I thoroughly enjoyed the ward nut case thread, but was too late to join. So I am starting a new one.

We had a woman who taught gospel doctrine who would come up with the most insane hypothetical questions. One week, our lesson was on forgiveness, and she made up a story about a girl going to college, and hooking up with a random guy the first weekend. She then went around the room and asked us what we would tell her parents about forgiveness. I still remember her asking, "Brother T-Bone, what would you tell the parents of this young lady who just arrived at college and the first weekend has already had a SECKSHAL EXPURRANCE?"

I had just come back to the Mormon church, and enjoyed my share of hanky panky during college. I remember thinking, "Put her on the pill!" My next thought was, "Where was she when I was in college?"

The next one was in Japan. We had a Filipina lady in my ward who was a courtroom interpreter. She saw Filipinos incarcerated for a variety of crimes; prostitution, drug trafficking, or immigration violations. She was absolutely CONVINCED they were ALL falsely accused, and would go on diatribes about the "crooked Japanese justice system". They never had anything to do with the lesson.

T-Bone

These are really funny. I like hearing them. The only ward nutcase I know of was an old guy in a wheelchair whose wife was a former nun. His wife was awesome, but he was kind out there, he would talk about "aliens" and stuff.

Anyway, my dad told me that in high preists, the guy was teaching a lesson about the biblical Joseph and decided to show a part from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat with Donny Osmond. The part he showed was the part with Potipher's wife. LOL. Its very tame, but probably not church appropriate. A lot of the guys were embarrassed and they made him turn it off.

When I was a kid, there was this lady who would go on about a Satanic cult she had been involved with. The master of the cult had telepathic powers and could move shit with his mind. When she wanted out, the master (or whatever they called him) told that she had been bonded to Satan and couldn't leave. But then the Gospel and so on... you know the ending. This was in the 80s, at the height of the Satanism scare.

I don't think he really counts as a wacko, but I remember the father of one of my childhool friends was bearing his testimony, and he said that as far as he was concerned, his wife was just as impotant as God. I was just a kid, but that didn't sound right to me. Anyway, they got divorced eventually.

I forget what movie it was, but when Yoda and Ben are discussing Darth Maul, Yoda reminds Ben that "they always work in pairs."

One week, our EQ teacher showed that clip. He then said how wonderful it is that they were putting Mormon theology in to movies.

Excuse me, EQ teacher, but aren't Sith Lords the bad guys? Why draw parallels between them and missionaries?

T-Bone

......face palm....... Lol.....this reminds me of my brother who once told me that he had a little testimony of the Lord of the Rings movies, because they were similar to book of Mormon stories.

I never saw any of the movies, not my thing , nor did I ever finish the BofM, but I still felt weird about his commentary......

Now I'm laughing because I wonder if he's one of the goofballs in church comparing star wars, and the hobbit, and LOTR to church.....so funny!

The followings characters were real, and all in one ward:

The creepy old "candyman" who gave candy to small children, but they had to sit on his lap to get it. He set up a chair in the foyer after meetings.

The bishop with afixation on lesbians. He asked the girls if they were having lesbian affairs durning interviews.

The old woman who saw demons in my father's eyes. (come to think of it, she may have been right)

The elder who accused boys of homosexuality in the ward bathroom.

The priesthood man who talked to an angel in his staion wagon. The angel counseled him on finding a wife.

The testimony braggart who went to Salt Lake and saw God shining forth from the prophet's eye's.

The middle aged woman who pretended to be a teenager.

--Yes, all in a single ward.

What ward is this... I want in....sounds like an entertaining Sunday morning :)

Amen! I would *so* go back on Fast Sunday just to experience this!

People would move, preferably into another stake, just to get away from it. The rotation of crazy people in that ward never stopped until the most recent ward reorganization, & even then most of the crazy people are all still in one ward.

The LDS church has always attracted unstable individuals. It's always been my feeling that religious belief, being irrational on it's face, either attracts them or creates them.

had a crazy old man who wore jean suspenders every Sunday talk

about his ex-wife being on crack, and about there

being 20 different stds

out there at gospel principles class once, when

the topic being discussed on the Holy Ghost!!! lmao

I served my mission in Oklahoma and I met my fair share of cooks. One in particular was this lady who always seemed to see ghosts. One Fast and Testimony meeting she got up and explained how she witnessed an angel's hand cook her bread in the oven for her.

