When I was a teen in the dark ages, eleven years or so ago, there were girls who feigned stupidity to an extent so as not to put off potential mates by appearing to be too smart. I don't know if that's what my niece (not the one who's a blogger/author) is doing, or if she really is that dense. She's a blood relative, as in my sister's child. I'm worried there' a recessive gene for low cognitive function running around somewhere in our bloodline. My other nieces and nephews all seem relatively bright, but this one scares me unless it's an act. Even if it's an act, it scares me that she'd go to such lengths to impress a male with her ignorance.

http://alexisar.blogspot.com/2014/08/confusion-between-words-names-and.html

It always bothered me as well. I just went for the really super scary-smart dudes -- who tended to enjoy an intellectual challenge. It seriously narrows down one's dating pool, but it's better than compromising yourself and acting dumber than you really are.

What I want to do is shake these girls (grown-ass women should be past this sort of thing) and ask them how they think things are going to work out once they snag a guy who thinks they are not that bright. What, are you going to all of a sudden one day bust out your thoughts on the Theory of Relativity? And what if that's seriously intimidating to the guy? You could find yourself in a situation where you've misrepresented yourself and the only way to keep that relationship intact is to lie FOREVER, and constantly pretend to be something you're not. For LIFE. I had trouble pretending to be reverent for three hours on a Sunday; I could not maintain the farce 24/7/365/FOREVER.

+100!

Mormonism pressures females into doing whatever they have to do to get their man: be very hot, not too bright, and treat the man like he's a god. Since the intellectual standard for both sexes involves avoidance of critical thinking, extensive reading (of non-TSCC-approved books), and questioning of anything, Mormon men don't like smart women. They want someone who will keep the house clean, crank out babies, and give them lots of sex, cookies, and moral support while they spend most of their time away from home doing work and church (even if she's also working).

There are a lot fewer single Mormon men than women. Add in the doctrines and cultural imperative that marriage for women is the end game and the bias towards the 18-25 age range as the window for catching a man, and those ladies are under tremendous pressure to snag a husband before their shelf-life expires. No wonder they play dumb to get the guy -- their entire life plan depends on it.

I am in agreement with you, dogzilla.

Forty years ago when I was in college, attractive girls who flirted and played dumb seemed to get all the dates, while those of us who were intelligent were passed over. I waited to meet someone who would be intelligent and secure enough in himself that he would not be intimidated by a bright woman. It was lonely being in the dorm while other girls were out having fun, but by being true to myself I found someone perfect for me. He was bored by the girls who played dumb and was energized by our serious discussions. We will celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary this Saturday.

OP, perhaps your niece is neither stupid nor playing dumb.
It sounds like she may have made an honest mistake here and is probably embarassed.

I guess as a put down??? I'm good at that. My big thing is I can't fake anything. What you see is what you get. If I'm in a bad mood, you will know it. I was never one for flirting either.

Actually, the bishop of the singles ward told me not to let the guys in the ward know how much money I earned. I couldn't get many Mormon guys to even ask me out, but there were plenty of nonmormons who wanted to date me and marry me.

So, I found a really intelligent guy who didn't care if I earned more money than he did, the more the better. And I ended up married to a very intelligent, gay Mormon.

That is one thing I can definitely say, of all my friends and family, I married the most intelligent of the bunch, bar none.
And now my nonmo boyfriend is extremely intelligent and neither were intimidated by me.

Many Mormon men are very intimidated by smart and independent women. My daughter is too much like me--much to her dismay--but most Mormon guys are intimidated by her, too.

I'm a high school teacher. I am female. I am feminist. I believe my most important role is helping these kids become strong, analytical, confident adults.

When I run into these girls I want to be sick. I have a very low level of tolerance for this crap.

I had a girl this year who was pulling this stunt in my room. I'm sure it's her SOP and she's not even aware of what she's doing.

One day I pulled her aside and spoke to her about it, basically telling her that what she put out she was going to get back.

She was completely uncomprehending of what I was telling her. Utterly clueless. Has the role she's taken on become her or is she just plain stupid?

I confess, I had little sympathy for her or interest in being a good teacher to her. She annoyed me and I didn't respect her very much. I tried. But I'm human too.

I knew a girl like this. She had the hots for me, but I couldn't get past her fake "dumb blondeness" because she had thought that no guy would want her if she displayed her intelligence.

She was a nurse at a hospital and after talking with her a while I could tell she was pretty smart.

What is even worse are the females that revert to a little girl's voice when a man is present.

Even worse, men pretending to be more intelligent then they are.

Touché

I wouldn't say worse, as they're too stupid to know better.

There was a very pretty girl in my YSA ward who I suspect pretended to be not that smart to get a guy. She has a degree in chemical engineering and worked for one of the oil majors as an engineer. She couldn't have been stupid but she acted very much like an airhead. Very sad.

I could never pretend I was stupid to land an RM. So I never did snag one, thank God. My husband could never understand why Mormon men never found me attractive. He wanted a smart wife so he would have smart children!

