Hello again, everyone!
It's been a while since my last update, and a lot has happened since then.
I suppose I'll begin with the "Quitting" aspect of my post's title.
Around 5 months ago I started working at a gas station for my first job. Some of you may actually remember how stressed and anxious I was about my first few days there. Many of you gave me wise words of encouragement that allowed me to push through the first two months of discomfort and fear, and I eventually acclimated to it. Thank you for that.
Two weeks ago on an otherwise unremarkable Friday morning, the assistant manager who took over the station in my stead most days arrived and notified me of a sudden schedule change.
The higher-ups wanted to move me to an even further away gas station (the bus ride home was already 3 hours long) with a nearly completely different schedule (2 day shift, 1 morning, and 1 graveyard).
I figured that at that point it was time for me to leave my job, seeing as how school was supposed to be rolling around the corner soon anyways. Also, I managed to save up enough to afford a car, around $3,700. Not enough for anything good, I'm sure, but something.

I'm still on the look out for a car.

I handed in my resignation letter 2 weeks ago, and left my first job behind on a positive note from my boss who offered me a place to work anytime I needed.

No more 3 hour bus rides home for me!
~~~

Now for the "cult". Some of you may remember some of my earlier posts about a "Princess" who is someone that is still close and dear to me. Well, for a while after coming out as an atheist and cancelling my mission, she remained as TBM as I had previously been. She was hurt, shocked, etc. the whole seven layers of dip.
Naturally, I immediately began to bombard her with information regarding the truth.
That turned out as well as you would expect: not too well.
She initiated that we go on a "break" until she could sort out her beliefs regarding the church.
I respected that and we went on this relationship break, and her parents immediately forbade her from spending any time with me outside of church.

During that time she agreed to allow me to carefully and slowly show her the fraudulence of the church.
It still backfired a lot when I would get carried away with my initial anger. However, as time wore on, and I gradually succumbed to an overwhelming sense of defeat, I lessened my lessons of sorts with her.

That's when I tried to break my emotions away from her and move on.
Well, that backfired on me internally, so I gave up on that.

One remarkably regular Sunday on one of my last days at the cult building, I pointed at a painting of Joseph Smith while sitting on the staircase, stared at her deep into her eyes and said, "You see that guy? F*** that guy."
"No kidding..."
"Wait, what?"
"I agree with you."
"Seriously? Don't you like coming to church?"
"Ugh, I'm sick of it already."

It turns out that everything I had been saying finally had a chance to sink into her mind and dissolve the suds of brainwashing. Princess lost her faith in the Corporation. She still believes in God, but I don't have any issues with that, obviously.

Unfortunately, we have not seen each other outside of church in over four months. She moved away in early July, so she no longer attends my home ward. Needless to say, nobody has seen me at church since. I have no friends there. Everyone I thought to be my friend seemed to avoid me like the plague the closer they were to my age range.

We still talk to each other via various wireless communications. Once I have my car and finally get my license (which I've been constantly screwed over in achieving) then seeing each other won't be a problem. She's only a city away.

I don't expect a fairy tale ending with her anymore. She is someone who has never let me down or ever given up on me though. She's an honest, good-hearted person who cares for me. She's a great friend and someone who I currently could not stand to lose. We'll most likely end up together again in the near future when we have much more independence.

When it comes to Princess, I suppose I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

At the very least, that is one less person in the cult's clutches.

~~~

Finally, we come to the college portion of my post.
Some of you are also aware that I've been worrying and struggling to enroll myself in college. Well, here's what has happened most recently:

I enrolled in Chaffey College (a junior college) a month or so ago. I stressed and worried about the assessment test, but I ended up placing myself into the highest possible class that I could achieve with it.
Because of my 6 AP Scores, I already have around 22 credits, and will only need 38 more to earn a transfer associates degree in Psychology. Once I earn that, I'll be guaranteed into any CSU. Perfect so far, right?

Because of my anxiety, or more likely my sheer incompetence and stupidity, it turns out that I had registered for school late, rather than early, as I thought I had done. As a result, I'm currently waitlisted for three of my classes that I need, and I'm not registered in ANY.

