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Posted by: fundamentard ( )
Date: April 10, 2014 06:53PM

The church teaches us that Satan gains a victory when he can convince people that he doesn't exist. So in order for us all not to be fooled, I will prove his existence once and for all.

This is it: The idea of Satan is ludicrous, his motivations nonsensical, his methods frivolous, his "evil" a necessary and good part of the plan of God, and his influence at no time and no place is ever evident as anything other than natural events. QED. There's your proof.

In other words, the fact that there is no rational or sane way to think about Satan and actually believe in him is proof positive that he is real. If the idea of him made sense, you might believe in him, and then he couldn't gain his great victory. Therefore the dumber his story is, the more you must believe in him.

Now go forth in fear.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 10, 2014 07:42PM

I believe in Satan. Who else could have setup, developed, kept a money digger's scam going for so long. ;)

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: April 10, 2014 08:56PM

So Satan wins you over by convincing you he doesn't exist. That sounds like a pretty shaky recruitment plan to me. After you've been convinced he doesn't exist, how does he utilize your membership? He can't issue any demands, since he isn't there. The Mormons, on the other hand, issue tons of demands. But Satan asks for nothing, not even personal recognition. God demands belief, service and fealty. God demands worship. Satan is walk in the park compared to God.

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Posted by: Nonsequ ( )
Date: April 10, 2014 09:04PM

No as soon as he has you fooled into thinking he is too ridiculous a being to even exist, he starts to play with your mind.

He tells you the great lie that gay people should be treated equally. He tells you the great lie that women should be treated equally. It is not unlike the lie he told our fathers that black people should be treated equally. He is one sick sneaky bastard.

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Posted by: rationalist01 ( )
Date: April 10, 2014 09:25PM

The same could be said of god....

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Posted by: brother not of jared ( )
Date: April 10, 2014 09:31PM

Satan is real - here's his picture:

http://www.thomassmonson.org/

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Posted by: PeacePrincess ( )
Date: April 10, 2014 09:49PM

Tommy Monson's web address has "ass" in it!

"thomASSmonson"

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Posted by: brother not of jared ( )
Date: April 10, 2014 09:51PM

PeacePrincess Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tommy Monson's web address has "ass" in it!
>
> "thomASSmonson"

His picture has an ASS in it too! :D

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Posted by: freddo ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 03:54AM

That's not Satan
That's count Dracula
Satan is a soccer fan and barracked for Manchester United

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Posted by: fundamentard ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 12:37AM

Woe be unto those who mock the anointed profit of the lard! Satan laugheth when he can convince you that they are just old men in need of a bib to catch their spilled oatmeal

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Posted by: verilyverily ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 03:25AM

I agree with Elder Berry. Satan or something/someone very EVIL is running the CULT, has been from the 1st day.
The CULT pretend to tell you to avoid EVIL and that they are the right path.......laughing their asses off the entire time knowing how deep into the CULT and therefore EVIL the CULTers are. Al Qaeda and the CULT are about equal in their amount of EVIL. Except we know what Al Qaeda is about, the CULT hides their EVIL - the CULT is worse.

I know there are people on here who think I am nuts to say this, but it is true - if you give yourself some time to think about it like I have, you will see what I mean. Don't go on FEELINGS, go on what you find out about the CULT. Then notice how they back pedal everything and LIE LIE LIE. Satan is the prince of Liars.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 12:50PM

I agree with your assessment. Something dark is being hailed as light and it is like they know it.

I am sure the GA keep warning about confusing white and black with each other because they are experts at it.

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Posted by: NoMoNoHow ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 04:34AM

Satan is actually a good guy if you read the Bible. It's God who goes around killing and tormenting people. Religious doofs should read the damn book they've pledged their moronic lives to following.

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Posted by: slskipper ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 08:24AM

"Satan" is anything that challenges "Us".

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Posted by: ladell ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 09:17AM

So let me get this straight, Elohim could wipe out Satan anytime he wanted to, because he is that much of a Badass, correct? So, Elohim allows Satan to fuck with our heads for millenia because he wants to give us the opportunity to choose between him and Satan. Elohim gives us prophets to find out about his plan, these prophets are, weird, controlling and boring. Satan doesn't have prophets but he has sex, and music and all sorts of hedonistic activities which are, pleasurable and fun. Sometimes, if humans don't choose God's boring weird prophets he drowns the planet or smites us, Satan might give us genital warts. Satan doesn't really seem to give a shit if you choose his way, in fact he sometimes has large boouncers blocking the entrance to some of his more exclusive enclaves.
Now after all is said and done, and Elohim has given us millenia of Satan's fun tricks, and Elohim's droning prophets and bad evidence, God will judge us and we will have a big bad scene and the world will burn like kindling. Help me out here, who is the bad guy again?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/11/2014 09:17AM by ladell.

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Posted by: En Sabah Nur ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 10:44AM

There is no one Satan, nor is there one definition of what a satan is. In early Jewish tradition, a satan was a tester, a sort of prosecuting angel. The apocryphal Book of Enoch refers to fallen angels, who were cast out of heaven for sharing the secrets of heaven with mortal men, and sharing their penises wit mortal women. The Arabic notion of the Djinn, wandering malevolent spirits who could possess a body and cause physical ailments also crept in to popular Jewish mystical culture. Add in the duel nature of battling creator and destroyer gods from Persia through Zoroastrianism and the ramblings of the writer of Revelation about Lucifer and the great dragon, and you got yourself the recipe for the guy we all know now as the Father of Lies.

He's Frankenstein's monster of Middle East spiritual traditions.

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Posted by: ladell ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 10:51AM

That sounds exactly like something Satan would say

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Posted by: En Sabah Nur ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 10:57AM

Yeah, sorry, looks like he hijacked my account again. Every time I step away from my computer and leave my browser window open, that dickface fucks with me. I should be more careful.

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Posted by: notnewatthisanymore ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 10:59AM

Better be careful with Satan around, you never know when he might post something embarrassing to your facebook wall while you are in the kitchen making a sandwich.

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Posted by: En Sabah Nur ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 11:18AM

You mean like clicking the Facebook "Share" button next to an article on "The Joys of Prostate Stimulation?"

Yeah. Already done. That bastard.

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Posted by: henryj80 ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 11:20AM


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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 04:39PM

And it reminds me of an evangelistic Christian I used to work with. He told me that Satan invented the retail bar code, because mankind isn't smart enough to create such a complicated numbering system.

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Posted by: rhgc ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 05:49PM

Brilliant! I had dissed Satan and said he didn't exist. Along comes the proof above. What am I to do? I guess people can accept my disbelief in Santa (better keep it hidden, however) but not believe in Satan? Heaven forbid. What would happen to the endowment "ceremoney" without him? There would be no-one to warn us that we had to keep every little "commandment" even if it didn't make sense. No Satan? But the OP has come up with PROOF so that Virginia can still believe in Satan.

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Posted by: NoMoNoHow ( )
Date: April 11, 2014 08:10PM

Can anyone actually name anything bad Satan does in the Bible? I can't (except where God goads him to torment Job, using God's superpowers), but I can certainly point to hundreds of ghastly atrocities God commits.

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