My 12 year old son has decided to get the priesthood.

I want to be able to sit in on his interview with the bishop for a couple reasons.

1 - I remember the powerful influence an adult, who represents himself as having God's power and authority to make decisions for all the people in the ward, had on me as a youth. I would give whatever answer this guy wanted to hear. I think it's unreasonable to expect a child to answer such profoundly life altering questions honestly when put in this private meeting environment.

2- I think it's creepy that a minor child is put in a private room with an adult male who asks him a series of questions, including potential probing (no pun intended) inquiries into his sexual activity. I'm also not a big fan of some of the other worthiness questions as I feel the doctrines behind them can be psychologically damaging.

So, my wife emails the bishop letting him know that I would like to sit in on the interview. The bishop responded..."just as a matter of clarification, I would love to meet with ****** and I think that it would be great if he was there, but I imagine that you and ****** know that he would not be able to actually be in the interviews since they are private."

I was blown away. Really? An adult has the audacity to tell me I can't witness an interview he wants to have with my minor son? My initial reaction was that this was an extremely arrogant response, but then again, I tend to be biased against TSCC.

Anybody have a different take on this? Am I overreacting?

No. And no.

Like hell. Demand it or it doesn't happen.

...report this Bishop to the Stake President and insist on attending HIS meeting...........

You are NOT overreacting! He's got some nerve. Just what is it that he's going to ask a 12 yo that YOU can't hear?

No parent, no interview.

I think you should tell your son he can decide for himself when he's an adult whether or not he wants to get the priesthood, but that he can't do it now.

I had never-mo coworkers with TBM spouses who were able to design working compromises like these. Not that it was easy. But I think it can be done.

I hope your wife is able to respect that you're very uncomfortable with it. The kid will have other chances to get the priesthood when he's an adult.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/18/2014 11:24AM by nationalnewscampaign.

You tell the Bishop that if you're not sitting in, then he's not interviewing your minor child, alone, in a closed room, with an adult who is not his parent. Period.

This is your child. You are the parent. It is your responsibility to protect him.

just say no. i actually don't think its his call, either, but your call. And if he won't intervew your boy, big deal. In time he will think he needs to promote him and will cave.

You have a legal right to attend, and the bishop has no legal right to stop you. Church"policy" can't trump laws that exist to protect minors. Let the bishop know that.

My response: "We should avoid the very appearance of evil. If there's nothing inappropriate going on, there's no need for my underage son to be alone behind a closed door with you."

Love the quote. How can he argue with that?

It will be interesting to see what he chooses to do when I give him the option of either letting me sit in on the interview or my son doesn't get the priesthood. I put all my money on the fact they won't decide to keep something as important as the priesthood away from a fledgling recruit just because his father wants to sit in on the interview.

NOTHING going on between between an untrained, adult, lay 'clergyman' and Your 12-year-old son is private.

Simply write back and say, "If I'm not present, there will be no interview/meeting."

Then the interview will not be happening..

I am a convert and this to me is SUCH a red flag...on so many levels..my husband thinks its fine, I think its insane..

I would watch out for an impromptu interview/abduction when you're not watching. Your son could be pulled into the bitchops office while just walking by. Be careful and keep an eye on both of them.

We must have typed the same time. Lol.

That's a good point. I would let the bishop know he is not to conduct this interview without your knowledge, without your presence, and behind your back.

His so-called ecclesiastical authority doesn't trump your rights as a parent. Even in Utah.

Another thing to consider is bishop pulling him in during classes without your knowledge.

I was thinking this EXACT thing. He will just grab him when at church.

Sneaking interviewing for the lord and all....

How goes it wanderinggeek?

Better yet-just camp out by his office. Lol

This is total BS. We demanded to be present when our kids were interviewed and we were. We didn't ask, we just stated that we would be present. We didn't let them decide, we told them what we expected to happen (in other words, we were in charge and they got to play by our family rules).

You may have to get a bit ugly (go to his higher-ups), but you need to.

This post pisses me off more than it should. The fact that this bishop is essentially saying that he has private access to your child and you have no control of it is total BS!! This is your son!! Not his!!

These private interviews need to stop!

And parents need to put their foot down and say, "NO!".

This is a fight worth fighting (IMO).

Please do not aubmit to the will of your Mormon bishop, you are Mormon right?!!

Protect your son!

Where does your son stand on this matter. If he wants to become a deacon in the Mormon church it is likely because of social pressures and the autheoity structure that would make him feel out of place as a 12-years old boy attending the Mormon church while not being a deacon and not passing th sacrament.

Why is he going to the Mormon church anyways? It's a load of crap.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/18/2014 11:32AM by gentlestrength.

It pisses me off too. E-mail him back and say, "my wife phrased this as a request to be polite, but actually it's not a request. I will be there or he will not be interviewed. You may not interview my son behind my back. Now or at any time in the future before he is legally an adult."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/18/2014 11:33AM by nationalnewscampaign.

I'm with everyone else. Just say no.

I say you tell this man that you were not asking, merely informing him. Who the hell is he to tell you what will happen with your minor child? I would ask him that.

