It's been a while since I posted last, been dealing with many things.

This evening, on the way to dinner, Mr. shocked the hell out of me.

Apparently, his mom went to tithing settlement a few weeks back. Lo and behold, her bish took it upon himself to let it be known that Mr. resigned. Bish also told her the date of resignation, March 2012. So she found out not only that her beloved only son is a filthy apostate, but that he'd been lying about it for almost a year. Whilst throwing me under the bus as a crazy, confused wife....
Wow.

I feel sad for him, not just because he will have to now face what has been in front of him for ten months, but also the repercussions from his tbm family.

I am also confused, furious at the bishop /the whole church, glad I can help him through this, and maybe hopeful that things will improve between us. Hopeful because now he understands first hand part of what I went through. I didn't lie about leaving though...

Anyway, I'm trying to be as supportive as I can. It's a strange twist of events. A bit of a role reversal. Making a conscious effort not to say I told you so, or anything along those lines.

But damn, it is extremely difficult to not go there. I used to wish that he would be able to feel what I felt, be in my shoes for even just a few moments. But now that these events have unfolded, I have realized that I wouldn't wish this bullshit on anyone. No one.

So, I might be asking for advice or venting a bit in the next little while.

His family is not nearly as militant as mine, but there are rough roads ahead. I am hoping that we will be able to weather the coming storm, together. Finally.

I think it's brilliant of you to steer clear of the "I told you so" path. He knows it and you know it, so no point in throwing it in his face. Now you can be his hero as he faces the family Storm Troopers.

Maybe bishops are being instructed to watch for this kind of thing. I wouldn't put it past the church to give the bishops a list of such happenings in order to alert and encourage family members to pressure the wayward souls into returning to the fold.

Edited to add: Does this bishop know your husband?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2013 01:38AM by twojedis.

Nope. Never met him.
Seriously, I wouldn't put it past churchco.
Is that desperation I smell wafting from slc? Must be hemorrhaging tithepayers. Gotta pay those "modest stipends" for the lards anointed...

I love watching them shoot themselves in the foot like this.

Ambi, I've been thinking of you and hoping that everything was at least bearable, if not okay. Sorry that things have been wild.

That meddling bishop was completely out of line. Sooner or later the church is going to land itself in hot water from all the gossiping by the so-called leaders.

Anyway, you're a better person than I am for resisting the temptation to do the Toldya So Dance. Hopefully this will be a major wake up call for Mr.

I've been wondering and worrying about you. This sounds good.

Many of us have to find our own way out. I personally have to process a lot before I can act. Some would see it as procrastination or evasion but it really isn't. You are very wise my dear to allow him his own process.

I think it is good the bubble was burst. So, now is the time for all cards to be on the table finally. It is OK somehow that they weren't before.

I think more reinforcement by way of looking at the truth about the church is what helps the most at this point.

Once you figure out the lie, you are still conditioned to believe it. Brainwashing and indoctrination go deep. You are still conditioned to fit into your family in the same way--and they were part of the indoctrination. Many end up with a war inside of us for a time. This will rip you up for a while until you accept that everything will be different now and it will be OK.

One side of your brain knows its a lie and the other side is saying 'this is what I've always known, it feels right.' Your former indoctrination is still in a skirmish with your new critical skills.

It's not like a light switch for everyone. I am pulling for both of you.

Thanks :)
I've been thinking: Dealing with not only the loss of my culture, heritage, family ties as well as the past betrayals of Mr..

Maybe I had to reach this place to be more empathetic towards him? While the black little part of my heart wants to serve up the same dish, I just cannot. Maybe I can be for him what I hoped he would have been for me? It's not what I imagined, but I think I might be ready to be a strength for him.

Fuck churchco. They've taken enough from me. They cannot have my husband.
It's on.

You go, girl!

They can't have your husband, nor your children. As for the family ties, time will tell. Look at me, for example. A year ago, none of my exmo/jackmo siblings would have EVER predicted that I would leave the church, and now I'm out for time and all eternity. Who knows what will happen with some of your TBM siblings in the future?

Culture and heritage...well, you and Mr. can decide what you want to take from that and what you want to leave. It's all up to you now.

I have been through an extreme betrayal. At some point you have to choose between the future and the past.

You clearly have already picked one because when you say they can't have your husband, you've already chosen. The future is always the best choice, but the past can serve really well as leverage.

I've been impressed by you in many ways, and I am yet again in your reaction to this situation. I'm not so sure I would've resisted the temptation to say I told you so. For you to hardly even want to and just be concerned about him is commendable.

p.s. I don't know if this helps or hurts, but very likely the bishop didn't bring it up. When reviewing membership records at tithing settlement your children are listed and it if they resign from the church it blanks out their confirmation date. Or he may have brought it up, but it may be the organization that doesn't respect privacy as much as the person.

Good luck working through this. I have a hard time seeing how this is anything but a good thing for your marriage.

I believe your husband has solid grounds for a lawsuit against TSCC and that Bishop.

Hello R., good to hear from you again. I've been wondering about you, given the recent silent period.

I agree with the above posters' comments about not rubbing this in with an "I told you so". He knows it, painfully so, I imagine. Its been my experience that when given enough rope, the church will usually tie the knot in the noose and drop the trap door, all by itself.

Hopefully this draws the two of you closer together and puts you on the same path so you can live in reality and not hide from it. Pretense has a way of catching up with one, big time.

All the best from here...