Another story, which I heard from another missionary in my mission, was this ward "nut case" state during Fast and Testimony meeting that she knew that Nehphi's bones were buried underneath their church building.

There was a married couple who swore they were constantly surrounded by dead people. She was talking to me one day, and suddenly told her grandmother she was busy and not to interrupt her. Grandma had been dead a long time.

She told me it was annoying to her when they showed up in the bathroom, and they were always having to tell dead people to be quiet because they talked too much.

He came to church one day with a broken arm. Said a dead guy pushed him off of a roof. Lucky for him an angel caught him and kept him from getting killed.

Another time he was on the phone with my husband. Said he had to go because his father was outside driving the riding mower around. His father had died the year before.

They said they joined the church because mormons were the only people who believed them. They sold everything they had and moved to missouri because a dead indian chief told them it was time for the world to end. That was 20 years ago.

Damn, that reminds me of all the crazy people in my old ward who said they'd seen Satan, demons, or possessed people.

That bathroom ghost made me think of Moaning Myrtle in the Harry Potter series.

Those people remind me of my ex who was one ward nutcase as he claimed to see ghosts, and a couple of demons. He also claimed to see God's hand in the stars one night.

Mia's story totally reminds me of that movie with Bruce Willis, about this kid who has this "Sixth Sense" that allows him to see the spirits of dead people, complete with the physical manifestation of their life-ending injuries. Creepy!

Now, what was the name of that movie?

Okay I mentioned my MIL in the other thread. My MIL was so proud of feeding her babies whole wheat in a bottle. She said in the mother's lounge area at the ward, the other mothers were jealous because her baby's poops were always solid and not runny.

Do her children have allergies now? I'd be curious. I've heard it can cause hay fever, food allergies and asthma if a baby is given too much whole wheat.

Yes. They have had stomach issues their whole lives. It's pretty sad. Half of them are gluten intolerant.

Ward wackos in Happy Valley:

- the old lady who bore testimony that all words starting with "D" are of the devil;

-- the SP who had a "revelation" that everyone in the stake needed to tie down their water heaters, and sent squads of PHs around to document compliance (not to HELP, just to make sure all were obedient);

-- another old lady (SS teacher) who had Constitution classes in her basement each week because she was convinced the New World Order was taking over and we needed to stop them by using the Constitution;

-- the old lady who bore testimony (EVERY time!) about crop circles, aliens, and the Second coming;

-- the single guy who, after failing to convince his parents to build a nuclear fallout bunker in the basement, started stockpiling guns, ammo, and giant sacks of dog food (food storage) for his future desert survival compound. (He was also attempting to stockpile wives, but couldn't find any takers).

Going anon for this one because it's a story that might be recognized...

We had a guy in our ward who divorced his wife and married his 16 year old foster daughter and proceeded to have 4 kids with her then he left her for another teenager. I remembereven our young woman's leader telling us to steer clear of brother creepy.

Woody Allen is a Mormon? L! O! L!

We had a guy who was very political,he got up to speak one day and began too rant about the westminster government ( british parliament) and how we all had to back the scottish national party and do all we could to destroy westminster,bishop did nothing I got up and walked out.

One lady who every time she spoke talked about having been brought up by dogs and how she learned to speak dog before she could speak english,how she had a letter from the prophet giving her dispensation from drinking brandy as she said it was medicinal.

My dad was bishop and had been very kind to a guy who had fried his brain somehow...drug use it is rumored. During priesthood opening "exercises" dad asks if anyone else has anything else to say. This guy raises his hand, and after being acknowledged says," bishop, I'd just like to say...I haven't had the urge to kill anyone this week." dad plays it cool and says that's great and closes it and adjourned the meeting. I was 14 and trying not to show how hard I was laughing inside.

A UK "Nut Case" story:

A certain Ben K. (it turnsd out that wasn't his real name) appeared in the ward, got a few lessons and then got baptised.

