Hi all, I had a complete paradigm shift on February 13th of this year. I am wondering if anyone else had an experience like mine. For years I knew most all of the history and issues with the LDS church. I felt like that I wasn't going to ever believe differently then that the church was true, etc. I would always almost enjoy reading the upsetting stuff because I felt like it was something that outsiders didn't understand. I would go on mormon dialogue and talk about different doctrines etc. - but at times I would pray because I was so utterly confused. I would pray for better understanding to reconcile the church belief with other personal understandings about the universe. I did feel for so long that the understanding would come, and what I did understand about the Gospel was pretty amazing stuff, so of course everything else would fall into place. What happened was a complete collapse, almost all at once. Only for a second did I get a quick fear of losing eternal life but it soon left. Has anyone else had the experience of knowing the problematic stuff and it didn't really disturb you, and then all at once there is just a shift? I mean this wasn't a limited knowledge and then complete shock of learning something on a website. Something did change almost instantly though, inside. Thanks.
That happened to me. I always thought a lot and eventually I came to the conclusion that there was so many problems. If the Lord cared about Joe's credibility to make a plan B to the 116 pages, why he didn't care to much worse stuff like the Book of Abraham, evolution, BOM translation, Plural Marriage, etc. It was the sheer number of grave problems that began to weight in.
I had a major crisis of faith about one years ago, but when I felt the despair, I managed to close my eyes to the problems and it eventually went away. The Race and the Priesthood essay at December was the straw that broke the camel's back to me.
I can paraphrase old Joe: "When I first looked upon him, I was afraid; but the fear soon left me."
I guess I was aware of some things..... inoculated about disturbing things like polygamy, dna issues, multiple first vision... but then I heard about the Book Of Abraham issue.... I was still kinda holding out hope that I could find an explanation that would apease me, but they were all so absurd. I became obsessed with researching all things mormon. It didn't take long until I knew I couldn't believe it anymore.....
I have special admiration for people who question the church based on doctrine or historical contradictions, since it took something as extreme as various thwarted sucide attempts because of my homosexual feelings to push me to finally question the validity of the Chruch.
Once it cracks, it all falls apart like dominoes or as you called it, a whole shelf collapsing. After I resigned my membership the metaphor I used a lot was that my entire world had previously been meticulously organised in the form of an elaborate bookshelf, a bookshelf that was now totally collapsed. Having to reorganise all its contents based on my own thoughts and ideas and not the directives of an outside body was a task that took a lot of time and patience, but I am really deeply grateful it was possible to do so.
closer2fine Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I guess I was aware of some things..... inoculated > about disturbing things like polygamy, dna issues, > multiple first vision... but then I heard about > the Book Of Abraham issue.... I was still kinda > holding out hope that I could find an explanation > that would apease me, but they were all so absurd. > I became obsessed with researching all things > mormon. It didn't take long until I knew I > couldn't believe it anymore..... > > So what was the one thing that did it for you?
It was a myriad if things. A was a pious zealot and lived the law to a T. I have been well read on esoteric concepts, and other spirituality - but I would always have to filter what I felt was true through what some guy said at the last conference and reconcile it somehow, the mental gymnastics were a skill like no other. We paid such a generous fast offering for years, and I mean like a ridiculous amount, I seriously believed in the "promise" - we have ended up in a bad place, we honestly couldn't even afford tithing after sometime, and I paid on gross every two weeks for a few years. Incredible. Anyways, I remember out of all the things on the shelf, the one thing on mind was the hero worship that people gave the newest prophet. And then the prophet telling stories, and then more stories, and the. Re-telling stories. Then he would act all weird and everyone would have to laugh at how weird it was. I'm just saying that the feeling for me was not mutual for me. I agree with the other statements of a feeling of relief. I can tell you that in a moment that my whole paradigm changed, and not just what was religious. I am in happy valley and the culture and teachings really take over your whole life focus. I didn't necessarily just say I was had by a fraud, but I could say that the claims are not true, and that's it. It's funny because not until I has that "awakening" was I ready to defend the most ridiculous doctrines and practices. It really takes a shift in consciousness, and I am hoping my wife can come to that point, but I know where she is at and must allow her to process. She has been ultra accepting of all of this. It will cause issues with others, but I am not one who just lives the religion because that's what Pappa did, or because it's still "good", or for any reason- I love the truth, and if the LDS church taught me anything, it taught me that truth must be sought, no matter where it's at. I realized there was misdirection, and I am not going to follow suit. Anyways...
