sunday was Football night at the YML's house :)

7: Cool guy from Provo area. We had a similar sense of humor and had a lot of fun.

8: One of my former DLs, we were together for six months. Super obedient, but we got along really well. Most of my baptisms were during this period.

9: This was my one transfer in the big city, and I sent this guy home. Super cool, we just bused/walked around taking it all in, watched football games, and played ping pong at the Institute building . Morning ritual included two hours of internet at the local library.

10: *Ugh...* This guy... (SMH). Super Obedient Prick! This was also a time when our new Mission Prez was coming out with all sorts of new stricter rules, so OF COURSE we had to follow ALL of them if we were going to be blessed. I butted heads with this guy all the time. He once tried to get me to give up our lunch break so we could proselyte more. Had a mental breakdown during those three long months.

11: A guy I like to refer to as "Weasel-Face," due to the fact that his face looked like that of a weasel. Really short, extremely socially awkward, and strict as hell. Fortunately, one week into the transfer, some shit went down with some missionaries in a couple of the Polynesian branches and "Weasel-Face" was ET'd out of there. I took this as a sign that there really was a God.

12: Samoan guy from Western Samoa. He spoke English pretty well, but there was still a bit of a cultural barrier, though we got a long just fine. We tried working hard but, after a few weeks, we gave up and busted out my i-pod touch. We watched a ton of movies/ tv series; it was awesome.

13: Asian newbie that killed me off. He was a go with the flow kinda guy, and had a good sense of humor. Glad I had him as my last comp and not some ass-hat.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2013 01:22PM by smoteheadofshiz.

Having not gone on a mission myself, I'm really enjoying this thread. I've read every one with relish. I can't believe what some of you lived though!

As I read these I'm struck by how many people went to the movies/concerts/beach/sightseeing on their missions. I never did that and freaked out when my comps suggested it. I think I may have been one of the mission asshats.

Here's my list:

MTC Comp: From AZ. Really arrogant and liked to sing. Everytime we had to sing I felt like I was at the opera. One of our MTC teachers was arrested this last August for molesting 2 girls. I was also in the MTC at the same time as Shawn Bradley (played basketball at BYU.) Thought the kid was going to go blind from everyone who wanted their picture taken with him. Didn't dare get mine taken with him because I was afraid my comp. would freak out.

1. Trainer from Wyoming. I only had 3 baptisms my whole mission and we baptized together. The guy I replaced later ending up getting "born again" his last month and returned to the field to live with one of the members in his last area and study to be a Baptist preacher. I guess two had worked pretty hard before I arrived so he took my training as a chance to slack of somewhat. He'd play video games at the ward mission leaders house while I studied/took a nap. Anyway we baptized a girl who was "golden" and a friend of one of the priests in the branch. He would never really let me resolve any concerns while teaching a discussion. If I were teaching a principle and someone had a concern he would cut in and immediately answer their questions. He was a real know it all. The ward mission leader in this area ended up sexually abusing 2 of his grand daughters.

2. Trainer got moved out while I stayed in the area. He was from Moroni, Utah. He was really my trainer. We worked pretty hard. Being from Moroni he was really obsessed with turkeys. We didn't baptize anyone.

3. Got transferred. My first time being the Senior comp. Came into an area with a guy from California who had just finished his training. I tried to like him but he didn't really like me. He made a tape to someone and was listening to it on his head phones a bit too loud while he thought I was asleep. I wasn't and I heard him say he thought I "was a full-fledged nerd." One of the problems I had on my mission was that I never knew what they wanted us to be doing. Member referrals were virtually nil so I wasted a lot of time tracting not knowing what else to do and being afraid to work too much and not have fun. The ZLs hated our shitty numbers and a member squeeled on us for missing church. I think that's the only time on my mission I missed church. It took a while to live that down. Looking back I wish I wouldn't have taken the mission so seriously. The MP closed the area and we were both booted out. No baptisms.

4. Became a junior companion to a guy from Boise, ID. One of my favorite companions, although he did obsess about Idaho a little too much. Of course he was transferred after less than a month.

5. I became the DL which was as far up the leadership chain as I ever got. Got a kid from Kearns, UT. He was easy going and never offered any suggestions. I could tract 12 straight hours or sit in the apartment all day without any complaints from him. He had a seizure in the car which was quite scary. It was later determined he had epilepsy. He was allowed to stay on his mission and the MP never bothered to tell any of his companions that he had seizures. We had one really cool family we could hang out with. Problem is the Stake Pres. other Stake Leadership and ZLs were complete assholes. The ZLs really hated our shitty numbers in this area too. They started checking up on us and starting rumors about how bad we were and forbade us to visit that member home. This Stake Pres. really began my disdain for Stake Presidents and Mormon leadership in general. Anyhow we worked pretty hard but in a lot these smaller towns there's really not much to do so we would still sneak over to the members house. Rumors continued to fly even though we didn't fornicate and we were both transferred out of the area. No baptisms.

6. From CA. His Dad had spent some time in Thailand so since he had lived there he liked to tell people he was from there even though he had blonde hair and didn't look like a native at all. This guy didn't want to do any missionary work. We also lived with a member whose 2 sons would barge in on us. The APs came down one day and told him we was leaving for a new area the next day. I guess he had a reputation as a slacker and he was emergency transferred more than once. We were together for about 2 weeks. My first night there the ZLs took us to a girl about 20 years old who lived with her mom. I don't know how they knew about her. She ended up getting baptized after he left.

7. From Washington State. I was with him longer than any comp. I probably worked too hard and too dumb on the mission and should have had more fun. He realized how much tracting sucked but I just kept putting my head down and plowing through it thinking I'd be blessed for obedience. How wrong I was. I was transferred and he got to train a new missionary even though he hadn't passed the mission certification himself. I thought this was a bit strange but what do I know? One of the members wished me farewell by saying they would visit me in one of the lower kingdoms. I'm probably too sensitive, but I thought that was a bullshit comment.

8. Transferred to be with a guy from my native SLC, Utah. One of the better comps. Didn't particularly work too hard and at this point I was tired of always initiating the motivation to work. One of the members took her to her friends and thought we'd know how to defend all the weird stuff said by Brigham Young in some anti-Mormon pamphlet. The best I could do was say "Most of that stuff was taken out of context."

