Personally I don't understand the Mormon idea that men want sex so much more than women and we can never understand their sex drive and have to shield ourselves from them. I'm a woman in my 20s and I've never been with a partner with a sex drive even remotely close to mine, male or female. I always feel deprived. It doesn't take over my life, but my ideal if I didn't have to work or restrain myself due to my partners' desire would be several times a day. I'm so rarely not in the mood, I have no idea what women mean when they say they have to fight it off.

Is this weird? Are other women not like this? Am I just an outlier?

An emphatic YES!!! to your thoughts and feelings.

It is not weird...other women ARE like this...and you and not just an outlier...

The really inconvenient complication is that most guys peak in their mid-twenties, and women just keep going on...and on...and on...

In other words: most men poop out---or poop DOWN, anyway ;)---during many decades-long relationships...and NO!!!, masturbation does NOT take the place of "real sex." It is often a wonderful fill-in, and sometimes it is EXACTLY what a person needs at a particular time, but there is NOTHING that takes the place of body-to-body intimate contact, most especially if that is LOVING and SUPPORTIVE and CARING body-to-body intimate contact.

And so sayeth ME...

I know that this is many other women's life experience as well.

The LDS Church knows NOTHING about female sex drive...among countless other subjects, of course.

I certainly plan on always pooping OUT and DOWN. Pooping IN or Up sounds dangerous and messy...

Very good plan, Z...very good plan indeed......

Are you, by chance, related to Don Diego de la Vega???

Growing up I always thought that sex was a huge chore for women to do, and men had to beg them to do it. I've since learned that this isn't USUALLY the case, but unfortunately for many couples it is. Not me though. :)

Yes you aren't the only one.

Men having a higher sex drive is a stereotype. And a lousy one at that.

you aren't alone OP!

permit me to say that you are not alone

god has mercifully introduced me to at least one lonely lapsed lurker

loin to loin

and lemme tell you





on second thought....

you're right

The simple biological fact is that women are created to have multiple orgasms -- men aren't. if a "God" created us, then that was His/Her choice for some reason.

Religious or evolutionary, come to your own conclusions.

Huh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The simple biological fact is that women are
> created to have multiple orgasms -- men aren't. if
> a "God" created us, then that was His/Her choice
> for some reason.
>
> Religious or evolutionary, come to your own
> conclusions.


Yeah well we're still struggling mightily to catch up

.....as one mighty and strong might say and

by the way I forgot to mention once again...

happy birthday moonbeam

wherever you are

My TBM ex used to call me a Nympho for even initiating sex.
I learned that I had a fairly high sex drive and he would get upset that I "took things into my own hands" so to speak.

Damned if you do and damned if you dont.

My ex only participated when HE wanted to. It was a sad existance. Now I have a bf with a drive like mine and both of us feel there is never ENOUGH time for US.

I noticed that sooo many women in Mormonism just had such issues about sex being FUN. I would say..it is your husband! Not a stranger, not a random dude! It should be fun!

They looked at me like I lost my mind. Sad.

RMM

Recovered Molly Mo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> had such issues about sex being FUN. I would
> say..it is your husband! Not a stranger, not a
> random dude! It should be fun!
>
> They looked at me like I lost my mind. Sad.
>
> RMM


party on girl friend!

and whatzisname 2

lucky yous

Wow, I'm kind of jealous of you girls who have a high sex drive. I wish my TBM wife was like that. She doesn't know her own sexuality because she was taught it is eeeevil to touch herself. She didn't let my hand touch here there for first decade of our marriage. Somehow after that decade I got some gel and did my own exploring when she was half asleep. Somehow I was lucky and she didn't reject me and after that experience she seemed to change her mind.

After she realized that it could feel good down there, she was more open to things being about her. I eventually figured things out, where exactly things are, became "a man with a slow hand" and was able to get her to "arrive."

Now, after 18 years of marriage, she finally sees sex differently -- that it can be a pleasurable thing for her, but in the end, she still only wants it like once a month. Once a month is in no way often enough for me. Though she'll let me, she has still never touched herself there. She even refuses to hold a vibrator at her sweet spot while I concentrate on other areas...

Stupid church and its sex control. Amazing that some TBM has to write a book named "And They Were Not Ashamed." If I could get my wife to read it, I would.

I hope that all wasn't too graphic. :\

OMG, I'm so sorry for you and your wife. Have you thought about seeing a sex therapist?

Since this is all taboo, I've never encountered anything like this -- so many women saying they have more sex drive. I never knew. I honestly didn't know anything was wrong. To convince DW to go to a sex therapist seems just as difficult to me as getting her to join with me in finding the truth about the TSCC. She doesn't want truth, she wants warm fuzzies. The social pressure in her TBM family borders on insanity, at least from my perspective.

