I have had some things brewing for quite a while now, and I am finally deciding to post for support and advice. First I think I need to provide some background. I was a 5th generation Mormon BIC. I grew up very TBM. Luckily I didn’t go on a mission due to “sin” (masturbation). I grew very close to a wonderful woman. We became very close friends. She was introduced to TSCC through me. I would not date anyone who was not a member. She got a spiritual confirmation to join up, and shortly before she got baptized we started to date. I was a very horny 19-year-old, so we soon got married. Long story short, I became an atheist nearly 2 years ago, and I have since been reevaluating my entire life. Shortly after I stopped believing our first child was born. Despite protection, my wife is now pregnant with our second child. Our first child will be just over 2 years old when the new one is born.

Through my whole reevaluation thing I began admitting to myself that I was attracted to men. My wife and I have fairly open communication. I have been open about my unbelief since I began to doubt TSCC’s and Christianity’s truth claims. I have also told her about my attraction to men. I think that I am actually more attracted to men than to women generally, but I am just unsure. I got married so fast, that I did no exploring and trying out those sort of things, so I really don’t know. If only I could have discovered my path sooner, I would have had a chance to have an exploratory adolescence vs. an obedience oriented adolescence. My wife, my child, and I are all paying for it now. This is the part that still gets me and I feel like I will be recovering from for a long time.

Our relationship now is decent. She respects my boundaries with regards to religion, and I let her take our toddler to church (she still attends TSCC). It still puts some strain on the relationship, but it usually isn’t an issue. I am pretty sure that I do not want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to explore some on my own, and find out who I am. I am pretty certain that she would not be comfortable with an open relationship. Right now she is emotionally and financially dependent on me. I have been taking it one day, one week at a time right now (I don’t think it is time for divorce), but I feel myself withdrawing emotionally from the relationship in anticipation for the time that we will be separated. I know that isn’t fair to her, and I try to counteract it. I know that the time will be coming when we will have to separate, and I want to be as kind to her as possible. I also don’t want this to adversely affect our child if we can help it.

Another consideration is money. I would like for our children to have the support of a stay-at-home mom for the first few years of life. I am a teacher still on the bottom rungs of pay, and I couldn’t afford to support two households. She also put off some of her education and helped support me through my education, and she deserves to get a chance to get a degree as well.

One last thing. Her mom just went to the hospital after she had a double stroke. Her mom is now essentially an invilid. Now is not the time to break anything else to her (I am still moderately happy with life as it is).

Are you bicurious or have you explored enough to know your sexuality. It sounds like you're unsure, perhaps you should find out before making any major life changing decisions.

You are in a situation similar to many of us--we followed the church's program, went on a mission just as we were about to try our own wings, then married and had children. Later in life we mourn the loss of our chance to explore and find out who we really are.

To me it sounds like you have figured out a reasonable compromise for now. I agree that you have an obligation to the children you are bringing into the world to make the best possible home for them. If you have a good relationship with your wife, you could continue to have serious conversations with her, but I'd wait until a while after the baby is born, and she settles into the new routine with her own mother.

Good luck to you.

nerdymusician Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If only I could have discovered my
> path sooner, I would have had a chance to have an
> exploratory adolescence vs. an obedience oriented
> adolescence. My wife, my child, and I are all
> paying for it now. This is the part that still
> gets me and I feel like I will be recovering from
> for a long time.

It will be possibly for the rest of your life. I know of many people through this board who like me use it to help them from going crazy as recovery is almost impossibly in choosing not to leave a spouse.

I consider myself bisexual. I had an exploratory adolescence and I met and married (in the temple) a woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. I have a few kids and I'm the only one of us attempting any kind of recovery from Mormonism I can get.

If your wife isn't the one for you I hope you find one if that is what you are looking for in your life.

Most people I know don't consider bisexuality even a real thing. I do. I've fallen in love with a few men and women all unrequited. My wife fell in love with me and I with her. Does this fix my feelings that my sexuality could be expressed with either gender? No. I don't think it strange but many do. We live in such a divisive society.

Make sure you find out what you truly want before you make any drastic decisions. Coming out, getting divorced, and living a genuine life was the greatest thing I have ever done for myself, but you really need to make sure the path you choose will be the right one for you. It was not easy, but I am so happy that I am on the other side of the issue that you described.
This is a difficult thing, and MANY MANY MANY of us have been through something very similar.

