My boyfriend asked me to use his phone to reply to a text from his sister, while I was doing so I happened to read a text from his friend. His friend returned from his mission a little less than a month ago and his text reads:

'So I don't know if you remember much about coming home, but how long is it terrible for?'

Is this a common feeling for RMs I know ky boyfriend once mentioned how hard of was to adjust to being home.

Yes it is a difficult transition.

You go from having this huge purpose of saving souls, having every hour of your day defined for you to regular life. It's a big adjustment.

A mission is far, far removed from real life. The rules are strict, the pace is frantic, the missionary is very, very sheltered and if you went to a foreign country, there is a considerable culture shock. Not to mention that it takes some time to get used to NOT have a companion dogging your every step. Those who felt they were engaged in a "great work" also feel a loss of purpose. It's hard finding your footing in the real world again and a lot of missionaries suffer from depression for a while right after their missions. They are trying to find themselves again and they have to learn to relate to people normally again, especially members of the opposite sex.

I had a tough time after my mission but it was more anxiety attacks than depression, because the over-togetherness and constant being watched in a mission really freaked me out and it took a long time to sort that out.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2012 05:04PM by CA girl.

I felt very displaced after my mission and depressed. My non-Mormon mother thought I was weird because I wouldn't watch t.v. and studied the scriptures a lot. (She was right.) I also found myself spontaneously speaking in Spanish . . . . My mission left me with a deep aversion setting-goals and a feeling like I never did enough.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2012 11:22PM by robertb.

I have a son returning next summer. I hope to take advantage of his RM angst to de-convert him! (If I can keep it on the down-low from DW)

rationalguy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have a son returning next summer. I hope to
> take advantage of his RM angst to de-convert him!
> (If I can keep it on the down-low from DW)

Doesn't sound real healthy.

I get what you are saying. If he wishes tot alk about his angst and you get into a conversation about WHY would one have this to go through once you are home, I think it could develop into some real man to man talk. I say use your judgement. These people do not know your son. YOU know how to handle this.

My comment was for rational guy....just clicked in the wrong place.

I think it works well here too. RationalGuy knows his son better than I do.

What I remember is coming home and hauling gravel in a dump truck all day and that was different from being a missionary branch BP which I really liked.

Things got better when the summer job was over and I moved back to school and was around more college RM's.

I do have issues with parents with hidden agendas, though.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2012 09:59PM by lulu.

Be rational, rational guy.

Go easy on your son. Just be there for him if he wants to talk. He's been manipulated enough. Don't be like the Mormons--respect him.

Anagrammy

Coming home was way more difficult than the stress and shock of going to a foreign mission for me. It was bleak for a few months.

It wasn't for me. I was so glad it was over. But I had serious doubts about the church during the last months of my mission. I wasn't into it 100%. Maybe only 51%. I guy who really believes could have a hard time. The church wants more RMs like that so they cling to the church as their version of normalcy, as the closest thing to being on a mission.

It wasn't hard for me either. It felt like getting out of prison. I was elated at the freedom. I never wanted to be a missionary in the first place, and subconsciously I didn't want to be a Mormon.

I got home on a Saturday and by Wednesday I was loading up my car and left to start back to college (not BYU!). I guess that kept me busy so it wasn't hard ... So based on what others have said I think it comes down to having a purpose and immediate goals ... I spent the last nine months of my mission focused on planning to start school again upon return almost more than the missionary work so the transition was a new start more than an ending (to the mission) and as such the transition back was more exciting rather than hard.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/22/2012 10:30PM by Scott.T.

I was so glad to come home and have some freedom to do whatever I wanted. I felt so restricted on my mission that when I got home I did everything I was told not do (ironically what I also taught people not to do while on my mission) drinking, non-mormon women, gambling, coffee, etc.

It wasn't hard for me. I was very annoyed by the people who tried to tell me that they had a hard time speaking English instead of "the language." I refused any and all efforts to make me feel like I needed to go onto the next step as soon as possible. (They never said marriage, just not to be stagnant) I never saw my mission as some spiritual high so maybe that helped.

I got home and felt like I had never left.

The ONLY difficulty I had in my "transition" to non-RM life was that I kept catching myself driving on the wrong side of the road (British Isles drive on the left). Other than that, I loved not being in a freak show anymore.

Getting out of prison is a tough adjustment too. A lot of guys can't handle that one very easily either.

My uncle and I are very close and that handshaking thing was an awkward and awful misstep. Also, calling non members and people at church whom I've always referred to by their names as "brother" and "sister"; I had to be alert and avoid those stupid habits I picked up. Other than that I was very happy to be home. I enjoyed the freedom from a constant and annoying companion. I hated mindless and scripted scripture study so I sought out the more esoteric stuff (a.k.a. anti-Mormon). The rest is history.

It must have not been too difficult for me. I got home in late October from a European mission & was married to a girl I didn't know before my mission by February 1st!

Boy, that was stupid! It lasted thirteen years & then I was out of the marriage & church. Borrowing from South Park... Dumb, dumb, dumb. Leaving church & marriage...smart!

I do remember how boring I thought the LDS services were here in the states & hearing people swearing in English was a bit strange too!

The strangest but most wonderful thing was not having a companion!

As much as I enjoyed being a missionary and loved France, I kissed the ground in New York City when I stepped out of the plane. But I had massive trepidation about some aspects of life because of family issues, not because I wasn't excited to get back to real life (in my lovely cog dis state). I was completing my college education, working and dating, but there were major family issues that made it difficult to transition. Other than that, I loved being back.

Even though I enjoyed being a woman again, and not a missionary, I remember how much easier mission life was organized. There was a singular purpose to a missionary's day, so going to school or work or doing whatever without that daily mission routine would probably be hard for many. I get it. I just didn't feel it personally.

My return home was great. It was the two years before my return that sucked.

The English language is just too inadequate to paint a proper frame of reference for someone who has not gone through the trauma of a Mormon mission and returned. For those who had the courage and emotional strength to not succumb to the social pressures to serve a mission; coming home was not like coming back from college or summer camp. It was like coming back from the dead.

No event in my life has ever produced such an intensity of relief and happiness as the day I came home from my mission. The joy in the relief of knowing I was done with it all overwhelmed me.

That night of the day I returned, after my family retired to bed, I sat on my bed and looked around my room marveling that I was there again. I then began to cry so hard that I had to bury my face into a pillow so no one would hear me. My tears were of joy and anger mixed together. Tears of joy because I was back home where I am wanted and valued and where I could start my life again. Tears of anger as I thought of the enormous time wasted, the undeserved pain received from the mission leaders, the many days of not being able to be with my girlfriend, the lost opportunities in my education path, and the time stolen from me from just living a normal life.

Before turning off the light, I checked one last time that I was really there and not dreaming. Everything appeared real and solid.

That night, I slept for 14 hours and did not wake up until 1pm the next day. Happiness flooded my soul when I opened my eyes the next morning to find myself in my bed in my room at home. Yes! Yes! I was really home.