9. I stayed in omes this guy from Provo, UT. I generally thought the Elders from Provo were the weirdest. This guy my worst companion. He critized my door approaches and called me a "puss" after I didn't want to talk to him. This was after we had had it out one day. This was after we came home from a meeting and I go inside and he doesn't and just goes up and starts talking to 2 girls. I didn't tell him he couldn't talk to the girls I just said it would be better if we were both together. He also called me a "shiz head" when I didn't care for his advice when we played pool. I was glad to get away from this guy. No baptisms in this area either. Hmm...beginning to see a trend here.

10. From Spanish Fork, UT. Another companionship in this city. I'm still DL. The other companionship are ZLs. One of the ZLs was in my MTC district and we got a long better than my comp and his comp so we pretty much did the old switcheroo the whole time and not much missionary work got done. The other two elders watched R-rated movies for most of one week and me and this other elder wouldn't do that. My old MTC buddy got to feeling guilty and called the Mission Pres and told them what these two had been doing. They later blamed it on me because I was dumb enough to leave a letter lying around from someone(can't remember who?) about what had been going on. Anyone these two got transferred out and we both stayed. The guy from my MTC district got screwed because they sent him to be with a guy who he'd already served with and was his worst companion so far. This guy later became an AP. Go figure.

11. From New Mexico. Me and my MTC comp stayed and they sent two new guys into the area. This was interesting because we didn't have too many from New Mexico in our mission. This guy was big and he comes in the first night wearing cowboy boots and a hat. We get back to our place and he says he hasn't slept for two days and just goes to bed. Really liked this guy though and we worked pretty hard. I'm transferrred after you guessed it...no baptisms.

12. I also must add I found it interesting how I was always transferred into an area were there was had always not been much going on in the way of investigators--not that I left any areas in great shape but I remember thinking, "Is anyone in this mission having success with missionary work?" A namby pamby from Kaysville, Utah. I think a lot of strange people live in Kaysville too. He didn't want to work very hard and I didn't push. I don't think we tracted at all. We were only together a month. Pretty uneventful although he told me he was ready to "screw this mission crap."

13. A tightwad from Midvale, UT. If I would sit down at the table to make a phone call he would be johnny-on-the spot and pull up a chair right next to me. I probably should have been nicer to him but at this point I was pretty drained from the whole mission experience. At one point he broke down and cried and told me how he hadn't gotten along with any of his companions and how he didn't feel good about himself. He also told me he felt sorry that I only had 3 months left. What's the saying: "Au contraire?" Anyway I didn't share his sentiments on that one. No baptism in this area.
14. Transferred to my last and best area don't know if I feel this way by coincidence but it was a college town and a bigger city. I tended to enjoy the bigger cities more. More people, better culture, more things to do and I was a city kid. Anyway this guy was a big Hawaiian and had played some football at BYU. I don't think he liked me too much. I was tired of always figuring out what to do and when he asked me what I wanted to do I don't think he appreciated my indifference. We didn't tract and were only together a month. He was ok but I don't think he liked white people from Utah that much.

15. Last one from Kaysville, Utah. We worked pretty hard and I even worked my last night before I went home. That's the Honest to God's truth. The Ward Mission Leader in this area was a dick. My first Sunday there he tells me he realizes that I don't have a lot of time left and that he's going to work "my butt off." Well, we never got any referrals from him. He did get pissed off at me when I got in his car and I had left my scriptures behind. He was taking us to give a blessing to someone in the hospital, I think. So I go back up and get my "sticks" and guess what? I didn't use them the whole damn time. I did have a baptism in this last area, leaving my grand total at 3. She was a 9 year old girl who's father wasn't active. So after the baptism the dad comes to pick his wife and daughter up and he notices the dickhead ward mission leader talking to his wife and get pissed off. He thinks the mission leader was trying to hit on his wife and he tells him that his wife and daughter will not be seen at this church ever again. And we never saw them. *Sigh* You can see how successful I was on my mission.

I hope Steve Benson posts on this thread.

I had 14 companions too. When you consider that sisters are only out for 18 months, that is a lot. Any former sister missionaries out there who had more?

Actually, I only had thirteen (fourteen "in spirit"). But yeah, starting off with a threesome and then two other threesomes in the middle of my mission made for many companions. Yet those companionships only lasted for a week (the first one) and then one month each for the other two threesomes. Otherwise I was with companions for the usual two months but for three months, fortunately, with my favorite companion. Other females need to chime in!

Let me preface with this: I went on a mission as a last ditch effort to gain a testimony / become a good Mormon. Prior to my mission, I lived on my own in Las Vegas for a year (a fun place to be a single 18 year old kid with a good job), but then I decided for my parents’ sake to give the religion thing a try. I repented, prayed, fasted and studied for a year with weekly meetings with my Bishop before I went into the MTC.
I have not spoken with anybody about my companions in any depth. I can’t remember most of the names and if I do, I’m not sure how accurate they are (Japanese pronunciation of Northern European names can be confusing), but here I go.

MTC: #1 Lasted about a week and a half. We were in the MTC for GC, and everyone was watching (this was back in the day when the Japan missions set up the chairs color-coded to look like the Japanese Flag). Between sessions, we went back to our room. I went to take a dump, he went into the room to pack. Found him ready to go. He told me he couldn’t take it anymore and that a mission wasn’t for him. With my history, I empathized with him. I walked him to the curb, wished him luck, and watched him get on a bus out of there. Went back to GC and told my MTC DL what had happened. This ran up the chain of command, and the next day (Monday), I was called into the MTC MP’s office where the MP proceeded to rip me a new one. All I could think was that he was a pompous ass-hat. Can’t remember his name, but he was the MTC pres who would go around saying “I Love You” to each missionary in whatever language they were heading into. Major league douche bag.
#2&3: Melded into a threesome with the other two missionaries in the room. They were great guys and became great missionaries. The 24 year old guy from Oregon became an AP - one of the rare ones that every missionary looked up to. The cowboy from central Utah became a very popular and loved missionary who had lots of success wherever he went.

Field #1: Guy from California. Really nice guy. He was five months short from going home and wanted a bean before he left. Enter me. He worked my ass off. Had my study like a mo-fo. Took me on runs in the morning, to the gym on p-day. But I liked him. I transferred out after a few months. After I left I heard he went trunkey and spent the last two months in the apartment playing the guitar, being a tourist, eating with friends...whatever.

