This may seem like a poor question.

However, I never learned how to divine this about myself as a member.

What do I really want?

What is just an impulse and doesn't demand fulfillment?

What represents a deep need requiring satisfaction?

Can needs of the latter kind be general, specific, or both? Can they be satisfied only specifically, or more generally?

My present moral guide is founded in justice; i.e., I try not to do anything which would interfere with the choices, opportunities, etc. of another human being (I extend this to other living creatures too, to a certain extent). Do no harm. This requires that I sacrifice some of my wants/needs in the interests of others.

I'm just trying to put together a guide for determining what constitutes a real want and need vs. a passing impulse, so to speak.

I'm curious about everyone's thoughts.

Thanks.

I don't think you can do this without just going out "there" and trying different things. No one can give you the answer is what I'm saying...you have to figure it out for yourself.

I think everyone's probably sick of hearing this from me (from some recent threads) but since your desires are necessarily beyond your control you can only look to your choices to discover what your desires are/were.

This very thread says a lot about your desires, and they all seem like very good desires to me.

I've been struggling with these questions for the last several weeks. For the first 6-7 months after I knew the church was a crock, I had to concentrate on the logistics of leaving. Now that I'm out and have moved away from the Mormon harassment I experienced, I'm re-thinking everything. For me right now, I guess the answers to your specific questions would be:

What do I really want? The same things that I always wanted: to love and be loved, and to make a contribution to the world.

What is just an impulse and doesn't demand fulfillment? Anything that doesn't contribute to my main wants above is more likely to be just an impulse.

What represents a deep need requiring satisfaction? I'm a fan of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs for this question. Here's the wikipedia explanation: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

Can needs be general, specific, or both? I think needs can fall into either category, but I'd never really thought of it that way before.

Your present moral guide sounds good. You seem like a thoughtful, good person. If you are a thoughtful person as you seem, then your way of living probably reflects that.

you also have to work on developing completely new interests. That has been the difficult part for me.

Thanks for the perspective, everybody.

Agreed, Tupperwhere, must develop new interests!

I think a lot of it for me is overcoming fear... I have learned to fear risk so much (partially as a result of experiences growing up in the Church/Church theology and doctrine) that I'm risking more by not trying new things then I am by trying and failing/getting hurt/whatever.

Good luck to all of us!

You don't have to be perfect.

Many of us feel robbed of "self" when we leave the church.
At least as members, that homogenization was valued, and in reward we would one day be glorified and given everything.

After you leave, it is just a hole.

The good news is that you get to fill it with whatever you want.

Of course you will probably make some bad decisions and veer to hard every now and again, but at least you get to do this experimentation as an adult that can decide on purpose rather than a teen who is just looking to fit in, or frivolously wants to dedicate their life to X and a month later to Y.

I wish you & I luck in determining both what we want and need.

These somewhat address your questions:

http://packham.n4m.org/atheist4.htm
http://packham.n4m.org/purpose.htm

thanks for the additional perspective everyone.

RFM has been great through my journey!

looking forward to reading those links...

You know what's always worked for me?

Give into every desire, and follow your heart. If something is an inviolable passion of yours (such as a career or person you love), rule the things out that will ruin that, but otherwise always be willing to do radically different things that you'd never have imagined five minutes before.

If you make life about the journey and not the blueprint to the destination, it sure becomes more fun and fulfilling. Looking back on my own short life, I know there's so much I would have never imagined myself doing, but nothing I'd change. It's in that which I found true joy and happiness.

Not for everyone, but a thought.