GOOD LUCK!

If you've already decided that you're pretty sure you're going to separate from your wife, sometime, but now's not the time to break it to her: new baby, disabled mom. Seriously, there will not be a good time, financially, for her.

You will never be able to support two households as a teacher. A SAHM mom, for a while, for kids while their young, condemns your wife and kids to poverty for an extended period of time during their childhood. Your wife isn't qualified to support a family, and you can't support two families. Your wife needs to understand that her support from you is a temporary thing. She needs to start preparing soon for her inevitable return to the workforce as the primary provider of her family sans you. You will pay her child support and maybe a pittance in spousal support--not enough to keep her going, especially as the kids mature. If she--and you--are expecting that she will simply remarry soon and have another man support her--and your kids--that's not likely to happen in any way that she can expect not to have to support herself. She needs to get going on a career, soon, and the longer she's led to think you're in it for the long haul, the more the split will hurt her when it comes.

Have you considered counseling for yourself and also marriage counseling with your spouse? I don't know if your marriage is saveable or not. I realize you have other feelings, but you and your spouse seem to be growing apart and that happens to many that are married. It doesn't mean you can't get back what you had or develop something even better that will make you want to stay together.

I know it sucks that you got married so soon and weren't able to explore your sexuality. You have children to consider now and I think exploring the possbility of improving your marriage should be the first step. If it doesn't work out, at least you and your spouse will know that you tried.

Good luck and I am sorry you are going through this. Stupid cult encourages young marriages so that people remain chaste prior to marriage and have more years to have a lot of kids. A person can change a great deal as they get a bit older.

Yes, this. Whatever decision you make affects your wife and children, so it's not a good idea to put them at risk without clearly thinking through your options and your best choices. Finding a good therapist can help you immensely and may show you that you have options you don't even know about at the moment.

It's natural to feel like you need to "correct" the choices you made as a Mormon in order to live an authentic life. It is possible, however, to do that without hurting people you love.

I don't necessarily agree with MCR as she could go after you for spousal support and, since she hasn't been working, she would get it. It seems there are several posters on here who have been taken for a lot of spousal support, which is probably what I "should have" done. I could have done it.

Instead of him getting a second job, I did. He is gay. He left over 18 years ago. It was not pretty. He said he would wait and leave when I was ready. He didn't. It is very difficult to stay when you are wanting to explore. I think it gets more and more difficult as time passes.

You say you are distancing yourself. That is not good. It will become more and more difficult to stay. You will probably come to despise her for holding you back.

I was rather shocked years later to be looking at some pictures of us and I could see it in his eyes, in his body language. It really threw me to see those pictures some 10 to 15 years later--to realize he had been distancing emotionally from me.

It is interesting to note that we now live together, but are not romantically involved (ha ha ha--what a joke that is). No illusions for each of us there. I have a long-time boyfriend. There is a lot more I could say about this.

Anyway--let me just say be very, very, very careful. Your wife is in a hell of a place right now. How you handle this will effect every one of you--your children especially--and it will effect you how she handles the eventual breakup. It could have long-term consequences or you could make the breakup as smooth as possible by being smart about it, but NOW is not the time to be thinking of leaving. She is carrying YOUR BABY. It isn't the time to emotionally distance yourself from her. And, if you need to, YOU GO GET A SECOND JOB to support her until those kids are old enough for her to go work.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/09/2014 02:59PM by cl2.

Just quick about spousal support, in my state anyway, a wife can "go after" spousal support, but support can't be greater than there is money to pay it. In my state, you'd be entitled to enough money to live too. So, there you are, child support, money for you to live, and what's left over could go to her. What's left over, though? You're a teacher starting out. You say you can't support two households, and I believe it. You won't be ordered to pay what you don't have--and you won't be ordered by a court to work extra to support her either. She'll have to go out and support herself. That's the reality.

If you can do what cl2 suggests: don't distance yourself, be a fully-committed partner; work extra to support your growing family; don't de-stabilize your kids, that'd be great if you can do it.

The trouble I'm pointing out is, that waiting until the kids are old enough "for her to go to work," doesn't provide her any training or work-experience to get a job that pays anything when its "time" for her to "return" (how can she "return" where's she's never been?) to the workforce. What is she planning to "go to work" doing?

Howard, I would classify myself as bicurious at this point, because I really do not have enough experience to know.