#2 Japanese guy from Sendai. Total ass-hat. A complete idiot. But he sure was a good video game player. Two months of hell with him, then he left. The only thing notable was that it was during this time I broke the seal and masturbated for the first time in over a year.

#3 Utah guy (I think). Super nice guy. He let me split with the other Junior in the apartment so that I could get a taste of being a Senior Companion. We found and taught a family (very rare in Japan), and they seemed Golden. Our last appointment with them before I transferred out, we got a baptismal commitment from them. Well, husband said “YES!” and the wife said “....what?” My companion didn’t hear the wife, only the husband. I heard the wife, but I was really starting to realize that the whole thing was BS, so I decided not to say anything. Could have done the old “Resolve Concern” thing, but I didn’t. Later found out that was the last time the family met with the missionaries and it totally crushed my companion. Sometimes I wish that I did do the old Resolve Concern just to make his mission more palatable, but I didn’t. Oh well.

#4 Crazy half-Japanese from Oregon. No language skills. No skills, period. I was his Junior, but I acted as Senior. A couple of months and he was gone.

#5 Guy from...Oklahoma? with crazy good Japanese (could even read) but no desire to do any quantifiable missionary work. He spent at least a month developing flyers for an English class that he was going to teach and glean investigators from. By this time, I really didn’t give a rat’s ass what we did. We did have some fun, though. We broke into an abandoned hotel and took a bunch of really nice futons and pillows. We hopped a fence at a huge Buddhist shrine and took flash photography of the signs that said “No Flash Photography”. Hung out at the park under the sakura trees and ate like crazy people. He let me go on frequent splits with the other Junior companion in our apartment (a complete idiot from someplace in Nevada). We watched “Tokyo Love Story” on a tv in the church and went to a few movies. Occasionally, I would drop him off at an arcade and then go a couple of blocks away to where this inactive really hot and semi-crazy 20-something year old female member with a thing for tall white boys lived. I knew where she lived because we were all warned not to go there by everyone. The idiot junior thought we were only kissing. HAH! Well, I guess I kissed many parts of her. I transferred out and never told the girl where I was going - or that I was going at all. After all, she was semi-crazy. I heard that the guy from Oklahoma was later arrested by the police for stealing old bikes from the train station and riding them down the huge stairways outside of the city office building. The old “I don’t speak Japanese” thing didn’t work too well for him.

#6 Some old bald guy from who-the-f-cares. He thought he should be the senior companion and complained or second guessed everything I did. Later on he apologized for being an ass-hat and said that I was the best companion he ever had.

#7 Japanese guy. Baptized and mission bound for a girl. She sent him a Dear John. He was confused and asked me why, if when he went to the temple and prayed about her, would he get a feeling that they were meant to be together if they weren’t? I told him it was because most of the answers to prayers are really nothing more than our own desires being manifested. Even in the temple. I am sure he went inactive after his mission. But I had fun in that area - met a bunch of really cool people and taught every day (hard to do in Japan). Then I transferred. A few of my finds were baptized after I left. This gave me a decent rep that I totally didn’t deserve.

#8 Some total TBM long time pedigree Mormon. Buildings at Ricks have his family’s name on them. Nice guy, was with him for a month so that he could show me around the neighborhood (his previous Senior was a total ass who left with no contacts whatsoever. That senior ass was made AP so that the MP could keep a closer eye on him).

#9 I think that this guy was from California. Maybe. We worked hard. By the time he left me, we had baptismal commitments from a family of four (very rare), a young high school kid, and a 22 year old girl. We were supposed to turf the girl off to the sisters, but I hated the sisters (they absolutely sucked at everything they did - they even blew me in to the MP for not wanting to spend Christmas with them. Jesus...) so I got special permission to teach her. Besides, she was attractive and she and I had palpable chemistry. Anyway, this guy left before we could reap the fruits of our labor.

#10 He came in to help me finish up my baptisms - which would strengthen his testimony and make him want to complete his mission (which he didn’t want to do) - and then send me home. His Japanese was awful so I could say anything and he would have no idea what I was talking about. So, during the first month he was with me, the ZL in the next town over took my family from me because he said that the family was closer to his ward than my ward. The ZL f’ed it up and the family vanished. I dunked the high school kid even though he was an idiot (most converts in Japan are). And I started sneaking out at night and hooking up with the 22 year old girl. The last month he was with me was my last month in country, so I cashed in all of my chips. I had been in this area for about 6 months or so (my timeline is really screwed up because it’s been so long since I’ve thought about this stuff) so I had lots of friends all over the town. Old ladies from my calligraphy (I was a student) and English (I was the teacher) classes took us out to really nice lunches almost every day. Evenings were filled with dinners with various not-interested-in-religion-but-liked-Americans friends. Bath house almost every night to meet up with our heavily tattooed friends (read: Yakuza) where we sat in the steam room and watched baseball. Played some Pachinko and won a few yen. Went and saw several local bands play at clubs. Karaoke frequently with some local teenagers. Occasional dinner with some members for appearance. Sneaking out about two or three times a week for some goodness with my “investigator”. He was the perfect companion for me to end my mission with. Clueless about the language and customs (gave me more freedom to do all I wanted to do). Apathetic about mission work. Too introverted and miserable to say anything to anyone else about my comings and goings. Oh, that my whole mission was like that. Well, it was close, but it could have been SOOOO much more.

On the flight home with the Cowboy from Utah (the Oregon guy extended because he was needed as AP), we were bumped up to business class because of an overbooking in coach with some school group going to America. Best way to spend a super duper long flight. I tried to get my old MTC companion to have a beer with me to celebrate the end, but he didn’t. He was a little rogue in the mission and I would be surprised if he were still active. So close to having the perfect ending to my mission.

Went to church maybe five times after I got home (one was my homecoming talk - everyone felt the spirit and cried and said what a wonderful missionary I was) and then stopped. Haven’t been in a Mormon church in over 15 years.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/07/2013 10:34PM by submissionary.

That was fun to read. I remember that MTC prez. His name was Pinegar. His wife had a big bowl of pennies on her desk. We were instructed to come in, take a penny and put it in our shoe. This way when we felt the discomfort of the penny, we would remmber jesus or some such.

I remember him getting on the loud speaker and doing his "I love you" schtick. We'd all cheer when he said "Ai shite imasu".

I remember doing the chairs.

Not all mormon memories are bad.

