the Dreaded Single Adult. She had a unique perspective and such a witty way of telling stories!

One of my favorite Deenie stories was about how her bishop insisted that she should pay tithing on the VALUE of meals she ate at her parents' house. Nice try, bish.

Another was how her bishop tried to forbid her from holding a housewarming party for a single woman friend who had just bought a house. The party was not going to be held on church property. The bishop just didn't think that a single woman should be encouraged to buy her own house. Good heavens, if women bought their own houses, what would they need MEN for???

Deenie was one of a kind, and I still miss her.

I loved Deenie's thread about the single sisters having to stand against the wall until all the married women had gotten their food, since they knew there wouldn't be enough (and they watched the people in the beginning of the line pile their plates full). Then they hunted them up some crackers.

Only in Mormondumb would they not have the sense to announce at the beginning that they had less food than they planned on, so they would ask that people to go easy on the portions until everyone has had some and then go back if there is stuff left.

Stories from Deenie the dreaded single adult.

I love anything that involves parodies of hymns. One of my favourites, though, was a thread which involved coming up with band names for exmo bands. Some of the names I remember were the Blooda Tones and the Anti-Knee-high Levis.

I also fondly remember the Online Bishop for Confession Purposes Only.

I liked the kotex sanitary napkin on the bishops head!!!

I remember fondly Cheryl's story of the missionary hosing, I love Bishop Kotex-head, and the story SusieQ tells of the man in the ladies rest room, just to name a few that stand out to me.

Hands down, "The best part of waking up is Folger's in your butt."

Yes, hands down.

I miss just about anything by flattopSf. He was "fabulously" artistic and I mean that in the gayest way possible. ;o) (He even had a master's degree from Harvard in a design-related field).

I remember one night when he was bored and living in San Francisco, he did a shout-out for a description of the interior design of all of our homes. Well, since most of us didn't actually *have* any kind of "planned" decor (unless cheerios crafts counts), he did a whole riff describing the inside of HIS home. Ended up being this huge thread.

I pictured the interior of the Metropolitan Museum of Art or something when he was furiously firing off posts about his modern art and sleek designer furniture. Sure took my mind off of my crayola marked walls! After that thread, I always wanted to run away from home and move in with flattop . . .

;o)

He was an amazing artist, wordsmith, friend, and human being.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1235226,1235253

My last day of being a Missionary by Flash!

idahocowboy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1235226,1235
> 253
>
> My last day of being a Missionary by Flash!


Absolutely this. I love his annual repost of the story.

Coffee enemas!

Such objets d'art as these were discussed:

-- a Christmas sleigh table centerpiece made from the carcass of one's Thanksgiving turkey

-- bedroom slippers made from Kotex

-- Christmas tree angel ornaments made from [unused] tampons

Sometimes Runtu, tal, wine country girl and I would have at times 5 to 10 parodies going at any given time. Play Elder was the king of the parodies... That was years ago.

We were Pete Townshend, Joni Mitchell, Steve Winwood, Eric Clapton, Derek Trucks, Neil (derp) Young, Layne Staley, Janis Joplin, Jimi, and many more - we went across genres and time. We were riffing off of each other using song lyrics. It went to about 140 posts, most one liners.

Very fun.

We also had a limerick/haiku/weird poem thread about benson's ferrets. Don't tell anyone, but he joined in.

There were times were we just giddy and off-topic and, I don't know, happy, I guess.

Edited to get Neil's name right. My memory and the damage done...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/19/2014 10:29PM by Beth.

Raptor Jesus rereads The Miracle of Forgiveness.

One of my favorites was way back in 2005. Steve Benson told a story about Helen Wells, wife of retired General Authority Robert E. Wells. They were watching a BYU football game in one of the sky boxes. Anyhow, Sister Wells got very excited and started yelling at the top of her lungs:

'THROW THE BALL BOSCO!'

It shattered his image of GA wives as 'silent, supportive and sitting in the shadows'.

Playelder was by far my favorite poster. He even used my name in one of his stories (I forget why now!). I used to sit at my computer just laughing like crazy at some of his posts, my family thought I was nuts.

Here's a link at the Salamander Society: http://www.salamandersociety.com/playelder/

I always enjoyed TLC's (Tom Clark) posts, he's got a wonderful sense of humor, but is also so profound and touching.

