That's right I went back to church re bought scriptures told myself my dykeyness is a curable curse. Convinced myself why wouldn't JC go to America, why wouldn't the garden of Eden be in Missouri, I hear it is nice place after all.

Joking aside this happens a lot it is like a circle. I remember the church is a crock of shit--->leave----->come here get supported in the fact it is a crock of shit----> feel strong and I don't want to be dependent on here so stop visiting the forum---->feel there is something missing in my life and I need a church to fill that----> go back to church.

I am getting frustrated. I know I need help to fill the gap the church leaves or more likely therapy so my worth isn't based on being a good Christian.

How do people stay away? I didn't serve a mission or have anything particularly traumatic to remember in times of crisis

I have only been out a year and often have those nostalgic feelings come up and think that maybe I should return. I'll be talking to my dad or SIL and they'll be talking about church stuff and it's so comfortable and familiar and I start to get warm fuzzies. So I think, maybe, just maybe I should go back. But then I remember all the reasons I left and how I completely don't believe JS was even a decent human being, let alone a prophet and I stay away. I think I need to write out my own personal reasons for not wanting to take part in it so when those nostalgic feelings arise I can read my own writings and save myself the trouble.

Good luck. It's not easy. So many people on the board make it seem like a person is crazy for even having that feeling. But I get it. Not all of us had bad experiences. And when you're brainwashed from the age of 3, you don't know anything else. Be strong!

Agreed. I also have not had any really bad experiences, but cannot attend due to my conscience.

I've only been out for a few months and the draw back to church continues to surface. I see it as natural... I mean, how can you deny your previous existence?

before your life was hijacked by a self-serving corporation.

You would have developed an idea of who were your peeps by hanging around various types during your 20's. You would have been encouraged by your college professors to try new things. They would have set you up to visit foreign countries, to try the airplane simulator, to go scuba diving, help collect sheep testicle samples, or snakes, or whatever YOU might like to try.

You would have a pretty good idea by the time you were 30 if you were a tree-hugger or a Wall Street type, a homebody or an adventurer, a 100% America-Love-It-Or-Leave-It of a Citizen of the World.

You would know if your idea of heaven is an RV at a mountain lake or sticking your head out of the window of a stinky train in India. If you had a general interest, in your 30's you would refine it. My medically-inclined daughter announced suddenly that the gastrointestinal tract was the most interesting part of the body (not to me, of course).

You are essentially tabula rasa. Your youth was stolen and while you may have some ideas of something missing, you are lost. I suggest you go back and crawl before you walk. Start sampling the world and all the delicious and wonderful diversity of people in it.

It is not fair what was done to you, but it is not too late for you to uncover some undiscovered talent, like so many here have. When you find that thing you can do that everyone else thinks is so hard, whether its making a clay cup or rappelling off a cliff, GET OUT THERE and find those people.

That's the way normies find a cohort of like-minded people. Not because they live in the same geographic area and were commanded by the overlords to show up once a week at the same time in the same place to here the same lies.

Welcome to the Real World


Kathleen Waters

PS. If you like working with selfhelp books, this one helped me so much uncover some talents I had but more importantly, I discovered that art eased my pain. "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron is a workbook written to help unblock artists, writers, dancers, any creative. And it also works to discover the creativity in a person whose been in a cult.

You have described exactly how I have felt this last year, lost, and empty...like something is missing. I lost all of my friends. It's been difficult having to start over. Sometimes I want to go back because I know I can have instant friends.

Damn, K, the dust settles, and you kick it all up again. :-)

But the good news is that my family left when the kids were still in Sr/Jr high school. So, they've been able to enjoy and appreciate life and make THEIR OWN decisions instead of the mormon pod people decisions as I did....

Time heals all things. It's really true. Stay away from it, and lean on those that support your decision for courage to stick with it (your decision to leave).

I found it therapudic watching videos on youtube (such as the iamanexmormon videos if you want something christian-based), re-reading the CES letter, perusing posts here or on fb ex-mo groups, etc. There's lots of support. It's truly a cult you are coming out of, so don't expect to cut the ties all at once. It takes time. Be patient and firm in your decision.

Good luck!