MTC: Threesome, one gal from Wisconsin, sweet but not the brightest bulb in the pack, had a beautiful voice; 2nd, super TBM from some small town in Utah (can't remember where), incredibly annoying and sure she knew everything. Was constantly pissed off because I memorized the discussions instantly (photographic memory) and she really struggled with that. She was also angry because comp #1 and I could both sing and she couldn't.

1 - Trainer: Horrible, horrible person. She was on her last month and didn't want to do anything. I was sincerely trying to be a good missionary and she yelled at me when I asked about stuff I thought we were supposed to be doing. She was furious that I finished all my training stuff in about two weeks and kept trying to find ways to make me mess it up. She spent about five hours every day on the phone with a guy she met in one of her earlier areas (she married him right after her mission) so I did a lot of reading. She was so incredibly nasty to me it was unbelievable and at that point I didn't have the self confidence to call her on it. One of the most miserable times of my life.

2 - Hawaiian sister, for her final two months. She was awesome, we got along great and she had been with my trainer before and knew how awful she was. Helped me feel better about the whole experience. We were almost shot by a guy on a ranch one time, a woman tried to poison us and there was a satanic cult among the youth of our ward that was uncovered and several kids arrested for mutilating pets while we were there. Someone also broke into our apartment and wrote death threats on the the walls. I was transferred and the area shut down when she went home - not because of us, because it was determined not to be a safe area for missionaries (duh!). Good times.

3 - Got the sweet but dim comp from the MTC, they made me her Sr Comp and she resented the hell out of that but did her best to get over it so we got along ok. She also had narcolepsy and seriously fell asleep while walking across the room, down the street, teaching discussions, etc. A very, very strange two months.

4 - Got a local girl who was 18 as a temp comp because there was a serious shortage of sisters. We were in the city which was awesome. She was super-cool and we had a blast, got hit on contstantly everytime we were out and taught a lot of discussions to young single guys. We actually did missionary work too.

5 - Gal from UT who was BFF with my trainer and we started out hating each other. Ended up comps for 3 mos though and worked through it, ended up friends, still in touch. Long after were both home she told me my trainer had lived w/her for a couple of months while her husband (guy she dated on her mission) was in basic training and she saw what this woman was really like. Apologized for giving me a hard time based on trainer's words when were were first together, which I appreciated.

6 - Gal from CA, we worked hard and had a fantastic time together. Were in touch until I left the church, she has since disappeared, bummer, but. . . .

7 - Another Gal from UT, turns out she had bulimia and got sent home for med reasons, but we got along really well, liked her.

8 - Gal from Columbia, super cool, we got along great, wish I had kept in touch with her but can't even remember her full name.

9 - Another gal from CA. We got along great, she made me go to Dr. after being sick for months, ended up getting sent home with Lyme's Disease a couple of months early.

Really, other than the one MTC comp and my trainer, I had great comps, got along with the rest of them pretty well.

It always amazes me the power of France to turn an RM into an Exmo. A large portion of missionaries to France end up leaving the church.

Venezuela, Apr 1998 - 2000

I started the MTC in the "intermediate" Spanish class since I'd studied it in high school and was kind of okay. We focused exclusively on Spanish for 2 weeks before joining an incoming "advanced" class (those who were already fluent), at which point we stopped studying Spanish. Since we couldn't get a visa to Venezuela, though, I had to stay all 10 weeks.

MTC #1: He basically treated the MTC like an extension of his high school; his friends had all come to the MTC at the same time and all he wanted to do was hang out with them. This guy was in the advanced class, so he only stayed around the 4 weeks to learn to manipulate people into the cult and headed out. We had to switch rooms about 2 weeks in from a girls to a guys dorm to make room for incoming sisters. Up until that point, I hadn't had to deal with the "tree of life" showers. I got to take a few field trips with this guy: once to the dentist to fix a filling or something, and once to the emergency room when he was having really bad stomach cramps.

MTC #2: Was with this guy a week until he left the MTC. Honestly don't remember him.

MTC #3: His pet peeve was people who looked at his food while he was eating. Another week and he was gone.

MTC #4: Another room change, another week-long companionship.

MTC #5 / #6: Switched rooms yet again to join a threesome; some native Spanish speakers who were trying to learn English to go stateside. We all accidentally slept in one Sunday, but they got some bread and water cups and we held our own sacrament service. Of of the guys was ridiculously ticklish... If you even brushed up against him he was on the floor. Weird.

After this, they finally sent me to Venezuela. We had gone through all 6 discussions and most of the "new member" discussions... We were basically just killing time. I don't know why they waited the full 10 weeks; I found out later that they never actually got visas for Venezuela and we were just overstaying tourist visas anyway.

Anyone else have 6 companions in 4 different rooms in the MTC?

#1: I started in an apartment with 3 native guys and me (baptism by fire, but helped with my Spanish). This guy had a huge case of "little man's disease." He really resented being only 5'2". (I'm 6'3".) Every time someone would comment on it (el alto y el bajo!) he'd get furious. Tried to lord it up with me. Mostly I didn't care, but once he tried to push me, so I pushed him back. (I barely moved. He went flying.) Also had a thing for keys: I could never, ever have the keys. The one time he voluntarily gave them up was because he was carrying so much shit he couldn't use them, and I wasn't about to carry his stuff. After he put it down, he demanded the keys back IMMEDIATELY. I held out just to annoy him, and he went ballistic. WOW...

He had a thing for one of the recent converts. We would hang out at her house, and went to her graduation (and took pictures). I watched "Ransom" at her house, my first R-rated movie. He'd chat on the phone with her and went on splits with one of the other elders quite often. Sadly for him, she took a liking to me instead, and wrote me a love letter on cloudy paper with a silver pen. Really hard to read, perfume all over it. Being the gay boy I was, I had zero interest and forwarded the letter to the MP. I was transferred quickly. Had a few baptisms in the area.

#2: Native guy. Good cook. Pretty serious about working, but willing to relax and have a bit of fun. (I was pretty uptight, but would rarely object to goofing off a bit; I just felt really guilty afterwards.) Liked a visit with people a lot. When he found out he was being transferred we went and visited all of our "investigators," several of whom cried that he was leaving. One even asked for the MP's name and phone number to convince him to leave him there. Spent every night listening to music on his headphones.

