Do you think I should change my screen saver? It shows a beautiful photo of me with my cat, who died in February. I miss him very much and my grief is very raw.

I don't know if having this screen saver is helping me or not.

I don't want to ever forget him but I want for his loss to stop being so painful. I have other photos up too.

In the context of everything, I thought this was a factor too.

I am not going to speak to that man, I don't know what I was thinking, I am in no place for any relationship.
But I have to hold onto the fact that perhaps in the future I may meet someone, but if I don't, then I can still thrive too.
Thanks

Copper,
We mourn the loss of loved ones, and pets. We grieve, it is a natural process. I think looking at the picture every, as a screensaver, day may not be helpful. It kind of 'forces' you back into your grief, and you are not meant to live there.
Moving forward is about building new memories. It doesn't mean we forget. Please allow yourself the time to build new memories.
I know what it is to be heartbroken over the loss of a pet. My thoughts are with you for peace, and that you will come to cherish the memories in a way that brings joy.
I don't read posts every day, so I'm sorry but I don't know what the last couple of sentences are about.

I have my sweet kitty on my PC. I miss him to. I am glade to see him when he rotates on to my screen along with my mom.
Time will heal. Think of the happy times when you see the picture.

One of the most helpful pieces of advice I was ever given was by madalice on this forum

She told me that she removed everything in her house that caused her pain. I gave that a lot of thought when I got home from visiting her and I realized that I was surrounded by painful reminders of people I loved but were either dead or considered me a detriment to their lives.

I put the photos away and left one up - the one of me when I am eight years old in Catholic school, to remind me to mother myself and be good to myself...to remind me that things I blame myself for were not my fault, that I was just a child.

I liked madalice's advice so much because it does not require analysis or insight to go around your house and decide if this or that brings you joy or heartache when you look at it.

Be good to yourself especially now, when you are suffering. Get a kitty or a puppy when you are ready-- take a look at all the cuties at the pound who need a forever home.

I hope this helps. Hugs,


Kathleen Waters

I had a cat who'd been with me for 16 years until he died a couple of years ago. He'd been my constant companion through all of the major changes in my life - overcoming depression, leaving the mormon church, coming out as gay, meeting the man who is now my husband.

My husband (who is very wise, but don't let him know I said so) suggested we plant a tree in memory of my cat. So we bought a sugar maple and planted it in our front yard. And it's very comforting to know that even though my cat is gone, life goes on and something beautiful is growing in his memory.

Since the tree is in the front yard we see it every time we enter and leave the house, and every time we look out the front window. It turns a gorgeous shade of red in the fall. And we've even started calling the tree by the same name as the cat.

My Dad died a year ago last May. We went home to Illinois for the funeral, and at the time all the redbud trees were in bloom. So last summer we planted a redbud tree on the other side of the front yard. (And yes, this tree goes by my Dad's name.)

I think you should keep it. It's a good reminder. I had my beloved old cat cremated and I have his ashes in a nice little box. I don't want to forget him, I want to remember him. He was a great companion.

Yes, thank you all. I think I will keep it on and just change my thoughts when I look at the photo of him cuddling into me and holding onto me, from being about the loss to remembering the happy times. When i walked towards him, he would lift his front paws up and wait to be lifted. Once he just jumped into my arms when i was not even expecting him to. I carried him around on my hip. When he had his paws around my neck, if I wanted to put him down, he would just cling on tighter and tighter, even when I was leaning over at right angles to try to get him to let go! I rescued him from the street. He died suddenly. He was about 12. I regret not taking him to the vets a few days earlier when he was not right, but he was improving and was good on the wed morning. When I came home, he had lost all movement in his hind legs and the vet said she thought it was a slipped disc. His organs were shutting down. He had chronic renal failure.

I had shouted at him the night before he died as he was under my feet all the time and I was busy with another ill animal. He just wanted to be picked up. I am so ashamed of myself. I didn't deserve his love. When I went to work on the wednesday he died, I switched the heater off. When we got to the vets, she said he was very cold.

He died just before Valentine's day. I bought a plaque to hang by his grave. It says Love is in the air.

I hope he knew I loved him, I think he did. He was grateful and I really love him and I wish I had done better for him. His name was copper.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/21/2014 06:46PM by copper.

You know when I think about this and about my other threads about unhealthy family relationships and relationships with men, the theme keeps being about how I have internalised the message that I am not worthy of love. Not proper love that I reaLLY want and even need.

Someone, I think my mother, told me once that I was unlovable. Seems like I am playing that message out a lot.

You know how cats are. It's hard to say if they're loving on you or just thinking you're a giant tin of cat food. But that's what I love about them. Plus they do fun stuff. My "new cat" loves to rocket through the back yard chasing the little rabbits that come in to eat out of my garden. He never catches them, but throws up big divots out of the grass trying to.

My next door neighbors have a beautiful tuxedo cat. I welcome him in my yard, and he occasionally gives me a present. Last night he left the freshly killed corpse of a huge field rat on my porch. The thing was almost as big as a toy chihuahua. I scooped it up with a shovel and put it on the neighbors side of the garden. Then I noticed the cat was watching me and I felt bad. I called to him but he wouldn't respond.

Cats are wonderfully complex creatures, and I can imagine mourning the loss of a such a companion. May you find peace in your heart, copper.