Almost makes one not want to go. But when it's someone who you grew up with, the obligation is too stressing. Well a friend of mine says at our age family reunions are called funerals, so I guess it was a family reunion. It was nice to see the many cousins I grew up with, but literally half the service I could have done without. Is it mandatory that the final speaker and the bishop do the big sell job on the church? The eulogy and music was great, but it could have ended there. Even the grave dedication and military honors were a nice touch. I'll have to say the only time I was moved was when retired military who didn't know the deceased came to do the 21 gun salute, presentation of the colors to the widow and taps.

Even God doesn't like Mormon funerals, IMHO.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 08:20PM by rhgc.

I went to a friends funeral about a year ago, and it was the first time I had been in a Mo chapel in a decade. One of the Bishops councilors gave a Eulogy and got details of his life wrong. Very annoying.

The last one I went to, the final speaker said something along the lines of "and you don't understand the significance of eternity" in a really smug and pompous way to the person's inactive children and their nevermo grandchildren.

And I was just like "when are you going to honour the life of _______, or is that actually an afterthought to _______'s funeral?" -- even as a TBM, I found it extremely patronising.

That last speaker at Mormon funerals ruins the whole service.

laurel Wrote:
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> That last speaker at Mormon funerals ruins the
> whole service.

I hadn't realized until reading this that the last speaker is always part of a Mormon funeral service. The only one I've ever attended was several years ago, for a co-worker's teen daughter who was tragically killed in a car accident. I still recall vividly how my other co-workers and I (all neverMos) were appalled by the final speaker, as it seemed to us that he was exploiting this poor girl's funeral to preach about Mormonism to the huge crowd in attendance. (Of course, her whole high-school class was there.) One of my co-workers was actually cursing the speaker under his breath, such was his disgust.

We (neverMos) all thought that was out-of-the ordinary--that some church member had just chosen to "hijack" the funeral.

Yes, this is standard operating procedure. Just a couple months ago, I attended a funeral for a mormon who was well known in the local school district. There there were a lot of non-mormons there. Instead of toning it down to oblige the non-mormons, they ramped it up, ESPECIALLY the final speaker. People go to pay their respects, and they get held captive by a cult talk. I guess mormons look at it as a wonderful opportunity, not realizing how exploitive and rude it actually is.

It's so disrespectful, isn't it? All the time but especially when the family is not Mormon.

I was fairly TBM when I attended the funeral I talked about above, but I still felt awful when the final speaker was all (this is obviously paraphrased) "and we in the church have a different perspective on _______ passing away because have super special secrets about eternity that the whole front five rows of this service don't know about!" and tried to sell the POS and I thought "oh man... they are a big inactive and nevermo family, just here to mourn grandma. Let them."

Seriously. The lady who the funeral was for was the sweetest old lady. I bet her kids and grandkids miss her so much and they deserved better than that.

I don't know how I sat through a whole half hour of the SP's Plan of Salvationathon. I just wanted him to shut up so badly. I don't know who he was trying to convince as I was the only non-mormon in the place and he couldn't have possibly thought I was interested.

The only part of my father's funeral that was really touching was the same as what you mentioned--Taps, and the presenting of the flag. Then one of the old timers stuck the spent shells in my pocket and said "Be sure your mother gets one of those to go with the flag," and winked and I felt like I was with actual human beings again. I love old soldiers.

I work LDS funerals all the time (I've been a mortician for most my life) and they are the longest, and most fake of all funerals I've ever worked. Catholic ones are boring, but at least they go no more than an hour, and you get the feeling the people who show up aren't just there out of duty.

Eulogies that TBMs give about inactive and ex members tend to be censored, and ALWAYS have a bishop or SP give a spiel about POS at the end. They pretty much have to have the last word with some propaganda. People who have been clearly inactive (by evidence of death certificate info, or what you gather from sitting down with families) are yet still buried in temple clothes so that the family can maintain their image.

I remember a family saying once about their son who died of a drug overdose: "Well, he was never really into the church, but he was endowed, so we'd like to bury him in some temple clothes" The clothes we got back from the coroner did not include garments. When his close friends showed up to the visitation I remember hearing them privately say stuff like "what the hell is up with the hat and white pajamas". You could just tell the kid who died wouldn't have wanted that.

The family members who actually respect their dead loved ones that are exmo don't go through the whole dress-them-in-temple-clothes for the typical viewing and funeral at the church. They will instead (typically) have a private family viewing, and keep it all very discreet as if that person is a dirty secret.

The Catholic funeral mass is short but not boring to me. The receptions are awesome.

I have been to two Mormon funerals. One for a child who had been murdered and the other for a young woman who had Down's syndrome.

The one for the Down's syndrome YW was quite nice but when the bishop spoke, I felt that he did not know that girl at all. Her father did a great montage of videos about her which was played at the reception and it was just awesome. You could feel the love that the family had for her.

I very much dislike Mormon funerals for all of the reasons stated above. It is NEVER about the individual, what he/she accomplished in life, what they loved, the talents they had -- it is ONLY about the church...A year or so ago I attended an uncle's funeral where a family member gave the eulogy. As far as I know, this uncle was never a member (I didn't know him well) but the eulogy was ONLY about the church -- I didn't learn one new thing about my uncle, where he grew up, what he liked to do, where he worked, nothing...only boring dribble about the importance of being a member of the church so you could be with your family forever. I felt so sorry for my aunt -- there was nothing of comfort said for her behalf...

It's my belief that we won't be coming back for our bodies so why bury them? I'm scheduled for cremation.

I wrote a nice letter to my mom that was read at her funeral, my eldest brother took it upon himself to edit the stuff that didn't fit with his Mormon way of thinking. That was two years ago and I haven't spoken to him since.