#3: American, good guy, last few months of his mission, horny as hell. Pointed out all the cute half dressed girls. (Probably wondered why I didn't seem to care.) He'd served in the area before, and all the members complimented him that he actually spoke Spanish now. My Spanish was better than his, which annoyed the hell out of him. We worked hard. One night as we were heading home a bit late, one of our investigators drove up and asked if we wanted to go to McDonald's with them (a real treat in Venezuela). To my surprise, he said, "Yes. Yes I do." and off we went. It wasn't in our district or even our zone. We got back at like 11. :)

Once on splits with the ZL in this area we were pulled off a bus and asked for ID. Since we only had photocopies of our passports they hauled us off to a holding cell where we spent three or four hours.

Didn't have any baptisms with #2 or #3, so I felt like a failure, but learned later that 3 or 4 of our investigators were baptized the month after I left.

#4: Transferred to a new area with a kind of anti-social American companion. Never really got to know the guy. Learned the area, then he left.

#5: American. He had brain cancer when he was 10, and the radiation treatment killed the hair down the middle of his head, so he shaved the rest. People would regularly yell out "Coco pelado!" (peeled coconut) at him. (God I got sick of people yelling out whatever they wanted.) He had a wig he would sometimes wear for laughs. (His first day in the MTC, they told him he needed a haircut, so he took if off and asked, "Like THIS?") Really nice, genuine guy. The house we lived in belonged to a member, and had a locked room that we weren't supposed to go into, but another missionary living there jimmied it with a credit card and pulled the TV/VCR out so we could watch movies. We limited ourselves to Disney stuff. I learned later that the member freaked out about that and made the missionaries move somewhere else.

#6: I got transferred to the "hole" (mission office) as the Financial Clerk. Learned everything I needed to know from the outgoing Financial Clerk (American) for a month until he went to a new area. I learned from him that the Spanish words for "handcuffs" and "wives" were both "esposas." Seems appropriate, somehow. Also learned that Venezuelans don't really know what to do with air conditioning. Every air conditioned building I was in there (including the mission office) was freezing!

#7: Was companions with another of the office elders for 6 months. Spent most of our time in the mission office taking care of everything. I got a picture of myself with 1,000,000 bolivars on my desk. I'm very good with computers, (already knew how to program them) and what I had to do didn't keep me busy, but we kept standard office hours, so I spent a lot of time goofing off. The other office elders had a running contest going on the computer pinball game. They'd got so competitive that they finally drove me nuts, so I went in and set myself a high score of 1,000,000,000 just to get them to finally shut up.

On weekends and evenings, we pretended to tract, but neither one of us was hugely serious about it... burned out after the office. At night, he would sit on his bed picking his nose and wiping the boogers under his shelf. By the time we left it was like half an inch thick. He also snored. A LOT. I used to regularly kick him to shut him up so I could fall asleep. (I don't think he ever figured out what was happening.) We got along well.

#8: I got a new companion to train as Financial Clerk. I ended up being in the mission office 8 months, so I was definitely glad to be done. Was only with the guy for a month, but we got along okay. A few weeks after I was left, he was held up at gunpoint for all the money in the mission office.

You know, I just noticed that the entire time I was in Venezuela, there was never a native Financial Clerk. Every single one was American.

#9: New area, native companion. I was DL. He would tell me lots of stories about serving on the Columbian border in the Venezuelan military, trying to stop the drugs from coming in. Really nice guy, but we were jerks. The 3 English speakers (me included) would sit around talking in English.

#10: Greenie. Showed him the area, helped teach him Spanish, cautioned him on reading the graffiti aloud (lots of swear words).



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/08/2013 06:18PM by Xyandro.

This topic has been so entertaining to read that I stayed up late last night reading it and only got about four hours of sleep before I had to get up for work. I don't want to see this thread end so I decided to post and hopefully it keeps going.

1- MTC Comp: A nice guy from Utah but we didn't have much in common. I probably would have stayed in touch with him but after the mission he got into some Multi-Level Marketing stuff and I didn't want to be sold anything.

2- Trainer: He was kind to me be he was obnoxious. He taught me a lot but he loved to go tracting and I hated every minute of it. I considered lying and telling the MP that I had sex with my girlfriend so that I could get sent home.

3- The weirdest comp I had. Our beds were close together because our apartment was small and he would lay there every morning, hike up his garments to expose his pasty-white thighs, and pop zits on his legs. F___ing gross.

4- This guy had been out for a lot longer than me but he was being demoted to junior companion and I was made senior. He was a lot better at the language and better at interacting with the people than I was. He got in trouble though because he fell in love with a Filipina and proposed to her. We had a good time over-all.

5- This comp didn't like me because we had been out the same time and I was senior comp. I didn't give a sh!! and would have been happy being junior. Not like it realy mattered. I was happy just going with the flow and doing whatever he wanted.

6- Got my first greenie. We actually had a huge teaching pool and baptized several families (of which I feel bad about now). Because our numbers were good I was made DL while with him. We got along pretty well but he still disagreed with most of what I did and thought he could do better.

7- Number 6 got transfered out and I got another comp. 7 was Australian and pretty damn funny. I liked him but I could never tell if he liked me or just put up with me. Looking back I wish I wouldn't have tried so hard to have good numbers and would have just had more fun and got to know the Filipino people better.

8- I got transfered and became ZL. My comp was a super-hard-core salesman. What a pushy son-of-a-bitch. He was far from righteous but he would do anything to be the highest baptizing companionship in the mission.

That being said I actually had a lot of fun with him. He was a former MMA fighter. One time a taxi driver tried to rip us off or something and this guy grabbed the driver, pulled him through the passenger door, and threw him on the ground. He had tattoos that people could see because his shirts didn't cover them up. A lot of people asked questions about that and I think it really annoyed him.

He talked the SP into buying us an air-conditioning unit for our apartment (the Philippines is hotter than President Monson's sweaty armpit and very few apartments had AC). Our electric bill ended up being about three times what the mission office budgeted for us so he bullied one of the office missionaries into paying the extra and hiding it from the MP. If this guy is on here I'd sure like to talk to him again one day.

9- Cool, laid-back comp. I actually got to pick him. MP asked me who I wanted and I picked him because he was laid back. Unfortunately I was a dumb-ass and worked to hard for good numbers instead of taking advantage of the situation. Before he served with me he had tripped and cut his shin pretty bad. The crazy witch doctors in the Philippines gave him stitches but they gave him - and I'm not kidding - a SPINAL TAP instead of local anesthesia.