I'm frustrated. With school and life in general. It seems like I can never get a break with this sort of thing.

I know it's my fault for not making sure of deadlines and things like that, but now it seems like I'll just have to roll with the punches.

So if I don't end up in any of my waitlisted classes, I still have the option of taking a FastTrack class or two. I'm hesitant, because of my previous experiences with something similar. One missed day and my grade and knowledge can plummet. All it took was scarlet fever and one missed day a few years ago, and now I have absolutely no knowledge of geometry whatsoever.

Knowing my luck I'll contract some other disease and ruin my college career. That or the stress will get to me. I'm scared as always I suppose. My dad was thoroughly disappointed and upset with me today when he heard that I have no classes.

I still need to get my license. If I had that then I could have taken classes at the other campuses of the college without being anymore burdensome on my parents. I'm sick and tired of relying on them. My old work schedule sapped time away from driving.

In a worst case scenario, I will use my time up until October to get my license, and then I'll do everything I need to to enroll in a FastTrack class. Even if it kills me, I suppose. I need school. If I go one more segment of a year without homework, I'm going to lose my mind.

For now, I have no idea what to do. I emailed the counselor and we'll see what happen. Does anyone have any suggestions?

As always, I'm just going to have to act and wait.
~~~~


That's how my life has progressed most recently. It's frustrating to think about how much time and education I've lost because I was idiotic enough to think that going on a mission would make everything easier. You all saved me from going on something that probably would've driven me to insanity or death, quite honestly.

My life as a Mormon ultimately contributed to this year and a half of frustration, anxiety, depression, and all-around suffering, but I'm not going to let it beat me.

It sucks. Every anxiesecond of it sucks. I feel so behind and hindered from where I feel like I should have been. Although, I now understand myself better, the type of person I am, and what I want to do with my future much more.

Until the day comes where I'm finally where I want to be, I will fight for it damn it!

I think I've rambled on enough.

Thank you all for all of your time, advice, words of comfort, consideration and so much more. I really would not be where I am today without your help. I honestly think I'd be 6-feet under. I can never thank any of you enough. I hope that one day I have the opportunity to thank some of you in person. You're all my friends and family during a time when I could really use more.

Thank you again.

-Knight in Waiting,
from a kingdom of worries and struggling mental warriors
~~~~~~~~~~~
EDIT:Okay!! Editing to add this: I managed to get myself registered into Elementary Mandarin Chinese 1! It's a start! I wanted to learn Japanese anyways, so this should be a good stepping stone in a number of ways!

Edit2: And now I'm in Intro to Sociology! Looks like things won't be as bad as I thought!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/06/2014 07:38PM by Knight in Waiting.

Quill will be putteth to parchment in the morrow, sire. The diabolical fire and wire invention hath been undependable this day.

Saree

I look forward to the morrow then. Rest easy and worry not :)

Good man. Nice to see how hard you are trying. Chin up, press on regardless. And keep safe.

Thank you. I'll be sure to do so, I've learned from the best!

What used to work in my day -- go to class the first day for the classes that you want. Talk to the professor. Tell him/her that you are on the wait list and really want to take that class. Ask, can that professor find a way to fit you in? This works more often than you would think.

Don't let the thought of illness deter you from a fast track class. You will be fine. I took a compressed class last fall and I would say that a number students missed one class.

Everything else sounds fine. Keep at it and know that you will get to where you want to be. Thanks for checking in. You have a lot of people here who are rooting you on!

Thank you, summer, I'll definitely go on the first day then. I can always count on you for reliable college advice. Hopefully I'll get extraordinarily lucky and enough people will drop out before then so that I can get in!

If anything, I'll definitely try out the fast track class. I think any class at this point will be enough to satiate me for a while.

Thanks again for your help all this time :)

THIS^^^^^^

My son did this. He was there for a month of classes when 5 people dropped. He was in, and not even one day behind in the class and homework.

I didn't go to college until I was 40. I don't recommend anyone do it that way.

However, I was stunned to find myself in the top of my class and on the deans list every single semester.

Make friends with a school counselor. That counselor will help you meet deadlines, hook you up with financing, etc. They are a huge help in the process. They may even be able to hook you up with a mentor for the next school.

