i have no where else to turn right now, and i'd really like someone's help, preferably an ex-mormon or a member currently questioning their beliefs...
im 17 years old and obviously still living at home with my extremely Mormon parents. although i have no problem with them being mormon seeing as it makes them happy, im becoming exhausted with guilt and the pressure of trying to be who they want me to be. this year i've been going really late to seminary. there are reasons. at the beginning of the school year i was asked to be the seminary VP and i gladly accepted. as the year went on i became really annoyed with the President of our seminary class aka Queen Bitch because of her comments towards everyone in that class. when people were sharing their thoughts and opinions, she would outwardly tell them that they were absolutely WRONG and begin to tell them the facts. the seminary teacher does nothing about this. in fact he practically worships her.
so yeah i became pretty fed up with seminary and i didnt have the motivation to wake up super early and learn about the gospel yay!! i have always been an outcast of my church and i've been in the same ward ever since i was born basically. so yeah i show up late for seminary and catch a few minutes of it but i MAINLY go because i have the responsibility of car-pooling kids to school. to me, people getting to school is important. my attendance to seminary is not.
when i dont wake up on time, i'm either awaken by pounding on my door or a sting of hurtful words (at least hurtful when you first wake up) such as "youre late, again (you disappointment of a child)" or "really? really?" and then of course my dad will go get dressed and sit on the stairs or the couch downstairs and glare at me as i walk out of the door late.
so this constant fear and anxiety has been instilled and pounded into my brain this whole school year because im such a disappointment to my family, all because i dont show up to a fucking sunday school class EVERY day before school of the hardest school year with an enormous work load and tons of stress

i really want to leave sometimes, but i know i cant. they tell me i have options, choices. but i know i dont! i have two options; do what they want me to do and be constantly unsure of my own beliefs, or do what i want and be shunned from my family and church. please help me. any insight would be gladly appreciated.

Get on YouTube and watch everything you can of Christopher Hitchens. It will change your life.

Hi Cynical......Thank you for posting about your situation! You are SO welcome here!

On this board there are TONS of people who understand what you are encountering, and who really care.

In a way, you are kind of in a difficult spot because 1) you are living at home and therefore have to follow the parents rules, for the most part. 2) you made a commitment to be in seminary (cemetery) and be the VP.

However, I am VERY glad you are starting to think for yourself. Either you are, or soon will be, at the place in life where you HAVE to figure out what you believe for your own self, and not for your parents coattails.

I can honestly, firmly, confidently tell you, that the LDS church history and doctrine is false and fraudulent. There are HUGE problems with the claimed origins of authority. Joseph Smith was not a nice man, nor a prophet....but rather a lustful, deceitful con-man. Not Kidding.

The Church will only try to exert control over you, and have your future all planned out the way THEY want it! Please, please think for yourself, study doctrine honestly and objectively. TRUTH and living an authentick life will lead you to happiness and contentment.

For now, just do your best to honor your promises...but don't make any new ones until you KNOW what's going on with this Church and it's mind-controlling methods.

The best thing you can do for yourself is whatever will make you the most happy. Reason out if you are happier temporarily living a lie until 18 to avoid parental backlash or if you would have more joy being honest about your beliefs and experience the whole shunning thing?
Both choices are difficult but until you're 18 and can move out, it may be best to treat lightly. I was once in your situation and got kicked out and shunned for it. Six years later, they have not budged on how they feel. So it's a considerably heavy choice to make with consequences either way.
However, it may be easier to wait until you AREN'T living under their roof when they have no jurisdiction over you.
Good luck! :)

Hang in there and remember that school is far more important. Have you started thinking about your future beyond high school? The earlier you can prepare for that the better off you will be. It will also help you to think of the good times ahead after you are out from your parent's judgement.

I agree with everything said here. It could be wise to wait until out of the home for officially breaking with the church. However, if you start pushing back a little bit now, then the more ground you gain, the easier it will be to make the final break. Slowly and steadily assert your rights to believe what you want and to be treated like a human being, with respect.

I think you're being used somewhat by being forced to car pool, if you are the one who has to do it every day. If that's the part of the LDS church you hate the most, then maybe this is where you need to say "No." Kids have to stand up to their parents sometimes. It's a simple fact, when you're dealing with immature parents, as yours sound like. You shouldn't be treated rudely and told you're a disappointment even if you did sleep in. Assert your right to be treated with kindness. Don't let your parents or your dad bully you into accepting less than that.

My mom would tell me I was a disappointment a lot too, for years, until one day recently I got really mad and told her, I have feelings, I'm a human being. She's never treated me as badly again. Sometimes people have a dark or mean side that comes out and they are like a completely different person. But if you see them make the switch, then you can tell them that it's wrong and to stop it. It's not your fault they need to be down on you because of the emptiness inside of them, or how their own parents might have treated them. It's wrong, and they need to be told it's wrong, to treat you or anyone else poorly. It doesn't matter if you're twenty years younger than them, or if it's their house. You're still human, and you still deserve respect like anyone else. They need to learn that even if you were all in Buckingham Palace and your dad was the king, he's still not going to treat you like that without you yelling straight back at him that he's wrong. You sound like a great person, responsible and caring about others and school. You are no disappointment. That is his mean side talking, and his mean side needs to be told to shut the hell up.

i was ejected and banned from seminary for the same reasons. being late but most importantly, i was asking the hard questions (on purpose). how is it that smith remembers vividly the exact date in which the angel showed up in his room and yet he has no recollection when he saw god? "in the spring" of 1820 is not good enough. how can you forget when you saw god himself and his beloved, the one and only, jesus f. christ?

in your case, you may not be able to get ejected. sorry. so lay low until you move out. pretend it's all real. it's a mind game they play. when you move out when you go to college, you'll be free.

hang in there. i know the burden and guilt those people impose on you.

As long as you can take your parents' "disappointment" with you with a grain of salt, I think that arriving late to seminary is a great idea. Honestly, the scientific research supports the fact that high school age teens need all the extra sleep they can get. So IMO you've found a way to make your parents requirements work for you.

The real question is, what are your plans for post graduation? The sooner you can get on your feet and economically independent, the better. Even if you are able to go away to a non-BYU college, you can start to live your own life while you are away from home.

One thought, the way you are doing it, you are just getting branded as lazy. Depending on your parents, it may help to sit down and talk it through with them like adults (which may be difficult to do, since you aren't there yet, and they likely aren't ready to see you as such). You may need to make it clear to them that you are consciously avoiding seminary, and that if their intent is to push you closer to church, their bitter feelings are only making it clearer to you that you want nothing to do with it.

Or something like that.

Anyway, you know your parents better than any of us, but I would advocate a direct approach, unless your parents are much farther on the abusive scale than I can deduce from your post. For most sane parents, this would at least help you start to set up some boundaries of your own, so that you can have some breathing room. However, as a kid you can't really force it on your parents, so it becomes tricky to navigate.

Good luck, my heart goes out to those, especially teens, who are stuck in the morg and being put through hell by their parents for silly things like not going to seminary. They will regret wasting what little time they have you left to themselves, but they won't know it until it is far too late.