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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:21PM

So Jesus establishes his Church which immediately falls into
apostasy and loses all authority.

Satan's Church, however, is established shortly thereafter and
is still going strong such that members of Satan's Church
outnumber members of Jesus's Church 100 to 1.

So the question is, which of these Gods seems more powerful to
you? The one whose church petered out (no pun intended) or the
one whose church is still going strong.

We are told that Satan will lose in the end and that the
Elohim-Jesus team will win. But who tells us this? It is the
Elohim-Jesus team that TBMs get all their information about
Satan from!

Now does that make sense? There are two eternal, powerful God
teams, one headed by Elohim & Jesus and the other headed by
Satan. If we look with our own eyes, the Elohim-Jesus team is
still in the locker room and the Satan team is scoring
touchdown after touchdown. But who will win the game? The
TBMs say, "clearly the Elohim-Jesus team will win."

To which I ask them, "how do you know this? You, as a limited
mortal, are in no position to be able to handicap this
apocalyptic struggle. So where are you getting your
information from?"

The TBM might cite the scriptures, or a testimony that God gave
him. But these come from only one side of an adversarial
situation. If you wanted to know about Fords would you ask
only a Chevy dealer?? If you wanted to know about Fords
wouldn't you AT LEAST consult with a Ford dealer?

So why haven't you prayed to Satan? Because God told you not
to? Gee, why would God want you to restrict your source of
information to only HIS side of things? Why is He afraid of
you finding out what the other side has to offer?

So, to all TBMs, I say, you have limited yourself in such a way
that your knowledge is not reliable. Until and unless you pray
to Satan with at least one fraction of the fervor and faith
that you prayed to God, then your experience is too limited for
me to take seriously.

If you really want to find out, pray to Satan.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2014 03:49PM by baura.

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Posted by: Holy the Ghost ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:36PM

According to Alma 32, if you fail to gain a testimony of Mormonism, you need to follow all of the rules and teachings of Mormonism. You have to want it to be true. You have to act as if it were true.

Now, if we want to try your experiment, to find out if Team Elohim-Jesus has been feeding us one sided information, surely (according to LDS epistemology) we'd have to want Team Satan's version of things to be true, and act as if it were true until we have a testimony of it. Otherwise, we'd never find out if Mormonisms version of things is lying by omission.

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:43PM

Yes, you'd have to investigate Satan's side of things with a
sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Satan, and not
just some insincere, perfunctory prayer.

Otherwise you can't say that you know.

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Posted by: Book of Mordor ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:46PM

I don't think that will work any longer. My understanding is that Satan retired earlier this year.

http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=720049

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:53PM

Hockey? I guess Satan no longer rules the (frozen) waters.

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Posted by: sisterhood ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:50PM

Aren't we missing something? In the temple Satan tells us that his apron represents his power and priesthood (or some such), and then we get our aprons. He's a slick sucker, huh?

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:56PM

But that's the Elohim-Jesus' team's version of Satan. It's a
Ford dealer telling you about Chevys. You can't trust what you
receive in the temple until you've checked it out thoroughly
with the other side--Satan.

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Posted by: scooter ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 11:04AM

Stan's our guy,
Stan's the man.
If he can't do it,
No one can.

Goooo, Team Stan!!

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Posted by: themaster ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:51PM

Your example will not work. Why would anyone of sound mind pray to a non existing god or a non existing satan? There is no god and there is no satan! Why spend any time and effort on praying to a lie?

Praying to a figment cannot work because a figment is not real.

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Posted by: Holy the Ghost ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:53PM


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Posted by: exdrymo ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 06:52PM

Doncha just love the "but it's all fake" crowd.

Imagine them in a book club...

"What do you think motivated Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany's?"

"Whaddaya talking about?? It's all made up! You're all crazy!"

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Posted by: historian ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 03:59PM

or, was the church of Joseph Smith really started through the help of a salamander/grey alien/demon/jinn? Then covered up with letter bombs and mk-ultra? who knows.

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Posted by: blueorchid ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 04:04PM

Fascinating. Such reason and logic! That is a sign Satan has you in his grips. Lucky you.

The one thing that shocked me when I went to the temple was the whole Satan has priesthood and gets the best apron thing. He seemed more level headed and had a better handle on things than the others. It was confusing. Even the all knowing God is asking Satan what's going on.

And who really champions goodness? Heavenly Father or Lucifer? As far as I know, down through the ages no one has ever fought a war on Satan's behalf, but they can't seem to stop killing for Jesus and Elohim or any of the other Gods.

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Posted by: london ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 05:55PM

blueorchid Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> He seemed more level headed
> and had a better handle on things than the others.

So true. He gave me some of the best advice I've ever heard. "You can buy anything in this world for money."