I think you're doing great! You're way better at saving money than i've ever been. I don't think any time has been wasted. Your first job experience was a good thing. Now you have a resume and a good reference for your next job. By the way, a school counselor may also be able to hook you up with a job at the school. It's a win win if you can land one of those.

It's a good thing I already set up an appointment with a counselor then :) I'm supposed to set up an educational plan with them, but I'll be sure to ask them what else I can do to get me into a class.

I think it'd definitely be a wonderful thing for me to have a friend within the system too!

For now, I'll make the most out of what I've got.

Knight in Waiting, I obviously have no idea who you are in real life, but I just want to tell you that I like you, whoever you are. I think you're cool. I think you're an all-around great human being. Keep up the good work. :)

Best,
nurshandstrengthen

You are moving forward on so many fronts. Good luck on getting the classes you want. The instructor may wait until the second class meeting to see how many drops he has before deciding how many waitlisters he can add. So I would go to the first 2 or 3 as if you were enrolled (but tell him/her you are waitlist and also how important it is to you to get in). Lots of people don't show up for the 2nd or 3rd class meeting and can forfeit their place.

I think you were right to decline the job that was going to require all that travel.

You are demonstrating good judgement and character. You'll be fine.

If you are going to have to take geometry then buy a workbook that teaches geometry and work through it on your own before the semester starts. I did that with algebra. I bought a teach yourself algebra book with problems and examples on every page. I did the whole book cover to cover during the summer before the class. Very helpful!

I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are. Therefore, I am very happy to hear from you again and know you are getting on with your struggles in life.

I agree with Titanic Survivor's remarks and could not have expressed them better.

I wish you all the best!

I remember when I was younger I felt like a team of thoroughbred horses all straining to pull a fine carriage but not in a coordinated, singular minded way. It was very frustrating. It sometimes still is.

You strike me in that same way, except that you're getting those thoroughbreds to come together and coordinate. It's a very slow process, but it really can happen!

Keep at it. I second Summers excellent advice. Show up on the first day of class. Take what you can and do what you can. You've been worried about things that happened to trip you up in the past, but you're stronger now. You've changed.

I've attended Chaffey too! You've gotta get in a class so you will have a higher registration number for the next semester. Even if you have to take "basket weaving 101" try to get into a class.

Good for you quitting the job. Where the hell was it? Out in Cabazon or Palm Desert?

Hang in there! Things are looking up for you! Keep calm and carry on!

Dennis

They wanted to move me somewhat close to Pasadena from El Monte. Ridiculous!

I've lived in El Monte and Pasadena, how funny! I have also attended Pasadena City College right out of high school. Lived in Temple City also.

I'm very familiar with your neck of the woods. Good old San Gabriel Valley.

Now, go get in a class! :)

I combed through all of the available classes and managed to get myself into a Chinese class!

You are doing great! I am so proud of you.

Keep working on your organization and planning ahead skills. Now you've learned, so you won't make the same mistakes again. And these are kind of minor -- everything will work out.

Keep up with the positive thinking as well.

And Princess? Wishing you a smoking hot love affair. ;>)

Congrats on all the progress in your life. Don't worry about all the time and education you feel you've lost over the last year and a half. I turned 51 this year, and I hate to sound like an old fart looking back on life. But looking back from age 51, a year and a half isn't much time at all.

You've figured things out a lot more quickly than I did. I went on a mission and graduated from BYU before I started to figure things out. I left the church, came out as gay, and finally started living the life I was meant to live. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I finally arrived at the point you're at now. So I don't see you as losing a year and a half. I see you as 10 years farther along in life than I was.

If you haven't figured out already, life is always going to throw obstacles in your path. Take it all in stride and keep working toward your goals. Sounds like you're quite a ways down the path to success already. Keep up the good work.

Way to go! I am hopeful for you. I like the way you tell your story.

If you're committed to going to college be in the classes you've waitlisted on the first day. Many instructors take over the full load because they know about 20% of students drop in the first two weeks.

If possible, email the instructors ahead of time to show your sincerity in adding their class.

If you're really stuck, go talk to a counselor. See what else you can take that fits your education goals and may still be open.