Then I would tell this man that you will need to get one thing straight before you even allow your child to attend a church where he is a leader-you are the parent and you say what happens with your son. If this man does not immediately see your point, I would tell my son he can get the priesthood when he is 18 if he still wants it and why. Use this as an opportunity to teach your son what is not appropriate behavior from adults so he will not put himself in vulnerable positions.

I would explain to your son why you are insisting on being in on the interview. It may not make a difference now, but some day in the future those moments like the Bishop's interview at 12 come back and hit you hard. He will be glad to know that you were looking out for him.

This has to stop.

Those interviews are responsible for my anxiety I think.

that it was inappropriate even though I was too young to understand. My jack mo parents had no idea I was called in or would have cared.

This is your child in question. No one has the right to say when you can and cannot be with him. Not even the clergy of the child's religion. If you want to be in the interview with your son, do not ask, simply go in with him. If the bishop resists, tell him you will be calling the police and a lawyer because a non-related adult is attempting to forcibly remove a child from his parent's presence. If he tries to argue, take out your phone and call the police and a lawyer.

I am clergy of my religion now, and I had to do a study of the law as it applies to religion and clergy. Nowhere in the United States does being a member of the clergy give anyone the right to over-ride parental authority. In fact, if talking with a person of minor age, the clergyperson is required to make the parents/guardians aware of what is said, if they wish to know.

Do not allow this man to step between you and your son. Seriously, if he does try it, press charges, take it to a local TV station, newspaper, get bloggers to post the story. And make sure they all report that it is common practice for untrained clergy in the LDS church to take minor children into private rooms and forbid parental knowledge of what takes place.

He may have said no because no one else has ever challenged him about the interview thing. I would tell him that sorry, it's just not going to happen then. Let him explain to your son why he can't have the priesthood now.

You're exactly right. I think he's pretty young and hasn't been doing this more than a year or two. He means well, but in his ignorance it's interesting to see the underlying Mormon arrogance bubble to the surface.

it makes me smile a little knowing that you probably offended him by asking lol

Dear Bob,

Your insistence that you must meet with my child alone is highly disturbing. While I would not automatically assume that you would use your position of authority over my son to your benefit, I must at least consider the possibility. I would not consider myself to be a responsible parent if I wasn't concerned with your attitude.

Please consider this short letter as a written demand that you never allow yourself to be alone with my child. If this happens, you knowing full well that I forbid it. I will have to assume that you have harmed my child and I will notify my attorney, local law enforcement, and your superiors.

I have sent this correspondence and relevant copies via registered mail so that I may confirm their receipt.


schmowned,

CC: my attorney, local law enforcement, and your superiors

Be present?

Approve the questions. Interrupt if anything doesn't feel right. Override the Bishop at any point in the interview and tell him to move on to the next topic.

I'd own the room and run the interview. The Bishop would be my puppet.

@James...you are spot on. Use the full force of the law against this self-honoring Bishop.

This is really easy. No interview.

Unbelievable. Put this guy in his place.

I wouldn't interpret it as an arrogant response. TSCC's policy is that interviews are private and the bishop is just telling you that.

The truth is your son is just going to tell the bishop what he wants to hear so you might as well be there. The questions are generic (are you honest in your dealing with other people etc), with the exception of the masturbation question. I would ask the bishop ahead of time if he plans on asking that question and then decide if you will allow it to be asked. That's the only question that really crosses the line for me.

TSCC's policy is arrogant, so of course the response is arrogant.

This bishop thinks he's more important than he is. You, as the parent, are the important one. The church cowers under bad press; I'd also mention how you plan on "discussing this issue" with friends and newspapers and your other religious friends. I'd be surprised if this bishop doesn't back down.... for the principle reason that he's wrong.

"You can interview my child in private on matters that include sexuality once my child is at least the age of consent, until then, no adult will get unmonitored access to any matter, especially not matters pertaining to the sexuality of my *minor* child."

Make it clear that he comes across like a sexual predator. Honestly, he is probably ignorant, not malicious, but someone needs to remind him that this behavior would not be tolerated elsewhere.

Unbelievable! Who the hell does this guy think he is?
He's obviously got a bad case of "Mormon Male Entitlement Syndrome."

Some random thoughts:

*I see this as part of TSCC's process of "sheeplelization" (turning their members into obedient sheeple).
It indoctrinates their members to prioritize TSCC above all else, even above their own families.

*What if this bishop is a pedophile, a sociopath, etc? Are you willing to take that chance?
Personally, I'd never allow one of my children to be trapped in a private room,
even if there was just the potential of that occuring.

*What if this bishop discovers, through inappropriate questioning,
something he makes your son feel is sinful? Do you want to risk the psychological damage
your son might incur, possibly for the rest of his life, from such an inquiry?

The bishop's insistence of a private meeting between himself and your son sounds sinister to me.
This bishop needs to be brought, even if it's kicking and screaming,
to a new and more enlightened understanding of your parental rights.

You might want to challenge him to show you, in his little Bishop's Book of Instructions,
where it says the parent(s) can't attend such an interview.
I'm sure TSCC would never dare give their bishops such a directive, at least not in black and white.

