My husband and I are leaving the church and we have a few small children. We are considering moving from Utah, but we also like it here because of family. Have any of you left Utah and what was your experience? Was it worth it? Or did you leave your home behind? I'm not so good with new experiences, to be honest scares the **** out of me, but I am worried about my little children being picked on around here because I was RS president and just up and resigned. Any advice?

I've only left Utah after a Loooong vacation. Smile.
I left home and moved 2000 miles away when I was 29. It was the best thing I ever did. It wasn't easy.
I had 2 little kids and a husband.
Because I moved away, I could finally see how abusive my family was. I went through a lot of therapy in those years. I really grew up. I became more secure with who I am. i went to college for the first time. I raised strong minded loving kids. I lived in the midwest. We were the only mormons in our town. My kids were the only mormons in their school. In the long run I think that was a good thing. We all know what life is like without the mo religion breathing down our necks 24/7. We have less fear of leaving the church because of this.
After 15 years of being "gone" I moved back into the area my family lives. I was completely ignored. It was like i had died, even though I was still TBM. Oh well, not much of a loss really.
I'm no longer a mormon as of last november.
I don't know how things will go if you leave Utah. It may seem incredibly difficult. My experience was that it was so worth it to leave my mormon soaked environment. I finally had space to be who I am without judgement and criticism.
I gave up any family support i may have had. I had to pay for baby sitters. When i had kids, nobody brought me meals. I never got a break unless I hired a sitter. I had no friends for a while. I had t learn how to get a life and make friends. I am such a stronger better person for it all. It wasn't easy for me. You may have a completely different experience.

Don't be afraid to move. Moving to California was the best decision my family ever made. My 3 brothers and I all have good jobs, and secure futures. Our children born in CA, are well adjusted, and happy.

In Utah we were so poor!

It might be shocking at first to see different cultures, and so many different beliefs, but you get used to it. In fact you might end up needing it. Its fantastic to experience how other people live, even if its not the way you choose to live.

Its nice to have anonymity too. You know without Mormons, or faith or people looking over your shoulder, you might just surprise yourself! Turns out you might be a good person just for the sake of being a good person. Your an adult, you can govern yourself.



Good luck, whatever you choose.

A number of years ago we got an unexpected opportunity to leave Utah and move to Oregon. We jumped at it and it is the best thing we ever did.

Before the kids went to school here we told them that things were different here - nobody would care if they were mormon or not. They didn't believe us. Well, since they had moved from Utah the other kids did ask if they were mormon, but didn't really care when they said no. Our kids were very surprised twice - that things were that different here, and because Dad was right about something.

Most of our extended families were in Utah, and it is sad to say that getting away from them was a good thing. They are good people, but I didn't want to see my mother cry when she looked at our "lost" children, and I didn't want my kids to think that the things our families believed and did were normal.

It was definitely worth it. The kids didn't think so at first, but that didn't last long. A couple of years after we moved I got a job offer back in Utah, and the kids said no way did they want to go back. I felt the same way and turned it down. Life is so much better in the real world.

I grew up in portland. I love it there. Would move back to Oregon in a heartbeat.

I moved away 14-15 years ago. My son was 12, and wife and I had been married 17 years. At the time it was the correct thing to do, to leave. But I would move back in a heartbeat. Where I live now, we don't see Mormon missionaries, but JW ones. EVERY weekend, and they send a 7 or 8 yr old to the door with the literature. And there is some sort of a Baptist Church on every other corner around here, instead of an LDS Wardhouse or Stake Center. It is like "the same song, but the second verse." Sure it is the same everywhere. Everywhere has issues. Don't let people blow sunshine up your behind about how bad it is there. its only as bad as you let it be.

SLC is not really that bad a place to live. You just have to have the balls to stand up to all the BS.

Again, I'd move back in a heart beat.

I agree with you. I wont even go back to Utah to visit.

I don't think I'd ever move back to Utah.

If you did I want to start a bowling league named gadianton robbers.

I'm kind of enjoying how non-crowded everything is here in Utah on Sunday :)

Exactly! That's when we do our grocery shopping. I don't mind living in Utah for the most part. I have been out of TSCC for 15 years. Yeah, there are garment lines galore around here, but better them than me. My heart goes out to them. :)

I moved from SLC UT to northern Maryland in 1998. I live in a rural area, and the land to the north of me is a working farm.

It is really nice to not be associating with Mormons. I have only met two Mormons here -- both were employees of medical providers that I went to. There are many churches here with Catholicism having the most adherents. There is a large Baptist church a half mile from where I live.