10- Last comp and also the only native comp I had. I loved this guy. He was humble but energetic, a great cook, great attitude, and put up with my BS. I was only with him a month before I went home. The last two weeks of my mission we were mostly stuck at home because there was a crazy typhoon and severe flooding.

I ended up going home a month early. I was getting so burned out that I asked the MP to send me home with the batch of missionaries ahead of me. He complied with not much protest. I think he knew I was quiet but when I did make a request I was set in my decision.

I enjoy these missionary threads. I never went on a mission and enjoy hearing about them. They are different than anything I ever heard at a Homecoming.

A question: How is a Senior Companion picked? Is that decision made by the MP? My brother served a mission to the West Indies in 1989 and never made Senior Companion....

I varies from mission to mission. Sometimes it's the MP. Sometimes it's the APs. Sometimes its a coin flip. There are a lot of missionaries who crave leadership and play a lot of politics.

It's usually the missionary who has been out longer unless the one out longer is a major "problem elder". The mission president ultimately decides what happens at each transfer but he gets input from others - mostly the APs. (AP = Assistant to the President - these are missionaries that are over all the other missionaries.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2013 04:38PM by bc.

I never made senior either. I was co-senior for a couple of months, but just didn't want it. I've never been much of a salesman.

O



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2013 02:52AM by misterzelph.

Here is another experience from a female's perspective.

MTC Experience

Unofficial Companions 1 and 2: I had a really interesting MTC experience. I was a solo sister because there were only 3 people in my MTC district - two elders and me. Half way through the MTC, one of the elders got sent home.The elder that got sent home was from Utah and was really nice. Then it was just me and the other elder in our district. We had to get special permission to be in the classroom alone together. This guy was from Colorado and was such an idiot. It was a struggle to be in the same room together. He was always making ignorant comment and stupid jokes. He did help me with my French pronunciation though, so that was nice. Most of our time in the MTC was spent together. He was really my unofficial companion for my MTC experience.

Official MTC Companions 1 and 2: When I was in the dorms or had gym then I was in a threesome with two girls from the other French district. One was from Washington and the other from Utah. They were very nice and we had a good time together, but I didn't get to know them to well.

Official MTC Companion 3: She was also a solo sister that came in about six weeks after me. She had mono, but still had a ton of energy. She was so sweet and thoughtful.

1- My trainer and also my first real companion. I was so happy to get away from the jerk Elder from my MTC district. She was from Pennsylvania and it was her last transfer.Her French wasn't great and when I asked for help with the language sometimes, she would give me a totally way off explanation. I didn't find that out though until my next companion.

We worked really hard, but sometimes she could go to far. After about 4 weeks together, we were out contacting all day and the heat was so bad. I started to sunburn quite badly, but she refused to let us go to the apartment and for me to get some sunscreen, even though we were a block away.

She had an interesting family situation. Her dad had become an ex-mo when she was a child, but her mom had stayed in the church. Her three brother all eventually left the church, but she decided to go to BYU and go on a mission. Apparently her dad did not like this (I can understand why now). He sent her letters with the truth about church history. After awhile, she had to have the mission president screen her letters and her dad was not allowed to email her. The mission president promised my trainer that her dad would come back to the church because of her mission. I wonder if the her dad is on here.

2- Sweet, hardworking, and beautiful girl from Oklahoma. She had only been out for two transfers more than me, when we were put together to open a new area for the sisters. She stressed out too much all the time though. I was always trying totalk her off the ledge of thinking she was never doing enough. She ended up marrying an AP from the mission who I thought was a huge jerk.

3- A narcissist from Utah. She was super tall and looked like she could be a model, but she was such a jerk. She never followed any of the rules, but not in a fun way. She just liked to do things the hard way and wouldn't listen to me. She complained about everything I did. She would never let me say anything during lessons and finally I stopped trying. She seriously stressed me out.

4- Real fun girl from Britain. She was such a great cook, but she was also so messy. I'm not the neatest person in the world and even I thought her mess was excessive, so it was pretty bad. I would spend hours cleaning the small studio apartment on P-day and then she would cook something and use every single dish that I had just washed by hand. Other than that though, I really did enjoy being with her. It was her last transfer. She also ended up marrying an elder from our mission, but I thought that he was very nice though.

5- Hands down worst companion of the mission. She was a native from Paris. She wanted to be an actress and she was always so dramatic. She would pretend to be your best friend and then treat you like dirt the next day. I was so stressed out that I stopped eating and I lost a lot of weight, even though I was already quite thin. She also would practically run to places instead of walking. She contacted everybody before I even got a chance, so my numbers were bad. We had to report our individual contacts each night along with our other numbers. Seriously, having to be with that person all the time was my version of hell. The worst six weeks of my life.

6- Another native French speaker, but this time from Tahiti. She was very nice if not a little naive about things. She had an island mentality, and didn't always want to work so hard. I wish now that I had indulge that side of her more. She helped me so much with my French.

7- Sweet, smart, and fun girl from Utah. This was my first time as senior comp. It was really fun working together. We work really hard and had a lot of fun. She told me that she didn't know missions could be fun before we were paired up together. When we made our goals for the week, I made sure that we also came up with fun goals like trying every type of pastries in the French bakeries. The best companion of my mission.

8- A native from Paris. We were only together for three weeks before the end of my mission. She was very nice and she forced me to take care of myself when I got sick and lost my voice. She was really nice and very smart.

MTC: naive elder from South Jordan or Sandy who turns out to be gay too. Had a hard time in the MTC, and broke down a bit when he couldn't remember the First Vision scripture during a lesson.

1: d-bag from California who bought a fancy tie every p-day. He didn't like me much at all and wasn't much of a trainer. Definitely wanted to be a Zone Leader/AP but never was. He never talked to me again after we were no longer companions. One of my favourite memories of him is when we were walking across a parking lot and a guy hit on him and stroked one of his fancy ties. He was so uncomfortable, it was great.

2: chill, fun guy who got me to relax a bit (thank god). made every day fun. we set a goal to improve our English accents by doing all companionship study and planning in an accent; that didn't last long but it was a good time!

3: had this one for 4.5 months and we hated each other for the first 2 months or so. I was the most "disobedient" with this companion--AKA when it was December and freezing cold and we were soaked from the drizzling rain, we went home at 7 or 8pm instead of 9. Poor guy didn't get any Christmas presents.

