They would show up at a random chapel at midnight on a friday night and clean the shit out of it. Just spotless.

Then they would leave notes for the membership cleaning crew that would come in saturday morning: "This chapel has been thoroughly cleaned and blessed by the First Presidency and Quorum of the 12 Apostles. Service: Pass it on."

They wouldn't actually be required to clean, they have their cronies for that.

It would become a HUGE faith promoting story. Whose chapel will be next?

Wards all over the world would be anxious to find the notes in their chapel.

And you better believe they would keep their chapels spotless so that the brethren wouldn't end up having to actually do anything. It would be the best motivation to keep members cleaning chapels, and all it would take is a few random notes implying the holiest of holy men condescended to serve their fellow kolobians by cleaning toilets.

Again, that's "if they were smart..."

Yes, but they're not.

These would be some of the excuses made for not showing:

Monson: I was on route when I was prompted to visit an elderly former member of the ward in which I served as Bishop many years ago. Stories were shared, friendships were rekindled, hearts were gladdened…. and no WCs were cleaned

Packer: A true Priesthood holder never removes his suit jacket and therefore I couldn’t dress in any appropriate (and modest) cleaning attire. I was also a little concerned that any inadvertent leak of my oxygen tank might spontaneously ignite hazardous cleaning chemicals

Bednar: I was washing my hair

Oaks: After checking the legal small print on my life insurance policy, much to my dismay I found that I’m not fully covered to clean church property

Holland: Do you think I’m some kind of dodo?

Eyering: I would have truly loved to by my eyes water uncontrollably when in close proximity to certain cleaning detergents

Uchtdorf: My plane was unfortunately delayed. Did I ever tell you about the time that I was flying from…..

Scott: It was actually all your fault that I missed the cleaning appointment. Yes you! Is there something that you need to confess to your Priesthood leader about? Do you have a chastity issue? Do you masturbate?

The big 15 are too effing cheap to pay to have someone clean the churches for them when they can get free labor.

Actually, if they were smart, they would continue to perpetuate a known fraud and guilt-trip their blind-following members into paying them large amounts of money AND performing free labor while they laugh all the way to the bank.

If they were smart, there would be a token woman and a token black apostle.

And pigs would fly.


Kathleen Waters

There are only three or four of them who would be physically able to do the work. The rest are barely hanging on to dear life.