Funerals are for the living and not the dead.

According to the new MormonThink response to the race essay:

"When she died in 1908, Church president Joseph F. Smith spoke at her funeral." At her funeral, President Smith admitted that "Aunt Jane" (as she was known) had been relegated to eternal servanthood in the Mormon realms above, despite being a valiant, faithful Church member to the end."

What an INDIGNITY for the deceased black woman (who had begged the church for decades to be sealed to her family).

Revolting, especially in light of today's "white"washing of race by the TSSc. I guess it wasn't too hard given the white, male dominated audience of the day.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 10:21PM by Popped my Strengthened Sinews.

I would love to hear about someone standing up and interrupting the last speaker and their church-sell crap... something like: "HEY! This is about [person]! NOT about selling your idiot religion! This is a funeral! You are not welcome! Shut. The. ƒƱȻҜ. Up!!!!!"

I know. Never happen. But I can dream.

I remember going to my great grandfather's funeral as a young lad long before I had gone to the temple myself, seeing my gg lying in the casket in his temple clothes, and thinking WTF is he wearing?!

When I was the Stake Clerk, the SP was presiding at a funeral of an inactive. The family specifically asked the SP (in person), NOT to speak. They didn't care if the bishop spoke, they just hated the SP.

He spoke anyway, unannounced, for about 10 minutes. The family was pissed.

In our next SPresidency meeting, he explained that as the SP, he was "in charge", no matter what the family wanted, and that he had made it a point to speak. To everyone's credit who was in that meeting, no one said a word.

Yep, he was a douche.

Mormon funerals suck for sure. Several Protestant funerals I attended were almost as bad including the ministerial sales pitch at the end. I really hated the southern drawl of the preachers. Anyway, I think it is sop for religion to hijack a funeral and recruit because folks are in an abnormally high emotional state and thinking of their own mortality.

My cousin's husband died a couple of years ago and I went to the funeral. The first speaker was their home teacher who talked about how he got them active again. Then a son gave the standard, boring POS talk. Then the bishop talked about how he got them to go through the temple.

It was the worst funeral EVER!!! I learned almost nothing about the life of the guy that died (although someone did mention that he liked to hunt). It was all a commercial for the mormon church. It bothered me so much I didn't go with the rest of the family to the cemetery.

is because it's about "preaching the gospel" and not about honoring the individual.

From Handbook of Instructions 1:

A funeral conducted by the bishop, whether in a meetinghouse or in another location, is a Church meeting and a religious service. It should be a spiritual occasion in addition to a family gathering.

When a bishop conducts a funeral, he or one of his counselors oversees the planning of the funeral. He considers the wishes of the family as he works with them to plan the services. He ensures that the services are simple and dignified, with music and brief addresses and sermons centered on the gospel.

A member of the stake presidency, a General Authority, or an Area Authority Seventy presides at funeral services he attends. The person conducting should consult him in advance and recognize him during the service. The presiding officer should be extended the opportunity of offering closing remarks if he desires.

Note to self, plan funeral now to to do all I can to avoid mormon funeral when I am no more.

I had a question about the temple garments. Are never-mo's not supposed to see them? If not, then how come when we (never-mo's) go to Mo funerals, we are allowed to see our loved ones dressed in them?

It's a logic gap.


There's probably scriptural literalists out there that either have a closed casket funeral for that reason, or have an approved mortician dress the corpse in temple garmets AFTER the viewing.

I've had many aunts and uncles die, as well as my parents and some friends.

Some of the inactive family members got up and left during the preaching at my SP uncle's funeral and also at his wife's funeral.

Luckily, my parents didn't choose to have their funerals at an lds stake center. They were much nicer funerals and much shorter. No much mormonism at all.

Boyd K. Packer has spoken twice on the topic of funerals, once in 1988, and again in a BYU devotional in 1996. He clearly has some strong feelings on this topic:


"Bishops should not yield the arrangement of meetings to members. They should not yield the arrangement for funerals or missionary farewells to families. It is not the proper order of things for members or families to expect to decide who will speak and for how long. Suggestions are in order, of course, but the bishop should not turn the meeting over to them. We are worried about the drift that is occuring in our meetings.


Funerals could and should be the most spiritually impressive. They are becoming informal family reunions in front of ward members. Often the Spirit is repulsed by humorous experiences or jokes when the time could be devoted to teaching the things of the Spirit, even the sacred things.

When the family insists that several family members speak in a funeral, we hear about the deceased instead of the Atonement, the Resurrection, and the comforting promises revealed in the scriptures. Now it’s all right to have a family member speak at a funeral, but if they do, their remarks should be in keeping with the spirit of the meeting."


Quoted From:

http://mormonmatters.org/2009/06/02/taking-the-fun-out-of-funerals/

I can't wait until he dies so the church can officially let us know every terrible thing he said was as a man and not a prophet.

I've notified my elderly TBM parents that I won't be attending their funerals if they're held in LDS chapels.

They promised me that they would not.

sonoma Wrote:
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> I've notified my elderly TBM parents that I won't
> be attending their funerals if they're held in LDS
> chapels.
>
> They promised me that they would not.


I think I'll have my husband mention this to his mother. He's her only child and left the cult (actually ex-communicated after he left) over 15 years ago. I dread the thought of dragging our kids to Utah in the first place, but a funeral in a Mormon church would be too much for any of us. We're the horrible people that abandoned her and never visited (she comes to us, but the though of Utah makes us itchy). All that preaching would be directly at us. Ugh.

One of the worst funerals I went to was Baptist. The preacher went on a hell, fire and brimstone rant. Plus, he never once even said the deceased name, nor refered to him in any way. You'd think the man was evil, which he wasn't. So, all funerals can be bad. Not that I've been to good Mormon one either.