For those who are not aware, here's a nutshell recap:

My hubby told me about a month ago that he didn't believe in the church and that he's leaving it. He didn't want to leave me or the kids (5 sons, 21-8), but he found information that the church is not true and couldn't pretend any longer. I was devastated, but knew I needed to save our marriage and keep our family together. Plus, I developed a plan to study with him (facts only, please) and bring him back to the fold. About 3 weeks later, I ended joining him "on the dark side".

The kids had known about my DH almost from day one of him telling me. It was hard to hide, I was crying non-stop. We sat down with the kids one by one this past week and told each of them.

On Sunday, our oldest, newlywed and RM about 6 months ago, said "I don't want to talk about this.", got up, and walked out with his wife. Since then, they called me to help run a couple of errands, and she asked for a ride to the hospital for a medical emergency in her family. I was with them today, and it seems things are going fine between us. The more normal we can all act, the better. We don't expect to preach to them and expect them to preach to us. Of course, we'd love to see them come to the dark side as well.

Son #2 is recently evicted from our house and on his own. About 2 months ago, I thought I'd just die if he didn't serve a mission. Now I'm glad he's not. MY DH went and sat with him for a bit, told him about my decision, then my son brewed DH a nice cup of French Vanilla coffee and had some great creamers to put in it as well. Thanks for the tips son, we are coffee dummies, but learning.

Son #3 is 16 and wants to stay active. We support him in this. At this age, it's mostly social. We will see if he can get his butt out of bed for seminary. If not, then no go. Bummer for him! Take the bus, son. He's a great kid, very level headed, and we have super communication with him. He will have his Life soon in scouting. I asked him to promise me one thing. I said that if he has questions or doubts about the church, or anything in life, to promise to search for the answers until he finds the answers he is looking for. Had I done this at a much younger age, I would not have wasted years and tons of money in the church.

Son #4 is 11, nearly 12 and fine with not going. He's deciding what kind of scout troop he wants to be in. Stay with this one, or find another in the community.

Son #5 just turned 8 in June and has not yet been dunked. Lucky him!

Anyway, that's our latest update. So far, so good.

AND, coffee is an amazing way to start the day!

Now you have to ride it out.

I hope all goes well and you'll keep us posted.

I've been following your story. I remember your DH's first post and his reluctance in telling you - almost certain the marriage would be over. I am really happy for you both that you have formed a team united in leaving. I was a late-in-life member for such a short time and hearing the stories of the marriages ending or one staying a TBM while the other is "pretending" is just heartbreaking. Your story of togetherness and the love you have for your husband and each other is nice to read! :). Just my thoughts this morning and 'clink' the coffee cup this morning to you and your DH.

I have enjoyed following your posts as well as you husbands. First of all kudos to you and your husband for being honest with yourselves, that can be a scary thing as well as difficult. I know what your doing is hard especially with a family. Many of my family members have moved on from Mormonism and they all regret raising their children in the church. You are doing your children a great service. I used to call leaving the church going to the "dark side" also. I have since decided I like to refer to it as the "enlightened side". And yes can you imagine never getting to wake up to coffee?

Yes, we have now decided that "the dark side" no longer applies. We are ascended. I've been sucked into the world of sci fi, a product of living with all of this testosterone. Good thing I don't mind!!

Woot! You two are doing a great job. Thanks for keeping us posted.

Thanks bc! You have been a huge cheering section!!

I think it's great - I think you give me hope that someday my wife will be ready to take an honest look. Plus I like to think something I said in response to your husbands first post helped ;)

I think anything that anyone said that encouraged him to keep his family intact was a huge source of support. He really was hurting back then. My heart breaks for the torture he must have endured!

Kudos! I continue to be thankful for your allowing the rest of us to see how this process can go when loving people keep their wits about them and cherish their family relationships above that they had with the church.

Please keep the updates coming. And please keep an open mind to writing that book . . .

We are working already on putting our experience into words. It's a daunting task, but important. We are also spending lots of time studying and playing!

twojedis Wrote:
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> We are working already on putting our experience
> into words. It's a daunting task, but important.
> We are also spending lots of time studying and
> playing!


Wonderful! A book is daunting, but a chapter is doable. Just do a chapter, then start on another.

That is great news on all fronts. It sounds like with your oldest son the topic of church has moved into the do not talk about it region. That is where I am at with my Mom basically. Our relationship is pretty much the same except we don't talk about church. It is a little awkward sometimes because she still brings some things up here and there but I usually restrain from making any comments that are to abrasive to her and we just move on. It isn't ideal but it is probably the best that can be hoped for when to people have beliefs that are so far apart.

I think our oldest son has two things working against us right now. He's too recently off of his mission, for one. Second, this is very shocking news from parents who have always been active in the church and taught him it's true for the whole of his life. It will take time (if ever) for him to want to hear the "why" of our leaving.

Wonderful news. Thinks seem to go well. Did you ask the 16 yr. old what he will say when his friends say "Did your parents sin or did someone offend them?" He has to have a ready answer. Hope you can help him with that.

And if any friend doesn't care to associate with him anymore does he understand why that may happen?

Good suggestion. I have believed all along, even during the 3 weeks I spent as a TBM after my husband came to me, that it was much better for the people in our ward to know the truth about my husband than to run around gossiping about all of the things that could be wrong. That being said, I told hardly anyone. We left for 8 weeks of vacation just 2 Sundays after he told me, so we just haven't been around anyway. After Labor Day, it will become odd for us to be absent. We will make sure to give him a good answer.

I think you should also prep your 16 year old about what is and isn't ok to talk about with leaders.

Don't be surprised if the bish. wants to have an interview or a little talk with your son.

This could happen when you least expect it. He could go to the church for an activity and the bishop could pull him aside. That's what happened when my stepson came to visit us and went to our ward while he was here. He ended up in the bishops office for an hour.

My stepson is an adult. So the situation is a bit different. However, I think you need to keep in mind that this is a big possibility. I've know plenty of leaders who will use the kids to try and get inside information from kids.

Yikes! I never thought of that. Our current Bishop may be different, but he's coming up on 5 years and who knows what the next Bishop will be like.

Mia is right!

Prepare your son for the various tactics the bishop and ward members will use keep him in the fold. Make sure he understands that they will try to make him responsible for inspiring you to 'return to the fold' and the he is NOT responsible for your decision or eternal fate. Once they've given up on you, they will do what they can to keep him in and make sure he goes on a mission. They will go behind your back if the need to.

Make sure he understands he has the right to say no. He should tell anyone who is curious that they should simply ask you directly if they want to know anything.