4: Got me back into ship-shape and made us tract a minimum of 20 hours per week (sometimes more like 25). Interesting guy.

5: From Northern Ireland, and changed the course of my mission. Nice, but extremely egotistical. We had a lot of success, but it was mostly him getting everyone and their dog to agree to get baptised; the lady that was baptised my first week with him apparently only got baptised because he told her she'd go to hell if she didn't do it.

6: Fun, smart guy who was in my MTC group. Joked around a lot but worked hard.

7: Stereotypical Utah Mormon. I trained this one and he was pretty homesick (probably because he had several girls waiting for him at home and he missed his 5-hour make out sessions with them).

8: Chinese speaking white kid from Arizona. Very homophobic but easy enough to get along with. Very eager to be a leader in the mission but that never happened.

9: Fun/crazy guy from Canada. Hated him at first because he threw me under the bus when he was my district leader, but ended up enjoying our transfer together.

10: Hated this one for a few weeks too, but then grew to like him. We got our British drivers' licenses together and its a pretty traumatic experience so that helped us bond :P Except he had promised his trainer (my 9th companion) that he would never reveal his first name to anyone but other missionaries, so it was pretty awkward when the examiner on my practical driving test realized that my companion's name wasn't "Roberto."

11: English rapper. Awesome guy, still in contact today. We had a tough time because we white-washed an area after a senior couple went home, and they had supposedly "prepared" 10-20 people to be baptised by us. Got there, and none of those people wanted to talk to us because they only liked the Sr couple as friends and nothing else. Mission pres ripped me a new one because it was apparently my fault none of these people wanted to be baptised.

12: Near-silent kid from Idaho. This was my last transfer and I had been demoted to district leader, which made me much happier! I liked this companion because he was up for whatever I wanted to do, which included seeing a castle that was slightly outside of our area boundaries. Good kid.

MTC: From Indiana. Great sense of humor. We were both Monty Python fans. I soon learned that on my mission, a good sense of humor would make or break the companionship. If we laughed at all the same things, we got along great. We walked around the MTC speaking gibberish to one another so everyone would think we were going foreign.

1: From Utah. Sense of humor bugged me. We did NOT get along. I blame mostly myself. In retrospect, all my comps were nice guys. He bought an old truck when I was with him. He only had four months to go. He was missing the bottom half of one of his legs from a farming accident when he was a kid. He sold me his bike (for way too much) and I hardly used it after that. (It wasn't as cool as the mountain bikes all the jock missionaries had.)

2: From New Mexico (I think?), but only for three days. He wasn't really assigned to me. He was filling in for his old comp (my new one) while he was recovering from surgery on his ankle. Cute guy. I think he had mixed Native American and latino heritage.

3: From Chicago. Handsome and smart. Great sense of humor. We were together for three months. I liked him a lot, but he was a total jerk at dinner appointments. I was always embarrassed and nervous around the member families because of that. But we got along great on our own. Saw his d*ck once when we were both changing after doing baptisms. Very nice. (I think that was the only comp d*ck I saw, unless you count my hunky Idaho roommate in the MTC. Woof!)

4: From North Carolina. Farmboy, complete with Southern drawl. Nice guy. Liked Eddie Murphy. Later on, he secretly got engaged to a member lady that we had met separately when we both served at different times in the same area. I got their wedding announcement later on my mission after he had left.

5: From LA. Sexy-ass Samoan dude. Built like two football players. Former gang member with a big scar on his torso where some other gang member stabbed him. We had NOTHING in common.

6: From Massachusetts. Nerdy, goofy, and quirky, but likeable. I think I irritated him. He didn't know how to drive so I did all the driving. I've wondered since if he was also gay.

7: From Southern California. Gorgeous! Sexy, muscular physique (body builder), but short with dark hair, like so many Italian boys from my hometown. I would have fallen in love, probably, except he was straight. (Sigh.) I made him laugh and laugh. Unfortunately, we were only together one month, because...

8: From I-can't-remember-where, but he was caught gambling and punished by being sent to me, I guess. I resented him breaking me up with my favorite companion thus far, so every little thing irritated me. Three months of discomfort.

9: From California (I think). Cute with a great sense of humor. Liked Chevy Chase. Got hit in the head with a rock from across the street by another missionary (who was just trying to get our attention). Like an idiot, I let him take a nap after that instead of taking him to the hospital to see about concussion. I bumped into him in a student ward years after, so he apparently survived.

10: From I-can't-remember-where. One month. I hated it. He was by-the-book. He insisted on saying, "Love you" every night (which I hated) after companionship prayer (which I also hated). Weird: The only time I felt good with him was when we tracted, which was seldom.

11: From Canada. Loved this guy. Not bad looking for a skinny dude, and funny as hell. He cracked me up continuously. Naturally funny. The only guy who could fart and make me laugh about it. He became my all-time favorite. Three glorious months. Tons of practical jokes on the sister missionaries (all of which were reciprocated).

12: From I-can't-remember-where. One month. Cute tall, thin dude. He kept blowing in my ear in the car on a split once and cracking himself up over it, so I playfully grabbed his ass on the way up to our apartment. He laughed, and I pretended it was all a joke. Oh my GOD, that ass... And I had never touched one before. Mmmmmmmm.

13: From I-can't-remember-where. Two months. Got along okay, but was constantly farting at night in the bedroom and irritating the hell out of me in other ways from time to time. The microwave in our apartment stayed on when you opened the door. Yikes.

14: From Sweden. Two months and sent me home. Would occasionally ask, "What does _____ mean?" Totally random words that you always use in conversation, but never think about the definition. I was always stumped. Nice guy.

I was an underachiever the whole time, except when my companion took the lead as an achiver (#3). Never even made District Leader. Never really wanted to. They were all just guys. What was the f*cking point?

Agreed--no point to it all. I wish I would have realized that at the time, it would have saved me a lot of stress and could have been an awesome time.

Where was your mission, Mr. Neutron?