I remember my mother telling me not to act too smart around a guy and be careful with the big words. She also told me I should ALWAYS let the guy win if we did something like miniature golf or bowling.

When I was at BYU, I fulfilled an internship in the "mission field." This was right before I made my final Houdini disappearing act from the church. I showed up at a fireside, mainly looking for girls, not knowing that the point of the fireside was to be the Stake Young Single Adults' leader explaining to the old maids, as in a basically any female in the group over 20 who was not yet at least engaged to be married, why it was that they were not married and what they needed to do to rectify their situations.

This was inappropriate under any circumstance, but if the guy absolutely HAD to hold this fireside, he should have done so out of the presence of the young men in the group, as nothing in it was for their benefit, and their presence only served to make the experience even more humiliating for the females.

Furthermore, why it was directed only at the females is anyone's guess. I was 21 and not dating anyone. Why did I not have to hear what was wrong with me that prevented me from being married yet? There were unattached men older than I who were present. why did the women deserve to be singled out?

Some of the jerk's comments were general - about weight and grooming, for example. Other comments were very obviously intended for specific young women who were present. One girl had lost an alarming amount of weight due to a serious illness, and didn't have much money, so she was forced to wear her clothing that was too loose-fitting. The jerk looked right at her as he discussed the importance of wearing clothing that fit properly.

Another young woman attended a local college while living on her own because her family. She worked to pay rent and feed herself while attending school full-time, and consequently didn't have very many outfits. The jerk looked directly at her as he berated her, not naming her, of course, but the identity of his subject was unequivocal, for wearing the same outfits too frequently. Her clothes were always neat and clean, and her grooming was impeccable, but because she owned maybe four dresses and not much more in the way of casual clothing, she was publicly criticized.

There was an eighteen-year-old girl in the group, a convert from a dysfunctional family with a single alcoholic mother and a father nowhere to be found - who seemed to suffer from anorexia. No one - parents, church leaders, anyone -- appeared to be doing anything to help this poor little girl. The jerk made direct eye contact with her as he discussed how just about nothing was more distasteful than an overweight sister [his terminology - unless it was a woman who was so successful at controlling her weight (this poor baby was obviously not successful at controlling her weight or she would not have looked like a refugee) that she overdid the weight loss thing just to make other young women who were less successful at weight control than she was feel bad about themselves. He added, still looking at the girl, that she was not half as attractive as she thought she was and did not look like the model she thought she resembled. I seriously doubt the side that she was attractive ever crossed this poor soul's mind. The only consolation in this case was probably that anorexics rarely see themselves as thin, so she probably thought her was talking about someone else and wondered why he was looking at her.

he took shots at other girls in the group for various sins confining them to the state of unmarriage, but he aimed the bulk of his vitriol at the intelligent girls, or those who "thought" they were more intelligent than the boys who otherwise might have dated them. He said it was great for a man to marry a woman who was capable of attaining the same level of education as he, but she did not need to attain it, nor did she need to make it obvious in any way that she was capable of attaining it.

He was extremely critical of a female who would contradict a male - particularly a priesthood holder - in any setting or on any topic, whether she was correct or not. he eyed a few of the brighter and more verbal girls as he said this. That was beside the point. a woman did not even disagree with, except on trivial matters such as preference regarding flavors of punch (he actually said that; someone was getting the refreshments ready at the time, which probably inspired that inane comment) but he said even regarding the flavor of punch, the woman should ultimately defer to the man.

He insulted the young women present in ways I cannot even recall. He did offer praise to a few of the extremely attractive, submissive, and feminine young women present, calling them by name, and suggesting they wouldn't be single for long.

Now, nine years later, I'm ashamed of myself for not standing up in a most distracting manner during this man's presentation, walking out, and encouraging others to come with me if they were similarly offended.

I cannot be too specific here because I don't wish to be sued nor do I wish to cause problems for my father, who has financial dealings with the fireside presenter, but just in case someone thinks I'm making this up, I can tell you it happened in 2005 in a city in California between Manteca and Fresno.

I'm sure he spoke by the inspiration of the wholly ghost. Doubt not the power of the force of the holey pennishood. Turlock

What disgusting behaviour. I hope he's ashamed of what he said, and that everyone who was there that night recognises what an idiot he was being.

When my wife was at BYU she attended a dance. While dancing, the guy asked about her major. She said she was in graduate school. The kid immediately walked away...

This is not a joke, nor was it a joke for my wife.

I also have to say I am very glad my wife went to grad school and likes to work. We know a few TBM stay at home moms (I know I should not generalize) with no one left at home. Now that the kids are gone they appear to sit around doing nothing but complain. The stay home moms that VT my wife get upset that she is not home during the day and it's soooooo hard to come at night because they are soooooo busy. My wife works full time, we have kids at home and she volunteers a lot. If anyone is busy it is my wife.

I guess the goal of the LDS Inc is to turn some otherwise productive people into piles of goop ...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2014 01:45PM by perky.

one's intelligence based on the circumstances.

Keyser Wrote:
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> one's intelligence based on the circumstances.


