this site prompted me to ask the question http://www.iamanexmormon.com/cycle-of-guilt/

i certainly felt repressed. now i don't have any traumas of course but i always felt like i had a curse or something for being extra horny with the ladies. i felt guilty for being a man.

did any of you -guys/girls- feel the same way at some point?

any stories of repression and liberation? nobody will judge you here.

Let me say this, and then you can fill in the blanks:

My bishop told us that when we have sex after a temple marriage, it is consecrated and it is the closest we'd ever be to Heavenly Father in this life.

Now, you can imagine how f'd up I was.

procreation only! (for us Olders, that is)


someone had to 'reveal' to them that

1. Sex is Fun! People ENJOY it!

2. Sex is a Bonding agent.


etc etc

Stupid Cult.

And this guy said that the church opposed oral sex of any kind as it is "unholy, animalistic and impure".

So, we went for months without it.

Sad to say, much of the time, that's the only way she "arrives".

Thankfully, we had a bishop who told her it was no one else's business but ours and that if were both okay with it, then why not?

YES. We had a lesson once in YW that mentioned sex to make babies was the only "holy" kind, all other kinds were a sin. So, Angel and her big fat mouth asks, "What if you can't have babies?" and the teacher actually replied with, "Then you and your husband need to pray beforehand to make sure you are still aligned with God's will". WTH?

Really? I am shocked on a daily basis, on the "sludge" that is taught in the church. Wearing those horrible talisman underwear is repressive enough. While attending some counseling sessions with my first husband (my ex) at LDS social services, he told us that the union between male and female also involves a union with the Holy Ghost. And they claim I have distorted thinking!

YES!!! The teachings in the church are so backwards it's not even close to how mainstream America views sex in or out of marriage.

How can anyone be so naive as to think that men the age of their grandpa could add anything valuable to an understanding of sex?

The GA's are from the generation where they don't even believe that women have an orgasm! No wonder they put out the announcement that oral sex was a sin. I would never want advice about sex from an engineer or a lawyer or a bussiness manager for a newspaper or a pilot......or wait a minute I bet that pilot guy has some good experience....haha

haha...but what's wrong with engineers? we are coming up with new toys for the ladies fairly often. some mechanical, some manual. either way it gets the job done.

then I knew that I had been sexually repressed. I'm very good (as I said in another thread) at compartmentalizing--turning off thoughts (I wonder where I got that). I just choose not to think about certain things.

I was very much a true mormon virgin and it was a bishop who got my engine turned on. He assigned my gay boyfriend to French kiss me. I was 25 and had never allowed anyone to French kiss me. I lived in abject horror of ever having to confess anything to a bishop so I lived accordingly--never took a chance I would be doing a confessible sin. All it took was French kissing and I was done for. Then the guilt set in--but at the same time I was being told by the bishop that we had to see if my boyfriend could get married, so it was my job to turn him on. Here I'd "saved" myself and then a bishop told me we could do anything up to intercourse and he'd still give us a TR--just get us married off and save a soul . . . then the bishop was released and I had to go to a cousin for my TR. We had done next to nothing, but I felt I had to confess anything including French kissing. I wouldn't tell this cousin what we had done just that I felt guilty for it. He wanted to postpone our wedding. But my gay fiance--he had had sex from a young age with other males and he sailed through his TR interview . . .

I DID NOT KNOW until I was 25 that women had orgasms or what an orgasm is. I was so totally clueless I can't believe it. It was all just simmering under the surface . . .

I was absolutely sexually repressed as a member of the Church and still dealing with the negative effects today.

I wanted to own my sexuality (hetero, but whatever for anyone else) and not be told what to do with it.

Even with a couple stints of inactivity under my belt, I was still a 30 yr old virgin. I suppose by some people's definition, I still am a virgin...I'm what they call a "gold star" gay, meaning I've never done the deed with a woman.

Although I made up for lost time, I still carry the emotional damage from a closeted adolescence in the morg. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if God or JC were anywhere to be found, but no, I had to go it alone.

I know how you feel about the 30 year old virgin thing. That is me as well. I also went through a few stints of inactivity, but never went so far as having sex because I feared the repentance process when I went back. Now that I'm never going back I find it hard to change old habits and let myself go there sexually. My situation makes it hard to date at my age because everyone and everything is so sexualized now and I'm way behind on experience. That makes the whole thing very intimidating, which makes it hard to be confident, and since women are looking for confident men dating is just tough.

Xophor - I've never heard of "Gold Star Gay." I love it! I'm a gold star gay myself (and proud of it).

I was definitely freaked out over sex growing up mormon. I'd sit through the repetitive "morality" talks and feel incredibly guilty. I don't know what I felt guilty over - I was never close to doing anything "inappropriate." But sex was definitely a slippery slope straight to hell.