The nice thing is that nobody discusses religion in public. People never mention what (if any) church they attend and they never ask what church I attend (I am an atheist). So as far as my life goes here, for all intents and purposes religion doesn't exist.

I am a senior citizen and the medical care available in Maryland is excellent. Johns Hopkins hospital is the #1 ranked hospital in the USA. I would not consider moving back to Utah. I am happy with my new state.

by No. Md do you mean Frederick? Lived in MD many years, many trips around 495, even back when it was drive-able (ie. not a parking lot).

How do you deal with the larger population? Miss the mountains?

Ps. never mo here who loves Utah for its wide open space and mountains... who grew up in MD.

PPS. Culture here still baffles me, kind of like the politics in the beltway area

I seldom have to drive into Baltimore City. I go to Bel Air or Towson for most of my needs. Living in the northeast corridor, the area from Washington DC to Boston, is certainly different than Salt Lake City. The traffic in the big cities is congested, especially during rush hours.

There is a lot to see in this region. I can ride Amtrak to New York City and spend a few days there sight seeing and going to Broadway shows. I can go to Washington DC and visit the monuments and museums. I can visit civil war battlefields (Gettysburg is about 45 miles away) and study the history of the region. I drove to Cape Cod for a one week vacation, and that was very interesting.

The good thing is that there is a lot of rural land in the NE corridor, and I live in a rural area. One thing I really like about the area where I live is the clean air. There is minimal air pollution and that is a total change from Utah's Wasatch Front, which has major problems with air quality.

Last but not least life is a lot better here because I don't have to deal with Mormons.

Oh, I would leave. They will be picked on don't ya think? Never would I allow that if I could prevent it. I lived in Utah for over 4 yrs. and hated it as a nevermo since there were so many rude little kids and early teen kids who would not interact with my girls. Many states would be great for your kids. Any possibilities you know of for work?

We left as well. I can't imagine raising my kids in Utah. We had the freedom to raise our kids with the values we wanted them to have without everyone's negative opinion about how challenged they would be without the church. We taught them how to own their own lives and all are strong, independent and thoughtful adults. All of our kids have thanked us for moving away and feel they are better adults than what they would have been otherwise.

We did not miss being around family. Oh, it was a little difficult at first because we didn't have anyone. But we learned we had each other and we became so much closer as a family. It is so liberating to live in places where nobody cares what church you go to and your friendships aren't based on your religion. All of my friendships outside of Utah were more fun, honest and genuine.

I left the state of Utah about two minutes after graduating from Utah State.

I'd move in a minute. I'd prefer to go back to the region of the country where my never-mo family lives and where no one cares what religion you are. When I'm out of Utah, it feels like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders. The interesting thing is I'd feel that way even when I was a devout TBM!

I lived in Utah as a child and would NEVER go back, even at my most TBM. But you mentioned family so I will share that my family (wife 5 kids) recently moved several hours away from a small town where all of my family and her mom lived.

It was incredibly hard for us to move and the first year was rough, but our family is so much closer than we ever have been and my wife and I have a much better relationship, even with me leaving the church.

So I am all for a change of scenery, and there are many beautiful places in the country to see.

Good Luck!

came back. But my kids are grown and gone so I don't have to worry about the Morg culture negatively impacting them.

LEAVE LEAVE.............I am so happy to be OUT OF THE ZION CURTAIN!!!!

I take personal pride in the un-Mormonizing of the state.
Remember..."Utah" was a Ute name picked by US congress. Thank goodness it isn't Deseret.
I think you can get used to being an exmo in Utah, and even get to like it. Times have changed. The rate of attrition from the church is at an all-time high. You have alot of company...you just need to hook up with the exmo and nonmo population.
Utah is a nice place compared to alot of places. Mormon or not, it's the Crossroads of the West.

That's how I feel. And I'm seeing that it is getting less mormon. I feel happy when I tell a mormon I'm not in any ward. They get confused.

We moved to Oregon a few years ago. Ironically my TBM parents and most TBM sister had moved to Oregon from Utah prior to us, lol. If we'd stayed in Utah we'd have been around less TBM mormons on my side of the family then we are now. Almost all of my wife's family lives in Utah, though, and they are all TBM, but I like all of them and we get along great.

