I read Pagag's thread about telling family and I decided that I had kept it under wraps long enough.

I sent the following email to my remaining family members. I had already spoken to 2 siblings about my feelings and I wanted the others to hear it from me instead of through the grapevine.

The only response so far was from my exmo sister. She was very supportive but noted that a storm will shortly ensue, we will see...

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Dear Family,

I debated even sending this message, but since I've already had this conversation with a couple siblings, I prefer that you hear it from me.

I'm writing this email to inform you that I no longer believe in the LDS Church.

This was not a conclusion that I came to lightly. I have spent the last 12 months researching everything I could find or read about the church. My initial goal was to strengthen my testimony but the opposite occurred. The majority of the information I have based my decision on was sourced from church approved and church sponsored sources.

I would also like to dispel any rumors that typically accompany someone leaving the church. I have not been offended, I am not steeped in serious or even non-serious sins and I was not lazy in my devotion to the church. I was always your run of the mill, tithe paying, scripture reading, temple recommend carrying member of the church. I have also read more, prayed more, and fasted more over the last year than I had in probably the previous 5 years combined. This was not an easy decision.

DW and the children still attend church and I support their choice and free agency. I still attend sacrament meeting most weeks.

I am still the same person I always have been and I maintain my devotion to my wife and children, they are the most important thing to me. While this change can certainly be difficult from a church member's perspective, DW and my in-laws have been very supportive, non-judgmental, and respectful since I let them know of my change in beliefs. I would hope that I receive the same treatment from each of you.

Sincerely,

HYT

Well written letter, it extends consideration and respect. My best wishes to you.

Better you tell them in your words than they tell others in theirs.

That is a load off your mind. It is done. Now it's reactivation time cause you know that you really believe deep down. It's just a phase.

Batten down the hatches. Hope for the best.

I like that letter; it hits all the bases. Hopefully your family will respond well.

Good letter. A little bit too defensive for my taste, though. For a minute there, I thought you were going to write "I have also read more, prayed more, and fasted more over the last year than all of you combined ever" but that might be a bit too strong.

Still, to everyone in the same situation, I would advise making clear that you made the decision based on verifiable facts and that if they want to discuss your decision, they should be willing to do so based on these facts.

"While this change can certainly be difficult from a church member's perspective, DW and my in-laws have been very supportive, non-judgmental, and respectful since I let them know of my change in beliefs. I would hope that I receive the same treatment from each of you."

I love how you put on a little pressure by telling them that OTHER TBMS have treated you well, and you hope they can match it.

Great letter.

+1
Sometimes if you remind Mormons that they are supposed to be a goodly, righteous people who respect everyone, according to what they claim to be, then you can get some decent treatment.
A little added social pressure by comparing their future behavior to other people's doesn't hurt either.

Very nice.

In hindsight I wish I were capable of such moderation when I began to question (15 years ago or so). I was far too incensed, especially by the intellectual smugness of the master scripture chasers in the family.

In time it all evened out. I was able to leave and witness my wife leave, and we enjoy the fact that we did not raise our children Mormon.

That's a great letter.

You have more balls then I do. I let the grapevine handle it. I told my parents only and in person.

My wife and my in-laws are respectful just like yours. We are brothers in the unfaith!

Congrats. It is a hard road. One fill with people trying to get you to choose Mormonism again as long as you have no religion.

My atheist friend married a Catholic. They discussed his irreligiousness before they had kids. They agreed that he can talk to their kids all about his lack of beliefs and she can indoctrinate them. We talk about how aggravating this is all the time.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 02:03PM by Pagag.

I think as the Mormon church finds itself significant stress it will need to adapt in its shunning. Whether overtly taught or culturally learned, they need to take charge of the situation.

The all or nothing approach to Mormonism is destroying TBM families and exposes the value of Church above all else, including family.

It's played out in my life, but there will be many, many more that don't need the self-centered Mormon approach to family.

I don't see it as a solution, but I do see it as a wise concession.

Congratulations! I don't understand how you can abandon your children, and leave them in the hands of the Mormons. Hopefully, the Mormons will show their true colors, and marginalize your wife as "the wife of an inactive," and your children as not being a "forever family." The pain of all this caused me and my children to become inactive about a year after my husband went inactive. My husband stuck by his principles, and told us that he would no longer support the fake church in any way--no more tithing, no more meeting attendance. Instead, he looked to non-Mormon friends, the children's schools, the community, and other churches for volunteer work and involvement. We were happy to join him. He brought MORE into our lives, in a very positive way, without ever living a false life. I couldn't help admiring him for that.

My husband didn't complain about our attending the cult, and he didn't try to stop us, but he answered any questions we had, and backed them up with Mormon scripture--never any "anti-Mormon" stuff.

Sounds wonderful to replace the church volunteer service that accomplishes nothing, with real service in the community that fulfills you inside.

3 of 6 siblings have responded, 1 exmo and 2 TBM. The TBM responses were the "I don't agree but you're still my brother" responses. That's great, I didn't expect anything less from these two. Mom also responded with a simple "I love you" response.

My younger brother also informed me that my Dad responded to everyone but me and said that he is putting together a response that he would send later today. He also asked that everyone use REPLY ALL when responding to me so everyone knows what's being said in the discussion.

Knowing my Dad, I highly doubt his response will be civil. I can't wait to read it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 03:26PM by Hold Your Tapirs.

but thought he could go right ahead and exclude you from his first reply!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 05:22PM by jerry64.

I hope he's not plotting an intervention.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 07:55PM by crom.

This is my concern. Bring it on, I can't wait to see what he has to say.

Please update . . .

great letter BTW

Ha!

Nicely observed!

You have done SO well. A difficult job done beautifully. I hope all goes well from this point on!

Honesty and personal integrity never fail to impress, Tapirs. It looks like you have those qualities. You will have to fight to defend yourself. Especially in a subculture that favors deception and misdirection.

Best Wishes...

It is extremely difficult to be gracious when you discover that you've been had.

You pulled it off and I admire you greatly for that.

Do keep us informed.

Best

Anagrammy