One of the great benefits of growing up as a teenager in the mormon church is that years later you get to have the fun of randomly remembering slightly traumatic youth activities.

I think generally my church leaders tried very hard… for better or worse.
I wanted to start a thread about odd youth activities, but I suppose general ward (weird?) activities also count.
Here is mine:

Dating is awkward right? I mean no one really knows what they are doing the first time on a date. Heaven forbid you say the wrong thing, or smell bad… the solution? A Mass “First” Date for the Laurels/Priests in my Stake, disguised as “Etiquette Training”! Brilliant!

I walked towards the doors of the great and spacious Stake Center. I had just climbed out of my mother’s mini van, I ignored her as she waved and peeled out of the parking lot.

Opening the doors, I could hear the church organ playing one of the many tired out hymns. A man wearing a suit and a scowl directed me towards the chapel. I obeyed and quickly found a seat. As the room filled and the special mixture of warmth, stink, and dull tones that only a mormon chapel can create, began to lull my brain into a weakened state, I realized that everyone else had dressed as if attending a church meeting. A simple mistake really, given the affinity any event at the church has towards a somber sacrament service. Still, I felt suddenly uncomfortable in my comfortable jeans and t-shirt.

After everyone had become bored and desensitized enough, the activity began! with an opening hymn and prayer. After the rituals were done with, the leaders felt it was time for the fun.

We had a speaker.

An older man from the Stake Young Men’s Presidency (a kind of embodied oxymoron) began his tirade. He spoke on how terribly wicked the world was. How we live in a world where no one cares about important things, decent things, moral things...how kids these days just don’t know how the hell to behave.

My peers and I all sat quietly as he continued to berate us for letting the world get that way.

We weren’t to be worried though. Because we had the gospel! and we were gathered that night to learn and be edified. We were going to be indoctrinated on proper social etiquette at last!

There was going to be two parts. A class and a practical examination. We were all simply thrilled with the prospect of enduring an evening of half-assed etiquette school after full day of real school.

The girls were all asked to relocate to the Relief Society room. The young men would stay in the chapel. The reasoning was logical. Our hormone crazed bodies were already beginning to visibly vibrate with all the repressed sexual tension that sprung from being in such close proximity with each other, how could anyone be brainwashed, properly, in such a setting? Personally, I had stopped paying any attention at all, the fumes had gotten to my head, I was dazed and confused. I stood up, a little unsteady on my feet, and intended to follow on of my close friends out of the chapel.
I was greeted with laughter and disdain. “You’re not a girl!” one young man called out and everyone laughed more. A scowling priesthood holder grabbed my arm and led me back to my seat.

Once the females had been evacuated from our presence, we could begin the delightful etiquette training class. We heard many speakers. The following is a summary of what we learned.

1. Honour your priesthood.
2. You are the man in the relationship.
3. Respect your priesthood.
4. It’s your duty to spiritually lead your family.
5. The priesthood qualifies you for leadership.
6. The salad fork is on the left.

For those of you inept at etiquette, you can thank me for a prime example of mormon etiquette training… unless you are a woman, then I am not very sure how it works.

We found our female counterparts in the gym afterwards. They were all wearing one shoe each and a big pile of shoes were located in the center. We were instructed to go and pick up a shoe and find the owner… like how it happened in Cinderella.

Each young man quickly scanned the young womans’ feet, hoping to snag a decent shoe. Each young woman stood nervously by, hoping someone weird didn’t find their shoe (Not very good odds there). Like the strange guy who chose his shoe based on how it smelled. I grabbed one at random because all the young woman in my stake looked and acted the same.

One shoe was leftover as there was an uneven number present… that girl ot partnered with som lecherous old bishop.

My “partner” was blond and all smiles. When I saw her I said, jokingly, “Oh you didn’t dress up either, that’s funny!”
She didn’t think it was very funny.

So the practical portion commenced and we were shown to our tables and told that we were all on our “First Dates”.
What followed was a mass of awkward and contrived conversation, many accusatory stares from the plethora of adult chaperones (who were visibly worried that some youth might mistakenly believe this was an actual date) and a dinner of stale,cold Stouffer’s lasagna.

I remember looking across the room more than once. There was a guy in my seminary class that I had a crush on. I wished I could have been his date. But as I was so subtly reminded, “I am not a girl” and two men who love each other is exactly the type of evil this whole charade was aimed at preventing.

