Like most new converts I was anxious to receive my patriarchal blessing. The BYU stake patriarch turned out to be a cranky 90s-something ghoul with hooded eyes who scowled when I reported that Los Angeles was in Los Angeles County--was I trying to falsify the records of the church? At the time, I figured he just didn't understand geography very well...

In time, after talking with all my roommates I realized that most patriarchal blessings follow a boilerplate:

1. Righteous desire for a blessing
2. Born at the right time to receive the restored gospel
3. Lineage is of Ephraim--a choice heritage
4. You will help establish Zion
5. Find a worthy occupation and eternal companion and be married in the Temple.

Things that didn't come true in mine: (These were not said as directly but strongly implied):
1. I will serve a mission
2. My parents will join the church

And, of course--IF YOU ARE NOT WORTH, THESE THINGS WILL NOT COME TO PASS.

Did I miss anything? The Boner!

My sister is still waiting for the righteous son of god to marry and have kids. She has three daughters, one biological, out of wedlock, and two adopted. As I recall, just about zero of the specific promises have happened. And they were not for the next life. Could only be this life.

Mine was quite generic. About like the daily horoscope in the paper. Could apply to just about anyone.

I think I would rather go with a fortune teller at the county fair. Cheaper and just as accurate. ?

If memory serves correctly, one has to be interviewed and be found worth. This would mean the usual ten percent to LD$inc.
The Boner!

I should have known. Sigh.

In the early Church the patriarch charged for this service. The Mormon church does not give patriarchal blessings to unworthy members. Tithing makes you worthy.

I've never given much though to my patriarchal blessing even when I was heavily involved in Mormonism. For some reason that kind of stuff never inspired me much. I remember a dew sentences seeming odd, out of place, or super-hedged.

Like you say, boiler plate stuff, of no value. Easily explained away and of course conditional. Mormon prayer, Mormon priesthood stuff. Do over!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/22/2014 10:35AM by gentlestrength.

Up until the 50s or 60s it was customary to give something to the patriarch for his expense in having the blessing transcribed. Keep in mind elderly gentlemen of that age did not type.

I think I paid a few dollars for my copy.

Best sentence in my PB:

Make sure that you become attractive for your Eternal Companion. This is something you can grow and develop much in. Just ask HF for guidance on this so you can easily reach this so important goal.
I was a Gothic that days with extreme Hairdo, makeup and clothing - and some more to love. way too
ugly and strange for an old geezer and not the accessories he could imagine at one of his grandkids side (I was dating with; one of them)


Well so ya I totally messed it up
~Still that ugly
~served a mission instead of become a bimbo and a tithingproducer
~ did a academic career instead of fulfilling my said duty
~ oh well it said I will be a great example to my family and friends and they'll get so much comfort, powe, love..... whatever from my faithful testimony of the truth ^^ I am still working on that ppoint.

Keep your BMI under 24, wear makeup, and dress well: good advice for all women seeking romance.

Your value to a romantic partner, if you're like the 97% of women who're straight, is largely based on your appearance.

A pretty face, a nice figure, and a pleasant personality go a long way to finding a quality romantic partner.

My blessing was so basic that it pretty much came true even down to the part where it says, "your spirit will be as clear as crystal. You have the power of discernment and will know truth from error."

I used my super crystal power and discerned truth from TSCC error. Although, I don't think this is quite what the patriarch had in mind. lol



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 07/21/2014 11:52PM by braindead.

My sister's PB said she would have sons and daughters. So she & her hubby kept having children until they had more than one of each sex, which took 5 times. How's that for letting a church run your life.

I was fifty-seven years old when I received my patriarchal blessing. I was blessed that I would be able to continue to use my musical talents. I have no musical talents. I don't play an instrument, can't read music and can't carry a tune in a bucket. The patriarch had no doubt attended stake musicals that I had directed or costumed and assumed that I had some musical ability. When I mentioned this to a TBM friend she said that my musical talent was the ability to use the musical talents of other people.

I shouldn't be so unbelieving. I should not have such a narrow view of musical talent. I am, after all, perfectly capable of operating several different types of musical playback devices. Is that a talent?

The Levites served among other things as the musicians of the Temple.

Did the old codger give you the tribe of Levi?

Doubt it.

He obviously associated you with musical productions and figured you must be musically inclined. A simple misunderstanding. These guys are clueless...

Mine was sooo generic. I swear the old geezer had a rip-pad of these printed up for the "good" girls and another rip-pad for those that "needed to shape up." Saved a bunch of time not having to transcribe- just rip off a page and there you have it.

I recently spoke with a Community of Christ pastor about this topic. The Community of Christ no longer calls them patriarchs, as this office is also held by women. Instead, one receives an 'Evangelist's Blessing'. According to him, some Community of Christ evangelists do assign you to a tribe, but many also do not.

My own blessing said that I'd serve a mission, get married, have kids, etc, etc. None of those have happened! But then, I wasn't exactly faithful, was I?

In my PB it says that my non member dad will join through my example. That hasn't happened yet. It said that I will get married in the temple. Well my best friend at the time got her blessing a few days later and we read each other blessing. At time time both of us were so happy that both of the blessings were almost exact the same but she doesn't have a non member dad so that part wasn't there. Looking back our blessings couldn't have been anymore genetic. I thought the blessing would help me decide which career I should study but no it says I should prepare to become a mother in Zion. I got my blessing at age 16-17 and I was preparing to go off to college in a few years and not to be a mother in Zion. And it says to pay tithing so that the lord might bless you and open heaven with knowledge.

