Just checked the voicemail from yesterday and there's a call from some sing-songy voice, a Sister Marble(?), who addresses me as Brother <my first name>. Her message is as follows:

"Brother <first name>, this is Sister Marble from the ---- Ward. Your name is on the list to help clean the church this coming Saturday. I'm not sure if anyone has called you yet but please plan on being there at 1:00 PM and working for approximately 2 hours. Cleaning supplies will be provided for you and your family. If you have any questions please call me at 720-000-0000 and if you can't make it please find a substitute family to take your place. The Lord appreciates your service. Thank you."

WTF? We resigned 8 years ago. And we've moved 1,000 miles. And we never give out or use our home phone number, we always use our cell phones.

I'm not going to call her back. I won't show up. As far as I'm concerned their little cult building will have to smell like baby diapers and stale piss for another week.

Stupid cult.

Miss Marple has probably deduced that if she uses a stern enough voice, you'll hop right out of inactivity, toilet brush in hand, and head right down to the St. Mary Mead ward building, right? I bet she wonders why nobody calls her back.

You: "Sister Marple, this is Brother Right-Back-at-you. I won't be able to make it this Saturday. Perhaps you weren't aware that I'm in charge of a service project this Saturday. It's at my house, and your family will be in charge of pruning the trees and shoveling dog poop. I'll provide ladders, pruning shears, and dog poop . . . er, I mean shovels. If you can't make it, please provide a substitute. Thanks."

Because a record had to exist in order for it to be transferred to to where you live now.

Either that, or The Church of the Record Keeping People of the House of Order® is incompetent.

Those old fools call your relatives looking for you. Someone gave them your address, telephone number.

They have called me several times trying to hunt down members.

Yeah, they called me looking for my nephew who went inactive. I just told them he was in the Navy Seals and had been deployed to the middle east and had no idea where he was or when he would be back. The church lied to me all those years, I will tell them lies.

Love it!

In the spirit of following in your footsteps, the next time I get a call about my nephew I think I will tell them he's at the Benedictine Abbey of St John in Minnesota, studying to be a Catholic priest . . .

would "hunt you down"!!!

I know that this is not the main point of your topic, but here's my thoughts on voicemail.

My Voicemail is there to make my life more convenient, not yours. You can drop anything you like into it, but that doesn't obligate me to anything just because you left a message.

Back when I was going to church, they learned that they'd have to say some form of, You're supposed to clean the church, I hope you get this message and will return my call, if not I'll try you again.

Then I wouldn't call, and it was up to them to get a hold of me and have an actual conversation about it, and see if I'd agree to doing it.

try some form of, We have a homteaching appointment at 7:00, I pick you up so we can go... And maybe I'll be there, maybe I won't. Better see if I even want to.

The machine wasn't to make your life easier, and let you off the hook, it was to make my life easier.

Mormons are great at thinking that you are obligated to do whatever they say will make the Lord happy. There doesn't need to be a conversation, all they need to do is inform you that you are to do something. They missed the whole back and forth part of making a request, coming to an agreement, then acting on it. They take a three step process, and make it a one step; here's what you are doing.

I know a family named Marble. They've been in this area a long time and raised their family here. One adult son stayed local and was SP here (don't know if he still is). Now you've got me wondering if it's the same ones I know "thedrive"! I'm in Northern California, by way of reference.
Regardless, I can't believe you got this "assignment" 8 years after you left!! All kinds of crazy........

Of all the annoying things about religion, one of the worst to me is when people speak on behalf of God.

"God is trying to tell you . . ."

"God wants you to . . ."

"God called Brother Jones home . . ."

"God needs your . . ."

Who the hell gave them permission to decide what God wants?

I'm curious if you have copies of your resignation letter. Did it state "no further contact" or something along those lines.

Has anyone filed a restraining order against the church using their resignation and Dodge letter? A voicemail message makes it hard for the church to claim "we did not contact you".

I got one and I know.

I only needed documentation that I'd been harassed and didn't like it.

The law doesn't care about those letters. Even full tithe paying active members have a right to ban the church from harassing them.

Thanks for the info Cheryl.

Reminds me of when I had been out for over 20 years, moved to another state, never attended any ward since, and got a call assigning me to bring a "hot dish" to some cult event.

Guess who was more offended? The morg caller because I told her no and said her request was inappropriate. LOL

"Hello Sister Marble, this is NotYourBrother thedrive. In answer to your to your interesting offer to clean, my answer is no. No, no, no, no, no. NO!!!" *bang phone down*

or

"Hello Sister Marble, this is NotYourBrother the drive. I formally resigned from the church eight years ago with a strict instruction that the church not contact me. It really bothered me that *insert your favorite faith-disrupting fact here.* I don't know, maybe that fact doesn't bother you. But it did bother me. Good bye."

"I assumed it was a wrong number because there are no Mormons living at this address."

you're a saint ward, would that we all could emulate your behavior **sacrasm

We changed our landline phone number about a year ago. For about 6 months we kept getting message for a sister so and so on the new number.
My guess the church leaving assignments on her voicemail.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2011 11:23AM by beansandbrews.

That's pretty damn funny......How in hell did they find you?

Look at the languige she used. She didnt ask she litrealy just said make plans to be there. Like she can give you orders to do that.

Maybe she has an 8-year old ward list and she's just going down the list, making calls.

I would show up with a 6-pack and a vest pocket full of cigars. Then ask if any of the young hotties in the ward were there to help.

"Mizz Marble this is raptorjesus. I'm not sure how you are aware of my name and number but aren't aware that I don't belong to your cult anymore.

Anyway, I won't be there to clean the poorly constructed wardhouse because that would be ridiculous of me.

Furthermore, it would be ridiculous of you to do it too. Your cult leaders have plenty of money to blow over $4 billion on a mall and several hotels on tropical islands, but they don't have enough money to somehow hire a janitor to clean their own buildings.

If this somehow doesn't click in your brain, let me spell it out a little further. You aren't doing this "service" for "heavenly father." You are doing work for free so that someone else can make more money that can't manage money properly in the first place.

Have a great day."

How can that happen? Hmmm, let me see.

The LDS Church never, ever removes any records, they even don't bother to removed inactive, resigned members from local ward lists.

Now, are we believed when we say they never, ever, remove, delete anything?

The poster from UK, londonuk posted he got a copy of his records
"lists my ward as "Excommunicated Records" and my stake as "Church Membership System"."

I read, someplace that Resignation is the same thing to the LDS Church as excommunicated.(Still looking for that reference.)

It's one thing to be on a list someplace if you are a member, but one would think if you resigned your membership they would stop forwarding your records as if you were an active member.

GUESS NOT!

If they insist on keeping your records, maybe you could ask that they be filed in the same cabinet with all the teachings about the Adam-God doctrine.

In the words of my dear friend Nancy: "I was just talking to God this morning and he didn't say a word about it to me. "

Ask if you can bring along your same sex partner to help out....

Call her back and specifically request that they DO NOT START UNTIL YOU GET THERE! Ha, ha.

That message to a member that at the very least she must know isn't active is so hysterically ridiculous. Unless she's calling people in wards other than her own.