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Posted by: Cinnamint ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 10:30AM

My first time through the temple was August of 2008. I remember thinking, when Satan makes that comment about money, "There are only TWO people on the face of the earth! How can he be talking about money? It doesn't exist!" (Satan looks threatening into the camera.). Yeah, you can buy anything with money; shopping malls, cattle ranches, good PR, control the information, etc etc.

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Posted by: Clementine ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 05:05PM

Great post! I think I'll try it ;) At least it is a very good counter argument to TBM nonsense. So, if I use logic and use my own noggin, and it doesn't lead me to conclude the Mormon church is true, I'm in the grip of Satan, according to Mormons. I think I might answer, "Well, at least Satan is an advocate for logic and reason!" Too bad God and his followers aren't as amenable to it.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 05:35PM

Never prayed to Satan. Been laid on satin, though.

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Posted by: london ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 05:49PM

Um, wow. I didn't know we had any Satanists among us. This is truly a diverse group. Can you tell me how it is that you know Satan is in reality there for you? Do you have any physical proof? I hear he's better provided physical proof than the Christian God. Did you sell your soul so you could play your guitar better? Let me know. I'd would be all in if he'd make me a rock super star tomorrow.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/12/2014 05:51PM by london.

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Posted by: Carl Pagan ( )
Date: July 12, 2014 11:44PM

If you read the Bible you'll see that Satan is really the good guy. God is the one who sends plagues, a global flood and other various horrors, along with exhorting his people to enslave and/or kill unbelievers and rape their daughters.

The only time Satan does anything dubious is when he helps God torment God's most loyal servant, Job, because God wants to show everyone who's boss.

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Posted by: blueorchid ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 11:25AM

Thats it. I love the way you put that. We were told from birth that God in the Bible is the good one but the truth is right there in black and white. It's always god causing the carnage. I think Lucifer is just watching Elohim do himself in. Easiest battle ever.

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 11:36AM

Meanwhile most of the things the devil wants us to do make us feel good. God say to grovel, Lucifer says to have orgasms.

Religion says Satan wants to enslave us. No, he wants us to be our own bosses. God is the slave master. "Worship me! Obey me! Or I'll torture you forever!"

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Posted by: blueorchid ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 12:00PM

That always a bothered me. What kind of sick mind needs THAT MUCH worship?

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 12:07PM

What kind of healthy mind needs ANY amount of worship?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/13/2014 12:08PM by Stray Mutt.

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Posted by: Carl Pagan ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 06:37PM

Stray Mutt Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What kind of healthy mind needs ANY amount of
> worship?

Exactly. And plenty of Christians say things like "God created us just to worship him".

If there really was a god, I doubt he'd be that pathetic.

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Posted by: anybody ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 10:05AM

When I was in middle school I tried to summon Satan, Beelzebub, Asmodeus, and several other demons of darkness. I even read out the lines from Faust at midnight on Friday the Thirteenth to try and summon Mephistopheles. Needless to say neither Mr. Scratch or God Almighty showed up when asked to present themselves. Religion is made up make-believe nonsense.

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Posted by: MJ ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 10:33AM

Oh wait, you are talking about Satan not Santa

Never mind.

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 10:41AM

If Satan can get into our heads, give us ideas, stir up our emotions, make bad things seem like good ideas, then how do Mormons know their testimonies don't come from the devil?

"Well, because the scriptures say..." But how do they know the people who wrote the scriptures weren't actually receiving inspiration from Lucifer?

"Because there are beautiful, uplifting truths in the scriptures." But don't they say the devil will tell you 99 true things in order to slip in one critical lie?

"But... but, we have living prophets to lead us, to tell us what's true." How do you know they aren't being misled by the devil?

"Because the Still Small Voice tells me they're speaking the truth." How do you know that voice isn't the devil?

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 06:58PM

+1

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Posted by: onlinemoniker ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 11:47AM

But then I'm also not the type to meditate, either.

I'd rather take a walk in nature, personally.

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Posted by: kimball ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 12:20PM

Great points all! Too bad most TBMs are too brainwashed to pay this line of thought any attention.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 12:23PM

Nope...and for the same reason I don't pray to Gawd...no point.

Ron Burr

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Posted by: jefecito ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 12:32PM

I told Satan once that I was willing to break my temple chastity covenants if he would deliver the hot babe temptation. He didn't come through. Too bad for him; he really could have had me there.

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Posted by: exodus ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 03:43PM

Does it go something like this???

Our fallen brother who art in Hell,

Despicable be thy name. Your kingdom falleth and your will be done only when God allows it. Take from us this day, our daily bread and help multiply our debts as we seek revenge with our debtors. Lead us always into temptation and deliver us unto evil.

In the name of thy most evilest demons, amen!

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Posted by: baura ( )
Date: July 13, 2014 07:00PM

Close.

If you're interested we'll gladly send a couple of missionaries
over to teach you the REAL true order of prayer. They'll also
give you, free of charge, a copy of THE SATANIC BIBLE.

They'll also invite you to church where I'm sure you'll enjoy
the Sacrament Buffet.

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