.. for the past few days. I think I might have spent almost all of the past three days lying in bed until around 7 pm because my anxiety and sadness weigh heavily on my body. Just from yesterday until today, I couldn't even sleep until 2pm today. Now I have work in 3 hours.

I suppose that the sadness stems from basically losing Princess to the cult. According to her, we're on a "break" but that feels almost as painful if she had broken up with me and never spoken to me again. I know there's a sliver of a chance that she'll break the mental conditioning of TSCC since she has plenty on her shelf as it is, but I also recognize that the odds are probably not in my favor, just from seeing many of your experiences.

It's frustrating that I can't do anything about breaking her free, and I'm not sure what else I can do besides be there for her as a friend. I wish I COULD do more.

I know that my anxiety is coming from my fear of losing her, being alone all day long with my thoughts, missing out on school, dealing with work, and coping with so many other probably stupid and frustratingly irrational things.

A few years ago (I think about 3.5 now) I used to hurt myself. Ever since I've committed to stopping, there's always been this ever-present burning sensation in my arm, especially during times of duress and anxiety. Almost like my body is pleading for me to hurt it again.

I would never do that again, because I know how stupid and endangering that is. An act so asinine never really accomplishes for remedies much anyways. Like hell I'm going to give into that again.

My point is that my anxiety is killing me right now, and I'm not really sure what I can do. I'm trying to preoccupy my thoughts by reading her on RfM but other than that I can barely bring myself to do much else. Stupid, stupid body. I wish my appointment with my psychiatrist for my first prescription wasn't two weeks away.

I feel awful. I hate feeling like this.

Hang in there. I promise it will get better. One foot in front of the other is what you need to do. Just keep going.

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Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2014 11:00PM by formermollymormon.

I am sorry you are going through this. Anxiety is awful. I've been there and sometimes I have to take some meds to help, but I've gotten a lot better at talking myself down recently. Here are a couple of things you might want to read and perhaps try. These are just some ideas that I looked up quickly. Some of these things may help you get by until you see your psychiatrist. One good thing is you're discussing it here and talking about it and that is supposed to help. I hope things get easier for you soon. By no means am I giving medical advice, just throwing out some ideas. Everyone is different so some of these things may be useful to you while others may not. You might try doing some searches on the internet for others things. It might help keep your mind occupied so that you're not thinking about her so much.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-to-reduce-anxiety-right-here-right-now/00017762

http://greatist.com/happiness/reduce-anxiety

http://www.wikihow.com/Relieve-Anxiety

Thanks, I'll take a gander at these links right now.

I'm with you Knight...

...all the way...

We care.

Thank you, tevai. I've always appreciated your and many other's support.

Get out your sketch book. Some of your best work comes out of pain. Right now, get up, get your pens and paper and start drawing.

All right, I'll give it a shot right now then. Let's see what this sad, busted up body and mind is going to make.

I don't know if you're going to want to share it with us or not...but if you decide not to, at least describe for us what you did.

:)

If it actually turns out pretty nice, I'll be sure to share it for you all.

Oh, lovely. I think I just overheard that the stake president and the bishop plan on visiting my house next Wednesday. Wonderful.

You are not obligated to attend appointments made without your consent.

Knight in Waiting Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Oh, lovely. I think I just overheard that the
> stake president and the bishop plan on visiting my
> house next Wednesday. Wonderful.

===========================
Knight... something VERY important for you to remember.

They have NO power over you.
No power, no authority.

You do NOT even have to open the door.
Let them stand there and knock.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You've been in my thoughts.

It's not much, I know, but potassium supplements help anxiety a bit.

Tell him you are really in a rough patch and need some help asap. And don't forget the exercise thing. Those endorphins can help you.

I have some places that I go to in my mind when I'm feeling anxious. One is a sandy, tropical beach. I picture the warm, azure water. I feel the warm, silky sand beneath my toes. I feel the gentle breeze and watch the fluttering of the palm trees. Having a mental refuge can give your mind a calm place to go in times of need.

Since you work nights, you might try sleeping with an eye mask. You can buy one at a drugstore or a bed and bath supply store. Sometimes light during the day can hinder sleep.

I know you've heard this several times already, in regards to the princess, but you are so young. It will get better! At this age you feel everything 50 times worse. Try not to think about the short term. You are about to go to college (if I remember correctly). You are going to meet new people and be exposed to new things. You have this whole life ahead of you!
You need to distance yourself from the "princess." Do not ever date or marry someone thinking you can change them. Something involving TSCC will always come between you. Sounds like just dealing with her parents would probably ruin things!
Focus on what you enjoy doing (the drawing and writing you mentioned) and soon enough this time in your life will be a distant memory.
You are in control of you!

I'm doing comparatively better today thanks to all of your support. It's all because of that drawing that was suggested for me to do. Surprisingly, I actually thoroughly like it so far. I'll be sure to post it here with an update on me tomorrow after I finish the drawing at work. Thank you everybody :) I'll keep hanging in there for now

Just hang in for another day. Keep your chin up kid :)

See how that works? The most famous artists do their best work when they're a bit depressed. I think more emotion goes into it.


When you're down, get out the sketch book. It's a great distraction and it can get you through some rough spots.

Thanks, madalice :) It really did help me out a lot last night and helped pass a lot of otherwise painfully slow time at work.

Sketching can change your brainwaves for the better if you stick with it over a period of time. I think it takes 15 or 20 minutes. But you should feel yourself relaxing and getting in the "zone." It's a calm, restful, timeless feeling. You can work for hours and not feel that much time has gone by.

GO out with someone else..... forget about her. The minute you stop moping around and go out with someone else, and Princess hears about it, she will start to think about what she is missing out on.

I'll heed your advice then. I actually plan on hanging out with someone else tomorrow. I'm sure some In-N-Out shakes and talking will make me feel better.