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Posted by: Pil-Latté ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 05:21PM

We just resigned and I heard today that during tithing settlement my parents might be asked to varify their kids' membership status and make sure the records were correct. Is this true? I have never heard of this before.

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Posted by: Stumbling ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 05:27PM

Nope, tithing settlement is just that.
Bishop will ask them to verify if they are full, part or non tithe payers and if the statement matches what they believe to be their payments.

If the Bishop is just plain nosey he could ask them other stuff but that isn't the guidance given in CHI.

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Posted by: Pil-Latté ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 05:30PM

Thanks.... Was gonna be a bit upset if it was true. ;)

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Posted by: Stunted ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 05:40PM

Of course it doesn't have to wait for next years tithing settlement either. The Mormon Do-Gooders have a very efficient network when it comes to ratting people out.

Be prepared.

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Posted by: Simone Stigmata ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 05:40PM

Actually at tithing settlement they also make sure your membership info is correct. At least they did the last time I attended. That was a couple of years ago.

Your parents could be given their records and asked to verify if accurate. It may be a problem.

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Posted by: silhouette ( )
Date: March 03, 2011 03:24PM

Concur.

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Posted by: Pil-Latté ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 06:11PM

Great. Things are tense with my parents and I'm not ready to tell them about this yet.

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Posted by: piper ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 06:13PM

Don't stress about it, Heather. They may not find out, and if they do, you can let future Heather worry about it. :)

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Posted by: Amy ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 06:21PM

but that's how my parents found out. They didn't ask the question but my parents received a copy of that information and all my baptism and confirmation dates were wiped out. So that's how my parents found out I officially left.

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Posted by: Makurosu ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 10:21PM


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Posted by: lump ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 06:36PM


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Posted by: NerdLinger ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 07:19PM

Tithing settlement is how my parents found out. Maybe I can help out by sharing my own experience with this.

Church policy for tithing settlement is that "a clerk or a member of the bishopric could also review the Individual Ordinance Summary with members."

My parents' records had me listed as a sealed child (BIC) until my name was removed. I resigned in October 2006. They found out that December at tithing settlement. Now, they didn't know whether I had resigned or was excommunicated, just that my name was missing from the list of my siblings. Also missing was my older brother's name, because he had been excommunicated a few years earlier. So they didn't know any details, but they knew that I wasn't a church member anymore.

It's also possible that they could find out at another time. The church actually encourages members to have a copy of their Individual Ordinance Summary for themselves and dependent children. Members can get copies whenever they want from the ward clerk or member of the bishopric.

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Posted by: bookish ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 10:46PM

Jeez, no wonder my mother-in-law cried when she found out my husband and I resigned. They really do treat it like you're no longer their child.

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Posted by: jpt ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 08:00PM

have waited for older family "to move on" before resigning for this very reason.

Yes, I've seen the info on member records, and yes, they frequently use tithe offering time to review them.

As a multi-generational member, my resigning simply puts blanks where my data used to be. Sure, many consider this to be an invasion of privacy, but mormonism is doctrinally heavy into the genealogy and tying generations together. I don't see it going away any time soon unless somebody with deep pockets took issue with it legally.

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Posted by: outoftutah ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 09:48PM

DH is over 50 and resigned about 30 years ago. How long are kid's names kept on parents records? Would the name of a married 20 year old still be on the parents records and therefore be wipouted off when removed?

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Posted by: NerdLinger ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 10:05PM

It's an Individual Ordinance Summary, so it lists everyone you are sealed to (husband to wife/parents to children).

According to my parents' account, my two older sisters were on the list, even though they were were both in their 30s and married with children. I was 26 and hadn't lived at home for years. I was engaged when I resigned and married when they found out.

Short answer, if the married 20yo son was sealed to his parents or born in covenant, he's on the list.

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Posted by: NerdLinger ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 10:17PM


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Posted by: Tahoe Girl ( )
Date: March 02, 2011 10:51PM

During tithing settlement each person is given an Individual Ordinances Summary to look over and make sure the information is up to date. I have one from 2004. It lists my name, bday, address, ordinances dates, name of my then-husband, etc. Also on there are my parents names. The birth date and church record number for my father are there (even though he's been inactive for decades.) For my mother, the spaces for her bday and record number are blank. She left the church years ago and she apparently resigned because there is no record number for her.

The information for my children is also on there.

When your parents go in for tithing settlement, they'll be given a summary to look over. The space for your church record number will be blank. If they notice it and ask about it, they'll find out that you're no longer a church member.

Stupid cult.

TG

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Posted by: bookratt ( )
Date: March 03, 2011 02:48PM

So, they are circumventing any confidentiality they promised to someone resigning, or that is required by law?

"I am not allowed to tell you the status of your children in this church. Oh, wait. Here's this form, look it over CAREFULLY, please." wink wink

You've told them to leave you alone. You mean business. They can get in trouble if they keep making contact with you. They let your parents know, on purpose, so your parents harass you into coming back into the fold. The goal is to keep you coming back, so they can keep your tithing money.

Isn't that extortion? If not, is what they're doing ethical?

Do they tell you this will happen beforehand, or is likely to, when you resign? Do they explain it in terms you can easily understand?

If you ask them if they will keep the matter of your resigning confidential, do they say yes, or promise yes?

When did they start doing this? Recently, or has it always been this way?

I must admit I am both fascinated and appalled by this at the same time.

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Posted by: Pil-Latté ( )
Date: March 03, 2011 03:12PM

When the bishop and stake presidency member came over, they both promised that "the church" would not be responsible for telling my parents. Whatever! I don't know if I should tell them on my own or wait till they find out on their own, through tithing settlement.

Husband and I were sort of forced to resign or action would be taken. I wasn't ready yet to resign, specifically due to my parents. Oh well...

This just makes me so angry!

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Posted by: Suckafoo ( )
Date: March 03, 2011 03:23PM

One time I took a new puppy to the vet for vaccines and they added his name to my information sheet when I was at the front desk. I noticed my dog who died's name on there. When I informed the receptionist he had passed away, she took a black pen and crossed his name off. I felt sad like I lost him all over again and with the strike of a black pen he was gone. Its a bit funny now to me since that was 3 years ago and I laugh at the irreverence of it retrospectively.
I bet parents feel bad when their child's name is missing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/03/2011 03:31PM by suckafoo.

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Posted by: Pil-Latté ( )
Date: March 03, 2011 03:28PM

Thats exactly why I didn't want them to know. In their Mormon eyes I am dead...for eternity...

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Posted by: Suckafoo ( )
Date: March 03, 2011 03:32PM

I know, Heather. It's so hard.

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