Wow... It's interesting to me that people feel this way, because since I left I've NEVER had any desire to go back.

Maybe because I didn't have any real friends there anyway?

One path would be to follow Anagrammy's excellent advice above to discover who you were (or would like to be) before the LDS church hijacked all of your time.

Another path would be to investigate other churches. The usual advice on this board is to wait about a year before diving into another church. But it is a possibility. The UUs might not be your ultimate home, but would be a fun, interesting, and accepting group people to hang out with for a while. If you want a group that is more traditionally Christian, try the ELCA Lutherans, the Methodists, the Presbyterians, or the Episcopalians. You can attend any of these denominations for as long as you like without being pressured to join or get baptized. Or see what the non-Mormon Christian world has to offer and attend a different church every week.

Above all, give yourself the gift of time. Big changes can be difficult but ultimately very rewarding.

Going to a church which values the views of other religions and incorporates a variety of rituals is the antithesis of Mormonism.

It helps expand the mind from the cramped black and white thinking to the reality, which is that we are all an equal part of humanity, no "chosen people," no "elect of God." Experience the freedom of actual voluntary donation, where no punishment is exacted for non-payment. You will learn some important things about yourself and others.

It is also helpful for children not to yank them out of a highly religious structured life suddenly. They may mistake their adjustment difficulties for promptings of the spirit, or worse yet, the buffeting of Satan.


Kathleen Waters

on Scale of one to ten my nostalgia would be about a minus 9

Really cannot understand those feelings. I was just glad to escape. I was one of those 'telestial' people who went because they felt they should go.

I felt no affinity with any members as their 'friendship' was clearly fake.

I now fill my time with stuff I like doing with genuine friends and family (non members)!

Same here. I don't want to go back ever. The thought of 3 hours of church on a perfectly good Sunday makes me shudder. Sitting on those hard metal seats, being bored out of my mind, hungry, wanting church to end so we can go home...ugh!!

I do miss the friendships and the feeling of being part of a community, but it's broken now and can't be fixed. I still socialize with members at times, but there is a tiny smidgen of awkwardness about it. You know the saying 'you can't go back home again'? Totally accurate in cases like this.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/04/2014 09:57AM by twistedsister.

TSCC is like Bronco Billy's wild west show in Clint Eastwood's film Bronco Billy. It's an exercise in subjective reality. The guys in Bronco Billy's show aren't real cowboys, just ex cons and alcoholics. Billy is a former shoe salesman. When Lily (Sondra Locke) asks him what makes him think he's a real cowboy, he says "Because I say I am".

But the thing is, the show goes on. If you like the show, it's okay to drop in and check it out. You're free to live outside the big tent, or wander inside. For the true believers, Bronco Billy's wild west show is their life and Billy is a real cowboy.

TSCC is like a little plastic toy prize in a Cracker Jack box.

Poorly made & easily broken. And then all you can do is throw it away.

Maybe you should check out other churches. The former RLDS Community of Christ would likely be a better fit for a lesbian. Even the nondenominational Christian church near me would. More service, love, acceptance - less sexism. I don't mind going occasionally for the atmosphere even though I am not really Christian. Unitarians accept all types of belief.

Why don't you try finding a community you can fit well into? And give it a good chance. I wasn't sure about the Christian rock music and coffee shop, but I have adjusted that's now part of what I like. That and actual outreach to foster kids, homeless, and people trapped in eldercare centers and prisons. Efforts to help, not convert.

And if you don't like churches, find a volunteer or hobby group that is passionate and close knit. You will stop wanting to return. I can't even imagine it! I'm straight, but the racism, sexism, and horrible comments about homosexuals just infuriate and sicken me. I think it's a toxic environment for many, many people.

It might help to write out your reasons for not wanting to be Mormon and reread the list when the urge to return hits you. Whenever you feel like going back think about activities you enjoy more and do those.

Feel like sitting in church and trying to feel the spirit? Instead, go to the woods and listen to the birds.

Feel like you want the community feeling of church? Instead, go to a concert or play and feel the kinship with the rest of the audience.

Want to contribute to a cause larger than yourself? Volunteer to drive cancer patients to treatment or help the local school by listening to children read or recite their lessons.