my parents treat me like a child. Yesterday, I went into the kitchen to get a drink before heading out. My mom was doing dishes, so I said a simple "excuse me" and got water. (Usually my mom refuses to move when doing dishes and I need a drink.)

She then chided me for not saying "please".

I understand that politeness is good, I just don't always remember the magic words 100% of the time. So sue me. Last time this happened, she refused to pass me the hamburgers, cause I forgot "please" : then she held the plate to her chest. What am I, two??

I've told my parents not to do this cause I feel it's degrading to me and it's how you'd treat a young child, yet they continue. The reality is that I feel it's abusive for them to continue after I told them it's hurtful to me.

Your parents are being petty and somewhat immature about teaching manors, but its the way it is. You just have to accept it, play the game & get along. It's not worth causing a war & tension between you and your parents over the word "please." I want you to know that I 100% agree with you, but nothing you say to them is going to change what they do & you can't control them. Just get along & move it out when you can. Then you live your life how ever you want.

Your mom is being a bit heavy-handed. I would say, "Would you please pass the hamburgers?" but "Do you mind if I get a drink?" The word please is good but most families are not rigidly formal about it.

Someday when you have your own family you will do things differently. Until then, hang in there.

You don't say how old you are, but a couple of things stand out.

Your mom was doing the dishes, a household chore I am sure she just can't wait to perform, and you desired water before heading out.

In your world, your mom is suppose to yield to your desires at the moment you have such desires. It doesn't matter that she is performing a thankless task while you head out (for what? A job or some recreational/social activity).

If you are an adult living at home, I would think it is time your parents allow you to experience the joys of independent living. Not next month. Not next week. In the next 24 hours.

If you are a minor, I think additional chores, like washing the dishes, are in line.

You, like many of today's youth, are without an ounce of gratitude.

uh, no one said I wanted my whims realized the very second I ask. I can wait for a minute if she needs when I need a drink. She doesn't say wait, she says no, I'm not moving.

I'm an adult. Trust me. you'd have issues with them, too.

The free yourself from the horrible conditions and move out immediately.

You are an adult, you don't need those people telling you what to do. Go live your life as you see fit.

I'm working on it. I'm having difficulties finding a job that would allow independance, plus I've had health issues. when I lost my job, I was denied unemployment and disability. I was let go 4 days before my surgery. I've been waving a sign for min wage and subbing for elementry school playgrounds.

Only a suggestion, treat her like she treats you, if she doesn't say please when asking for anything, withhold her request.

lol good idea. I'll act like I'm gonna pass the food, then I'll hold it close to me and then demand a please.

Maybe there's some stress because of the living arrangement. That's too bad. I am no fan of the nuclear family, which encourages people to throw out family members for the crime of turning eighteen. The elderly get a bum deal, too. Stuck in institutional homes. The nuclear family seems to favor selfish middle-aged folks.

very true.

There are 2 little magic words that will open any door you please, The first little word is thank you and the second little word is please. "And that is a fact."

My first thought is that, generally, excuse me is a polite thing to say. Not that it replaces please, but in a familiar setting, like with family or friends, I'd think "excuse me" is polite enough and doesn't demand a "please."

EXACTLY

I just hate being treated like I did wrong when I didn't

"Please, Brother, Dad, Nephew, please don't beat me--please!"

I believe that insanity is contagious, and you're afraid some of this insanity and abuse will rub off onto you. You need to stay calm. Try yoga breathing. It really works. Have a place you can retreat to, quickly--a room, the garage, your car, the dog house, where you can separate yourself from the craziness when it happens. (I used to climb the nearest tree, where no one could reach me.) Get a water bottle and keep it in your room. You don't have to be a part of that family, in order to live there. Do your share of the chores, as you get better, but you don't have to make those people your best friends, know what I mean?

They don't beat me regularly. sis and nephew kicked me one time, dad pushed me into the corner of the wall and left a huge bruise once, but denies it, disabled brother has assaulted me multiple times and threatened to kill me....and my parents don't do anything.

What R U going to do? Throw her outta house?

Youre an adult now, and they are not legally responsible for you anymore. They have every right to kick you out. They do not have to let you live there. Your mother was doing dishes, and youre pissy because she didnt like it when you didnt say thank you? This is probably a pattern of yours she resents, and its her house, not yours.

She doesnt have to be polite to you, like it or not. She should, but thats the way it is. Ever consider that she doesnt want you living there anymore?

Someone else who gets it.

oh...it's MY fault. mkay. yes, she's sick of me saying benign things. I admit I have that habit. I normally don't talk to her. today, it was "bye" and "okay". that's it.

of course she doesn't want me here. duh.

Please do what you need to while living with them. For your own sake, not for their power trip. Just remember all this, when they are older, don't visit them, don't give them money, don't let them live with you in your home, it's not worth it. Don't let them guilt you into any of that. You don't need to call them every week, you don't need to go to church for their eternal family fantasy. The best you can do for yourself is to live an authentic life of your own, away from their undue influence. Once you are out of their house, they don't deserve your guilt, patronage, or obedience. Let them go have a great Mormon fantasy life and enjoy yours based on reality. You will be much happier, and in a counter intuitive way, they will be too.