Regarding the financial situation, I will be sure to tell my wife about it in a few months during the summer, so that she can get back in school. It will be hard and stressful for everyone involved, but she needs to become financially independent as soon as possible. I will do everything I can to help her graduate. The longer I string things along, the worse it will be for everyone I think. I do still have time to reconsider this decision,

I will look into counseling for us. I don't think that the marriage is salvageable (the life I am living right now is just not the one I want). I do want to have the most amicable separation possible for the sake of the children.

cl2, what advice would you give to me about how to break the news? I will talk with her about what we can do to help her out in this situation. No matter when it happens, it will be awful for her. I will look into getting another job. I have been working hard to not emotionally distance myself, but I still find a coldness creeping into my interactions with her anyway. Right now, I think I provide more warmth than cold right now, but I don't know how long I can keep that up. I will for as long as I can, but I think honesty will be the best thing in the long run.

All you, thank you, thank you, thank you for the advice.

My wife has a friend she has known for about 7 years now. This person was raised TBM completely, married in the temple and has 3 kids. He has never felt comfortable being a man, and when my wife met him she met him as a woman. It turned out that one day his wife came to him and told him she didn't want to be married any longer. My wife's friend then confessed he wanted to be a woman. The reason his wife didn't want to be married any longer is because she realized she was attracted to women. So they stayed together, left the church together, and are raising their children as two women. Both their families have ostracized them so they are pretty much on their own, but they are happy.

Things have a way of working out sometimes, and sometimes not, so I wish you good luck.

Craig Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The reason his wife didn't want to be
> married any longer is because she realized she was
> attracted to women. So they stayed together, left
> the church together, and are raising their
> children as two women. Both their families have
> ostracized them so they are pretty much on their
> own, but they are happy.

You have to give more info than this. Did he/she want to be with a woman?

Maybe someone else here like Gemini could tell us what happened in her situation. My ex told me he is gay before we got married. We had been dating for about 7 months. He seemed to be more interested in his weightlifting buddy, so I finally went and asked him after work on a Tuesday. It has been 31 years and I can remember it too clearly.

Or maybe Ken Taylor who posts here--how he handled it with his ex-wife.

Seven and a half years after we got married, he told me he was cheating. That was another horrible day and it just continued to get worse. I wish I had Carol Lynn Pearson's e-mail address. I used to get her news letter.

There is no easy way to tell someone this news. I agree with others. You should get into counseling, both you and her, and maybe together. I hate to say though that this didn't help us. We went to 2 Mormons. One of them told him to leave me--which he did. We had decided to share the same house and him live downstairs--but the therapist told him that wasn't fair to me.

I can still see in my mind those pictures of him when he is distant. The coldness he displayed to me over the years before he left and after he left were very damaging to me.

I think counseling might be the best answer, but not an lds therapist. I live in Cache County. I don't know where you live. I have a great exmo therapist. I wish you could find someone like him.

I'll see if I can get Emily Pearson to get me her mother's e-mail address. I think Carol Lynn can give you better advice than I can.

My situation is a little different obviously. He is in denial about his sexuality (he insists he's straight) and didn't want the divorce. He is also very TBM and I am an exmo. Here is my perspective:

Do not, under ANY circumstances cheat on your wife. If you are adamant about exploring your sexuality either do so with your wife's consent or divorce first. Finding out your spouse is bisexual is shocking enough, don't add insult to injury by cheating too. You say that you have already spoken to her about your sexual orientation, that is good. I accidentally discovered my husband was cheating and bisexual all at the same time. It was traumatic to say the least.

You should seriously consider an open marriage before you decide to divorce. It isn't for everyone. Had my ex been forthright about his sexuality and hadn't cheated I think I would have seriously considered this option. The flip side to this is if you are going to have other sexual partners, your wife is entitled to as well. This gets tricky with her being a TBM, but you never know unless you talk about it. Men aren't the only ones who are interested in exploring sex with other people. I am certain that I would have been against it initially, but with enough time and discussion, I would have come around to at least considering this. IMO, if you have been cheating, that will making having an open marriage near impossible. I considered suggesting an open marriage to my ex, but at that point all trust was gone and I felt an open marriage for me was pretty much just accepting being cheated on because he couldn't show restraint.