I just remember that I was afraid the Patriarch would go to lay his hands on my head and then withdraw saying the spirit told him I was not worthy of a blessing. Or that his hands would be shocked like the wicked witch of the west hands were when she reached for the ruby slippers. I was that unworthy for the blessing. But, everything went off fine. Perhaps my first indication that there was no "spirit/gift of discernment".

A few years ago I told my TBM daughter that I was going to throw out all of my Mormon junk (certificates, PB, Book of Remembrance, etc.) unless she wanted it. She took my stuff and was amazed that I didn't want to hold onto, and refer to, my PB.

I've been working on seeing how common various aspects of patriarchal blessings are, here:

http://www.fullerconsideration.com/pbrevelator.php

My PB blessing tells me to that my inquiring mind will lead me into areas where I need to use caution. I think that one statement kept me from researching the church for many years even when I suspected that it wasn't what it claimed to be. And, that same statement probably appears in dozens of other blessings given by the same patriarch.

My brother's blessing said that he would serve a mission in a land that was not currently open to missionary work.

He got called to Texas.

True Story.

Apparently you were not worthy enough to receive the fullness of the blessing and instead got just enough to get to Texas!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/23/2014 06:24PM by AmIDarkNow?.

I have never read mine in the thirty years since I got it. I felt it was meaningless.I went with several of our children to get their blessings and .... they were essentially the same. DW was impressed. Not me.

I got mine circa 1980 and, like many have expressed here, much of it was general in nature. One interesting thing about mine, however, was the assertion that I would be the means of seeing the gospel spread into areas where the people have not had the chance to hear it yet. (That's as near as I can remember the wording; I don't know where my PB is and don't feel like looking for it.)

Of course, my parents, based on that claim, thought that I would be going to the USSR or some East Bloc country: I went to Ireland where mormons had been preaching for about 150 years:)

Mine said that I would "labor with those who hold high office in in the church." In my many years of being a faithful TBM, I never got that call from SLC.

My two eldest childrens PBs told them to study the life of Joseph Smith. They did, and it lead them out of the church!

Mine told me I would be famous. More specifically, that the light of my many talents would be a beacon and be seen unto the whole world. Or something like that; I don't remember exactly.

Well, I'm still waiting on that part. I guess I'm still young :)

It also talked about my temple marriage with my future husband. Hehe, guess that ain't happenin'...

My patriarchial blessing said there were children in the pre-existance waiting for me to marry and bring them down to earth.

Ha!

I guess the patriarch didn't know that I had gynecological problems that would make it impossible for me to carry a baby!

I didn't know that back when I got the blessing, or I might have forewarned the patriarch in the interview they do before they give the blessing.

And if I had known it - and forgot to tell him - it might have warned me at an early age just what a scam TSCC is.

But it would be several decades later before I'd find out that it was impossible for me to have a child, even on the day I got that blessing.

So, don't tell me I was not blessed with children because I was somehow "unrighteous" or "unworthy." I was unable to have children because of a physical problem that I was born with, and that I had the day the patriarch gave me that "blessing."

So much for his sooth-saying abilities.

I'm so sorry; I am also unable to have children. I've had some really dumb and insensitive things said to me about that, one of which was that if I returned to activity I would conceive. It's like Mormons don't understand a medical condition.

{virtual hugs}

1) I was told Manasseh which I found weird and disappointing as clearly he didn't get the blessings of the other guy

2) It was very vague about motherhood (I'm a woman), and this made me nervous. The fact that I am infertile, which was unknown then, has always given me a bit of the goosebumps.

I was very excited to get the blessing and read it a lot.

Like Mr. Happy, I thought the patriarch would say that I was evil and shouldn't be there. He said nothing. I think he felt bad that my family did not come. They (and I) had no idea what this blessing was about. For years I felt bad they did not get to share this with me, but then I realized it was made up.

I was told I would go somewhere the gospel wasn't preached. That was true. I went to East Germany, and saw the wall come down. That part was awesome. Would have been better if I was more of a tourist. But I have been back since...

I was told I would marry an awesome wife. We would have an awesome life. That one took me two tries. (My first wife was a crazy TBM, and led to my first time leaving church) My current wife doesn't know this was promised. She thinks it's just me that's awesome ;-)

The last promise was that I would be a bishop. Yeah that's never going to happen. It was actually the thing that concerned me the most.

The rest of it was like everyone else's ;-)

Mine said I would be one of the two witnesses, would be struck down for 3 1/2 days and be resurrected and strike fear into the hearts of those who witness my resurrection. It said the other witness is Bono. Don't tell anyone. That was the sealed portion.

This is so embarrassing now-- but my blessing was so generic and offered nothing personal that I was convinced I was going to die young. Since there was no mention of church service or of doing anything in my life at all I thought I must not have much life to live. For years I waited for my life to come to an end unexpectedly! Honestly. Wasted cursed anxiety. That's what you get when all it says is obey the commandments, honor your parents that your days may be long upon the land, and use your talents. Oh and don't forget to pay up and take the sacrament. Now I see it for what it was-- a very uninspired proclamation because I was a very very shy teen and did not give up any info at all about myself during the pre-blessing interview.