Hello everyone,

Just wanted to stop in with an update. Hubby, I, and 6 kids resigned 10 weeks ago yesterday. We are doing great and life is moving right along.

Some of the battles I was fighting early on in my discovery that the church wasn't true and during the time of our resignation have been replaced with newfound peace, freedom, and sense of well-being. I was really struggling with my identity and with fear just a few months ago. Today I have a much clearer sense of who I am and it's just getting better everyday. I have discovered that I am still me...loving, kind, honest, and loyal. Those characteristics didn't disappear just because I learned the church that had taught me those things was a fraud.

The fear has all but disappeared. I can see now that I was simply lied to when I was taught things like I could never have "a fullness of joy" outside the gospel. I was lied to when I was told that my children would be lost without the gospel. I am happy, and in fact I am HAPPIER now than I ever was as an adult in the church. My children are happy. My teenagers are HAPPIER now to be out of the shame and guilt based culture that is the church.

I have more time to enjoy my family now. We spend Sundays doing family activities now like picnics, movies, going out for a meal, or meeting once a month for a potluck with our local CALM chapter (Community After Leaving Mormonism). We have met AMAZING and KIND people through CALM, and we continue to gain support and clarity through that "live" group, as well as the Mormon VIP Lounge Facebook group. I also like to read through the exmormon.org recovery board every few days as well. We have found amazing new friends and lots of virtual support during our journey out of Mormonism. This board was particularly helpful to me during the weeks prior to our resignation and the weeks following the resignation.

My dh and I came up with our own rules of conduct for our family to live by. We have chosen to hang onto a few of the guidelines we were taught as members that make logical sense to us, to throw out all those rules which we feel are irrelevant or ridiculous, and add in other characteristics we've been striving to teach our children all along. We are teaching OUR BELIEFS to our children now, rather than the beliefs of a fraudulent corporation.

I have tried coffee twice now (ewwww! I've heard it's an acquired taste!), had a pomegranate margarita (too strong!), a sip of beer (YUCK!), and 2 glasses of mimosa...which I loved!!

Upon leaving the church and learning everything that was NOT TRUE, I became fascinated by all that IS TRUE...meaning, I've become a science junkie!! We've been watching the PBS series Cosmos together as a family and it is AMAZING!!!!! I've also watched part one of Your Inner Fish, and loved it as well. I'm now following a few different scientific pages on Facebook, and spend a bit of time each day learning about who I REALLY am and about my universe. I love evidence. I love facts. I love truth.

I have a greater sense of wonder, awe, and reverence for life now than I ever did as a Mormon. I'm a better person now as well. Now that I'm out, I see how judgemental and prejudiced I was as a Mormon. I was an elitist. I had the truth, and those who wore tank tops or drank wine did not. Those poor souls. Now I see people as part of the human race, and have more love for ALL PEOPLE than I ever did before. I am open-minded, and clearer minded. I love and accept my children more unconditionally now too. I am a much more loving and relaxed mother now.

I am living practically guilt free for the first time in my adult life. As a member, I was particularly prone to the culture of guilt in the church. I felt guilty over EVERYTHING as a mormon mother. Now, I simply live and love. There is little to stress over and everything to celebrate. And because I no longer have a list a mile long of everything I "should" be doing, I have the time to do the things that make me happy, to love more fully, and this makes for a healthier family and marriage.

I am continuing to learn about the church and this continued learning is helping me in my recovery. I have had a few therapy sessions with a religious trauma expert. I am fascinated by the psychology of mind control, brainwashing, and cults now. I learn more through John Dehlin, Mormon Stories, Ex mormon Foundation presentations, I Am An Ex Mormon youtubes, and the like. There's a ton of great resources out there!!

To anyone that is doubting the church or struggling with your belief, I would encourage you to DIVE INTO YOUR DOUBTS rather than "doubt your doubts." Though the diving may be painful at times, the truth is worth the journey. I found these sources particularly helpful in my research of the truth claims of the church:

cesletter.com
Amazon book: "An Insider's View of Mormon Origins" by Palmer
youtube talk: Ah-ha Moments by Grant Palmer
youtube video: The Lost Book of Abraham
youtube video: The Book of Mormon and DNA Evidence

To anyone that has already concluded, like I did on January 10th, that the LDS church is a fraud, just know that you will be alright!! I know it feels like your world is crumbling at times, but know that that feeling doesn't last for long. What you will be left with in a few weeks time is more clarity and peace than you could ever imagine. Hang in there!!

Jen

Wow! That is so great! This post really made me feel happy. My wife and I have left the church for about 5 months now and are experiencing the same great things you are! We haven't resigned, I promised my grandma I wouldn't, but I'm sure I will surely be excommunicated. My mouth is too big. Haha. But we still carry on as if we have resigned. Anyways, so glad to hear this! :)

Great post OP! So many things mirror my own experience; fascination with science, embracing the diversity of human life choices, discovering my personal beliefs and intrinsic goodness.

@el conquistador, I just wanted to say that I think it's admirable that you are keeping your word to your grandma. On the other hand, it's totally not cool that she is imposing her will on you in this area of your life. Sorry, I just can't stand it when people try to control others... cuz my parents were control freaks.

You made my day.

This describes the transition soooo well!!!

My husband and kids seem so much more balanced too. The LOVE for all people is so true. And we love the weekends, learning more science, etc.

Generally, we just play more and spend more time as a family.

My husband has been saying a lot lately, "I can't believe I feel so free and happy!"