In my family we call it "Big Mormon Man Syndrome." Same thing.

The best move I ever made as a parent was getting my TBM wife on board with my policy:

No closed door interviews with our minor children - ever.

It helped my case that the whole Seminary princicpal having sex with a student was all over the news at the time. There were a few other high profile sexual abuse cases going on as well. I told my wife that your bishop may be a great guy, but everybody thought the same thing about the seminary teacher. It just doesn't make any sense to put our children in a bad situation. I also mentioned the scout training we both had to sit through - Never be alone with a child - two deep leadership All The Time.

It worked. Our children do not get interviewed alone. I've heard that several other parents in the Ward are now demanding the same.

Get your wife on board then Never Back Down. If that asshat bishop pushes it, file a complaint with the police- even if you are in Utah county - file a report.

The two deep leadership policy in Scouting is an excellent point. The more I think about this the more I'm stunned that TSCC hasn't adopted a similar policy.

From what my wife tells me they now require two teachers to be in a room when teaching children/primary. Why on earth would there be less chance of abuse with a bishop being alone in a room with ONE child. Even with only one teacher in a primary class there are at least a bunch of other witnesses (even if they're just minors), which reduces the opportunity of abuse to some degree.

I suggest that you make this a legal issue by saying you need to get a lawyer involved.

As soon as you make a legal threat, the bishops are commanded to contact lds legal. My guess is that legal will side with you and tell the bishop that he is required to comply with your wishes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/18/2014 12:10PM by The Oncoming Storm - bc.

NOT over reacting. This is an area that I agree that you need to put your foot down and make sure that the bishop understands that you take your role as a parent VERY seriously. Make it clear that it's in the bishops best interest to have you present during the interview, and that if you're not there WILL be legal consequences.

You're the father and he's nothing. You have the legal and moral right to be there and he has nothing.

Do you know how frickin' weird this whole conversation sounds to a non-Mormon? It's cultish and red flags are everywhere. No one in their right mind, unless Mormon, would allow this kind of control over themselves or a child.

Stick to your guns. It ain't happening unless you're there. Make sure you put this in writing in case he pulls your son aside a tries it behind you back. If you're not there, then it will need to happen when your son is 18.

End of story.

Protect your child by getting out of this cult altogether.

Why don't you go ahead and meet with the bishop, since he offered to meet with you. And in that meeting, tell him how you feel. If he's a reasonable person, he would understand your concern.

Not to defend him, but he might also be quite offended that you would suspect him of any inappropriate behavior. And of course that's not the point. But you might go into a meeting with him understanding that that could be the case.

You are the parent, not the bishop. Sit in or resign.

The more I think about this the madder I get.

Since when does the Bishop call the shots over a parent. This MUST NOT HAPPEN.

Someone who is tech oriented please direct the OP to the Facebook site from last year.....something with No More in the title.
Thanks!

here it is

https://www.facebook.com/pages/No-More-End-Mormons-Sexually-Invasive-Interviews-of-Children/503622079732706

I am always amazed when a parent bitches about something like this.

You admit that you went through the interview process yourself as a youth, so you know all about the Mormon game. Then when it impacts you (your son), you bitch about the rules and how the game is played. This is like the idiots who allow their kids to go to primary/Sunday school and then bitch when the kid wants to be baptized at eight years old like all of their church friends. I don't get it.

Do you need to be clued in on a few of the other things he will be taught in the years to come as an active priesthood holder? Things like the power of his priesthood, the need to stay worthy, serve a mission, pay his tithing, seek a worthy LDS mate, marry in the temple, raise his family in the church, etc.? Do you plan on objecting to the Bishop as well that your son not be taught those principles while attending church?

Yeah, you might "win" your campaign now not to have your son interviewed alone with the Bishop. Do you actually think that will stop a church leader from meeting with him in private at some other time. Perhaps during a youth activity? Perhaps during a campout? Perhaps during church sometime when you are not around? Really?? It has been my experience that few members of the church know, care about, or respect others boundaries.

Yet you know this. You feel that in some way you are protecting your son by not allowing the Bishop to interview him in private. Do you want to win the battle or do you want to win the war? If you REALLY wanted to protect your son you wouldn't be sending him to church in the first place. Let alone allowing him to attend with full knowledge of the rules, and then complaining about how the game is played.

I don't get it.

Some of us have kids in LDS inc because our spouse are in LDS inc. I have made it clear that any attempt to sequester my daughters without my knowledge constitutes a violation of my wishes, and I will assume they did it to harm my daughters. I have told them that if it happens I will call the local police and have them prove they didn't harm my daughters and I would not just assign them benevolent intentions. I refuse to play the game.

+ everything. I have to support this well stated post. This is the true picture.

This church doesn't change until it's forced to. If enough parents demand the same policy change, then eventually it has to happen. But they never go down without a fight. I applaud this parent's determination to make a stand.

NO PARENT NO NO NO INTERVIEW
If he tries to call 911 and have him arrested for inappropriate behavior with a minor