Considering that I am a heterosexual woman and therefore don't fully understand bisexuality, I may be completely off base for this next part. This is also a bit of a sore spot for me. I honestly don't understand how being a married bisexual and wanting to explore your sexuality with some one of the same sex outside of your marriage is any different from a heterosexual getting married young and also feeling cheated out of exploring their sexuality prior to marriage and being interested in exploring sexually outside of the marriage. I was certainly attracted to men other than my ex and once I left mormonism felt cheated in my sexual experience. Considering that I'd only had one sexual partner, I was very curious about sex with others, but not enough so that I would throw my marriage away to satisfy that curiosity. Regardless of my curiosity and high sex drive, I prefer monogamy. My ex insisted he did too (though now I think what he really meant was he preferred that I be monogamous and he could have sex with whoever he wanted). In any case, monogamy is monogamy no matter what your sexual orientation is. Again, it isn't for everyone, but if it is for you and you happen to be bisexual, the sacrifice involved shouldn't be any different than it is for a heterosexual person.

I'm not saying that this isn't a good enough reason to get divorced, only you can know what is right for you. What I am saying is that sex isn't the only thing you should be considering. It is one part of a marriage, albeit an important one. There are a lot of other factors to consider. Sometimes divorce is the answer, it was in my case. However, it is INCREDIBLY painful, no matter how justified and right. Consider very carefully if it is right for you. If you determine that is the route that you want to go, be prepared to fill like a POS for asking for the divorce, particularly if your spouse doesn't want one.

Moving on to dealing with a divorce and telling your spouse, my general thought is that the more open the communication the better. Ideally, you would talk this through over multiple small discussions. It can be overwhelming for both parties to do all in one sitting. She needs to start preparing as soon as is reasonable to take care of herself. If that means finishing school, she should get started sooner rather than later. This is an awful conversation to have, I've been there, but there is never a good time and putting it off doesn't make it any easier. Bottom line, you shouldn't allow her to continue to plan her future thinking that you two will still be married. If possible you should sit down together and come up with a timeline. A lot of this depends on the kind of person your wife is and the dynamic of your relationship. If she is a vindictive person, being too open with information can come back to bit you in the ass. You'll need to try and find a balance between protecting your self and being as honest and open as possible.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

I have already considered an open marriage, and honestly I would be alright with it, on both sides. I have not cheated, and wouldn't. Sexuality is not the only part of the equation. I feel distant intellectually, and our hobbies do not mesh well. I do not see myself with her in the long term, and she needs to know that and plan for it. She is generally not vindictive, and has been kind to all her previous ex's. I am not sure how much pain she will have, and how that will impact how she handles it.

I don't think bisexaulity and heterosexuality in this instance is not much different. I didn't take the opportunity to find out what type of person I was most compatible with. Thank you so much for your advice.

Nerdy, for what it's worth, here's Dan Savage's take on bisexuality (if you put any stock in his opinion, which I do):

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/bisexuals/Content?oid=8743322

I also wanted to add that it took well over 2 years for the timing to be right for my divorce. I knew it would happen eventually but needed to get things in place first, not unlike what you describe. I didn't talk to my ex about it right away but it was discussed well in advance and planned. The timeline did end up being significantly shorter that I'd originally planned. I hit my threshold sooner than I thought I would. We are still on good terms and have a good co-parenting thing going on. I attribute a lot of that to open communication early on in the process. It can be done.

"Do not, under ANY circumstances cheat on your wife. If you are adamant about exploring your sexuality either do so with your wife's consent or divorce first."

I do a lot of life coaching and I not convienced this is the best advice. Taboo relationships or behaviours tend to assign an excess power to those attractions, power that wouldn't otherwise exist. My clients have had a lot of success slowly embracing the taboo as safely as possible. This tends to put the taboo into perspective often providing valuable information for future decisions. I know a man who found shemales very tantilizing in a bicourious way. Pron provided a safe way to endulge this taboo and after a few months he lost interest leaving their marriage in tact. Other's have been greatful to confirm their attractions giving them more confidence to move out of their marriages and on with their lives. The church's strict sin avoidance rules can work against you.

So am I reading your post correctly?

You're saying that the OP should, perhaps, maybe, try a few surreptitious dalliances with men, and see what he thinks, before he decides if divorce is the answer? And until then, don't disclose.

If I'm reading this correctly, then just wow.

Honesty: Shouldn't that be one of the key components to any successful relationship? How about laying the cards on the table, and letting his wife make decisions about her own life, with ALL the relevant information at her disposal.

schlock wrote: "Honesty: Shouldn't that be one of the key components to any successful relationship?"

