I am so glad I get to define my relationships without the morg. All I wanted as a young, idealist TBM "daughter of god" was marriage and family. It never happened for me in my eleven years of singles wards.
I was a child of divorce. I cried when my parents announced it- with relief. Absolute relief. A resolute TBM, I went to church alone after my mother fell away. I was hoping sky daddy would notice how much I wanted to be worthy and follow his plan, and be on his side. After I moved to Kansas City, the most remarkable man came into my life. He had class and dignity, intellect and humor. I became his life companion until hep is sudden death in January.
Sorry to get off track. My point is that marriage was my dream, but at some point, all the brainwashing and promises that I'd meet "the one god intended" couldn't override what I OBSERVED about Mormon marriage; that for a great many, it was a mire of abuse, emotional manipulation, standards to high to meet, humor squashed, two people relegated to their roll instead being a person. I'm glad EVERY DAY that I stayed out of it. I go to bed alone, but I go to bed happy. I work and am putting myself through school. I love the woman I have become.

Also, my dad's current marriage to an uber-TBM has been--tricky. He'd never say it, but--she is a nagging shrew. My throat tightens around her, she scolds quickly and often. I truly fear her, and have for 17 years. Here's my question: how do you go to bed with a person lime that? How does he?
"YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT GOD!" Is what she yelled to her inactive son. Oh really? Watch us. I'm the only one who had resigned. There's no way her kids will do it (if they want) as long as she's alive.

Any two temple going mormons can have a successful marriage.
But remember their motto is Endure to the End.
Why pick a partner you have to endure?
I didn't, that's for sure. Be choosy, take your time, I hear it takes a bare minimum of six months for people to relax enough to let the mask slip. It's no surprise mormon courtships are brief, often barely longer than six months... Nasty people in "good impressions" disguise can keep up a front that long, easy.

There are actually good people out there, sometimes I think they are rarer than active mormons!
You are happy being alone, no reason to tolerate any abuse, keep searching if a happy marriage sounds good, it can be done and I am living proof. But don't look to mormons as an example of anything but dysfunction! It's systemic and preached at them always. Sure, the odd couple will buck the trend, but it's pretty rare compared to the general population.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/20/2014 08:41AM by WinksWinks.

My parents were married in the temple and their marriage was a living hell. From what I could tell, though, most of their difficulties had nothing to do with the Morg, as both were marginal members. They would have had problems even if they were Gentiles.

At any rate, they acrimoniously stayed together until I graduated high school and left for college -- supposedly for the sake of me. What a mistake that was -- it made my life horrible beyond belief.

The happiest day of my life was the day they split up. Such a blessing!

1) Marriage is to enrich our time here on earth. Hopefully.
people's marriages go wrong does not invalidate the institution.

2) Each couple develops their own "recipe." There are quite a few recipes, and most of them utilize common ingredients: affection, trust, maturity, hope, shared interests and experiences, patience, and commitment. (That list is not exclusive.)

3) Young and older marriages each of advantages and disadvantages. Neither is more right or better than the other.This is individual.

4. If it's a fast courtship, go for a long engagement. If there's been a long courtship, a short engagement is sensible. But if things aren't going right, it's easier to break off a courtship than an engagement.

5) I am so saddened that parents' dysfunctional marriages in the LDS church sours so many ex-Mormons against it.

Single hood doesn't need to be pitied. Many of us enjoy and prefer it. My relationship with my late man friend enriched my life beyond what I could image. We didn't need to be married for that. It lasted ten years.