Speaking from experience, getting that whole "don't touch yourself down there" idea out of the brain takes a while, like years. I have overcome about half the issue. I wish there was a switch in my brain I could flip for this and several other entrenched ideas left behind by TSCC and my mother.

Oh, and I bought that book "And They Were Not Ashamed" when I was TBM and couldn't read past the first chapter. It was too painful to read. In retrospect, it was too painful because the words were too truthful. Somehow the knowledge that other women had the same problem was too much. I don't have a better answer. Maybe if I had realized earlier how WRONG the counsel to "not touch myself down there" is I would have left TSCC earlier. That's one heavy item on "the shelf." I didn't make much progress on the issue until I resigned.

not at all, aft

wish that I could recite both the wreckage and the redemption I have witnessed right here at RfM

sigh

Dear OP,

Would you like to go out sometime?

Mnemonic
:-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/20/2014 10:07AM by Mnemonic.

Shouldn't have a problem getting a date after that post...



:)

I'll have what She's having!

Definitely not strange. The first girlfriend I was intimate with had a slightly higher sex drive than I. It wasn't so pronounced that it ever caused friction, but it was noticeable that she was in the mood way more often. In many ways, you are who you are. And you need a partner that is happy with that and can accept/love that. What would you do if it were "strange" to be a woman with a high sex drive? Stop being yourself? Try and find drugs/therapy? How could you change that? Why would you want to?

That is one thing that pisses me off about the mormons. Everyone is so focused on what is "normal" and "acceptable". If you are gay you need therapy, if you want sex too much you have the devil in you, if you don't wear a whiteshirtandtie/longskirtandpantyhoseorafrumpydress then you are a rebel against god. Nobody is allowed to be themselves.

My fiancee has an amazing sex drive. We fool around every day. The only reason we don't have more sex is there is a diameter issue and she gets sore /: Anyway, there are a lot of women with high sex drives.

Count me in as another woman with a very high sex drive. Twice a day would make me quite happy :).

xnorth Wrote:
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> Count me in as another woman with a very high sex
> drive. Twice a day would make me quite happy :).


women who are frank and earnest are what make pious holy men nervous



[whew!]

When I was in my mid twenties, I went back to college to retrain for computer work. I met a cute 18 year old girl and we started dating. Before long we were intimate and I took her virginity. I was a clueless dufuss in those days. I thought women didn't enjoy sex and that she was doing it "for me." I was pleasantly surprised how easy going she was about it, and never said no or resisted. After a time or two of doggy style, I was surprised how readily she'd flip over on all fours, or if I slipped out, how fast she'd reach down and put me back in! I was feeling like a real stud. It literally didn't occur to me for YEARs that she probably enjoyed it, and did it as much for herself as "for me." I'm no stud...

I had a similar experience with someone (male) re: anal. He just assumed that, when we did anal, it was me "sacrificing myself" for HIM--and that it was some kind of awful trial/experience for me. He never TOLD me this, he just ASSUMED that "women [always] do anal as a sacrifice for the men they are with."

Took us YEARS (like about ten of them!!!) to figure out that this is what HE was ASSUMING (because he never, ever told me this)...and that this is NOT true for me (or for a very healthy percentage of other females, either).

Once we got that misunderstanding cleared up, the mix between the two been far more to BOTH of our liking!!!

The moral of this story is:

DO NOT ASSUME WHAT YOU DO NOT ACTUALLY KNOW!!!

You may be very, VERY mistaken in your [automatic] assumptions (especially if you are living in a closed-culture area)...

resetting the circuit breakers can take years of patient devotion

but it's worth every minute thereafter

:o)

strawberryshortcake Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm probably
> going through some sort of teenagery stage now
> that should have been taken care of back when I
> actually was a teenager instead of it being
> squashed by TSCC.

Yes very much this. This is what I feel like right now... Had a girlfriend for awhile, things went pretty far one night but didn't go 'all the way'. I was kind of freaking out, not really knowing what to do, expect or if I was even ready for things to go that far, or if she was ready, etc..

Years of growing up in TSCC, all that crazy church thinking raced through my mind at a million miles per second, resulting in an actual panic attack. Heart was racing (not in the good way), sick to my stomach, the works, and the opportunity was successfully squashed.

This has pretty much been a governing force in all the relationships I've ever been in. Breaking away from it has been pretty tough and it feels like I'm just trying to catch up on an entire section of my life that I missed out on. I feel like I'm in a teenagery stage now instead of when I was an actual teenager...