Are you calling his is marriage successful? It's currently in the trash!!! I have seen marriages saved by allowing the doubting party to slowly and safely explore taboos.

He can ask her to agree, it's highly unlikely she will but if she does it's also highly likely the agreement will made be under duress which is no agreement at all and adds it a lot of noise and confusion to the situation.

So you would prefer that he trash the marriage and move on because it would be more honest? Is that best for his family? Did you miss the slowly and safely part?

Yes, Howard, that is exactly my advice. Be honest. If the marriage cannot survive honesty, then it's not worth saving, is it now?

And also yes to your question below. Since I've been cheated on and lied to, I definitely feel that I have something of value to add, advice-wise, to those considering cheating, to those that are already cheating, and to those being cheated on.

And a little data point for you Howard, since you happen to be so knowledgeable about me: I divorced the TBM cheater, suffered, recovered, remarried. Current Ms. Schlock is not TBM, is very sexually adventurous, and is honest with me. And surprisingly, I am much happier today than I ever was previously.

So yea, there are circumstances in life that are far, far worse than divorce. (And too, far, far better.)

Just saying.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/13/2014 10:31AM by schlock.

I don't consider looking at porn cheating. If that's all you are doing, that would be a helpful resource for understanding your sexually. I consider having sex with other people, both online and in person cheating. As the person who was cheated on, it was absolutely devastating. The betrayal runs deep. As hard as we tried, the marriage couldn't be recovered.

I agree butterfly - regarding porn.

But, just my opinion, if you can't honestly let your partner know about your porn-viewing habits, then something's askew in your relationship. Just my opinion mind you.

And I don't believe having sex with other people is cheating, if both parties have agreed to the same beforehand.

It's the damn dishonesty that corrodes, says me.

(And yes, I've been cheated on, and it's horrific.)

Agree completely

schlock wrote: (And yes, I've been cheated on, and it's horrific.)

So this is about you personalizing YOUR OWN hurt and giving advice as a result?

Are you suggesting that when a person is cheated on by their partner, they are usually not devastated and that Schlocks experience is unusual therefore he shouldn't advise others?

Stop "life coaching." You have no business advising people to be dishonest and untrustworthy. That's just despicable. Go get a real job.

I told him what wouldn't "bother me." I knew he was going to cheat. I think the only thing I told him was to not fall in love. He did. I still was willing to stay. I knew this situation wasn't about me and I wanted the family to stay intact if possible. I was more than willing to share the home with him and have him live downstairs. Sure it hurt, but, again, I knew it wasn't about me.

He did leave on the advice of the lds therapist. He regrets that now. He actually lives downstairs now. We aren't divorced, but we are very much emotionally divorced. Myself, I would have let him do anything he wanted as long as he lived downstairs and helped raise the kids.

After having gone through the hell of our long separation and the financial fallout, both of us wish we had done it the way we planned in the beginning.

I actually get what Howard is saying. Until you really know this is what you want, how do you REALLY KNOW.

I didn't want a marriage. I wanted a co-parent, which I DID NOT have for about 10 years. Now he cries over what he lost when he left his children.

cl2 wrote: "I knew it wasn't about me."

Yes, this is a big pain releaver so is coming to accept things as they are rather than clinging to the way we want them to be (which is denial). This is a big problem for LDS and receient exMos because the church is all about Pollyana denial.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't struggle with accepting initially. It took me a while before I was finally able to come to terms with the reality of my situation. The problem was compounded by the fact that my TBM ex was (and still is) in denial also. The shock of the bisexuality would have been difficult enough, but to discover that a husband whom I loved dearly and thought was faithful was actually cheating (a lot and unprotected, putting my health at risk), was as I said before, devastating. I was completely blindsided and the trauma left me with PTSD. The lying and deceit from someone I trusted is what made it so painful.

My point of view has nothing to do with denial. I have accepted my situation and made peace with things. My current stance fits in with the "it's not about me" idea. It's about the kids and what is best for them. But the same goes for someone considering cheating. It isn't about them either and that should play a role in the decision. Why doesn't the person wanting to cheat have to think about someone other than them self, but the person being cheating on does?

I have an extremely good relationship with my ex, better than most divorced couples. We've set our differences aside and co-parent the kids. That all said, I could never condone something that has the potential to cause so much pain as a solution. My experiences absolutely effect my point of view. I think that's the point of having experiences.