At the end we were given forms to “rate” each other on the etiquette we exhibited. I rated my partner all tens because I am nice like that and I went home, never to think about that night until just now.

So what are some of your strange activity experiences?

Boy scout camps where the adults would encourage physical fist fights among the boys.

To this day I think they were wagering on us.

Oh wow... This did happen at my scout camp.

Well it was just an arm wrestling match gone wrong, but some did come away having made some money off of the bets.

One year, in the late 60s, both our scout masters were Vietnam vets. Our summer camp was spent learning the skills we'd need to survive in "the war".

Some of it was fun, some of it was scary. Particularly crossing a simulated mine field.

Hi there nonsequiter, I always enjoy reading your posts!

Although I didn't experience your induction into etiquette, I (obviously) had my sexuality kidnapped by the Morg when I converted. I played the role of the good boy who never thought about sex (in reality, I was beating my meat every chance I got). I saved myself for the right woman and got married in the temple. Both of us were virgins and we both admitted that we didn't know a lot about sex. In retrospect the real reason for virginity was poor self-esteem and body hangups (something exploited greatly by the Morg).

Probably the best thing I ever read about "coming of age" was the concept that we discover our sexuality. I cannot imagine how difficult it was to discover your sexuality in a climate of bigotry and oppression.

I hope that in posting your experiences and feelings bring you the sense of joy and wonder in who you are. I only wish that you had someone at the time who could have let you know that your sexuality was a gift and an important part of the man you are.

The Boner

Thanks,

Yes posting here has helped me tremendously, it's very therapeutic.

Partly because of the venting, partly because of the amazing insight offered, and partly because this board makes it plainly obvious how similar many of our experiences have been.

Did anyone else here every do polygamy parties?

I think they were quite popular as a youth activity two or three decades ago before SLC said no more to those.

As I recall, it was sort of like musical chairs except that it was only the guys were knocked off one at a time and the odd man out had to give up the women he had collected.

My son did not want to go to "Standards Night" as it was called at the time. It was on a school night, and he had homework--a paper due, and a test to study for. He came straight home from school to study. We had one house phone in those days, and it rang all afternoon, with kids and adults, and a couple of girls calling my son. I could hear him saying, "No, I'm doing homework. No, I'm not going. Don't keep asking me." He was not getting any studying done, because the Mormons were pestering him to go to Standards Night, and he explained what it was. I decided that I would not allow him to go and be taught rubbish and be put through torture. He was too young to cry, but he actually cried, thinking he was going to be forced to go against his will. The doorbell rand, and my son got to the door before I did, and two large men walked into the living room, and were grabbing at my son and yelling at him, when I came into the room. I lost it! I said, "My son told you repeatedly that he had important homework tonight. It is a school night, and in our household, school comes before church." The men started to talk back to me, and I said, "I am his parent, and head of this household--and I forbid my son to go. Leave my house now, and leave my son alone!" I was shaking. What kind of standards and etiquette would bullies like these teach my children? How arrogant of them to take over the role of parent, and teach kids about sex and dating.

You are a skilled story teller!

Thanks for the great story nonsequiter. To forestpal, I think I've heard you tell this story before but in any case it always shakes me up. Good job!

Church dances were like church, standing up - you have to hold your "partner" as if there was a MoB between you. There was... and it gave one, or two, "gold and green balls".

I think I blocked a lot of the activities and experiences out. Mormonism is sometimes just one big block (on your shoulder, which you are supposed to put to the wheel), and I knocked it off.

M@t



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2014 10:57AM by moremany.

On the 1st anniversary of 9/11, we had a combined activity with the YM. One of the leaders gave a talk, where he lamented the victims who jumped from the towers probably didn't have the gospel truths, and they died without becoming LDS. My 15 year old self cringed during all this. Then it was activity time: an egg drop! They actually borrowed a crane for this. We each got an egg, and had to use tissues, tape, etc to wrap it up and keep it safe. Each safety accessory represented something like going to church, reading scriptures, etc. you know, things to keep us spiritually safe that the 9/11 victims didn't have. I was so upset, I actually yelled at the leaders for planning a very insensitive activity, and walked out. My first, but not last time ever walking out of a church activity!

9/11 egg drop is about as creepy as it gets.

I am glad no one thought of a Waco style martyrdom activity.