Not sure if this qualifies as a thread, but I read it here first:

-- For Young Women Only --
Your Body, Your Garage

Posted by 100Proof on February 03, 1999 at 16:04:04:

(Since I *fear* the garage post will get archived, I decided to give it a tune-up. Here it is again, after receiving 60,000 mile service. Thanks to alien and BR for a couple of ideas I've included.)

A speech given by Apostate Hunerd Proof at the RfM Young Womens Conference on February 3, 1999

My dear special sweet young spirits, I wish to address a topic that is very sacred and dear to the Lord.

The Lord has blessed us with special bodies. Our bodies are like a house. We have many different rooms for many different purposes. Dear girls, the Lord has instructed us on the proper use and purpose for all our rooms.

This morning, I would like to talk about your garage.

As you mature, you will find new vines growing around your garage. You may discover an urge to raise the garage door and explore the opening. Satan will tempt you to fiddle with the automatic opener button, causing the door to rise and fall again and again. Resist Satan's temptations, for he simply likes to watch.

My dear sweet special things, the Lord has asked you to keep your garage closed until you have chosen a car for time and all eternity. Keep your garage empty until you've found that one special car to join you in the Celestial parking lot. Resist the urge to put your own bicycle in your garage. Do not allow foreign tools into your garage. Keep the door locked, for that is what our Heavenly Housebuilder has requested.

And if you find the temptation is too much, I have a suggestion for you. Turn your thoughts to construction sites, to messy bulldozers and cranes. Think of the noise and the mud and exhaust fumes. Imagine all the dirty grease these monsters drip. Are these the things you want in your garage?

You may find young men eager to park their cars in your garage. Young men like to brag about their cars. They like to show you their cars and let you feel the finish. They may even ask that you help them wax their cars, and then they'll insist that the wax job be followed by overnight parking in your garage. Dear ladies, do not be deceived by the shine. Encourage young men to park on the street, to wax in their own driveway if they must, for your garage is to remain unsoiled. Young men need to drain their crankcase once in a while. Do not allow them to drain in your garage, for they will leave a mess behind for you to clean.

Occasionally, young men drive cars that are loud and have strong engines. These cars are sports cars and are most dangerous. You should never let one into your driveway, for the Lord has asked that you marry a family sedan or a minivan. If you see a sports car in your neighborhood, you should schedule a visit with your Bishop. Your Bishop knows your neighborhood well and can instruct all young men on proper parking and driving.

When you find the one automobile that is right for you, and you both have been sealed in the showroom, allow him to park. He may need assistance parking his sedan the first few times, for if he has followed the maintenance schedule, he will be due for an overhaul. Keep your garage attractive and free of other cars. Trim the vines, and scrub the door.

Yours is only a one car garage, and he is your eternal car.

In my few years here - Dale Broadhurst threads with some wild questions and fascinating perspectives.

My favorites were Kotex-head, hosing of the missionaries, and the thread that produced the all-time best one-liner is coffee enemas.

Play Elder was a hoot.

Lots of humor taken from posters on RFM on salamandersociety.com

When I first started here Dagney had a continuing post about

different gods which was fun and I learned from.

Tanstaafl, Shakjula, TLC, Me, Davey, Deconstructor, Steve Benson

Makurosu, Cabbie, Flattop, and lots more of us who were

here then would get into big arguments about Christians versus

Athiests. I'm sure Susan I/s remembers those. Those were fun

times and we had alot of laughs.... We are all still friends

with each other. I know I'm leaving out names so if you remember

those days please remind me. It made leaving the church so easy.

Remember Shak and TLC getting into insult matches (all in fun)?...those two would have me in stitches.

DebbiePA Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Remember Shak and TLC getting into insult matches
> (all in fun)?...those two would have me in
> stitches.


Oh I know , I remember Debbie.... that was so fun to watch.

"Favorite" is not quite the word I'd use, but there have been several threads from poor suicidal souls at the end of their ropes who were looking for support and dare I say, love? I was unaware of the incredible damage the COJCOLDS has done. I just hated going to church and abiding by stupid rules. The rest has been a sobering eye opener for this apostate.

Ron Burr

Cr@ig P@xton's post about going to speak with a GA about his doubts is my favorite. Mahogany lined office, beautiful velvet curtains, brilliant white brick. Nothing beats this story.

The thread where I found out TSCC was being brought to court on fraud charges in London. Even though it didn't go as far as I would have liked it brought me a lot of joy.

There was a thread once on the worst jello creations people had experienced. Now that is Utah Mormonism.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/20/2014 01:05PM by rain.

Bob McCue's stuff; it would always make my head explode in a good way.