At a stake event, a member of another ward in the stake recognised him as someone who got excommunicated twenty or so years earlier at another stake.

The alert came too late as a number of single adult ladies were reporting to the Bishop that he had undressed and molested them.

The guy got ex'd again and a legal injuction was slapped on him.

Funny, the holy ghost gave no warning to the missionaries, the bishop or the fortune teller who spoke to the RS about how evil this man was (after the event).

I guess the holy ghost hadn't recognised him either.

Cheers

Grey

The story about the letter "D" brought back a memory.

A professor at the college (scary huh?) stood up and went on for half an hour about the letters 'WR" and how they were connected to wrestling with evil.

There was also a lady who would hog half the meeting every time. She would stand there, and in a teeny tiny voice (like a mouse) squeak out long stories in an asian language that we couldn't understand. Even if we had, she was so quiet we couldn't hear what she was saying.

Then there was the revelator. She always had a revelation about something or someone. She always "knew for a surety that God was speaking to her in her finest hours" She knew the scriptures by heart, so would quote those endlessly until you wanted to run out of the building screaming.


It's like my sister says, they keep having F&T meetings so everyone has a strong testimony how crazy mormons are. Without them we'd all be second guessing ourselves.

I grew up with the rich kids of Mesa (AZ) where everyone acts like they are perfect. As a teenager we moved close to apache junction (where the less than desirable people live--no offense AJers)

So, in this new ward the young women would get up during YW testimony and basically do confession. I had never seen anything like it. A girl spoke of her suicide attempt, another girl talked about how much sex she's had and how happy that she is forgiven and clean again. They spoke of all kinds of personal and shameful things. It was culture shock to an extremely sheltered Molly Mormon like myself.
As an adult I've been part of wards with lower income families.
And so i've noticed that more affluent wards tend to put on a "everything is perfect" front and poor wards have many telling all of their problems at the pulpit.

I like that much better than the vague allusions to problems that people love to do. "as you all know of my struggle this month..." And I'm thinking "what struggle? I need the details!"

Also, my grandpa is the old man that goes up and gives prophetic advice. "Buy gold now! The prophecies are unfolding before our eyes!" etc.

luckily being caught by an angel reminded me of the biggest nutcase I have ever met. However, many nut cases can come accross very mormon appropriate and are therefore awarded for it. There is this guy in the mid west who came out without "purse or script" from utard about 15 years ago. I know this aspect of his life because shares it in every FAT meeting. By the way, where I live, we get our share of the nuttiest of the nutcases.

Anyway this guy always started off by crying for 10-15 minutes in every FAT meeting. Uggh..then he was promoted to a Bishop's counselor, then Bishop, then HC, and the SP 2nd counselor. All he did was stand up and ball his brains out every frickin FAT meeting - AND THE MORMONS LOVED HIM for it. He told a story once how his wife stumbled as she was coming out of garaga, broke her ankle in 5 places during the fall. He spinned it by saying, "as I saw her fall, I saw the hands of angel's lowering to the garage floor..else she would have broken her back and died..(snif snif)." Even then I thought "OMG...either those are the worst angels ever or your are totally making the up."

Later when he was a 2nd counselor in the bishopric, this guy would call my wife almost every day for "business."

He is the incarnate Josesph's Myth. It's funny how gulliable mormons fall for guys like this. Crazy all of them.

There was a JS type in my last ward.

He went around getting people all hyped up about 2012. He would hit the men up for money to buy a piece of land that had a cave on it. His plan was to stock it with supplies for the end of the world.

Once he had the guys on board he would ask the women if they were willing to follow his orders to the letter when the time came for them to live the communal life.

I couldn't believe the people that were going along with this nut job. My husband told him we already had our guns and ammo at the ready, and didn't need him. In other words, ah take a hike and don't come over to hit on my wife.

My brother told me of a nut case in his ward. She is a lady who is blind and has been blind her whole life. She got up on Fast and Testimony meeting and began telling a story when she was a teenager (I think around 13). She said she was playing with mud pies and then claimed the mud pies turned into hamburger meat, so she ate it.

So, did she eat mud, or was she playing with hamburger meat the whole time? The world may never know.