Don't get me wrong. Let me be clear:

Me no likey church anymore and I'm never going back.

It's just that the last couple months have been rough. My mind and functionality are slipping.

Bicycling home from work one night I encountered two white-shirt-clad mishies. Of course they looked so bright & clean, and I, toward the end of a long lonely bike ride home at the end of the day, was brightened at the sight of them. I knew that these were two approachable young men who are always eager to engage passersby in conversation.

My personality, upon seeing them, I exclaimed excitedly, "Missionaries!" They appeared happy to be greeted so enthusiastically, and we conversed. They asked me which ward I'm in, so they were assuming I'm an active member even though I was wearing a strappy tank top on my way home from teaching a yoga class. Um I told them I haven't been to church in a few years but recent emails from the _____ _____ ward leads me to believe that's the ward that has my records.

Well they invited me to their ward and I told them I have to teach yoga classes on Sunday morning. When they talked about me "coming" to church, the cute blonde one got that subtle look in his eyes that is increasingly common in people these days, inwardly heating up at the double meaning of "coming." I got it but carried on.

They asked if I grew up in the church. Told them I joined at age 17 then got tired of it at age 36, two years ago. They looked surprised. The brown haired one ...testimony shaken there...I can read minds through facial expressions, body language. He was thinking:

"She was an active member for 19 years then she got tired of it. She is further on her spiritual journey than we are! I understand how a person would get tired of the church, and I probably will get tired of it too. I already am tired of it."

The blonde one looked past my story and said he thought I was 20 years old. Thanks! Muah! At which point I told them that the word of wisdom really does work. No alcohol. Drink a gallon of water a day. Eat lots of raw veggies. Exercise. Yoga. Eternal youth!

I gave them a vague hope that I would call them and attend their ward, of course after half a second of thinking it over I knew I wouldn't. It was nice to see them though, bright, young, eager, unaware that the happiness they're attempting to share is founded on nonsense. Whatever keeps them smiling & glowing.


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Last week I was attempting a 76-mile bicycle ride to another yoga class. GPS was giving me grief so my path became confusion.

Then Holy Sh**. Operative word "Holy(?)" Three hours into my ride, from out of nowhere looming up above the treetops was the DC Temple.

For half a second I thought, "Maybe it's a sign from God that I'm lost and if I go back to church I won't be lost anymore."

Nah.

Not ever going back to that false, empty sense of fake fulfillment. Waste of time & money & resources. You can send me all the "signs" you want, God. Only now I know they're not signs. They're just chance scatterings of LDS influence, unavoidable simply because people make them exist.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/27/2014 11:55AM by lenina.

I think it's good for missionaries to talk to people who have left. It may give them a sense that there are options in life -- more options than they may have previously considered.

That's a very good point, Ive never thought of it like that..

Yes, some form of happiness can be found in tscc but true life experiences and happiness can be worked for & earned in the real world. Surely the mishies will see that sooner or later.