And at BYU is was very resentful of eveyone around me who were pushing morality to the edge (and some going over - I was at BYU when they read the letter in Sacrament Meeting telling everyone you couldn't go to Vegas and have sex, and then come back to Provo and have the marriage annulled.)

Looking back I realize a lot of the frustration came from trying so hard to be straight when there was no way it was possible for me.

Thank God I'm out of the morg and have all that behind me!

Not only yes but h*** yes.

that was afraid to be physically fit for fear I'd turn a boy on and he'd be forced to masturbate or have sex which would destroy his life. I look back and realized I kept myself over weight to save the boys from eternal damnation and myself from ever feeling sexual at all.

Gads...shaking head.

They tried to repress me, but it didn't work... Hence a lot of guilt. I probably wouldn't have enjoyed being promiscuous so much if it wasn't forbidden. Gotta love teenage rebellion.

Sex is disgusting, putrid, vile, Evil
....unless the couple doing it has also previously done the secret MORmON handshake with each other with official LDS inc approval in an LDS temple under the direction of an official LDS sealing representative, THEN its OK.

Also, out of expediency (convenience) it was OK for early Utah MORmONS to perform the secret handshake ordinance in a MORmON ordinance house in Utah before a full on temple could be built, but after a temple was built member ppl in some foreign land must scrimp & save to make the nearly impossible journey to the U.S. to have the ordinance properly done.... and be blindsided & stunned that the whole sealing deal is based on a (stupid) secret handshake.

It all makes sense ..... to MORmONS!

( now how STUPID does that sound? and that is MORmONISM!)

Did I feel sexually repressed as a gay man born LDS?

Nah, not at all. Why would you ask?

2 things:

I was told that oral sex is selfish sex but I never agreed because in order to give, one has to receive. You can't give unless you have a recipient. (I almost sound like pink floyd the wall "how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat"). LOL


second, my brother's ex-wife told him one time about their sexual interaction (very infrequent) should be something that the Savior would approve of. My bro responded, "I don't think I would be humping you if I knew the Savior was watching".

that is pretty fudged up to think the Savior is watching our sexual interactions like a voyeur in your bedroom window.

in my case...my curse was being extra horny with the girls.
i'd have fun; then i'd feel guilty. i scored with tons of girls on my teenage years. i did not discriminate at all.

some were really ugly and foul; some were super hot -scored with a couple of models older than me. i also think i may have scored with a guy at one point --it was dark, looked a fun woman to me but until this day i'm suspicious about it. nobody is perfect you may say.

i 'repented'. went on a mission late due to chastity reasons.
came back. fell back into the fun stuff again.

**THEN***

what really liberated me of this stupid cycle of guilt and shame when i was having so much fun was the word 'fuck'. believe it or not.

say it outloud. if you can't say it, just think that word.

it's empowering! emancipation at last!

haha..somebody once told me that was satan telling me to say that. hahaha...fuck that.

Would be simpler to ask if there were times when we DIDN'T feel sexually repressed as TBMs.

In answer to your question:

YESSSSS---ABSOLUTELY!

The church works on the "if you kiss a boy/girl, you'll go blind" philosophy---ANYTHING remotely sexual is cardinal sin.

Problem is, I have a high libido, and while I'm admittedly really messed up with guilt/shame issues, I still have the need and inclination, most definitely.

I know there's the Jewish guilt and the Catholic guilt, and I'm sure there's guilt and shame within all types of established religions and cultures to some degree. Still, Mormonism does a thorough job of brainwashing where S-E-X is concerned. I just remember so many lessons in mutual and seminary about the perils of losing one's virginity or even engaging in any touching below the neckline. I dreaded going to devotionals and tuning into general conference, just to hear some stern GA drone on and on about how filthy premarital sex is and how dirty it makes anyone who happens to "fall" and commit the sin next to MURDER. Good grief--I mean, who wouldn't be messed up when confronted with the fact that sexual impurity was just one notch below KILLING someone. WTF?????

Yeah, I was messed up alright. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one. Oh, and if you want to find a resource that guarantees sexual repression and neurosis on a grand scale, just leaf through a copy of "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball. The title is completely deceiving; the whole book is one long lecture about how everything sexual is pure evil and that a person has to grovel and suffer the anguish of the damned before God will even consider granting a pardon.

Yep, the church does the shame and blame thing to a tee and then some. And the members have to deal with all the PTSD.

No wonder so many Mormons are strung out on Prozac.

it's unreal how mormonism affected us --one way or the other. just pondering about it.

yeah i read that book by kimball. it was assigned to me as a mandatory reading by one of my bishops. i stopped where he started talking about big foot and somehow managed to link that up with cain. wtf?

but you are right, that whole goddamn book made me feel SO guilty you have no idea.

so what actually liberated you? just leaving the church altogether did it or was it something else you did while attending church or the liberation came gradual..? how did you become free at last of the guilt?