There were a lot of things I liked about living in Salt Lake City (I would never, ever want to live in Utah County again where I mostly grew up), but the winter inversion was so awful -- I'd get sick every winter and it would last for weeks on end, so it was the pollution as much as anything that prompted our move to Oregon. That and the fact that my wife had worked here in Portland for a couple of years when she was single, loved it here, and well, I did already have family here, lol. I love Red Butte Gardens and the best coffe shop in the world, Caffe D'bolla, and do miss them. When she got the opportunity to return to work with her old company here we jumped at the chance. Moving from Rose Park to Portland? Upgrade! It's nice to live in a verdant paradise with clean, breathable air.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2012 03:59PM by reasonabledoubt.

We also moved to Denver, and we absolutely love it. In fact, my husband is probably going to be reassigned with the military to Salt Lake City, and he will probably go for a couple of years without us. We would not move back to Utah. The kids think leaving Utah was the best thing that could have happened. I love Denver because it is similar to Utah in weather/western culture etc., but there are only a few Mos here. I know people leave Mormonism and still make living in Utah work, but I just can't imagine it. It is just in your face every day. I love never having to think about it.

Denver a great place to raise a family

Moved to Denver and love it. Very similar demographics to SLC as far as income, education, etc. similar geography and climate, and a lot less Mormons!

It's got the friendliness of the West, without the Mormon fake vibe. If you have family in Utah that you still want to see, Southwest has deals all the time for flights from $40-80 if you watch their specials.

Moving out of state I believe has helped me to allow myself to start my way out of TSCC. I'm still working on getting out, ... but just getting out really freed up my mind. I took a year off from school at the U of U to work in Wyoming at an internship and that's where I started to really allow myself to question. I went back and finished school and then took a job in Vegas. I don't know that I like living in Vegas, I really miss the mountains in my backyard and I have contemplated going back to be close to family and the mountains that I love, but that won't happen for at least a few years. By then hopefully I will have defined my personal position a little better and I won't succumb to the local peer pressure.

I decided to leave Utah when one of my daughters said, "Why do you like being different? Why can't we be like other people--after all, most of the world is Mormon."

After that comment, I realized that my free ride at Westminster College was not worth my children's warped attitude based on their twisted peer experiences. As a result of my taking them to Oregon, then Washington, no one married a Mormon, so the damage was limited to their childhoods.

When your children get older, their peer group means more than you and more than your extended family. You don't want them to be pressured, asked if they masturbate, asked if they mind that your family will be separated after death, etc.

Making their own choices, the great standard of living available here in California attracted them all back here, where I lived when I joined the church.

There is no valid reason for an exmormon to subject their family to the seige mentality of other religions and the constant stress of lack of social opportunities and rejection from the main social focus of your neighborhood.

Oh, and did I mention that your neighbors may prohibit their kids from playing with your kids? Or from going in your house? This is very painful to explain to sensitive children. When one of my son's was eleven, the neighbors would not let their eleven year old play with him because my older son, who was 19 and had left home, smoked.

It's just not fair to subject the kids to the persecution coupled by constant pressure to come to Joseph Smith.

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for not raising us in Utah. He could have. When I was a kid, I always loved visiting my Grandma in SLC because I felt like I "fit in" There were a lot of Mormons where we lived outside Utah, but most of my friends were not, and I felt like a freak wearing knee length shorts and short sleeve shirts in the summertime, not being able to play on Sunday...I felt like I belonged in Utah.

But then I grew up. I left the church when I left my parents house and haven't looked back. I think it would have been much harder to leave if I had been in Utah. I would probably still be TBM if I lived there because I wanted so desperately to fit in.

Why not move someplace like Butte, MT? Only 5 hours from SLC but no TBM influence (mostly blue collar Catholic, but no one pushes religion on you. And Evel Kneval's birthday is a city wide party!) Close enough for a long weekend back in Utah if the kids are missing family. Otherwise, in this day of Skype and email, its super easy to keep in touch. I have a much better relationship with my family now that we live away.

To avoid having your kids sucked back into TSCC, I would leave. Its hard, but its like ripping off a bandaid. Just do it!

I have a large extended family that live in Utah and are TBM. My family and I live right next door in Colorado. Close enough to visit Utah as often as we please, but worlds away. We love it here. Our kids have met only 2 Colorado Mormons in all their years of going to school here. It is simply not an issue. No one thinks about or cares about Mormons... unless 'The Book of Mormon' musical comes to town. The Tickets sold out instantly.

And that was while I was still semi-Mormon. I think it shold be required that every MoZone Saint live among the gentiles a few years -- besides their missions. Furthermore, I think EVERYONE should spend time living far from family and have to make all. Ew friends. It makes us stronger people.