This is entertaining to read. Reading about others’ experiences brings back a lot of memories.
I will put in some notes about housemates (usually 4 elders to a house in my mission) in addition to companions because there is some hilarious stuff. In fact, I had so many easy-going good comps that there isn’t much interesting to say about a lot of them. Housemates are another story.
MTC: Relative of a G.A. from Provo and was kind of arrogant and stuck up. We got along quite well and had a lot of fun in the MTC. He was the district leader for our MTC district and he took it very seriously. He was really uptight about issues between elders, which he saw as his responsibility to solve. He admired my casual, everything will turn out fine, attitude. I really only made him mad one time. We were going to the temple on p-day and just as we were arriving there I realized I hadn’t put on a garment top – I was still new at the garment thing. Well I thought that would be some kind of a mortal sin to go through the temple without my g-top, so I made him walk all the way back to our room so I could put one on.
Trainer: Great guy, still a good friend. He was a hard worker and pretty obedient, but we had a great time together. He took me to a couple of leadership meetings despite the fact that junior comps were supposed to stay behind. He was on the verge of going home and wanted to hear all about pop culture and life back home. We got split up too soon, but remained housemates for a while.
#3: Native. Really good guy again. We struggled at first to get any baptisms and at one point he suggested that it must be my fault because he had really repented of any sins and perhaps I hadn’t (maybe he was right). At any rate, we did begin to have success as I learned how to take charge and manipulate people into getting baptized. He was a little up-tight, but as usual I just teased him about it and he eventually broke down and we got along well. Always called him by his first name instead of Elder ** because it drove him crazy.
So my trainer goes with another comp at this point, we’re all in the same house. His comp is a native and a kleptomaniac. He is always saying and doing creepy things with the local young ladies. He steals anything that isn’t tied down. We first find out when I see young women members with some American candy and gum that I had brought along but not handed out to anyone. This dude stole it from my suitcase and was passing it out to chicks. My trainer leaves a used-up phone card in an obvious place, waits for the klepto to steal it and then busts him and confronts him. Klepto is eventually sent home for stealing a giant teddy bear and giving it to a young lady.
After trainer and kepto leave another couple of guys move in and they fight like cats and dogs every night. Very entertaining. Me and #3 just laugh at it.
#4: Short-term stint with an outgoing ZL. We had tons of success in a very short time, setting up a coming long tenure as a ZL for me. He had the ear of the president and told him to move me up the ladder. This would turn out to be a privilege, not because I cared about prestige or anything, but because ZLs were comps and because of that I generally had good comps – none of the lazy, stupid, psycho types because they weren’t made ZLs.
#5 My first greenie. A kid from Cali. Nice guy, a little up-tight. He wants so bad to be successful but is struggling with language. I’m a little mean to him and laugh at his struggles with language. He bitches me out about it, as well he should, and we end up getting along ok.
#6: My second and last greenie. A kid from the Southern U.S., accent and all. He had a hard time getting his thoughts off what he had left behind, including a hot girlfriend that gave amazing bjs. (This was way before they “raised the bar” on missionary service). We became very close friends.
#7: Native. This guy was a native of a particular type. Old line native lds family, desperate to climb the social/leadership ladder in mission – always after big numbers and big status. We barely tolerated one another, but was short lived as I was transferred to a ZL position.
#8: Spent 6 months with this guy, also a native. We became great friends even though we got sick of each other after so much time. He wasn’t massively motivated and I kind of set the tone for how hard we worked, which was pretty hard at first. Later on, we fell into a routine that involved lots of time at members’ houses just chatting.
Tons of crazy (literally) and bad housemates in this city. Two that never worked and spent time scheming/flirting with local babes about hooking up after mission (who knows whether there was hooking up during mission). One guy was the laziest missionary ever, bar none. He was a waste of space. One day I was left alone with him and a members’ baby died. I had to handle it all and do funeral all on my own (in this country you are buried pretty much the day you die – no embalming). Later two americans that both went, literally, nuts. They spent a lot of time in bed, in their room, being depressed or crazy or whatever. Both go home early, one after he has a complete breakdown in mission office and breaks a window and other stuff in the office. To this day I don’t know what drove these guys over the brink. May have been the voodoo drums at night (almost every night in this area).

#9: Another native with unbridled ambitions, like #7 but worse. All he cared about was getting big baptism numbers so that he could gain prestige in the mission. He wanted to baptize anyone and everyone regardless of their actual attitude toward church or their behavior, such as continued smoking, drinking or sex. I’m ashamed to say I went along with baptizing some people that really shouldn’t have been. Probably got along with him the worst of anybody. He would want to have endless social visits with these boring members in the evenings and I was tired and just wanted to go home. One night while he was endlessly engaging in inane conversation with members, I just got up and walked home by myself. He was pissed. It was awesome. I got worms in this area and one day I barfed in the street and some gross dog came and ate it. No housemates, but we lived with a lady that had a tv and we watched a Mike Tyson fight among other things – that ages me!
#10: Back to an American. A good guy, pretty quiet. We got along and worked pretty hard, but didn’t become close friends. One day he wanted to go play basketball and I really did not – so we just split up. I went home by myself and he went and played ball by himself. A total mission taboo! Of course, in reality it was no big deal. Neither of us was killed or tempted by satan into doing something terrible.
Later one of my former housemates from this area got sent home for quasi-banging a single mother member that I knew well. I say quasi banging because the full details of the event were related by the president in an area meeting to all missionaries. And I mean full details. We were regaled with the tale of how this elder entered the woman but only got a couple of pumps in before he felt guilty and stopped. I will never forget the president shouting, “And he didn’t even orgasm elders!” (I am not joking or making this up!). three-pump chump got exed and sent home. I’d been on splits with this kid a bunch of times, he was just a poor uneducated kid that never was able to learn the language and fit in. I’m sure he stood no chance whatsoever when this woman actually paid attention to him.
#11: Nearing the end of the mission. Got put with another trunkey elder. We didn’t accomplish much. A couple of times we went to the newsstand and bought x-men comic books and spent the day reading them. One day we went to the neighboring city in our zone to borrow their water pump. Decided to rent a movie and watch it with the guys there. Well the dick branch president finds out and tells on us. We were both “demoted” from our ZL positions and transferred.
#12: For my punishment I got put in a bad neighborhood with a native companion that was “slow” and just not 100% there mentally. He pretty much couldn’t read and couldn’t teach a discussion at all. I had a member-friend in the area that basically became my companion. We lived in a smelly nasty apartment and slept on mattresses on the floor. My housemates were newish missionaries that were the ZL’s. They had an attitude of superiority around me because they knew of my demotion and grievous sin of having watched a movie. All in all, I like my illiterate comp and it was good end to the mission.