When I was in my 20's, I didn't want them because I believed global thermonuclear war was imminent and I didn't want to be responsible for having brought someone into the world just to have them die in such a miserable way.
By the time I was in my early 40's I was glad I hadn't had them because I didn't want to be responsible for having brought someone into a world that's a miserable place to live (and die) because of climate change/global warming.
Of course there's still the chance of global thermonuclear war. Now I'm pretty certain it would more likely end up being regional thermonuclear war. But really that's not much better. I mean we're talking thermonuclear war here.
Same here. I romanticized marriage and parenthood as a teen and in my twenties, but no longer. I've witnessed too much anguish. I'm in my mid-thirties now, and the biological urge has evaporated. Yay! The freedom of being childless is incredible. There are enough people on this planet, anyway.
My parents had friends who were childless by choice and I never understood it. How could someone who was once a child and seemed to relish making me laugh not want kids of their own? Well, now I get it--and I'm a parent. Haha. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. Before my son was born I wanted 4. Now he's 3 and the s/o and I are seriously thinking about having him be the last. The TBM in-law's just cannot conceptualize how we could fathom not having more.
It's the people who start/continue procreating when they know they don't/shouldn't be who are the bad ones. The ones (like my mother) whose kids can't figure out why their parents even started are the crappy ones.
I'm the only one out of my siblings that used birth control (i'm reasonably sure about that). I'm the only one who didn't have a pile of kids. I had two,and then made the choice to have no more. As a mormon, I always felt a bit looked down on for not having more kids. Many snide comments were made to me about this topic.
My daughter had her first baby at age 30. I wouldn't be surprised if its her last. She's observed her friends that have more than one, and doesn't think she wants to go that route. She has a choice. She doesn't have the mormon guilt breathing down her neck.
My son is married, and I don't think they've totally made up their mind yet. They seem to be leaning toward having no kids. They also aren't mormon.
My kids left the church with me. They were both single and in their 20's when we did that. It's been a very good thing for them. They're at the stage where important life decisions are being made. They don't have to stop and consider what some old men in SLC think about their choices.
I was sad for many years that I had been unable to have children. Now, every time I call my cousin and hear her four kids screaming the whole time, listen to how her whole life is about dealing with them and their problems, I always hang up and feel like the fortunate one. I know people love their kids. That's great, but it's really not the only way to live. I do what I want, when I want. My time and my money are my own. I find deep fulfillment in working with others, including children, without having my own.
My TBM in laws didn't speak to DH and I for 6 months after he had a vasectomy. I have 2 children whom I love. But for me personally, there are other things in life I prefer doing than being a parent. And I no longer feel guilty about feeling that way.
Think long and hard before you bring a child into this world, they go to the top of your priority list and stay their till they are about 25 or so and then you still worry about them.
Fell no obligation to have children if that's not what you want.
If you don't want children then you shouldn't have them. It's rude of people to patronisingly tell you that one day you will want them.
My husband and I waited for a long time before having kids and I heard all sorts of things about how "selfish" I was. Or how no one thought we'd have children because I was...again...so selfish. To me, it was important to have children if/when I was ready. Luckily my husband was on board with that. In the end, we had 2, but I respect other people enough to let them decide what works best for them.
Some people do change their minds and others do not. Regardless, it is your life. Don't let others guilt you.If you are young, I would be open to the idea that you could feel differently a few years from now. If you don't, it is no one elses' business. Everyone doesn't have to be a parent.
I used to get really annoyed with comments people would make to me, but now I don't even care. And people quit making comments eventually, which is nice (they probably quit making them since I'm single now, but still...)
Live life in the way you would be happiest. I didn't realize having kids was a choice until recently. I think I still would have had my three but I wish I had at least known it was a choice first.
Children are constant, constant work. It is the biggest choice someone could make. Do what makes you happy!!! It is no one else's business.
We have four kids, six grandkids and soon to be four great grands. My wife and I often joke about how if we had known what we do now about kids, we would have raised cocker spaniels instead.
1. you REALLY want them and will love them a lot 2. you can pass a basic psyche exam for mental health 3. you can give them a good physical and emotional environment to be raised in
If only people who were really well equipped to have kids had them (especially mental health wise), then this world would rapidly become a better place. Everyone else should enjoy life and concentrate on improving their own mental, physical, and financial health, before they even consider having kids.