My daughter just gave me a hug last night before bed, and said "Mom I'm so happy that every night of the week is family night." LOL.

I love your post. I may type up a similar letter for memory sakes.

Congrats to your family and your new journey!! I'm happy to hear another family is doing great!

Great news, congratulations!

at General Conference. Clear, concise and full of integrity and optimism.

You have blessed your entire family with a gift that will keep on giving. How fortunate your six children are to have parents who have seen the light and left Mormonism!

I loved your take on Uchdorf's doubt your doubts to your much improved "Dive into your doubts". That's an exmo classic!

I took the liberty to copy your post for others to enjoy at the Black Sheep Roster along with the links to Palmer and the other youtube videos. Hope that's ok with you!

http://www.salamandersociety.com/blacksheep/

Dear Babe,

Excellent!

I'm thinking of sending your post to ALL my TBM relatives.



We'll see if I have big enough balls to hit the 'send' button...

Haha yes me too I was just considering this.

DO IT!

"I have a greater sense of wonder, awe, and reverence for life..."

One thing I didn't realize until after leaving Mormonism is how it boxed-in my mind. I bended everything to fit the gospel. I crammed everything into the box. I didn't even realize I was doing it.
After Mormonism there's no more bending and cramming.
I was surprised to start having liberating thoughts and emotions that had been suppressed by Mormonism.
In fact, in ways, there is an ex-Mormon testimony. Part of the reason, I admit, that I know Mormonism isn't true is that I experienced new liberating thoughts and emotions after disbelieving in it. It was, ironically, similar to how I felt when I first believed in Mormonism and felt a testimony of it. I freely admit, at first, Mormonism felt liberating. But it insidiously changed from spiritual to authoritarian for me. After the liberating feeling came years of dutiful drudgery. It's like a pimp that gives you a high, then says now you work for me. Years later I'd remind myself that at one time I felt liberated by the church, hoping to feel that way again someday, remembering the "song of redeeming love" verse, and "do you feel that way now?" If not it's your own fault.
The church was crushing me with guilt and shame. It was a pile of obligations and duties, worry and fret. Stress. I literally had to use corporate time management methods to "work out my salvation", raise kids, and "endure to the end"?
Among a hundred concerns...had my wife forgotten her New Name?
Yes, I worried that she had forgotten her temple name. I knew her name, but there was, to my chagrin, no opportunity to repeat it! I heard her name when I escorted her through her own endowment before we were sealed. But the New Name comes with an oath to never reveal it "except at a certain place in the temple that will be shown you". It's the veil. But I only escorted her to the veil once...and after that a female veil worker always escorted her, like usual. I interpreted the oath to mean I may ONLY say the name at the veil, so I couldn't bring it up in the Celestial Room. I wondered if she remembered it, since apparently remembering this new name was a central concern to god and a lifelong test, and forgetting might cost you your exaltation. That's just an example of many hang ups.
If only that were all.
The most dangerous hang ups to me were the church's outright falsehoods about sex. The Miracle of Forgiveness is a farce. I hated myself for past sins, to the point of despondency and suicidal wishes, because of reading that manifesto of mental malpractice. The book even mocks suicide itself as a sin, and blames the victim just for thinking about it.

So fine, I admit it, I left the church because it made me feel terrible. Only after that did I discover the researchable arguments against it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 10:40AM by amos2.

Congratulations and welcome out! I'd have to say it is the BEST decision me and my family ever made. Best wishes to your family!

Excellent post - I wish all Mormons could read stuff like this. I've been out for about 5 years now and agree wholeheartedly with what you said about being a better person outside Mormonism. I'm much less wound up with my family and my marriage has gotten so much better because I'm not trying to demand DH be the perfect priesthood but appreciate him for who he really is more every single day. The kids have learned to spot hypocrisy and elitism and reach out to kids who feel sidelined and overlooked. They are still top-tier students who don't drink or do drugs or any of the terrible things the church predicted they'd do if we left. In fact, quite a few of our extended family relatives and friends have no idea we quit attending church ages ago because we are basically the same people - not the miserable, angry failures they were taught ex-Mormons become.

But when I say same people, I mean same but happier. With more time, more money, fewer stresses and pressures and most importantly, a world that makes a lot more sense than one in which we are trying to make the pieces of Mormonism fit.

Your experience is very similar to mine- I left with my wife and kids last year. Although we are currently going through a bit of shunning, life has never been better! The freedom to be ourselves instead of the typical cookie-cutter mo-family has been wonderful. It has been so refreshing making new friends, real friends-- instead of the same-old assigned church "friends" with nothing in common. My wife and I love having our Sunday free (which we now call "Funday"), and our kids love it too.

Leaving the church feels like stepping outside and taking a huge breath of fresh air for the first time after being trapped in a claustrophobic box our entire lives.

Best of luck to you!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 11:06AM by hangar18.

This is an excellent status update, and one that I will share with my wife ASAP.

She was TBM until early this year, until our RM and now ExMo son shared a lot of actual facts with her. Long-time members of this site know that I have been "in the know" since 2002.

Our joint resignation went in the mail on April 1st and we are looking forward to a joyous and guilt-free future.

> My dh and I came up with our own rules of conduct for our family to live by. We have chosen to hang onto a few of the guidelines we were taught as members that make logical sense to us, to throw out all those rules which we feel are irrelevant or ridiculous, and add in other characteristics we've been striving to teach our children all along. We are teaching OUR BELIEFS to our children now, rather than the beliefs of a fraudulent corporation.

We want to do the same. Do you have anything to share?