I had gone inactive when my gay ex told me he was cheating and he was ex. sec. I didn't want the fallout of our marriage to happen in the public eye--and for other reasons. I had been inactive for quite a while--probably at least 10 to 15 years. I always thought I'd go back when life settled down.
I knew some things like that JS was a polygamist. Up to the point I was at when I lost beliefs, I'd experienced A LOT in my own life dealing with leaders and the gay issue.
My best friend's daughter was getting married. She told me that when there were problems with the wedding plans, her daughter would say, "The church is still true, so what does it matter." I thought about that statement for a few days and then, yes, it all fell apart. One day in a matter of moments it hit me, "But it mattered to me." I knew right then and there it was not true.
It was after I'd lost by beliefs that my therapist told me about this board and I found out much of the history. It was just icing on the cake.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/17/2014 12:14AM by cl2.
Once I was able to verbalize the words "the LDS church is not true", my shelf collapsed at the same instant, because all those questions I once considered important became moot. Knowing the church was not at all what it claimed, by itself, washed all those questions away slicker thn snot!
I remember 30 years ago reading scriptures with the kids. They had new scriptures, I had the old. We got to the "white and delightsome" part, but they read "pure and delightsome". I suppose that's where it started. Over the years I'd built myself quite a shelf. I knew probably 80% of the problems, and kept struggling to reconcile it all.
Then one night while home alone I was walking through the house (I can still remember where I was), and a powerful impression hit me, that the church wasn't true. It was as though a great burden had been lifted from me. I no longer had to reconcile that pile of contradictions. It was a peaceful feeling, but I had a profound sense of loss (30 yrs in church at that point).
I was subsequently called to serve in a bishopric. I hoped I could do some good. When I saw that our bishop / SP were primarily interested in running programs and getting people in the door, and had little interest in helping people grow spiritually, I knew I had nothing to offer.
So yes, there was a singular moment for me, ignored for a while, but still there.
I knew a few things... mostly BoA as the biggest. I put it on the shelf and continued for several years until I read "Rough Stone Rolling". After finishing that book, I put it away and figured I would continue on as TBM. Then I started thinking about what was in RSR and I said to myself, "you know what, I'm not ok with this." I struggled for a few weeks and then finally wondered, what if it's not true? That's when everything immediately clicked into place and made sense. Then the fallout began... but life is better now :)
One thing that has always struck me as odd about the BoA was that Joseph Smith did not add to to the canonized scriptures, and nor did Brigham Young. The Church waited until 1880 when John Taylor was pres to canonize the Pearl of Great Price, which included the BoA.
it was probably easier if it all collapsed at once. I kept drilling new holes in the wall for a better shelf, then propping it up over and over. finally all the 2x4's etc. couldn't hold all the weight. I don't think that TBM's appreciate what happens.
The moment mine collapsed I had known about polygamy and a few other disturbing things like another version of the first vision and Oliver Cowdrey being excommunicated and Emma not being a part of Utah Mormonism.
But I learned Joseph Smith married my ancestor Zina Jacobs after she had been married for only a short time to her legal husband.
I thought that the founder of Mormonism must have pulled a lot more shiz and then I went and learned about it.
Game over for LDS Inc. and they don't want me. I think outside their box.
I actually think the pearl of great price was actually put together and named as such by a missionary in England? In the mid 1800's. This guy put it together as a tract, then in becomes scripture a few decades later. But then they decanonized other stuff later on, lectures on faith, etc.