I'm not saying he shouldn't explore and figure out what he wants, he should. But he should do it without lying. You should honor the agreed upon commitments if you are in a relationship. If you can't do that, or can't agree on what those commitments should be, you shouldn't be in the relationship.

butterflyvenom wrote: "But he should do it without lying."

Sure that's the ideal! If he hadn't lied to himself he and his family probably won't be in that position now but the church is homophobic and that encourages bi and gay members to lie to themselves and worse the church at one time even outwardly encouraged SSA people to marry a hetro mate as a cure! Which it isn't. So the question is what do you do with the situation once it gets to this point? A lot of innocent parties are about to be harmed simply because they were good LDS members!

Unfortunately there is no way to get out of this situation unscathed. And that is a reality that nerdymusician is going to have to come to terms with. At this point in the game, every option is bad and will cause pain to some degree. He is asking how to deal with this in a way that will cause the least pain and the best possible outcome. You're stance seems to be that what your partner doesn't know can't hurt them, so figure it out on your own just in cause you don't really want whatever it is that your curious about. But partners do find out, and that just makes a bad situation worse.

I know, I've been cheated on.

I know a lot of gay fathers and mothers that were together with kids. I can point you the huge numbers that say getting divorced was the best thing they could do for their kids.

The kids get to see their parents in healthy relationships where the couple wants to be together living a full honest life as who they are.

Being together for the kids lays a very, very heavy burden on the kids. "Hey kids, we don't really want to be together, so you won't learn how to have a healthy relationship from us, but we are staying together for you". Yeah, that's a healthy message to send.

Staying together only works if it actually benefits the kids. It is a colossal frailer if it is used as an excuse to manipulate people into staying in a marriage they should not stay in.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/12/2014 09:32PM by MJ.

Howard,

You told OP it was all about him! WTH?

In your "life coaching" enterprise (euphemism for "uncredentialed"?), do you consider only the alleged wellbeing of the person you are coaching and to the trash with everyone else the person knows?

Ish wrote: "You told OP it was all about him! WTH?"

No. In your reading (euphemism for comprehension) is it typical for you to ignore the main point?

Normally I am very sympathetic when an exmo wakes up within his marriage to discover that his sexuality is not what he thought it was. That is a tough situation to be in. Curiously, that sympathy is largely absent when I read your post. That is because I think this marriage has been all about you from the very beginning -- YOUR wants, YOUR needs. This really wouldn't be an issue, either (save between the two of you) except that you will be taking this attitude with you into your next relationship.

I would try putting your wife's needs ahead of your own right now. She's pregnant, she's a dependent, and she has an ailing parent. Lose the attitude and be there for her. It will be good practice for you. Perhaps a couple of years from now, go find your bliss.

And from one teacher to another -- financially, you have really painted yourself into a corner. Good luck getting out of that.

I definitely see your point about selfishness. For me the issue is do I see myself with her in 5 years? No. Who knows what the future really brings, but doesn't she deserve to make her decisions now based upon the best information available?

I can see your point about staying with her for a few years right now. I just don't know how long I will be able to keep it together. She deserves to know, and to make plans accordingly. Would it be better for her to live in ignorance of the fact that I don't see myself with her in 5 years, all the while, despite myself, growing more distant?

When I say that I have been thinking about this for quite a while, I mean that this has been an issue for me for about a year now. I have been battling with myself, and really considering what I want in life. If living life, going after what I really want in it is being selfish, then I am selfish. I do not, however, consider only my feelings and how things will affect me in my decisions.

If I really wanted to be selfish, I would cheat on her, manipulate her, and stay with her until her sizable inheritance comes, and then legally take everything I could. Those things are just not options in my mind. If the conditions of our relationship are changing, I think she deserves to know. No matter when I tell her, it will be difficult and there will be a lot of pain.

I will continue to be there for her where I can, and how she would feel comfortable with.

Thank you nerdy!

You sound like a wonderful person.

Love is good.

But too, and don't forget this one, sex is good too. Expressing yourself, sexually can be empowering and fulfilling in and of itself. Don't rush into a second relationship, just because. Explore. Experiment. Party. This can be an important part of a full life as well.

(And did you read my Dan Savage link above? Any thoughts? Dan can be both entertaining and insightful, when he wants to be.)

;)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/13/2014 10:39AM by schlock.