talk about you in some depth during leadership meetings you are wrong.

I have been sitting in these meetings for some time and the amount of personal information that is shared is shocking.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 04:49PM by Susan I/S.

Knowing that, I always made sure to pour a glass of wine when our HT would show up unannounced. Coffee maker on the counter, and a GOOD exmo book on the coffee table.

I figured if they were going to talk, they may as well have something to talk about. I'm sure they think i'm an alcoholic. The RSP tracked me down in Costco one time and I had a case of wine and bottle of vodka in my cart.

They probably really yapped it up that week.

The bishop's first charge is to protect the church and its members. Even if a bishop has told you that he will keep something confidential, many, if not most, bishops will divulge those confidences to the SP, the BP's counselors and the ward council in a heart beat.

I have been there when this has happened and I have called him out on it.

They only value the church first. Everyone else can be thrown under the bus if it serves the corporation's agenda.

I served as both a Relief Society President and a Primary President, as well as being in several other presidencies. So I've sat in a lot of these meetings. Even as a TBM, the thing that bothered me the most is how they'd sit around brainstorming ways to help people who neither asked for nor wanted their help. Questions like "who is she friend's with? Who can friendship her? How can we help this family feel the spirit? Could we get the kids active in Primary because when the parents see how happy the kids are and how good the church is for their kids, of course they will want to become active again..." I always wanted to say "Did these people ask for your help?" because it seemed like the people in these meetings diagnosed and treated people for problems they saw - not problems the people being discussed had actually asked for help with. They wanted to change those people to be acceptable to the ward members, rather than really help them.

They couldn't come up with any friends I had in the ward. Therefore, they decided I was friendless. They also decided to fix this imaginary problem. They sent over the lady in the ward that I can't stand. She's a controlling, whining, nut case. She told my husband that she came over because I needed a friend.

I went to the same church as this wacko for 10 years. I guess her nose was so high up in the air that she couldn't see me. Also, she called me Sandy every time she saw me. That's not my name.

CA Girl, ok, your response hit home and your response does not make me angry, but the realization does. When DH and I were still active but struggling, I was telling my sister (should have known she was judging me the entire time and talking behind my back) we were starting to struggle. At the time my sister was in a presidency in the same ward and literally asked me "how can we help your family feel the spirit? Do you want us to just take the kids?" Your comment makes sense and that must have been where she got it from. Rude. It's wrong on many levels because the small group that is "concerned" is then implying that the spirit is not present. First, I know better now, but in an active member's mind, nobody can say if the spirit is present or not or even begin to have an idea. The disturbing part is that because we are hurt, don't believe or struggling it MUST be because we lost the spirit. That's offensive and you are right, we didn't ask for their help nor did we want it, nor did we ever want it. Unsolicited advice is always unwanted and pushes people away faster and forever. :)

This disgusts and bothers me. It is motivation for official resignation. I am aware of it because my MIL was RS Pres.

Real religions take extreme care in confidentiality.

Corporate organizations masquerading as religion weaponize confidentiality and use it against people.

Know your enemy.

Didn't some weight-loss company get sued over this? They had interviews with their clients when they began where they asked questions regarding why the new client wanted to lose weight/why they felt bad about their bodies THEN used the information gleaned to bully/guilt people into staying on their diet program. Using what they perceive as your flaws/weaknesses against you in order to keep you working and paying on their eternal life plan is just as horrifying - if not worse.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 12:17PM by CA girl.

I wrote about this very topic (ward leaders sharing personal info about members) in my short story "The New Ward," and a couple of people wondered if it really happens. Thank you for your confirmation.

Yep, sat in ward council as Primary and YW pres. and welfare council with RS presidency many, many times. They discuss people, what they think these people should be doing, and how the council can help get people back on track. One time they were discussing 95 year old woman and how she needed to get out to church for the social activity. I spoke up and said I hope no one sits in a meeting like this and decides what I should be doing when I am 95, if you are concerned about her social activity, go to her home and visit. My husband was the bishop in that meeting at the time and we'd had this talk before. I still visit this wonderful woman and she is now 100 years old still living in her own home. She is attending every Sunday partly out of guilt if she doesn't go and partly to be with friends. They also talk about people in various presidency meetings.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2014 04:38PM by cynthia.

Even when I was TBM I found this gossip stuff disturbing. Some are worse than others, but I was never in a ward that was not drama central when you got to know it. When I was going through my divorce, and especially when I was realizing this was all a bunch of hogwash, I got really disgusted with the nosiness, talk, and meddling. Although when a young single woman, I got talked about and analyzed, also, but it didn't bother me nearly as much as it did later. You're told it is in the name of "helping you" but it's not. It's interfering and controlling. And at times, I had the most obnoxious and nosy people sent over to "befriend" or "help" me.