Okay, so I’ve been lurking here for awhile, mainly looking at temple topics since I never went through the temple and am extremely curious about the rituals. I got out of Mormonism a few years ago (I’m almost 22 now), and became an atheist. I eventually had the courage to get my name removed, and have since had time to reflect upon some of the things I went through in the church.

One of the things that really gets to me is the whole bishop confession thing. I remember being a young teenage girl discussing my sexual acts with the bishop. I guess I couldn’t keep my pants on and constantly felt guilty and forced/expected to go confess. It ate away at me. I felt like I had to tell my bishop every detail, although I never did because he never asked for every detail (thank god for that). I stopped taking the sacrament several times to “repent” and on numerous occasions went to the bishop to divulge my “sins.” The whole thing just makes me sick now. These men had absolutely NO BUSINESS knowing what kind of sexual exploration I was taking part in. How dare they even assume the role to ask me such questions? Or warn me about masturbation… I’m just sickened by it now, looking back at my life and wondering why I fell for such crap. This church is a joke I really think it is degrading and controlling and damaging to people, especially young people who are caught in these situations.
What are your thoughts? Did you have similar experiences?

I loved answering the masturbation question with, but I thought only boys could do that. Such a fun thing to see the look on their face. I knew exactly how the female gets off, but I was playing dumb. You should see them try to explain it, lol.

SeeingClearlyNow, I understand how you feel sick about being sucked into the confession thing. But the thing is, it is in no way your weakness of mind that allowed it to happen. You were a normal kid socialized to accept these men's authority over you, your mind, your body, your sexuality. The shame is all theirs. The adults who failed to protect you from this abuse also own a share of the blame. You do not.

It's wonderful that you are free now. So cut yourself some slack. Cut your teenaged self some slack. You did the best you could. It's the adults in your life who failed.

+1

Thank you so much for those words. I know it isn't really my fault but just looking back on it all makes me sick.

As a young man I had a very similar experience. I was very tactile and hormonal and was constantly going in to confess and repent of my so - called sins. I have undergone therapy to help undo the damage caused by the very things you spoke of. Not everyone needs therapy because of it, but it's still a harmful system.

When I finally realized a man cannot forgive my sins, even with the LDS priesthood, I was so relieved!

I used to obsess about every little thing, and went to my bishop incessantly for "forgiveness". It was such a sick, useless ritual, but I didn't get it at the time.

I'm so glad I see through all that now, and I never have to spill my guts to any clergyman, or any person, again, if I choose. That's the buzz word: It's my choice. When I was active, I didn't think I had a choice.

It's unbelievable that this kind of thing still goes on -- and that parents sanction it. I was an extremely shy child and adolescent. In order to confess something to my bishop, it would have meant discussing my adolescent sexuality with the elderly and very nice farmer who lived three doors down from us and whose granchildren I regularly babysat for.

Confessing to him and discussing anything sexual with him (or any other man in the ward for that matter) was completely unimaginable to me. So, I never did. But, the belief that I needed to in order to be forgiven for my (admittedly very minor) teenage indiscretions affected me horribly. I suffered extreme guilt -- which colored my life negatively for years to come.

All for what? For some sick cult. I too get angry just thinking about it.

I hope he kept his hands on top of the table.

Discussing the sexual experiences and thoughts of teen girls and young women by an adult male, alone in the same room, in any context should be considered sexual abuse. Why this is tolerated in an otherwise prudish Mormon culture is quite disturbing.

The bishops who ask these extremely detailed and personal experiences obviously must get hot and bothered sitting there listening to this stuff. That can't be avoided regardless of how pious anyone thinks he may be.

I really don't see how they get away with this sick behavior in this day and age.

It really is an abuse of power. I have to wonder what these men are thinking, going into rooms with young people talking about their sex lives... and they just think they are a "judge in Israel." It makes me sick. My heart hurts for the teenagers who are going through the same thing all in the name of stupid Mormonism.

Why do you think bishops sit behind those big desks? They need to hide what they're doing when young teen girls tell them how they masturbate and slop knobs.