This is something that's always bothered me about my parents (converts not in/from the morridor) and a lot of their Mormon friends or time at church. When it's time to say bye, conversation *always* continues, with new topics being introduced as you try and step out the door. The more space between you and your vehicle, the longer it takes.

I'm wondering if anyone has observed if this is a common mormon thing or not, in or out of Utah. I know folks have commented plenty on many of the social and boundary problems mormons have, culturally, but not this specifically.

Certainly having many kids makes it logistically tough, there's mormon standard time, etc.

But I remember endless times where this would happen. You end up saying goodbye a half dozen times. If my brothers and I would stop screwing around and approach the car even, it still always took upwards of 30 minutes.

There was even one case at a church activity night when I had gotten a horrible rope burn playing tug of war, and I hounded my mom endlessly to go home, but it still took a long time. Apparently she hadn't realized how bad it was, but Jesus!

In some cases this was when visiting family friends who lived some ways away, so I can understand it somewhat, but even when I visit my parents today, there's always more conversation at the door than I like (I have a disability that makes standing for long tiring and uncomfortable, btw), I say bye, then they come out the door and talk as I get in the car and say bye again!

I've never observed this so strongly in my partner's family or even in my extended family, in most cases.

I've had to retrain myself as an adult that people generally only expect a quick, clean goodbye, especially if it's not your long lost cousin you only see once in a blue moon or something. It's refreshing, actually. I'm sure this has never helped with my slow developing social skills.

Are my folks just weird?
Are they "following the spirit"?
Smothering people with affection?
Annoying/socially clueless? (keeping in mind that things were the same leaving other people's homes or them leaving ours)
Could be all of the above, I guess.


I'm beginning to feel that my parents failed me as a child in every way except feeding, clothing and sheltering me. If this behavior isn't just them, I would at least be able to judge them less harshly on it...

I know exactly what you are talking about, and it bothers me extremely when people can't just say "good-bye" and leave! I, however, don't think it's a Mormon thing; I was raised in the Mormon church spending most of my life in it, and I don't remember my parents having the problem of drawing out good-byes. My husband was not raised in the Mormon church, and he takes forever to say good-bye, bringing up some comment or question when people are trying to leave. IMO, maybe it's a power thing; after all, the person is in control and controlling everyone at that moment. No one can leave as long as he (or she) is still talking. Or maybe it's just that the person needs to have people around him/her.

I know lots of people who do this, and none of them are Mormon. I do it myself sometimes and mostly it's because I am enjoying the interaction and don't want it to end, or because I am not looking forward to whatever it is that I will be doing next, or because I just thought of something else and am afraid I will forget it by the next time we talk.

Aww crap. I totally do this:( Awkward. Must develop better goodbye skills....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/28/2012 04:01PM by ambivalent exmo.

Hehehe

My mom does this. It drives my husband nuts. I will run next door to grab something and think I'll only be a minute, but then you add the half hour goodbye....

I've started just turning around while she is still talking. I'll say love you mom, bye. Then just keep walking..

This is a way to show how 'hyper-morg' you are. You must be devout, if you don't want to leave church.

It is, also, another way of disrespecting personal boundaries. The ones that keep bringing things up fail to respect your personal space - the desire to get out of there. In order not to be seen as 'mormon rude' you have to put up with it.

It's about control...

I went to an evangelical church for awhile while in grad school. After services, we just about ran out of the door, got in our cars and left. But, then again, I wanted to go have sex with my girlfriend.

I just finished several seasons of the show 24. I'm fascinated that they just hang up the phone. No long drawn out goodbyes, or giving of shopping lists or feelings hurt if they don't draw out the goodbye.

I've said too much.

Whenever Mormons talked to me, it was to ask personal questions, such as, "Where were you last week? Why didn't you come to the Mormon art exhibit? Will you play the piano for us? We need two dozen cookies.... Your son needs to work on his Scout badge. How is your job? Now, exactly what is it that you do for a living?"

Mormons gossip. That's all.

On another thread, a poster commented that if you don't speak the language of Mormonism, it is impossible to have a conversation with them. That's true. It is always awkward. Especially with women, they are always talking trash about someone you don't even know. So boring. I always parked by the back door, so I could bolt out, without having to walk down the hall. We live nearby, and my cat used to wait for me at the back door of the ward house, and would meow at everyone who came out.

My mom does the same thing to me... Everyone always assumes that I'm just lazy and can't be on time for anything, but that's not true. When my mom's not around, I leave and arrive exactly on time. But when she *is* around, my mom will stop me and tell me something I *must* hear, or give me a last-minute shopping list, or ask if I've seen one of her cats... It happens so often that sometimes I put off my shopping until 10pm when she goes to bed, or if I'm really in a hurry and getting annoyed, I'll just start walking away and keep saying "bye" every 10 seconds until I get out of earshot or into my car. It doesn't sound very polite, and honestly, it's not, but imho, it's even less polite for her to try to keep me from leaving when she knows it'll make me late.

I started doing that after she made me late enough for a doctor's appointment that they wouldn't let me see him, and rescheduled me for the buttcrack of dawn the next day. Ever since then, I've stopped submitting to the "chat attacks". I figure if she can't respect that I need to leave so I'm not late, then I can return the favor and leave in the middle of her conversation.

Now I've gotten some guts and when it happens with someone else on a repeated basis, I'll say, "I love talking with you, but I need to leave now." If they don't stop talking, I start leaving and say it again. If they say, "But I haven't gotten to the best part!" then I'll say, "You can tell me another time, I'm leaving now, bye." and leave. It's the only way to get through to some people, and I really wish I'd learned to do this years ago.

I've observed this behavior in some middle eastern countries, and cultures where people tend to be more isolated, but not in Mormonism. Perhaps it is because your parents are odd or perhaps it is because I hung out with Mormons who had a healthy goodbye standard, I don't know.