Under some circumstances this may be true, but it isn't a sign of intelligence for a woman to pretend to be dull-witted in order to make a man feel superior.

How smart could she be if what she wants is a man stupid enough to fall for it? I think that falls under "Be careful what you wish for."

Or very stupid as such Machiavellian plans often blow up in a person's face.

At the very least she is getting an idiot and that is never a good thing, especially when the next dumb blonde act in high heels comes along.

Do they realize that strippers in titty bars act dumb to get bigger tips?

Totally different goals.

If I want a life partner/husband/whathaveyou, then I want to be treated with respect, equally to the respect he deserves and expects. This requires me to demonstrate integrity and personal character and to exhibit the qualities I claim to value.

A stripper does not want a meaningful relationship with her clients. She wants their money. It's sort of like acting: strippers play a role to fulfill a fantasy, and they get paid for that. Strippers give you what you want, and if you like smart women, there are very smart strippers who can serve it right up. For a small fee. ;>)

...like a nice house and an Escalade/Tahoe/Suburban, Rover, X5, or even an Odyssey with that crappy transmission. In the morridor, the women compete for status, with their baseball caps on, with the pony tail out the back.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2014 03:40PM by wastedtime.

Is it any wonder that Utah has the highest per capita rate for consumption of prescribed meds, specifically anti-depressants, especially among women? The Mormon cult will try to crush the innate personality in women, but that personality will not die and will continue to try to assert itself. If she is wise and leaves the "why-be-you" cult she can regain her selfhood. Of course, this takes courage and a willingness to exit the fog of Mormon denial and come to terms with what has happened and what needs to be done.

I remember acting stupid in junior high because I thought it was funny. Literally I made myself laugh. But that soon wore off as I got in to high school. Then switched gears and wanted to appear super smart. I'm not Mormon though. And I actually turned out to be genuinely smart and pretty damn funny. But I wasn't raised anywhere near this cult of moism

is that you can screen out the controlling jerks and the guys who think they are superior to women by being strong, intelligent, and independent.

By playing like they are "less than" a man, they are selecting for chauvinists.

Then again, maybe they really ARE stupid, if they think that pretending to be something that you aren't is a good way to find a compatible partner.

You are exactly right!

True, but they are selecting for RMs, not intelligent, compatible partners. After years of brainwashing, they all believe that any two good Mormons can have a happy marriage and eternal family. The only qualification here is temple ready (and for the girls, hotness, so they can keep their men happy).

When I was a teen I was intimidated by smart girls. Smart boys, too, for that matter. Awk! Smart people made me feel stupid.

Now I'm very attracted to smart women. Too bad they're too smart to be attracted to me.

I married a "TBM" who barely finished High School. I had a Masters. This did not bother me at all. But then, 10 long years of every time I made a mistake, I had to hear, "And you're supposed to be so smart???" or, "What now, Teach?" (I'm a teacher.) "You and your college education." (said in nasty, sneering manner.) Then there was, "Him/her and college education." "College people are stupid." He frequently expressed how much smarter "plain" people were than educated people. Part of it is because I'm a woman, but he felt threatened by anybody smarter or better educated.

I had one of those, too. He made fun of my degrees, my emphasis on college for my kids, and the homework-before-part-time-job priorities for my high schoolers. He constantly belittled me, saying things like, "You're not as smart as you think you are," "College is for suckers," and "It's just a big racket."

He has worked nearly all his life at the same blue collar job, now making only a few dollars more per hour than when he started twenty years ago. I now teach at one of those colleges he used to put down. One of my kids has a Master's and is looking at PhD programs, while another is in college and the youngest is college-bound. He dumped me, partly because I was "too smart for [my] own good." Guess who is better off?

I am not a mo, and I never felt the need to let a boy win anything. I beat them in foot races and bike races as a kid. In 9th grade I beat a boy in arm wrestling..he challenged, me, the fool.

The thought of concealing my intelligence or abilities to save a boys ego is just so abhorrent and ....gawd, medieval.

But cults see nothing wrong with warping a girls sense of self. Culty, culty, cult of stupid people.

I feel like sometimes it's unconsciously done on the girls part, especially the younger they are. I know that I come across as fairly ditzy occasionally but am not stupid (I was top of my class at a top 10 engineering school). I don't do it purposely but I'm usually thinking about 50 things at once so sometimes what I say sounds not as smart as it could. Usually people catch on pretty quickly that I'm actually smart.

I also had an incident at BYU when visiting a sibling where I was at a "party" and a guy started talking to me. I had already graduated and had a bf so was not looking for flirting or anything but made some small talk. Anyway he asked something about school and I mentioned that I was going to grad school (at a number 1 school for my program and very well known and respected) and the guy literally just walked away from me without saying a word! I was in shock at the rudeness, it's not like this guy was even extremely attractive or anything and I wasn't good enough just a normal guy and I was just attempting normal human conversation!

Also just wanted to say I love Alexis's blog! I haven't commented there yet but I love to read it she is brilliant and so funny! (Also I'm not creepy I just enjoy reading entertaining blogs!)